Girlfriend doesn't drink

LegacyUser

Hi,

Sorry if this is a dumb question. I'm in my mid-20's

My girlfriend doesn't drink. It doesn't seem like a big deal really. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with her.

I supposed I'm used to going out with girls who do. Sometimes it can be nice to even have a quiet night with no big plans, maybe on a Friday night just go and have a couple of drinks and catch up, or even a glass of wine with dinner and relax.

Other times I wish she's come out with me more with my friends and stuff. She'd rather stay in a lot of the time. She comes out once in a while if I ask but I feel she just doesn't want to be there. I feel bad if I drink around her then.

She's a really gorgeous girl and she's really good to me, it would seem like a ridiculous reason to break up or anything.

It's just that, lets take a Friday night after work. I like to relax, have a few drinks or something to unwind or go out and meet friends, if I don't have any big plans the next day. She really doesn't. I then feel bad if I drink or if she says something about me being drunk. I dont think she means it in a bad way but she might make a little comment after I've had 2 drinks. I'm not exactly wasted but I end up feeling self conscious and can't relax. Maybe if she's busy I might meet friends at the weekend but she wants to meet at 9am the next morning and I feel bad then saying no because I want to rest in, it's my weekend, after a long weeks work, if I've no plans then I like a rest and a lie in to recharge. I think we are on different waves lengths sometimes.

My friends are a little odd at times with me lately, I do go out with them but probably not as much since I met her. I really don't want to be that guy who disappears on his friends just because I have a girlfriend. I hate when guys do that.

I don't drink a lot or wanna get smashed or anything but it's nice and relaxing to grab a few drinks with your girlfriend, or have her come out and have a fun night with friends. Maybe it's what I'm used to. Watching girly flicks with her room-mate isn't terribly appealing all the time, even if it is the good boyfriend thing to do.

As I said, I find her gorgeous and I'm mad about her but I feel self conscious sometimes and don't really enjoy being at home in bed by 10 on a Friday or something when I want to wind down after the week.

Am I being silly? What do people think of the situation?

curlzy

dudelove123 wrote: »

Hi,

Sorry if this is a dumb question. I'm in my mid-20's

My girlfriend doesn't drink. It doesn't seem like a big deal really. But sometimes I just don't know what to do with her.

I supposed I'm used to going out with girls who do. Sometimes it can be nice to even have a quiet night with no big plans, maybe on a Friday night just go and have a couple of drinks and catch up, or even a glass of wine with dinner and relax.

Other times I wish she's come out with me more with my friends and stuff. She'd rather stay in a lot of the time. She comes out once in a while if I ask but I feel she just doesn't want to be there. I feel bad if I drink around her then.

She's a really gorgeous girl and she's really good to me, it would seem like a ridiculous reason to break up or anything.

It's just that, lets take a Friday night after work. I like to relax, have a few drinks or something to unwind or go out and meet friends, if I don't have any big plans the next day. She really doesn't. I then feel bad if I drink or if she says something about me being drunk. I dont think she means it in a bad way but she might make a little comment after I've had 2 drinks. I'm not exactly wasted but I end up feeling self conscious and can't relax. Maybe if she's busy I might meet friends at the weekend but she wants to meet at 9am the next morning and I feel bad then saying no because I want to rest in, it's my weekend, after a long weeks work, if I've no plans then I like a rest and a lie in to recharge. I think we are on different waves lengths sometimes.

My friends are a little odd at times with me lately, I do go out with them but probably not as much since I met her. I really don't want to be that guy who disappears on his friends just because I have a girlfriend. I hate when guys do that.

I don't drink a lot or wanna get smashed or anything but it's nice and relaxing to grab a few drinks with your girlfriend, or have her come out and have a fun night with friends. Maybe it's what I'm used to. Watching girly flicks with her room-mate isn't terribly appealing all the time, even if it is the good boyfriend thing to do.

