Just Curious, Do You Want Kids?

Neadine

I'm just curious to know, especially from single ladies around my age, early/mid thirty's.
I recently split up with someone, and prior to the split, when all was still rosy in paradise, we, or rather he, had the children conversation.
So, are you single?? Do you want/would like kids at some point in the future? Have decided that kids are not something you want in the future?

Xiney

I'm not your target (mid 20s, married) but I'll answer anyway because you can't stop me :P

I used to think I was SO SO ready for babies. I love them and they're awesome and kids are awesome and about a year ago I was like, just knock me up already damnit!

Then we got a dog.



And I realised how much I like sleeping in and doing what I want to do when I want to do it.

In other words, I am lazy and selfish.


Now, I love my dog, and he gets everything he needs (in fact some people would say he's a bit spoiled) but there are days when I'm just like, ugh. And you can be a bit ugh with a dog because he doesn't really mind, he loves you all the same.


But I think I've got some maturing to do before I have kids, or else I'm going to really screw them up.

And maybe I'm not the type of person who can have kids and not screw them up, on account of being lazy and selfish. So we'll see, in a few years.

Neadine

Xiney, thanks for the reply... and the giggle!!

rainbow kirby

Single, mid-20s. No intention of ever having children. I don't have any maternal instincts at all.

Silverfish

The coffee table there has more maternal and nurturing instincts than me.

I'm 32 and I've struggled a long time with this, constantly waiting for the tick of the biological clock, but mine appears to be digital, had a powercut, and is flashing 00.00.

Just no desire for children whatsoever. I suppose if someone handed me one and said here, raise this, I'd manage, but the whole thoughts of it just ... no. Not for me.

Xiney

Silverfish wrote: »

constantly waiting for the tick of the biological clock, but mine appears to be digital, had a powercut, and is flashing 00.00.

I LOLed

Panthro

very far removed from the target audience (what with me being a near late 20's male and all!) I'm more concerned with getting my goals right now and getting the "right" headspace for myself, I still have a few issues I have to deal with, and I would be more interested in finishing college and getting a career out of it first seem as I'm putting time/effort into it. If I met someone who knows what will happen on the children front, I don't really think you can predict that kind of thing unless you are actually in a comitted relationship with someone. when I was with the ex at the time, the thought of having kids with her one day crossed my mind a few times, thought we would be the perfect team for that kind of thing, but that went out the window so see how it goes I suppose.
I would be a fantastic dad I think even if I do say so myself, all I have to do is the complete opposite to what my dad did (in his case SFA) and I should be fine!:D

bluecatmorgana

27 and a big fat no thanks.

Even since I was 11 years old theres been kids in my life in a big way. I have experienced all the work and heart ache that goes into having children and they werent even mine( theyre my sisters so I adore them like no other) but Im selfish, I like being clean and organised, I like not being treated like crap, I like living in a world without screaming babies and poo.

Im maternal but I know I dont want kids.......ever.

On a aside I dont worry about meeting a man who wants kids because so many men out there have kids and then break up with their partners, so I can be fun auntie and then hand them back at home time.

Neadine

I'm just curious about other peoples thought on it all. I am currently/recently single. Most of my friends at this stage are settled down; married or with long term partners and either have or are having kids. I have a very few single friends around my age, and I am pretty sure that if they met someone they too would be making their contribution to the baby boom!
Prior to splitting up I had the 'kids conversation with my ex', he already has kids and I don't. He doesn't want more, has done that, bought the t-shirt, etc. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad and loves him kids to bits, but doesn't want to start all over again with that.
I suppose up until meeting him I always 'assumed' that the time would come when I met someone, fell hopelessly in love and the whole kids thing would be a natural progression.
You see, I am maternal, love my nephew, and my friends kids. Spent years working with kids, still in contact with kids that I would have babysat who are now all grown up, etc. Even would have given a lot of input, etc., to my ex where his kids were concerned. Anyway, I guess that conversation with him made me think about the whole kids thing seriously, for the first time ever.
I actually made the decision that I wanted to be with him more than I wanted kids. But if we did stay together I don't know that my feelings about kids wouldn't become stronger.

