owed rent by "friend"

LegacyUser

I have been renting a room out to my sister's boyfriend for the past year. He is a student and doesn't get on with his parents, so was relying on rent allowance to pay the rent.

I just found out that he hasn't paid me any rent since the start of June. It's a bit complicated, but basically I wasn't able to check the account the money was going into til today, and that's when I found out. He didn't stay with me at all for the month of August and wasn't working, so I said I'd let him away with August's rent, but wanted rent back from the beginning of September, which I knew hadn't been paid, but he promised he'd backpay once his rent allowance comes in.

So, how do I approach this? The fact that he's my sister's boyfriend and practically part of the family makes it really awkward. He also suffers from serious bouts of depression.

I could really do with the money, but more than that, I feel really really let down and upset that someone I thought I was close to would make a fool of me like this. I'd rather my sister didn't find out as I know she'll be really upset, but my Mam says my sister has to know.

So I am going to have to confront him this evening....any advice?

Whynotme

Get the rent allowance paid directly to you by the CWO. This stops him spending the money. If he won't agree to this then report him. Does your sister know he isn't paying his way? I would be inclined to tell her.

If you're worried about tax, you can rent your rooms out for up to 10k p/a without paying tax.

MistyCheese

I think the OP is more let down by the fact that this person, who is practically family, hasn't put the effort in to make sure the debt to his possible future brother-in-law was paid first and foremost. It's the motivation behind the action that's a major factor here.

Taltos

Your sister needs to know this.
Yes she won't be happy, but I would imagine she would be furious if she thought you were hiding things from her.

Let her know it is an FYI - and you are NOT looking for her help/involvement.

tenchi-fan

Never mix business and family.

You learned a valuable lesson. Consider the back rent the fee for this lesson.

I know from personal experience sometimes it's best not to pursue debt.. ask for it by all means but don't lose sleep over it. Pretend it's a stranger who stung you for cash.. sometimes it's worth fighting for .. other times it's not worth the loss of sleep.

anomalous

ok so there are a number of reasons he might have been particularly skint for the last few months and making a big deal out of it and involving everyone else might just make an awkward situation worse

why dont you just talk to him and ask him the reasons and how he plans to sort it out he is probably embarrassed about it

you should have it just sent into your account in future though

scientific1982

Not really helpful now but in future remember this quote: "Neither a lender nor a borrower be".

curlzy

Whynotme wrote: »

Get the rent allowance paid directly to you by the CWO. This stops him spending the money. If he won't agree to this then report him. Does your sister know he isn't paying his way? I would be inclined to tell her.

I would agree with this, money management is a huge issue in a relationship and she has a right to know if he's bad at this. She's your sister so should be your priority, you can say it to her nicely, it could be that she's unaware of his poor skills in this area, in fairness this could lead to a very unhappy future for her, you should give her a heads up so she's in possession of all the facts

LegacyUser

Hi again,

I spoke to him about it last night. It was hard to bring it up. I tried to be nice. He is young and I know he has money problems.

He said that he was sure the money was leaving his account every week from June til the end of July. He kept watching the TV though as I spoke and wouldn't look at me in the eye as he was speaking (again this could be just because he is a 21 year old guy). He said he is going to talk to his bank today and have the money for me ASAP. The money is not the big deal (even though I want it back), its about being taken advantage of and made a fool of, and of course my sister.

My Mam told my sister, who was really upset, and she's offered to pay the money back, but it's not her problem, and I definitely don't want to go down that route. I suspect he has been sponging off her to a large degree as well, but she keeps this quiet. It is tough on him, as he has no parental support, but still, it shouldn't be me or my family's problem. I see him like a little brother though, as he's been with my sister for over 5 years, and it's causing me a lot of personal upset.

Thanks for suggestion to get rent allowance paid directly, didn't realise I could do that, so might try that from now on. I also think I am going to pay me an extra €100 a month til he gets his debt paid, I don't want him borrowing or going into serious debt just to pay me back. His part-time job is one I set him up with, and I let him away with bills in return for doing jobs around the house, but think I'm going to have to cut back on a lot of this, as I do feel I am being taken advantage of!

kmick

Give him one chance to pay the rent owed and if it does not happen then I think you need to cut your losses on the money owed and ask him to move on to pastures new. The fact he is your sisters boyfriend will compromise all your dealings with him. Get somebody in who is working and move on. Make it clear to your family it is not personal.

mrsdewinter

let down wrote: »

He said he is going to talk to his bank today and have the money for me ASAP. The money is not the big deal (even though I want it back), its about being taken advantage of and made a fool of, and of course my sister.

"He is going to talk to his bank and have the money for me ASAP"... Tbh, if he's that hard-up, I doubt the money is even there. Just my opinion: don't hold your breath. And don't take this nonsense personally. As someone said already, pretend it's a total stranger you are dealing with and, if it comes to it, just let the matter go.

MRBEAVER

He is a sponger who is taking advantage of you. All the excuses are bull**** and lies. If I were you I would write it off but kick him out. Let him go sponge off someone else. Don't get bitter or angry though. Write it off andove on.

Up de Barrs

The fact that he couldnt look you in the eye when you were asking him about the rent makes me think he knew it wasnt going in to your account. Presumably if he has a bank account he has access to online banking and could see if the money left his account, "talking to his bank" is a load of rubbish. Make sure he pays up, dont let him away with it, he needs to learn that he cant sponge off people.

Big Bag of Chips

He's 21, you are making excuses from him. He may be young and, but he is an adult. He shouldn't need paretnal support at this stage. By 21 he should be fairly self sufficient, and not relying on parental support to pay his bills and keep him on track.

You and your family have obviously been very good to him. But you need to stop handing him everything on a plate now, and make him a bit more responsible for himself. You got him a job, you let him off paying bills if he does abit around the house (which as a tenant, are bits he should probably be doing anyway!).

I'd agree with the others. You can try talk to him and sort it out. But you might be better off giving him is notice (awkward as it will be for you!) and getting someone else in. Again, stressing that it is not personal.. but you have a lodger because you need the money. No point having a lodger who isn't paying you.

Can I just ask.. how long has he been renting from you? Has it been a long time, and this is the first time you had an issue, or has it been a short time, and you're already having issues? I think the answer to that question will tell you how to handle it.

LegacyUser

He has been living with me for a year. We've had a few little arguments, but nothing major. He is like a little brother to me, so more that type of argument than anything else...i.e. pick up your dirty underwear off the bathroom floor, kinda thing.

He sent me a series of big long text messages (again maybe cos he couldn't look me in the eye) with some big explanation about bank mix ups, which could be plausible, and promised to have the money to me by the end of next week. I said there isn't a rush, I can add it to his rent over the next few months, but he said he was extremely sorry and embarrassed and wanted it all sorted ASAP so things can go back to normal. To be honest, I just want to believe him and have the whole thing sorted out, as it is causing big stress to my sister, and it's not worth creating a rift in the family...which would happen if I turfed him out. Also, we do get on fairly well, even though there's a big age gap. I have one tenant moving out already, so to get in two new people at the same time could be a nightmare.

I know I am probably being made a mug of here, but I think just taking the money off him when he can afford it, and keeping him on is the easiest and most stress free solution all round.