As I said, I find her gorgeous and I'm mad about her but I feel self conscious sometimes and don't really enjoy being at home in bed by 10 on a Friday or something when I want to wind down after the week.

Am I being silly? What do people think of the situation?

Hey OP,
I've bolded the parts that stuck out to me.
You're girlfriend sounds a bit judgemental and controlling to be honest. A girl doesn't have to throw tantrums to being controlling, a well placed sentense or two can be effective if you're whipped. I'm not trying to be insulting but you sound like you are to me, is she not as mad into you as you are into her??? That's not good, you shouldn't feel grateful for her going out with you, it should be mutual. You shouldn't have to feel guilty for wanting to have a laugh and let your hair down!!! To be honest she sounds pretty boring, she just wants to sit in all the time? That's pretty selfish of her to be honest. And no watching chickflicks with her roommate is not what a good boyfriend does!!! Maybe once in a while but not if it's INSTEAD of something he wants to do, it should be aswell as not instead of. I would try being more assertive OP, I think I remember a very very similar problem coming up recently, was that you? At the end of the day she could be Venus herself but if you're bored by her it won't last and to be honest, it shouldn't. Have a good think about what you want and then act on it. At the end of the day your OH should be someone you have fun with as well as fancy, one without the other won't last. Also make sure you don't lose your friends over this, make sure to make time for them, they'll be around if this come to an end and you'll need them.

Best of luck.

Wisco

I disagree with the previous poster- I don't think she's being controlling - but I do think it sounds like you don't have much in common. I'm not much of a drinker either, but I don't mind if my OH wants to go out and have a few, even if it means I'm at home by 10pm on a Friday night as I'm perfectly content to mooch on the couch, even by myself.
Do you enjoy doing other things together (sports, hobbies, etc)? If going out for a few drinks with your girlfriend is what you really enjoy, perhaps you should be considering a new gf. I also don't think it's fair for her to expect you to stay in and watch chick flicks if you don't enjoy that sort of thing- but you should look for things you enjoy doing together, or there's not much point in being together, in my opinion. Maybe you just don't share the same goals/lifestyle- and that can sometimes be a deal breaker in my opinion.

Des Carter

Have you tried talking to yor gf and expressing your concerns?

i-digress

I agree with Wisco. I don't drink much at all, and I amn't into the drinking scene so to speak. I'm 23.

What things do you have in common? Because the problem here seems to be that she doesn't understand your lifestyle rather than vice versa.

Just make time for your friends and your girlfriend. And be honest, say you can't meet her at nine because you'll have gotten to bed so late.

moonshinerocks

It's a tough situation to be in. I know quite a few guys in the same boat and you do have to be careful that you don't ruin your relationships with your friends. It's up to you if you can strike a happy balance between staying in with her and going out for drinks (and lets face it getting pissed and having fun) with your pals. The longer you are together the more of an issue it will become and you may end up resenting her. This may seem like a dark view but most couples who stay together for life are either in the drinking or anti-drinking camp. Then again, nobody can make this choice but you, would really miss her if she were gone?

Distorted

I also agree with Wisco. I don't think a lot of Irish people realise how unusually ingrained the culture is around drinking. And drinking beyond the point of one or even two small drinks. A lot of people aren't comfortable with that on a regular basis, or feel the need for it. Added to that, drunk men in a pub are never as interesting to other people as they are to themselves.

I do wonder why people who have little in common have relationships, when they find the differences so hard to live with. Either your or she will have to change to avoid future unhappiness. Probably it will have to be you as a lot of people when they near their thirties kind of withdraw from the drinking, partying with friends scene anyway. Its only you who can decide whether your'e ready to do that just yet or to put up with the differences in the meantime.

This is why I would never go out with a guy who isn't seriously sporty and not into drinking with mates too much. I would get so bored with it. To me, wasting the weekend lying in bed recovering from a hangover most weekends is just that - a waste. Theres so much more you can do in your free time other than sit in a pub and drink - sport, theatre, cinema, dinner party, restaurant - tbh the thought of going yet again to the pub to sit with the same people over and over again would bore me to tears - maybe thats why she isn't too keen to go?