StinkySocs

I really want kids, like so bad!! I'm nearly 30 and I'm single.
I wouldn't dare trap a man into having kids, but if a man didn't want to have kids then I'd have to say goodbye.
I would love 4 or 5 children, but in reality that's probably not going to happen!

Bring it on!!!:D

Giselle

Yes please (in a few years). I always wanted children for as long as I can remember.

I can't imagine not having children. I don't think I could actually become involved with someone who knew they didn't want them.

I know my mind enough to know that I definitely, positively, do want children, and I have equal respect for anyone who knows they definitely don't.

Neadine

papagormo wrote: »

I don't really think you can predict that kind of thing unless you are actually in a comitted relationship with someone.

It's not a case of predicting. I know for a fact some of my single friends want kids, and would at this stage have kids if they had met someone. I also have one single friend who is pretty committed to doing the baby thing on her own, if she doesn't meet someone. I also have a single friend who is adamant, that she does not want kids, ever, regardless and if she meets someone who wants to be with her he will have to respect that.

anniehoo

Im 31 and single and only started actually even liking children about 4 years ago. I never got the whole baby thing until one of my friends had a baby and it was like "DING" maternal feelings kicked in bigtime. I found the whole thing...pregnancy and making a family just amazing.

But,like Xiney im incredibly selfish with my time, my space and i have no patience. I think id like to have a child/ren but when i hear my friends never having a lie on,constantly sleep deprived,house is never clean etc etc it puts me right off. I also worry about when im old and not having a family. It scares me a bit but again that is definitely not a reason to have kids either.Sure theres no guarantee your kids will even like you when you're old.

At the moment i LOVE hearing all about my friends pregnancies/kids but im secretly glad to get home to my cosy clean and quiet apartment to be honest.

The programme the other night about fertility seriously decreasing after we're 35 did scare me, so if i need to start thinking about it seriously in the next year or too before its too late.

If it happens brilliant, if not i dont think itll be the end of the world for me.Im a big animal lover so id be equally content living with my husband with loads of animals to look after either.

Darlughda

Never wanted children. As a teenager I had responiblity for a number of infants, and never had any illusions since then the work involved.

Used to discuss this with my best friend in school. She was adamant that she wanted 6!

Well, am now mid 30s and still dont want kids. My best friend has 4 already! So, if you want them, go for it. If you don't, well then don't!

May seem a simplistic philosophy, but really only women and men who really want children should have them, rather than those who are ambivalent or do it because its the expected next step in society.

metrovelvet

Lets hope you don't change your mind about this or about him, and that he doesn't change his mind about you.

You always sort of think life falls into place. That you will eventually settle like everyone else, have a child or two, like everyone else, go to the movies on the weekends, have a good job during the week.

Its always weird when you realise you are abberration.

Neadine

metrovelvet wrote: »

Lets hope you don't change your mind about this or about him, and that he doesn't change his mind about you.

You always sort of think life falls into place. That you will eventually settle like everyone else, have a child or two, like everyone else, go to the movies on the weekends, have a good job during the week.

Its always weird when you realise you are abberration.

Not sure if this was directed at me, or another poster???

metrovelvet

Neadine wrote: »

Not sure if this was directed at me, or another poster???

Just a general observation.

Panthro

Neadine wrote: »

It's not a case of predicting. I know for a fact some of my single friends want kids, and would at this stage have kids if they had met someone. I also have one single friend who is pretty committed to doing the baby thing on her own, if she doesn't meet someone. I also have a single friend who is adamant, that she does not want kids, ever, regardless and if she meets someone who wants to be with her he will have to respect that.

