Why is he STILL texting?

LegacyUser

Hi All

Ok a strange one and would welcome your comments… Apologies as its long and not exactly a serious problem but it has been puzzling me for a while now.

Met this guy (I’m female) at at a festival about 7 weeks ago. We are both late 30’s and did meet at the end of the night, at which time we both had a few drinks on but were fully coherent but a bit merry. We got on well, my friends thought he was sound and then he and I went on further for a few more drinks to another bar and night club. We kissed and as I was staying with my friend in a hotel, and she was in the hotel room, he walked me back to the hotel, and I explained why didn’t ask him in as he did want to come up. He took my number and was texting on his way home. It was silly texts, nothing important but he did mention he was frisky. I don’t think I replied as I feel asleep and only saw it the next morning.

He lives in the south only about 1.5 hours from me. Anyway, since this time, he has been texting me regularly. He always initiates the texts and to be honest they are fairly banal. He regularly asks me when I will be over in his neck of the woods again and a couple of weeks back I told him I would be there that weekend. I heard from him after that but he didn’t suggest meeting so I went on out and enjoyed my night with my friends (who I was there to meet anyway. I told him Fri was a girls night but I was there til Sun). He texted that Sat to say hi and see how the weekend was going. I told him where I had been the night before, that it was good fun and then he said that he thought I was only going to be down there in a few weeks time…. By this time, as my friends kids were sick I had come home. So he and I had a catch up by text and that was it til the next morning. He texted again and then in the afternoon asked me if I was still in the area. I told him i was gone back home and he asked when I was down again.

Anyway, I am due to be there this week and he knows this and has not asked to meet or even mentioned it… He has never called and has only texted and to be honest, there is not much information imparted in the texts… If I ask him questions, just making conversation, sometimes he answers them and sometimes not. I don’t want to text him (definitely wont call him) first as I would be embarrassed if he didn’t reply… I just don’t know why he could be bothered just texting someone he kissed over 7 weeks ago, at this stage. He makes all the contact (min 4 times per week) and for a while I didn’t bother replying to him and he texted again a few days later.

I did think he was cute and would have liked to see him again but this is just silly… This guy has a very good job, which involves presentations and some public speaking and I don’t think he is shy. Any idea of his motivations? Does he just want a text buddy or a handy meet up when I am there. Does he like ‘the chase’ seeing as I never initiate contact? I am stumped.

Thanks for reading

C

La frog fairy

let me ask you this, what stops you from asking HIM out?

I mean not sure if i missed something here but you went around where he lives to visit a friend and didnt try to meet him..

When you didnt see your friend you could of said, "hey! lets meet up for a drink and drop the text for a change!":p

Maybe he was waiting for a little encouragement from you as so far you "come across" in your attitude towards him as not bothered at all about it

Worst that could of happened if you asked him, he would of say no but seems to me he is/was interested but from where i stand it seems that you are playing games a little, the chase etc is fun when you're 15 but at this stage i think you could be the better person and ask him to meet.

Are you interested in him or not bother? the later then dont reply anymore, simple as.
If you are, which i would think so as you are taking the time to post about it then go for it and stop pondering about it.

good luck!

LegacyUser

Hi

Maybe I didn’t explain well there but I didn’t want the post to be mad long. I was in the same big CITY as him and was going to be staying with a friend in her house, which is outside the city. I used to meet these friends very regularly until I moved from there 6 months ago and we had organised this evening a long time and the plan was drinks, dinner and then a drink in her local. I didn’t feel right about bringing him into a quiet girls night out given that I seldom get to see them and we were heading out of town about 9...

I was never planning on staying up on the Sat unless to meet him, if he asked. I explained why I could not meet on the Friday but said Ill be round until Sunday and he just replied something like ‘ok, heading out, chat soon’…

I have no intention of playing games with him and dont expect him to chase me but when I push back and try to get a bit of chat going in the texts, he doesnt respond much.... its confusing. I stopped replying after a few weeks cos i got sick of these silly 'how are you?' texts every couple of days and the 'chat' not developing past that. But he texted again and I thought it very rude not to reply to a second text if he didnt get the hint the first time...

I feel like I am from a different generation these days. I have unfortunately been on the dating scene for almost 20 years. I had a REALLY bad break up this year and this is my first toe dip back into the scene. You might think its silly but I don’t think asking guys (esp those in their late 30’s) out works. Over the years, when I asked someone out it never ended well and I think (rightly or wrongly) if he were interested he could have done something, even called, given that he is not worried about initiating contact all the time… In any event, I truly don’t have the balls to ask him out…

I was / am interested but am just wondering if he is a bit of a messer…. I also wonder (a little) if he is in a relationship and just looking for an opportunistic meet up rather than have to plan a date… Its just so strange after this long….

Thanks

C

up for anything

Just a thought but perhaps he is married and he couldn't work out an excuse to meet you the weekend you were down there. Could be that he is keeping you on the back burner in case he gets a window of opportunity.

metrovelvet

I think you are on the subs bench.

Distorted

Bit of a timewaster. Or married.

I think you are right on the asking out thing too - and would you really want a man who needs to be so coaxed?

LegacyUser

Thanks all. We were kissing publically that night, in a busy club, which he could have been known in and thats what made me think that he was single but my gut is saying its all very queer..

A few things since are making me think he is involved, nothing substantial or concrete so I was trying not to be cynical but something he said today made me think... He is at an event today that no guy would go to own his own or with other lads... I wont say what but I'd be pretty sure.... Now maybe he is on a date at it, which he is perfectly entitled to be, but something is nipping away at me in my gut. Its just too strange that he would not want to meet by now but keep in touch so much..