LegacyUser

Distorted wrote: »

I do wonder why people who have little in common have relationships, when they find the differences so hard to live with. Either your or she will have to change to avoid future unhappiness. Probably it will have to be you as a lot of people when they near their thirties kind of withdraw from the drinking, partying with friends scene anyway. Its only you who can decide whether your'e ready to do that just yet or to put up with the differences in the meantime.
?

Agree with that and Wisco.

Is it that she doesn't want to go drinking with you or that you have nothing to communicate about? You do say you are on different wave lengths.

Is one of the reasons why she doesn't go out is that she isn't sociable and isn't a people person - and less to do with any drinking issues?

I've given up booze a couple of times (just to do it) and found that I could still go out and socialise. I'd go out but leave early, as I was tired and things got less interesting. But I would want to go out and meet people.

Are you just afraid of losing a gorgeous girl?

As Distorted said, she doesn't know why people go out with each other if they've nothing in common. The greatest thing to have in common is the same style of communication - a similar humour, outlook, view of life......

"she's really good to me, it would seem like a ridiculous reason to break up or anything" - I broke up with a girl who was really good to me. Nicest person I've ever met. She would have done anything for me. We just didn't connect on a level that interested me. Pity as we were suited in so many other ways.

Kimono-Girl

agreewithWiscoandthis wrote: »

As Distorted said, she doesn't know why people go out with each other if they've nothing in common. The greatest thing to have in common is the same style of communication - a similar humour, outlook, view of life......

have to agree with this also!

when it gets tough these are what keeps the relationship going!

Floppybits

I have been a non drinker all my life and reading you post I think maybe the problem isn't with her not drinking but your paranoia because she doesn't drink. I have come across this lots of times with other girls I have gone out with, I have some of them break up with me because they couldn't trust me because I didn't drink, other because they were afraid they would do something stupid which they couldn't remember and I would (still trying to work that one out). This kinda of issue you have pops up all the time when someone who drinks goes out with a non drinker. The drinker always has to feel that they have to take it easy, kinda similar I guess to how a meat eater feels when going out with a veggie, the meat eater feels that they have to cut down on the meat they eat. Sit down and have a chat with her and discuss this and respect each others decisions but the thing is that both of you have to be willing to work at it, if not then unfortunately this relationship wont last.

As for nights out most non drinkers will either go out early and leave early or like myself may head in later in the night and stay out till the end. Other times it depends on my OH, she might say will you come out early so that we can go home early as she doesn't want to get to drunk. Also I can sit in with my OH and she can drink till the cows come home and it doesn't bother me at all. One thing I am interested in is did your GF never ever drink or did she use to drink and gave it up? I have noticed that sometimes people who have given up drink have less of a tolerance for people who drink than say someone who never ever drank, kinda of like the folks who give up smoking then have a less of a tolerance for smokers

Lorrs33

I'm sorry, am I the only one who thinks the OP is being unreasonable? Why should the girlfriend adjust her life to suit you? Clearly you're not interested in doing what she wants. I don't drink and I've been with my boyfriend for two years, who does drink, and yet he's not in this forum moaning about it. If you consider drinking as a means of having a good relationship, then it'd be in her best interest to get rid of you.

LegacyUser

Ok...

So I came on here to maybe discuss some stuff going on in my head. I have a lovely girlfriend and sometimes wonder exactly how compatible we are.

I know people have different opinions and thats why I asked but I don't think I said anything unreasonable as Lorrs is getting at. I just asked for some opinions, where exactly did I say she had to change? Thats very judgmental, you know asking for relationship advice isn't easy and it'd be nice to get another perspective on things. If you just want to flame me without reading my post fully then please, I don't need it here.

Lorrs, I never said anything about a girl changing her life for me. Yeah, that would be unreasonable but I never asked such a thing... Jesus!