I mean in relation to the "do you want kids?" part, at the moment my answer would be in a few years yes of course once Im ready to financially and emotionally that it.
However, if I met some girl tomorrow and fell madly in love with her, my desire to have children might change to "yes lets get cracking right now as soon as possible" or it might be "hell no, I want to see where this is going first" before committing to having kids together. (two extremes there don't take it too literally just using it as a point) So in that sense I personally don't think I can predict that until I am actually living/breathing in the relationship with the person who would help me get the kids brought in and reared into this world.

katkev

I'm 30... and i always wanted to have children, but at the same time i always had something else to worry about before being a parent... i was always postponing this...
My boyfriend, since we met, said to me many times that he NEVER wanted a child. I was taking pills and when we less expected, i got pregnant...
It was very scary in the beginning, but we decided to do it together. We are very happy together, full of plans for our future, and expecting our baby for this week. Now i think that we still can live our lives, even when we have children, but we have to adjust the way we live, that's for sure...
I can't say too much, because my baby is still in my belly...
But so far, so good...
Good luck to u all...

Neadine

katkev wrote: »

I'm 30... and i always wanted to have children, but at the same time i always had something else to worry about before being a parent... i was always postponing this...
My boyfriend, since we met, said to me many times that he NEVER wanted a child. I was taking pills and when we less expected, i got pregnant...
It was very scary in the beginning, but we decided to do it together. We are very happy together, full of plans for our future, and expecting our baby for this week. Now i think that we still can live our lives, even when we have children, but we have to adjust the way we live, that's for sure...
I can't say too much, because my baby is still in my belly...
But so far, so good...
Good luck to u all...

Congratulations, and best of luck to all three of you.

Neadine

papagormo wrote: »

I mean in relation to the "do you want kids?" part, at the moment my answer would be in a few years yes of course once Im ready to financially and emotionally that it.
However, if I met some girl tomorrow and fell madly in love with her, my desire to have children might change to "yes lets get cracking right now as soon as possible" or it might be "hell no, I want to see where this is going first" before committing to having kids together. (two extremes there don't take it too literally just using it as a point) So in that sense I personally don't think I can predict that until I am actually living/breathing in the relationship with the person who would help me get the kids brought in and reared into this world.

Thanks for the clarification!!!
Maybe it's a female/biological clock thing, but I know a lot of females, know that at some point in their lived want kids. Absolutely meeting someone plays kind of a vital role (!!) in that actually happening!!

metrovelvet

Neadine wrote: »

Thanks for the clarification!!!
Maybe it's a female/biological clock thing, but I know a lot of females, know that at some point in their lived want kids. Absolutely meeting someone plays kind of a vital role (!!) in that actually happening!!

It doesnt really anymore -if you have the money. There is sperm donation for the ladies and surrogacy for the men.

Neadine

metrovelvet wrote: »

It doesnt really anymore -if you have the money. There is sperm donation for the ladies and surrogacy for the men.

It's not something, that I for one, would ever choose to do on my own. Kids are hard work and would like to be in the position where there was a second parent if I was going down the baby route, but that's just a personal thing.

Lia_lia

Yes. Never really had maternal instincts as such, but I do really want kids. But not until I'm in a stable relationship and financially alright. I worked in a creche for 3 years and a kids camp for 2 years. Love children.

But I'm only 21 now and still in college for another couple of years...so not anytime soon!

Bellablue

Early thirties, recently single due to marriage ending.

Earlier this year we were "getting ready" to have kids, in the space of a few months everything has turned on its head. I had expected to be devastated about the fact that I was so close to starting my family and now am back to square one.

But.....I'm not! People have been telling me for a couple of years now that there's no right time to have children and we should just do it! But we never did. Now I'm starting to believe if I really, truly wanted the family, we would have tried by now. After a long hard think, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not unselfish enough for children. I think that I might be quite happy to just be the "cool auntie" who can hand them back at the end of the day.

Most of my friends are well settled with 2/3 children, and I do think that my desire to have kids over the last couple of years was influenced hugely by spending time with them and being part of lives that revolve around nothing but their families. A little bit of peer pressure, and what you were "supposed" to do next.

