Mortified by warning

LegacyUser

Goin anon for this. I'm so shocked and hurt right now. I've just started a new job which isn't exactly in my dream area but obviously I'm happy to have a job right now. I do have a bit of experience in the field and it's quite a straightforward job, so im happy with it, and the work colleagues seemed nice so when I started last week, I was thrilled with it all. I thought it was going really well and I was settling in fine.

So imagine my shock when I get called into the boss's office this morning. She said that some of my colleagues have made complaints about me, that I apparently rely too much on them and that I ask simple questions about things I should be able to do. Well, I DID ask questions about things, but it was to make conversation! I didn't want to sit there in silence, and the colleagues didn't seem to be too busy, so I'd often say 'Julie, the forms for X are in X drawer, aren't they?' even though I was 95% sure of the answer. I didn't even realise it could be interpreted as me being an idiot. It was basically an excuse to start a conversation. Also, I was thinking of going to Paris for a long weekend and I knew another colleague had just come back from there, so I asked her what was worth seeing and she basically told me to look at a guide book. Again, this was an excuse for conversation. I've been to Paris about ten times. I know what there is to see. I just wanted to start a conversation which would then hopefully turn to other things. The colleague wasn't busy, we were both in the break room, and I thought Paris would be a good conversation starter.

Am I just a complete idiot? I've worked in 5-6 other jobs, and I thought it was normal to ask work-related or holiday-related questions just as a conversation opener. I thought people understood this. I'm naturally a bit introverted and have been told to speak up more, so I have really been making an effort to talk to people instead of keep to myself. I certainly never expected it to be taken as me being annoying or an idiot. Do I just have awful social skills? Have people been thinking this all along and nobody has said it up to now? What do I do now that I know my colleagues think I'm a moron? Just sit there in silence?

Major Lovechild

Your new workmates don't like you and are being a pack of ****.

tenchi-fan

It's just office politics really.

At the back of it, you want to fit in so you're making people feel important and knowledgeable. But you're a new employee and until they're more comfortable with you they see you as a threat, that's why they're hanging you.

But look at the alternative.. if you do something wrong or give out wrong information they could call you incompetent.

And I have heard people commenting "he's very quiet on the team" or "you don't ask enough questions"

I think it's a lesson worth learning early. Think twice before asking questions!

My experience was I didn't get on well at all with my colleague when I started, but over time I didn't think he was so bad. Then I had my review, and the only negative comment my manager made was about how many questions I asked, and my manager told me not to depend on him so much.

It was really annoying because my colleague was exactly the same! He constantly interrupted me by asking me silly questions like "did you give out a code for.." (more or less accusing me of not putting the info on the file) while the truth was he didn't bother to check the file himself. Or asking me info on products which he should have known the answer to because he actually worked there longer than I did!

boarduser1980

my eyes widened in shock when i read the part of 'read a guide book'. how rude...:eek:
they sound like a miserable oul' bunch. If you didnt try have a conversation with them you'd be reported for been unsociable, ya cant win

any job ive ever been in, ive always been told when im training 'dont be afraid to ask questions, ask a hundred times if you have to, id rather you ask questions than make a mistake'. when your training, you understand what you've been shown, but you'd rather confirm things just to be sure, doesnt make you stupid or an idiot.

maybe next time you try to start a conversation and they respond with a rude answer, look at them like this :eek: and say in a sad tone...oh im sorry -as im new and dont know anyone, i was only trying to make conversation :P:P it will make them feel bad and wont know how to answer that...:D

cch

A slightly different take on this - is there any chance that given the "current economic climate" etc etc these people have been swamped with work for the past while, and that your arrival was heralded as a relief from this? In which case you asking these type of questions might not be reassuring them at all, maybe even making them think they might have to do even more work in order to help you out...?

But the guide book comment was not on at all

boarduser1980

cch wrote: »

A slightly different take on this - is there any chance that given the "current economic climate" etc etc these people have been swamped with work for the past while, and that your arrival was heralded as a relief from this? In which case you asking these type of questions might not be reassuring them at all, maybe even making them think they might have to do even more work in order to help you out...?

But the guide book comment was not on at all

if they have been swamped with work and her arrival is a relief, wouldnt you think they would be bent over backwards helping her out, so that they can get on with their work and be happy with her helping hand.

still no need for them to be rude to her, she is only new so they should be more approachable and make her feel comfortable. bit harsh squealing on her after a week, they sound like 'lick arse to the boss' bitches...

cch

Dambant wrote: »

if they have been swamped with work and her arrival is a relief, wouldnt you think they would be bent over backwards helping her out, so that they can get on with their work and be happy with her helping hand.

still no need for them to be rude to her, she is only new so they should be more approachable and make her feel comfortable. bit harsh squealing on her after a week, they sound like 'lick arse to the boss' bitches...