Do I give him the benefit of the doubt until I am down down there again this week and see if he tries to plan something? I had already decided if he didnt he was gone for sure as I have enough 'friends' already:) I just feel so rude not replying to texts esp if he is innocent... Anyway, I cant exactly have the whole 'its not you, its me' conversation when we have not even spoken for 7 weeks

I am a friend

its a strange one alright... not sure if you should reply or just leave him off....

Anyone?

Jumpy

Why dont you initiate contact?

Ickle Magoo

If your gut is telling you something is wrong and he's hardly falling over himself to ask you out, why not just ignore his texts and move on? There could be a hundred and one reasons why he's still texting but the bottom line is unless he's actively making a play for you, is there any point in continuing the texting while feeling suspicious and that it's leading nowhere?

La frog fairy

Caira Mall wrote: »

.. He is at an event today that no guy would go to own his own or with other lads... I wont say what but I'd be pretty sure....

Most likely Michael Buble concert:p


I agree wtih Ickle Magoo, why keep texting if its leading nowhere.

Be staight and ask what does he wants and if he is still being evasive and avoiding the question then simply stop replying, after few texts with no reply he will get the hint and will stop.

LegacyUser

Correct la frog fairy See what I mean???

Was thinking about it since and my gut is ringing and has been for a while. My ex was dishonest (only found out at end) and I didnt want to be judging this guy based on the ex but look, he is not pushed about meeting, its not far away and if he was, we could have met in the middle or there were any number of other options available.. Bottom line is he has floated along for this long and not made any concerted effort to meet, or even call and I dont think he could have taken up that my text about the weekend in his area incorrectly... Something is suss....

Look, I am not invested in this and at this stage I have some doubts so dont even want him to ask to meet now.... Thank God I hadnt had a fling with him and then found out he was seeing someone.

Anyway, am off on a fab holiday this weekend so by the time I come back he will be a distant memory

My main issue here is not replying to a text... I just think its so rude to not reply (all of a sudden) but as i said above I cant exactly have the auld 'it not you, its me' conversation... Maybe its just a case of replying very slowly and letting it fizzle out... Any ideas there?

mood

You could reply and say you don't want to stay in contact because it's going no where or something along those lines. That way he knows where he stands and you don't feel like you are being rude.

La frog fairy

I wouldnt think you are rude as he is the one playing you around but if you really feel that way and honestly want to stop the contact then text him something like..

"thanks for all the texts but i would appreciate you stop texting me from now on, thx"

Easy, polite and straight to the point...after that I dont see how you would be considered rude if he does keep texting and you dont reply.

He's a time waister, stop analyzing it all and move on

turn the page and enjoy your holidays:)

Miss Fluff

Just be straight up, text him back and say you don't really see the point of texting anymore when you're not meeting up/it's not going anywhere.

That's his cue to then to ask you out sharpish if he is interested.

My gut also tells me he is a messer/involoved. As time goes on it's not so much what a guys says, i.e. tells you how beautiful you are/how much he can't wait to see you again etc., it's all in the actions.

Unless he is phoning you/texting you a lot and pinning you down to a specific day when he wants to see you again then I wouldn't invest any more texting time in him tbh.

I've seen way to many guys in relationships text and email etc for an ego boost to make them feel attractive which is just totally pathetic. If he's one of those guys let him get his jollies elsewhere and don't waste any more of your time.

Enjoy your hols:)

LegacyUser

Caira MAll wrote: »

He makes all the contact (min 4 times per week) and for a while I didn’t bother replying to him and he texted again a few days later.

I did think he was cute and would have liked to see him again but this is just silly…


Does he like ‘the chase’ seeing as I never initiate contact? I am stumped.

You're in your late thirties. Why are you playing games? It's your own fault you're stumped, you're playing hard to get with a guy who's probably wondering what the hell is going on.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

ah I wasn't playing games but I guess I was not pushed enough to go after him. I sensed early on that he was just out for the ride so i just said I would see how he came across over time. I didn't expect to hear from him to be honest nevermind it going on like this. Silly things just raised red flags and as I said I stopped responding but he kept texting.

Anyway, it's not a big problem at all. The texts are hamless and just catching up kind of things so no prob there. I guess I am pretty lonely and was enjoying the miniscule bit if attention but sure there ya are.

Thanks all

LegacyUser

ok - last contact was on sat... Nothing since until tonight and (yawn) text 'well, whats the crack?' - that was it. Am just bored by his texts now.. Is that all he is capable of? Am not going to reply. Dont care if its rude or not!!!

La frog fairy

congrats! finally you have graduate of "im taking control at last" school.

Like i just said to another poster, if he really liked you he wouldnt let you guess it, you would know it. Period!

When you meet someone who will want to get to know you and doesnt have anything to hide he will ask you out and that would be it, no games.

His text was simply out of bordom most likely, you were his commercial break and he probably thought you would reply and entertain him.

Forget about him, you deserve so much better than that player.

chin up and look forward to the weekend!

LegacyUser

Thanks all... Sure look, his texts are not going to be any great loss to my life - best of luck to him.

Fittle

If he was at the mb concert, it was more than a date. Those tickets cost a fortune, so he was either there with the wife, or the l/t girlfriend.

I think he's just keeping you in the background somewhere OP - I think he's in a relationship, but sees you as a 'maybe next time she's in town, and I can get out' kind of girl.

So you're right not to reply. In fact, I'd go a step further and tell him you've met someone and ask politely if he'll delete your number....

LegacyUser

Just thinking I could have a bit of fun with this but am I that evil???

Ah yeah, its surely looks like I am the standby, correction, was the standby. Well he is fairly brazen Ill give you that well rid