Baby demands constant attention!

Jim79

My 10 and half month old baby boy wants almost constant attention. He appears to be playing happily and suddenly start crying and works himself up until he gets picked up.He also gets fussy when going for a walk in his buggy and cries to be taking out of buggy.

I am unsure of what to do. Do I keep picking him up and pacifying him or are there any alternatives I don’t want to spoil him is it possible to spoil him at this age?. I'm a first time parent any advice would be welcomed.

Ayla

Jim79 wrote: »

...He appears to be playing happily and suddenly start crying and works himself up until he gets picked up.He also gets fussy when going for a walk in his buggy and cries to be taking out of buggy.

My advice...out of experience I'd suggest taking him to your GP. I am *strongly* of the opinion that you can't "spoil" a baby...the only way your baby has to tell you something's wrong is by crying.

My 1st daughter used to do something similar & it turned out she had kidney reflux which was causing urinary infections. And we've just found out that my 2nd daughter - who was perpetually cranky - is wheat intolerant. Since taking her off all grain products she's been completely different.

It is possible that your son's trying to tell you something, and it's not that you're "spoiling" him.

Das Kitty

I'm with Ayla on this. Take a visit to the doc to see if anything is wrong. If not I wouldn't worry either, they go through so many phases. My little guy is just after finishing an annoying phase of whinging and not sleeping, it was likely his teeth but it passes. I don't think you can spoil a baby with love and cuddles.

Ayla

And another thought...

When daughter #2 was *constantly* cranky - even from birth, we took her to the GP, who looked at us sympathetically, metaphorically patted us us on the shoulder & basically told us to deal with it - that sometimes babies are "just cranky." It was only because we pursued it further that we took her to the chiropractor, which helped a good bit & gave us hope. And it was only through the chiropractor that we learned of food intolerance testing through kinesiology. The GP never even thought to suggest these.

Now, some folks would call "alternative" methods phoney, but the difference these practices - and the treatments/changes in diet that we've done have made all the difference to my daughter.

Basically, my point is, if you're thinking that something may be up with your son, even if your GP doesn't think so, it may be worthwhile to try other possibilities. Like I said before, babies cry for a reason, and it's your job as his parent to figure out what he's trying to say.

King Mallie

I defo agree with Ayla. Always get a second oponion because as most of us have learnt the hard way some doctors will tell you what to hear and push you out the door.

lynski

slow down and watch him for a little while, he is giving you cues, but you might not get them. he is not crying for no reason, but you will need to figure out what the reason is. The baby whisperer book is great for learning what cues mean what what.
If think the more you cuddle and hold him the better, he will grow out of it. get yourself a sling to help carry him if he is too heavy.
Crying is his only way to talk to you, give him the chance to communicate. i started use baby sign language around that time with my ds and dd, and it really helped them. http://signingbaby.com/main/?cat=14 my dd especially was really good and used it a lot, and she started to speak really early too.

Nevyn

Yes do get him checked out medically but I would be of the opinion that if he's well and all his neeeds are meet, ie he's the right temp, fed, changed, no in pain that you should be able to leave him in the play pen or cot or buggy for a while (in the same room) and get things done.

I do think that you can spoil a child by constantly picking them up when ever they want it.

wolfpawnat

I agree 100% with Thaedydal on this, constantly picking them up does cause them to expect it and in turn causes tantrums when they do not get it! They need to learn that we are people too and not there to bend to their EVERY whim.

But I do agree with the other posters too, check if there is anything wrong with a GP, and if they give a condescending attitude ignore it. My GP and several Paediatric doctors just put me down to being an overprotective mum til one day the GP heard something odd while doing a check up on my son. He is now getting a fortune of tests done on his heart!

Parents know their children best. But people do need to understand, you CAN and indeed do spoil them, it is an argument I have constantly with the MIL, regardless of how much literature I show her to prove it!

Ayla

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I agree 100% with Thaedydal on this, constantly picking them up does cause them to expect it and in turn causes tantrums when they do not get it! They need to learn that we are people too and not there to bend to their EVERY whim... But people do need to understand, you CAN and indeed do spoil them, it is an argument I have constantly with the MIL, regardless of how much literature I show her to prove it!

Geez, imagine if the rest of the animal kingdom could read this "proof." There'd be mass hysteria everywhere as chimps et al finally stopped "bending to the whim" of their babies.