Look, I think I hit a nerve with some non-drinkers here. I'm not criticizing anyone for not drinking. It was a question about me and my girlfriend and how easy it is to deal with relationships where some interests are not the same.

If you take offense to it or are comparing me to another former partner of your own then applying it to me isn't really fair when you don't know the situation. Most of the assumptions made about me by non-drinker here are just that, assumptions, which mainly aren't true, thats pretty harsh and unfair tbh.

I'm probably worse to ask for advice in the first place.

shellyboo

Lorrs33 wrote: »

I'm sorry, am I the only one who thinks the OP is being unreasonable? Why should the girlfriend adjust her life to suit you? Clearly you're not interested in doing what she wants. I don't drink and I've been with my boyfriend for two years, who does drink, and yet he's not in this forum moaning about it. If you consider drinking as a means of having a good relationship, then it'd be in her best interest to get rid of you.

And why should he adjust his to suit her? Oh that's right, because they're in a relationship, which is supposed to be about compromise.

They need to find a middle ground. OP, you need to tell *her* all this. Sit down and work something out. Make Friday nights your big night out, lie-in on Saturday. That isn't too much to ask, surely? Then you can meet her on Saturday for a nice lunch, and have your non-drinking date night on Saturday, spend time together Sunday. If she still has a problem with you drinking at all - and you're uncomfortable with her not drinking - then you just may not be suited as a couple.

kjl

No offence, but maybe you are just a boring drunk. I don't drink and I have brilliant nights out with my friends because the are interesting to talk to. Maybe when your off getting drunk you are ignoring her, hence she doesn't want to be there.

I am a friend

Have you talked to her about this??? If not then you are feeling tied down without having even had the discussion with her..

I think its a sad state of affairs if you are considering finsihing with a fab girlfriend because you want to drink... Now I drink and love my booze but its sooooooooo hard to meet someone nice and decent... Is the booze really more important than her.

tinkerbell

OP, you clearly need to start setting aside a date night of some sort here. As another poster suggested, have Friday night as your "going out with the lads" night. I don't really think it's reasonable of her to want to meet up at 9am on the weekends, I mean come on - everyone wants a lie-in on a Saturday!

Secondly, coming from a non-drinker myself, I can see how sometimes nights out can be a bit tiresome when you're not drinking and everyone else is getting sloshed on the booze around you.

That said, I do go out with my boyfriend sometimes, he knows I'm not drinking but he wouldn't drink much himself anyway. We compromise then - we won't stay out til 3 in the morning, we might stay til 1 or something. And then the other times, he goes out with his mates and I stay at home. Why can't ye do that? Compromise?

magneticimpulse

Hi OP
You gave a response to some of the replies and you seemed so shocked to hear from "non-drinkers". Well Im both a drinker and non drinker. Sometimes I drink alot on a night out, do silly things and regret it and then stop drinking for a few weekends. When Im not drinking its really shocking how the night usually goes...10pm is normally fine but by midnight its carnage and its shocking how people go on especially when you are completely sober. I think most shocking is how the women are acting, pushing everyone out of their way and just falling all over the place.

So OP, maybe its not even you and your friends which make it not so much fun for your gf to go out. Maybe watching everybody completely sloshed is really off putting. Maybe you should go out with her some night and be sober the whole night and see for yourself what carnage happens and how it really is not fun.

I think you can have equally a good night drinking or not drinking. It depends on the reasons and how much you drink. If it really changes your night, then I would ask questions as to why you need to drink etc. Coming from a person who enjoys both types of nights. Anyway at least try to have some nights out where you compromise and dont drink. Then at least you will be on the same level. The whole partying scene does wear off when you start to hit your late 20s early 30s. So it should be wearing away naturally anyway.

curlzy

I agree that it must be pretty boring to be around drunk people when you're sober but that's not the only problem here at all. To me you sound like you are not having very much fun in your relationship. You should be having a laugh with your OH, especially when you're young, it's the time to go nuts and have epic amounts of fun (drunk or sober). You will resent someone if you miss all the years of fun in your early 20s because of them. Now, love is a powerful thing so if it's real then really work on figuring it out, but, is it worth it??? I found a good way to consider if a relationship is good: do you get a butterfly or a knot in your stomach when you visualise your future, near or distant, with your OH?