Now when I remove myself from the situation, I realise that it may not be such a catastrophe after all if I don't get the typical marriage with the 2.4 kids. Who ever would have thought it!

reallyrose

I'm like some of the posters above, I have no maternal instincts at all.
My mother spent years when I was younger telling me that the broodiness would kick in, but I'm 26 now and no signs of it.
It's not just that I don't have the maternal ping, I actively don't like kids.
I see people cooing over a baby, and I think "wtf?"
On a kind of logical base, I get it, the hormones tell you to procreate, it's a little part of you running about, unconditional love, etc etc.
But the most part of me thinks "w.t.f"

I guess I am also lazy and selfish. And I wouldn't inflict me on a poor child!
I can't even mind a plant... ;_;

Darlughda

reallyrose wrote: »

I'm like some of the posters above, I have no maternal instincts at all.
My mother spent years when I was younger telling me that the broodiness would kick in, but I'm 26 now and no signs of it.
It's not just that I don't have the maternal ping, I actively don't like kids.
I see people cooing over a baby, and I think "wtf?"
On a kind of logical base, I get it, the hormones tell you to procreate, it's a little part of you running about, unconditional love, etc etc.
But the most part of me thinks "w.t.f"

I guess I am also lazy and selfish. And I wouldn't inflict me on a poor child!
I can't even mind a plant... ;_;

Its fine not to have maternal instincts. Its ok to be shytle with plants, but its not ok to imagine the instinct and commitment to have a child is due to to someone being lazy or selfish.

There is NOTHING selfish about not wanting a child.

There is NOTHING lazy about not wanting a child.

In fact, making a considered decision not to have children is a very personal choice for men and women and it has nothing to do with selfishness or laziness.

WaltKowalski

30 and out of a long term relationship.

I hate that question because there's no right answer!

Say no - what sort of woman doesn't want a baby?!
Say yes - poor Walt - it'll probably never happen for her!

At the moment, I'm of the opinion that the world is a sh*t place and I don't want to add to it.

bronte

Beyond terrified I'd fcuk it up tbh.

Which I would , majestically! :pac:

Chaotic_Forces

I'm not a single woman from your age group (actually a 22 year old lad) but... of course I do! I don't really understand anyone who says "no" to that question. Oh I'm single.

I can understand that some people say "my career is important" or "I've too much to do right now". But ultimately isn't the primary goal in our lives to mate?

I doubt I'd even have kids before I'm 30 and well off (not rich but... enough that I can buy my kid the latest fifty euro video game at their birthday/christmas), to me that's very well off.

The funny thing is (it's usually young lads about my age that say they don't want kids, they want just the women) is that they get tied down and in such a way that makes them be so lovey and wanting a family that it's pure comedy. They meet a girl and settle down with that girl and then they're set for life.

But as someone that's single... I couldn't really go on in life if I didn't want kids. Even people that can't (for whatever reason) "make" a baby, surely the act of raising a child itself is a reason to live?

I generally can't stand kids that are playing (with other children) or something but if I was showing a child how to colour or how to undestand how to divide numbers, I have unlimited paitence.
I know raising a child is very difficult but I just assume (and I constantly feel this way) that being able to pass on yourself (genes, personality, skills, opinions) to your own creation and lettting them form their own opinion is something beautiful.

beks101

It's like someone asking me do I want to get married tbh.

I've never had the 'fairytale white wedding' fantasy that many women seem to experience, just as I never dressed my dolls up lovingly and imagined I was their mommy as a child or picked out names I'd call my imaginary brood, or experienced any element of broodiness whatsoever.

I guess I always thought it would be 'expected' of me at some point and I'd simultaneously feel a wave of maternal desire wash over me...but the very real prospect of that not happening slightly scares me, to be quite honest.

Especially if I end up living in Ireland, where IME the pressures to settle down and start a family when you reach the socially prescribed age are far more than in many other parts of the world.