We are animals, folks. Babies need. Once they're old enough to reason, sympathize and rationalize, that's different. But until that time (which is 2-3 years imo) they need our attention, full stop.

lynski

i think you will find that for a few weeks he will be happy to be picked up on demand, making it hard for you, but then gradually will not need it so much, once his confidence is built up again. In a few months time, when he is crawling and walking you will be begging him for a cuddle.
I dont think that a small child can be held too much, you spoil them by not allowing them to do things for themselves, you can balance giving him his needs with teaching him how to entertain himself. Slow down for at least 3 days and just watch and see what he is doing and why he wants to be picked-up, dont change your behavior until after that, then it should be easier to figure out what to do next.
I tis not true to say that they need to learn we are separate beings, children are a lot older before they see themselves as a distinct being from their carers, until then they see you as an extension of themselves.

Ayla

And, OP - more than the "spoiling" issue at hand is what your son's actually doing. By your original comment, you said he's "playing happily" and then he "suddenly starts crying." That's what sparked my initial thought that you should have him checked out by his GP.

If he's generally happy & content doing his own thing, then suddenly is clinging, that could mean there's a trigger there. Whether that's physical or mental/emotional is what you have to figure out.

And crying in the buggy doesn't necessary mean that he's getting spoiled by being held...maybe the position he sits and/or the bumpiness of the ride could be causing some physical discomfort? Maybe he's not feeling stimulated or maybe he gets nervous or lonely? And maybe that's why being held makes him happier...it could take away the discomfort, or provide more/different stimulation which he prefers.

These are all completely healthy, normal human emotions, and it's not fair on a baby to think they can differentiate and process the fact that you have a house to clean or dinner to cook. Babies don't understand that their basic, human instincts don't coinside with our modern society demands, thus they cry when their needs are not being met.

metrovelvet

My son would be like that when he was teething.

wolfpawnat

Ayla wrote: »

Geez, imagine if the rest of the animal kingdom could read this "proof." There'd be mass hysteria everywhere as chimps et al finally stopped "bending to the whim" of their babies.

We are animals, folks. Babies need. Once they're old enough to reason, sympathize and rationalize, that's different. But until that time (which is 2-3 years imo) they need our attention, full stop.

Animals leave their young completely defenceless to get food. They do not answer to every whim. Your grandmother didnt answer to your mothers every cry, she couldn't, she was too busy handwashing clothes and the like. My nan had 14 children and another that was my grandads before he married her. There is a difference between not giving attention and not picking them up every few minutes.

I spend all day with my son, I know him better than his dad, because he is at college most days. I know when something is up, and OP if you think there is something up then it is! No one knows your child better.

Ayla

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Animals leave their young completely defenceless to get food. They do not answer to every whim.

Uh, hate to cut hairs here, but you're not completely accurate here. Chimps, our closest biological & social relative, carry their young all day. If mom's doing something that baby can't participate in, an aunt/female relative joins in. Baby chimps are always in the thick of things. Although it is true that some animals do abandon their young - for various reasons - the so-called "higher" evolved (ie: those with social structures) generally keep their young with them all the time. Have you ever heard of a chimp leaving their baby in a cot to "cry it out"?

wolfpawnat wrote: »

Your grandmother didnt answer to your mothers every cry, she couldn't...There is a difference between not giving attention and not picking them up every few minutes.

And our grandmothers - generally - also had the advantage of a larger family/social circle in which responsibilities would be shared. Besides, a woman who had that many children would have had the eldest looking after the babes & catering for their needs while she looked after the house. So the babes weren't being ignored, it's just that it wasn't the mother giving all of the attention.

Now, in modern society where family circles aren't as co-dependent, all of the responsibility lies with the carer, who suddenly has to manage the house & the baby. Thus, suddenly, this idea that crying it out is necessary to not "spoil" the baby.

gowayouttadat

metrovelvet wrote: »

My son would be like that when he was teething.

Ditto in this house. Always teething when he starts at that kind of stuff. He'd be crawling around playing away and would suddenly start crying or else just want to be up constantly.
When he's not teething he'll happily play away and needs far less attention.

mohawk

OP is this a new development or has this sudden crying been happening for awhile? If its only a new thing it could be teeth. A gp check sounds like very good advice.

I don't subscribe to saying it spoils a baby to pick them up when they cry. My son is now 14 months and is not one bit spoilt. Since he learned to crawl and then walk he has been too busy getting up to mischief to want to be picked up. Crying is a babys only way of telling you they have a problem.

Nevyn

Sometimes it's cos they just loose track of where you are if they can't see you and cry, there are ways to show them that you are there and everything is ok with out picking them up.

annetted

could be that he gets lonely and needs a cuddle. if you think that it is a pain causing him to cry, get the doctor to check him over. better to get him checked than worrying about it.