Best of luck.

Distorted

I am a friend wrote: »

I think its a sad state of affairs if you are considering finsihing with a fab girlfriend because you want to drink... Now I drink and love my booze but its sooooooooo hard to meet someone nice and decent... Is the booze really more important than her.

I think its sad to be in a culture where you have to be split up into "drinkers" and "non-drinkers". Why is it even an issue? Whats wrong with a social drink? Or someone who doesn't want to drink on a particular night? I can only see this being an issue if you're quite a heavy drinker really, and have become dependent on being drunk to have a good time.

Monkey61

I think as Irish people, in the majority, we learn to view drinking as the height of fun and those that don't as killjoys etc. It gives us social confidence when we are younger and helps us to bond with our friends...and thus becomes the focus of all our social outings. I always thought this was great. I loved a drink. Loved getting locked with dates and getting to know people over a bottle of wine or too, enjoyed a drink in the evening to relax after a hard days work etc.

I live abroad now and when I met my last girlfriend was shocked that she didn't really like to drink. I thought she was terribly dull and increasingly feared that we didn't have a future because she never really wanted to get drunk and dance with me or sit in and get moderately pissed together or drink with my friends. Even when we did have a drink she would always be sitting there saying "oh do you really neeeeed another one???" She never seemed to loosen up or let her hair down.

Now my current girlfriend doesn't really drink either (by Irish standards). She isn't a non-drinker, might have the odd glass of wine or two pints at a gig, but she is usually driving or has things to do, so wouldn't want to waste her time getting hammered at the weekend. We talked about drinking etc when we first met because by her standards I was a massive drinker (out a couple of times a week - which I thought was average) and she said that most of her friends don't drink so that just seemed normal to her. What the hell did they do with their time I wondered? (Gigs, books, art, climbing mountains etc apparently)

But roll on 6 months and the weirdest thing has happened to me - I find myself having a much better time with my girlfriend when I'm not drinking! Shocking! I love her. And find her terribly interesting. My stomach flips over every time I look at her and I don't want to miss a single opinion that she gives or idea that she has. I don't need the drunk buzz, or even the pleasant merry buzz. She isn't boring or uptight or any of those things..she is just fun. I don't need booze to make us have a good time and in fact it sometimes feels like it actually deadens it a bit because it makes me less able to appreciate all those little nervous/excited feelings when we are together.

So there you go OP, if it is that much of an issue in your relationship, I really think that you just aren't with the right girl, because if you were, then she would be exciting and fun enough without you needing to drink together. My last girlfriend wasn't dull because she didn't drink, she was just dull and not the right person for me.

Lorrs33

The OP is clearly not compromising and judging by his reply to me, clearly doesn't have patience for people disagreeing with him, or suggesting that he's in the wrong. Of course it's all the girlfriend's fault, she's not here to defend herself. You don't enjoy watching DVDs with her roommate all the time, and she doesn't enjoy going out with you and your friends all the time. Compromise is not you getting your own way, which is obviously what you want and you're posting here so people will agree with you. Simple solution: find something you both enjoy, otherwise call it a day.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Ok, so I think I posted to the wrong place about this, i was hoping for some impartial advice.

Firstly thanks to all those who replied with good advice.
To anyone replying making assumptions about me or my gf or how I treat her then more power to you for being so judgmental and good luck to you.

As far as I'm concerned, i treat her very well. It was mentioned by someone that I don't take her out and prefer to just go get drunk while she watches... NOT TRUE!
I ALWAYS take her out as much as she'll let me on dates, take her places by day, museums, shows, go shopping, taking her out to dinner, watching a movie with her when it's been a long day for her, always paying for her and treating her like a gentleman. I'm no saint but I think I treat her as best I possibly know how. Making assumptions otherwise is not really fair.