I guess I always saw it as being part of the equation and now am beginning to question whether or not it's really the life I'm cut out for at all, or whether it's the life I'm 'supposed' to want...college, career, marriage and family.

Darlughda

The whole shebang of career, college, family is certainly not for everybody.

It does seem the choice of the majority in Ireland, however, the important thing is not to get swept in by what everyone else does.

There are many, many lifestyles and choices out there to be lived. If you feel the norm of 'college, career, kids' is not for you, do your utmost to not end up having to choose that option, out of carelessness.

There are too many frustrated and unhappy mothers and fathers as there is.

Neadine

beks101 wrote: »

It's like someone asking me do I want to get married tbh.

I've never had the 'fairytale white wedding' fantasy that many women seem to experience, just as I never dressed my dolls up lovingly and imagined I was their mommy as a child or picked out names I'd call my imaginary brood, or experienced any element of broodiness whatsoever.

I guess I always thought it would be 'expected' of me at some point and I'd simultaneously feel a wave of maternal desire wash over me...but the very real prospect of that not happening slightly scares me, to be quite honest.

Especially if I end up living in Ireland, where IME the pressures to settle down and start a family when you reach the socially prescribed age are far more than in many other parts of the world.

I guess I always saw it as being part of the equation and now am beginning to question whether or not it's really the life I'm cut out for at all, or whether it's the life I'm 'supposed' to want...college, career, marriage and family.

I know exactly what you mean about the whole wedding thing. I don't have the 'fantasy wedding', never have done, don't see it as something that is important. If I was with someone who wanted to do the whole Irish wedding thing, then fine, but toned down please, likewise, if I was with someone who didn't want to get married, that would be fine too.
But where kids are concerned, I just always figured that it's something that I would do, not because society expects it of me, but it's something I would have wanted. I love kids, always have. Am probably far more naturally maternal than my sister who is a Mum.
Of course being with someone who also wants kids is kind of a requirement!!

Chaotic_Forces

Neadine wrote: »

I know exactly what you mean about the whole wedding thing. I don't have the 'fantasy wedding', never have done, don't see it as something that is important. If I was with someone who wanted to do the whole Irish wedding thing, then fine, but toned down please, likewise, if I was with someone who didn't want to get married, that would be fine too.
But where kids are concerned, I just always figured that it's something that I would do, not because society expects it of me, but it's something I would have wanted. I love kids, always have. Am probably far more naturally maternal than my sister who is a Mum.
Of course being with someone who also wants kids is kind of a requirement!!

Well wouldn't you want to marry the father? Just out of a kind of "deal" at least? I mean the last thing I would want (if I were a woman) was a guy that got me pregnant and then left; I'd want some kind of support. Even as a fella, I'd demand that the mother would let me pay for things or support the child in someways.

Or am I missing your point? :P

Neadine

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Well wouldn't you want to marry the father? Just out of a kind of "deal" at least? I mean the last thing I would want (if I were a woman) was a guy that got me pregnant and then left; I'd want some kind of support. Even as a fella, I'd demand that the mother would let me pay for things or support the child in someways.

Or am I missing your point? :P

Yeah, you are missing the point, but probably as a result of poor explanation on my part. Let me try again...
I don't feel the need to get married to be totally committed in a relationship with someone. I was/am completely in love with my ex, and a ceremony wasn't going to affirm that commitment or love any more.
Yes, if that time comes that I do go down the baby route, then it's not something that I would ever want to consider doing on my own. But I think that I could be in a loving relationship, and not married, and don't believe that would make me any better or worse a parent than a married couple.

Better explanation???!!

Chaotic_Forces

Neadine wrote: »

Yeah, you are missing the point, but probably as a result of poor explanation on my part. Let me try again...
I don't feel the need to get married to be totally committed in a relationship with someone. I was/am completely in love with my ex, and a ceremony wasn't going to affirm that commitment or love any more.
Yes, if that time comes that I do go down the baby route, then it's not something that I would ever want to consider doing on my own. But I think that I could be in a loving relationship, and not married, and don't believe that would make me any better or worse a parent than a married couple.

