A Few Funnies

MonkieSocks

My wife said that my blindness was hindering our communication, I replied-

..:. :: :..: :. ... ..:






That told her..

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I accidently used super glue as lube last night.

I told my girlfriend not to tell anybody as it was an embarrassing mistake.


Her lips are sealed

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Why does the pope like Rice Crispies?

Cause they go Snap, Crackle and POPE!





I'm kidding... he uses them to trap kids.

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I was chatting to two gals in the pub, I asked one

"hey, how come your mates arse is so fat?"

She replied "don't be nasty, its in her genes."



I said "fookin barely."

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My girlfriend started getting the Woman's Weekly.





It was bad enough when the moody bitch got them once a month.

odnauq

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now, men ... men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the **** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.