Also, I DO NOT go out and get drunk and act like a boring fool infront of her, there are times where I might have a few drinks if with friends but NOT a lot. In general with her I just won't have a drink and thats fine most of the time. The whole non-drinkers getting their nose up here is also pretty unfair, I'm not attacking non-drinkers... she's a non-drinker and she's a lovely girl.

If I can maybe re-iterate what IS my point.
Tonight for example, I had talked to her this week and we were gonna to go out for dinner. I was looking forward to it. This morning she texts me saying she wants me to go to the cinema with her room-mate at 8.
Now I am on two sides of the fence. On one side my GF is lovely and I'd love to go to cinema and hang out with her. Her roomie is also a lovely girl and it could be fun.
On the other hand she knows I only arrive home from work between 7-7.30, 8pm in the cinema is really pushing it. I know 8pm cinema is just so that they can both be in bed by 10.30. Also, while I love her room-mate, Dinner with my GF on a Friday night is probably my favourite, i want a date with my gf, not watching movies with her room-mate. We can do that any time.

That sort of thing was my real question, how to handle it. I am back late from work and would generally go out a bit later if I was meeting friends but sometimes with her it's all go out early and get home early into bed even though she knows that's not my schedule. I do my best but it's difficult. The drinking thing comes in just because it's hard to think of things to do with her. Even a late show in cinema could be fun but she's too tired to go to anything later than the 8 show. With friends or other girls I may have known it was a simple and easy way to spend time together sometimes, not getting sloshed but 1 or 2 drinks. I can't do this with her and as a result it's hard to do anything with her past 10pm. I'm not attacking non-drinkers!

She and my friends are definitely different types of people. I currently do as suggested with maybe one night we have a date and the next night I meet my friends. Thats great and all but I don't want to be separating them, that just makes me think I'll eventually become the guy who no longer sees his friends. I'd like my friends to be her friends, I do my best with hers, even if the chick-flick with the room-mate isn't my idea of fun I'll still do it for her and it's fun cos they are nice people.

To be honest, yeah, I do like to go to the pub. I also like to go out at the weekend and do fun things and active things. It's a balance. If I'm not planning anything too active for saturday morning, a chat with friends and a few drinks is nice. He'll one of the most fun parts of having a gf is having a couple of drinks, maybe even going dancing. Thats just me, I think it's fun, not all the time, not spending days in bed hungover, I'm not a piss head and I DON'T need to be blotto to have fun (as one poster rudely suggested i have a problem) but, yeah If I'm honest, Its fun to do sometimes and if i do the chickflick thing with her I'd really like if she came out with me a bit more.

It's not like she's not interested, she is always asking when can we meet again and stuff. it's just that she tries to persuade me to not being going out anywhere or anything. I'm just afraid it'll get worse over time. I don't want to change her life. I feel I'm adapting for her, I'd love if she could meet me half way, just come and have fun a bit more drink or no drink.

I know I'll get more hatemail from non-drinkers who didn't read all of this so if that is teh case I'm gonna just leave it. They are missing my point.

LegacyUser

Lorrs33 wrote: »

The OP is clearly not compromising and judging by his reply to me, clearly doesn't have patience for people disagreeing with him, or suggesting that he's in the wrong. Of course it's all the girlfriend's fault, she's not here to defend herself. You don't enjoy watching DVDs with her roommate all the time, and she doesn't enjoy going out with you and your friends all the time. Compromise is not you getting your own way, which is obviously what you want and you're posting here so people will agree with you. Simple solution: find something you both enjoy, otherwise call it a day.

Lorrs, look, you've put a lot of words in my mouth, and twisted what I said.
I did not or am not acting the way you say or doing what you think I am doing. I don't know why you are choosing to take what I said and say I am making someone change their life, that I want to get my own way all the time, etc, etc...