Better explanation???!!

Yes and no. I understand you completly. But it's not about being a "better" parent. It's about both parties contributing into raising the child they both made. It's not about how you feel about your partner. Let say you and I were together, had a child and we split up. Wouldn't you want me to put in as much effort that you do when it comes to OUR child?

holystungun9

I love kids, work with them all day but........when you work with kids or mind them you can´t help but realize how a big a job it is. Kids are kids but I get really annoyed by 'parents' who haven´t got a clue. Yes, everybody has a right to have children but I think we all know some people who really aren´t up to the job and should have their wllies cut off and front bottoms sown up. And I have no idea why some people stick their head in the sand about the costs involved. Be sensible people.
And another thing, from what I hear adopting is a long tough process and may not work out but I wish more people would look into this option before bringing yet another child into the world. There are plenty of kids who have a rough time and are taken into care or are orphaned or any number of other circumstances who really deserve not to be left on the self.

Neadine

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Yes and no. I understand you completly. But it's not about being a "better" parent. It's about be both parties contributing into raising the child they both made. It's not about how you feel about your partner. Let say you and I were together, had a child and we split up. Wouldn't you want me to put in as much effort that you do when it comes to OUR child?

ABSOLUTELY, and that's why I said it's not something I would want to do on my own. I realise in most situations it starts out with 2 parents and sometimes things don't work out, but likewise, there are some people who are willing/want to go it alone from the beginning, sperm donors, etc. That's not for me.
If/when I do have kids, for me, it would have to be when I am with someone who I love very much and who also wants kids.

Better explanation???

Chaotic_Forces

holystungun9 wrote: »

I love kids, work with them all day but........when you work with kids or mind them you can´t help but realize how a big a job it is. Kids are kids but I get really annoyed by 'parents' who haven´t got a clue. Yes, everybody has a right to have children but I think we all know some people who really aren´t up to the job and should have their wllies cut off and front bottoms sown up. And I have no idea why some people stick their head in the sand about the costs involved. Be sensible people.
And another thing, from what I hear adopting is a long tough process and may not work out but I wish more people would look into this option before bringing yet another child into the world. There are plenty of kids who have a rough time and are taken into care or are orphaned or any number of other circumstances who really deserve not to be left on the self.

I agree fully with your point about adoption, completly, 100%.

But come on, to quote one girl "ah sure it was like about 2 minutes the young fella lasted, no way am I preggo sure!"

She was pregnant.

It's not about having bit and parts "dealt with", it's about having people made aware of their action. Of course that's a different tale for another time. I'll just sum up my opinion of it with this: if you aren't careful enough about pregnancy prevention, then you don't deserve to have sex.
And yes, I know the pill doesn't work 100% of the time, the condom can break and so on. But FFS we get told this stuff in school... LEARN SOME FUC*KING SH*T...

So I don't throw this topic of course, please, if you anything to say about my comment just now, PM me.

Chaotic_Forces

Neadine wrote: »

ABSOLUTELY, and that's why I said it's not something I would want to do on my own. I realise in most situations it starts out with 2 parents and sometimes things don't work out, but likewise, there are some people who are willing/want to go it alone from the beginning, sperm donors, etc. That's not for me.
If/when I do have kids, for me, it would have to be when I am with someone who I love very much and who also wants kids.

Better explanation???

Oh no, I do get your point fully. I honestly do. It's just that... well ffs a child bearing raised by and ONLY by (no fifty euros from the family each month) a single parent (and by common sense they should work full time) isn't going to have much. If you're work for 10 euro per hour at 40 hours that's only 400 per week. Factor in all the stuff a kid likes, day-by-day stuff and whatnot, you aren't going to make it. Of course I HAVE seen kids come from those places but... I wouldn't let my child(ren) be like that. I went through the same and I'd sooner risk my life thatn leave my kids in a "poor" enviroment.

