scared

dontnowottodo

Hi everyone , I would like your much valued advice on this if I could . Me and my boyfriend haven't been getting on a lot lately , it has been like that for months infact , but we always end up talking it out and things are fine .

I put it down to pressures of being parents as we have three young children . But tonight we were having one of these talks and my boyfriend says he needs to make a decision , and can I give him time to "get things straight in his head ".

To me if someone asks you "do you want to be with me or not " you know immediately what the answer is , I.E , "yes I do want to be with you and we can work things out" or "no I don't want to be with you anymore" am I wrong in thinking it's black and white ?

Ok I know we haven't been getting on great lately but I also know I love him and that's the main thing so therefore we can work through anything , when I asked him if he could say the same he says he loves me but doesn't know if he wants to stay with me and needs time to think as it's a big decision to make , obviously it will be affecting the children aswell , but surely if he loved me he wouldn't have to think about things ??

Am I wrong here , all replies appreciated as I can't see the wood from the trees at the moment and would like some views, thanks in advance .

Esoteric_

I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, but love isn't the only thing that keeps a relationship together. You guys have kids, so not getting along will be affecting them a lot, without you even realising it.

I can see where you're coming from in thinking that he should know whether or not he wants to be with you. I'd expect the guy to know that too, and be able to say "yes, I want to be with you, but I need time to think about changes we can make so that this relationship work again." I'd be a bit miffed at sitting around waiting to see if he wants to be with you. Kind of gives him all the control in the situation.

That said, a break could be good. It'll give you both time to think about what's gone wrong and how to fix it.

dontnowottodo

Hi Lynda thanks for your reply . I know love isn't the only thing to keep a relationship but I do feel it's the most important thing .

Yes it's not easy waiting around untill he makes up his mind . last week he said the same then told me he wants to work thing out but then that was it we never spoke anymore about it and when i brought the subject up again tonight he tells me he needs time .

I don't know whether it's because he knows he doesn't love me and doesn't know how to tell me but he says this isn't the case . confused

Miss Fluff

Long term relationships take work, especially when the daily grind of kids and money worries etc take over. If you have been getting on badly and it is effecting your little kids (which I guarantee you it is) then of course he is assessing whether you would be best to stay with one another, rergardless of how much you still love one another.

I think you should both attend relationship counselling as a matter of urgency as having a trained third party help you both make this momentous decision would be of huge benefit to you

miec

Hi Op

Sometimes relationships are not always black and white. I have parted from my ex, both of us really love each other, we are both really cut up about the break up but we need the time apart to sort our heads out, we may or may not get back together at some future part but I understand where your partner is coming from, sometimes you can really love someone but it may not be working because of pressures or internal issues. I know it is painful for you whilst he decides but the most loving thing you can do is let him have the space but if you need to, set a time scale for it, as you don't want to be left hanging indefinately. If he is willing I also advice couple counselling too.