I don't want a slagging match but you are making a lot of assumptions which is simply not true. Most of the things you are saying ARE unreasonable of me, I agree but I DON'T do them.

I DO NOT want my way ALL THE TIME. I feel I am doing a lot for her and to please her as I'm mad about her, I ask her out a lot, but end up spending time with her room-mate instead of going out for a dinner maybe I offered to buy. I'd like at least time with just HER or that she'd take me up on the offer to bring her out. I think up to now I've been good enough to do what she wants most of the time... 50/50 would be nice to me, not MY WAY ALL THE TIME.

I presume you won't read that or will somehow take your own meaning and will just read me the riot act again, so thanks, you've been most helpful.

PopUp

OP, you don't enjoy doing the things she enjoys (hanging out at home, watching movies). She doesn't enjoy the things you like to do (meeting friends for drinks, going to museums, etc).

For me the most telling comment was that you went away for a weekend and you were the one organising everything, 'dragging' her sightseeing.

Look, neither of you sound like bad people but you are from the sounds of things, completely uncompatible.

You cannot force yourself to like chick flicks and she can't force herself to like drinking and museums.

Sometimes compromise isn't possible, and sometimes two people can be very nice and like each other very much, but make each other miserable. I think if you keep trying to force each other to enjoy things you don't, you will wind up hating each other.

I'd never advise breaking up with someone on the strength of a handful of posts on boards, but I will say that you are never going to be able to make her like drinking and sightseeing. It's not her personality. The things you like are great and interesting and there are lots of women out there who share those interests. There are also lots of men who like the quiet life and movies. If I were in your shoes, I would want someone I didn't have to change.

LegacyUser

dudelove123 wrote: »

Hi,

If I can maybe re-iterate what IS my point.
Tonight for example, I had talked to her this week and we were gonna to go out for dinner. I was looking forward to it. This morning she texts me saying she wants me to go to the cinema with her room-mate at 8.
Now I am on two sides of the fence. On one side my GF is lovely and I'd love to go to cinema and hang out with her. Her roomie is also a lovely girl and it could be fun.
On the other hand she knows I only arrive home from work between 7-7.30, 8pm in the cinema is really pushing it. I know 8pm cinema is just so that they can both be in bed by 10.30. Also, while I love her room-mate, Dinner with my GF on a Friday night is probably my favourite, i want a date with my gf, not watching movies with her room-mate. We can do that any time.

That sort of thing was my real question, how to handle it. I am back late from work and would generally go out a bit later if I was meeting friends but sometimes with her it's all go out early and get home early into bed even though she knows that's not my schedule. I do my best but it's difficult. The drinking thing comes in just because it's hard to think of things to do with her. Even a late show in cinema could be fun but she's too tired to go to anything later than the 8 show. With friends or other girls I may have known it was a simple and easy way to spend time together sometimes, not getting sloshed but 1 or 2 drinks. I can't do this with her and as a result it's hard to do anything with her past 10pm. I'm not attacking non-drinkers!

I don't see what this has to do with drinking tbh. Anyway you had plans with her, now she wants to do something else with her flatmate for no good reason. I wouldn't be happy. It would be different if it was an old friend who just arrived in town for one night. I would have said something like "hey we had dinner plans remember? I was looking forward to spending some time just the two of us." Sounds like the problem is you don't assert yourself. I mean in this case there wasn't really anything to "handle", just state your opinion and don't worry so much about accommodating her. You're annoyed about always spending so much time with her flatmate, you need to start to Just Say No.

magneticimpulse

maybe the title of your thread "Girlfriend doesnt drink" has meant everybody has focused on that topic. But from your updated post...it seems like its nothing to do with whether your girlfriend drinks or not...so why start a thread with that title?

Also you seem to just come on here to rant about her! You talk about paying drinks and you dont think your a "saint". Im sorry but ive dated ex's like you and the key word is "ex". It should be that you both go to places, not that you "take her" and in this day and age, most girls dont expect for the guy to pay for things...just to show up really is and be nice is what they expect.