Neadine

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Oh no, I do get your point fully. I honestly do. It's just that... well ffs a child bearing raised by and ONLY by (no fifty euros from the family each month) a single parent (and by common sense they should work full time) isn't going to have much. If you're work for 10 euro per hour at 40 hours that's only 400 per week. Factor in all the stuff a kid likes, day-by-day stuff and whatnot, you aren't going to make it. Of course I HAVE seen kids come from those places but... I wouldn't let my child(ren) be like that. I went through the same and I'd sooner risk my life thatn leave my kids in a "poor" enviroment.

But I DON'T want to have, or raise, a child on my own. The way I seen it take 2 parents to make the baby and 2 parents should be involved in raising the baby.

The purpose of this thread was to ask people's opinions/ideals about having kids.
Personally, I thought/assumed that at some point in my life I would meet someone, fall in love, and have kids. Then I did meet someone, who already has kids and doesn't want any more, which made me think about my wanting kids, I loved him, and decided that being with him was more important than being a mum.

Chaotic_Forces

Neadine wrote: »

But I DON'T want to have, or raise, a child on my own. The way I seen it take 2 parents to make the baby and 2 parents should be involved in raising the baby.

The purpose of this thread was to ask people's opinions/ideals about having kids.
Personally, I thought/assumed that at some point in my life I would meet someone, fall in love, and have kids. Then I did meet someone, who already has kids and doesn't want any more, which made me think about my wanting kids, I loved him, and decided that being with him was more important than being a mum.

That's what a lot of adults make the mistake of!

Imagine you get married and leave the guy. You meet me and I move in and even re-marry you (or at least live with you). Could I not consider myself a father to these kids?*

Assuming you had these kids and I was the new person.

Darlughda

Chaotic Forces, I am at a loss to understand and decipher your last two posts. Can you clarify?

IMHO, there are some people out there who are fantastic parents, always wanted kids, all good.
Then there are others, who do fall pregnant, no matter what you say about education, it can happen to any of us. Most of them who are pregnant not by choice, do their damnedest to be the best possible for their kids.

Other people are ambivalent about the issue and might stroll along with the expected norms of society, middle class society that is, college, boyfriend, job, career, engagement. mortgage, wedding, first child etc..

Many others do not want this, yet find themselves in the strange position of justifying their choices or creating reasons for not folowing this pattern.

Having a child is rewarded in society from child benefit, regardless of income and other tax incentives towards being a family.

For women and men, who are already sick of taking second place to holiday entitlements in the workplace due to parents, this seems to be unfair.

Great, if children are what you want. But, if not, why get penalized?

Neadine

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

That's what a lot of adults make the mistake of!

Imagine you get married and leave the guy. You meet me and I move in and even re-marry you (or at least live with you). Could I not consider myself a father to these kids?*

Assuming you had these kids and I was the new person.

No, you couldn't. You could consider yourself to be an important adult in their lives who loved and cared for them.
You get ONE Mum and ONE Dad, they are not a replaceable commodity
My ex is a widower, I would never have wanted to try to be his kids mother, an adult who was involved in their lives and loved and cared for them sure, but not their mother.

Chaotic_Forces

Darlughda wrote: »

Chaotic Forces, I am at a loss to understand and decipher your last two posts. Can you clarify?

IMHO, there are some people out there who are fantastic parents, always wanted kids, all good.
Then there are others, who do fall pregnant, no matter what you say about education, it can happen to any of us. Most of them who are pregnant not by choice, do their damnedest to be the best possible for their kids.

Other people are ambivalent about the issue and might stroll along with the expected norms of society, middle class society that is, college, boyfriend, job, career, engagement. mortgage, wedding, first child etc..

Many others do not want this, yet find themselves in the strange position of justifying their choices or creating reasons for not folowing this pattern.

Having a child is rewarded in society from child benefit, regardless of income and other tax incentives towards being a family.

For women and men, who are already sick of taking second place to holiday entitlements in the workplace due to parents, this seems to be unfair.