There is obviously no balance in the relationship. It is completely 1 sided. Your whole outlook is that you do this and that, you go here and there, you "take" and "drag" her along to places. Im sorry but thats not a balance.

Like alot of people have pointed out, your clearly not on the same page as your girlfriend. We have read your posts and the conclusion, why are you two together?

She could be the sweetest person in the world, but the way you talk about her...you just dont seem to enjoy much with her. You dont really like her housemate, so why should she be mad about liking your friends?

Only one direction and solution for this relationship is to call it a day....sounds more like you just want to hang out with your mates all the time. This girl just doesnt seem to be your match, no matter how lovely she is, she cant change who she is, and dont try to change her. Just find someone that you dont have to "drag" to the pub or out after 10pm. She clearly likes quite nights in and is not interested in going out past 10pm. You cant change who she is...so just get a girlfriend who does enjoy that.

LegacyUser

I can't believe the abuse the OP is getting here! It's shocking really. People are so defensive!

I think he's raised a legitimate number of issues here. It's perfectly acceptable for him to enjoy the pub culture and want to spend time with his mates and to integrate her. What's this in bed by 10 business????

OP I hate to say it but, it will only get worse. She doesn't sound like she wants to compromise at all...and just wants to do what interests her (which appears to just be hanging out with her friend and you at home and in bed by the time school children go to bed). I totally get where you're coming from - I'm female and 38 and I have no desire to sit in on a weekend. I really enjoy going out and being able to do things and enjoy my weekend. Week nights are for relaxing at home and going to bed at a reasonable hour (1 am in my case). At the end of the day though, I couldn't be with a man who wasn't like me in that respect.

A relationship would not work if I was with someone who wanted to be in bed early at the weekends and didn't enjoy going out (the drink has nothing to do with it except for her sitting in judgement of you enjoying a couple of pints, which is not on either!!) You two are completely incompatable. I think you need to face up to that. You need to talk with her about it though first and see if you both can reach some compromise. If not, walk and find someone who enjoys doing the things you do.

LegacyUser

Ok, thanks.

I'm gonna bow out of this thread, hopefully the mods might close it.

I can see a lot of "ex's" are taking offense. I was actually looking for advice. I am mad about a girl but sometimes find it a little difficult to get our interests and lives in sync and I was hoping for some actual advice. Obviously I'm the world biggest dickhead for wanting to find a better compromise between doing my best to keep my girl happy while being a little happier being able to include her in my own things as well more.

Originally people got the impression i don't take my girlfriend out... when i refute that and say that I actually try to take my girlfriend out as much as I can, people get the impression I'm some male schovenist pig. I'm wasting my time, thanks anyway.

Saying "taking her out" is a phrase, thats it, it's the act of calling your girlfriend and asking her would she like to accompany me to a restaurant or somewhere. I think 99% of girls wouldn't mind their BF asking that, if you do, then I'm really not sure what to say. It doesn't mean anything else and I think thats obvious. If people are arguing over semantics here then I've come to the wrong place. I apologise.

tinkerbell

Ok I would not be happy about the changing plans at the last minute - you had planned to go out to dinner the two of you, and now she wants to go to the cinema with you and her roommate? That is not acceptable. You have plans already and she shouldn't be breaking them unless she's got a good excuse, and changing plans at the last minute for a cinema trip with her friend is not on.

As for the whole "need to be in bed by 10:30" / "can't do a cinema trip later than the 8pm show", is this girl a baby that she needs to be in bed that early? Or is she up working since 5 am or something? Like that to me sounds nuts. Surely she can go to a later show, like at 9 or 9:30. That sounds so odd to me, OP. Really odd.

I think the whole 10pm curfew is just really strange too. That is just strange. I mean I'm not a drinker but I can still stay out til 12 / 1am alright!

Zaph

Thread closed at OP's request