Great, if children are what you want. But, if not, why get penalized?

I'll try to put it blunty, sorry if I offend anyone.

Basically as a 22 year old lad I think that if I did meet a nice woman and she had a child or several, I doubt I'd be able to care of the kids.
BUT I can't understand (as a man, not from a woman's POV, that's very important) why being with a woman with kids and that the father hasn't much interest in raising them, why on Earth would the man have a problem with that?

See women give birth to kids, I think that's great. But men either make the babies or help. That's how I see it.

I'll add something to this... if they don't want to have children keep their fu*king legs closed, that does for both men and women.

Neadine wrote: »

No, you couldn't. You could consider yourself to be an important adult in their lives who loved and cared for them.
You get ONE Mum and ONE Dad, they are not a replaceable commodity
My ex is a widower, I would never have wanted to try to be his kids mother, an adult who was involved in their lives and loved and cared for them sure, but not their mother.

Alright I do see your point. But let's say you were a woman and you met me, I had no girlfriend/wifre and she left, for whatever reason.
Wouldn't you feel some sort of connection with the child? I'm talking about when they're young not when they are 10/11/12

Feck, sorry Neadine, I didn't mean it literally. I just meant counldn't I be able to say "I help raised these kids, like a step-father should". Does that help explain it?

Neadine

Chaotic_Forces wrote: »

Alright I do see your point. But let's say you were a woman and you met me, I had no girlfriend/wifre and she left, for whatever reason.
Wouldn't you feel some sort of connection with the child? I'm talking about when they're young not when they are 10/11/12

Feck, sorry Neadine, I didn't mean it literally. I just meant counldn't I be able to say "I help raised these kids, like a step-father should". Does that help explain it?

Ok, if you are I were to get together and you had a tot, then of course I would probably get incredibly attached to the child.
Let me try to put this into context a little, bare with me.
Had someone told me I would have ended up going out with and falling for someone who was a widower with kids, I would have laughed, very loudly, and said no thanks, way too much baggage.
But I did. He has kids and they are going no where, ever! But you know, they also make him who he is. I fell in love with him, and they are very much part of him so that love and concern also crosses over to them.
Does that make any sense????

Demonique

32 and no interest in adding to the overpopulation problem. I'm not very interested in babies and couldn't care less when my cousins have them, actually I've just realised it is possible to care less, in the case of celebrities reproducing

The only babies in the house recently are the babies the cornsnake produces every summer and my little iguana

RacoonQueen

I'm only a baby myself, in my twenties, but I've no interest in kids. My sister is due in 3 months and I've already been asked to be godmother but there is no excitement whatsoever from me. Not particularly fond of kids. Never know mind, if I meet the right guy I might want kids with him...I doubt it though.

Links234

I'd love to have kids some day, but probably not for years.

I never ever wanted them ever. Uncle and aunt have just had a couple and all the cooing over a baby... My best friend is very maternal and wants loads. Never got it.
But then I met HIM and suddenly started thinking... wouldn't mini versions of him running around make the world a better place! So maybe it is kicking in now. But I still don't want "kids" in general - just with himself :rolleyes::o
Not for years yet though, I don't think I will even qualify until I am about 30... if I study hard.
I really don't see anything wrong with women who don't want them though. And I hate the snarky "you'll grow into it one day" or "I don't understand women putting career first surely there are more important things :rolleyes:" comments that you hear now and then :mad: Not everyone wants a fancy wedding, not everyone wants children, just deal with it!


edit: man that's a lot of smileys...

Penny Dreadful

I was adamant that I didn't want them for years and years...............then I changed my mind. I broke up with my partner of 10 years about a year ago and was pretty sure that I'd never have them given that I was 32 when we broke up and wasn't sure about meeting someone I could see myself having a life with again. ...........then last June I got asked out and have been seeing this guy ever since. We're both very happy together, things seem to be going really well and at least I know that having a family is something on his agenda. It may not be with me if things don't work out but at least I know that we both want the same things should we make it.