I've started jobs in the past where I've been expected to "hit the ground running" and she did say...

I do have a bit of experience in the field and it's quite a straightforward job

Yes the squealing after a week was a bit harsh, but the manager could also be at fault here, in the expectations set before she arrived and in handling the complaints.
But I'm guessing as to the circumstances in the office here...

JonathanAnon

Jaysus, they are some miserable pack of b*stards to report you for asking questions, after just one week.... If you had been asking too many questions, whether just teething problems or just trying to settle in (as you say), one of them should have had the b*lls to politely say it to you. Not to report you to the boss..

Maybe you need to play the guilt card as was mentioned above.. Personally, I wouldnt be introverted, and I would probably feel compelled to approach the people... or maybe when they are all there at the end of a working day.. just stand up and say:

"look, I'm sorry if I was annoying ye.. I wasnt asking questions because I'm an idiot and wasnt listening during training... I'm new here and I wanted to strike up a conversation so that I might get to know ye and feel a bit more comfortable here.. But I'm obviously annoying ye by doing this so I will stop"... I think I would also feel compelled to say the same to the boss, lest he/she also think that you are ditsy and just asking unnecessary questions through incompetence... As if the boss has this impression of you, it will affect your chances of promotion in the future.

anniehoo

Im a bit dumbfounded at how your colleagues have acted. You "ask too many questions". Seriously? What kind of person goes to their manager and says that?

The only advice id give you is, stop askin questions that you already know the answer to to simply make conversation Theres loads of things to talk about. They might just think you're trying too hard,its really obvious and that its just annoying them. If its really basic stuff you're asking them theyre probably just frustrated. I know i get frustrated with people in my job when they ask common sense questions when they should know better tbh.

Dont try so hard and you will probably find that people will talk to you in their own good time.

tenchi-fan

anniehoo wrote: »

Im a bit dumbfounded at how your colleagues have acted. You "ask too many questions". Seriously? What kind of person goes to their manager and says that?

People who want to get brownie points with their manager!

I've trained people in the past and it's a lot better to tell them where to find information rather than tell them the answer.

So in the case of "are the envelopes in the top press" , you might say "why not check the top press and find out!" it wouldn't be overly rude if it was said in a nice way and it might bring the point home for the person to think for themselves.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

anniehoo wrote: »

The only advice id give you is, stop askin questions that you already know the answer to to simply make conversation Theres loads of things to talk about. They might just think you're trying too hard,its really obvious and that its just annoying them. If its really basic stuff you're asking them theyre probably just frustrated. I know i get frustrated with people in my job when they ask common sense questions when they should know better tbh.

Dont try so hard and you will probably find that people will talk to you in their own good time.

I know there are loads of things to talk about, but how do you just bring them up? I mean, nobody makes the effort with me. And it's not just work stuff. Everything I ask or say seems to get twisted by this people. Any innocent question to start conversation seems to be seen as incompetent, nosy, stupid or rude. Like the guide book thing, for example, I mean the girl didn't exactly say it in a rude way, but she said it as if it was stupid of me not to have checked a guide book and not know what there is to do in Paris. Of course I know, but I was hoping for a personal recommendation of a nice little cafe or bar I don't already know, and more than anything, just a little conversation. Another colleague, I started a conversation in the morning by asking had she far to travel to work, and she seemed a bit annoyed by it (?), but said yes, it was a bit of a trek from Portmarnock, I said 'oh I know. I lived there for a while years ago' and the manager said she had found it nosy and intrusive (?!).

I don't think I talk too much, as I've also been accused of being too quiet and 'not looking confident enough' at the job. I noticed that a lot of them go out for lunch together and that nobody has asked me, but that didn't bother me too much, as I don't need to be best friends. I just find it nicer to at least make conversation instead of sitting in silence all day. I just feel like they all think I'm stupid and immature. I've never felt like this before. I feel like the loser in school or something. I honestly don't understand the frostiness when I genuinely don't believe I've done anything to offend anyone. Even if by any chance I am rubbish at the job and I do ask too many questions about it, surely that doesn't mean I deserve to be reported after a week or two?

This kind of behaviour happened to me in 2006. I started a new permanent job, which involved two people working together on reception. I had been there for a week, my training week, when the other (experienced) receptionist went off on holidays, leaving me to run things along with a temp. This wouldn't be easy for anybody, but I did my best to figure things out and keep everything running. Obviously, I had loads of questions but no-one to ask, so I just did the best I could. Well, f**k me if I didn't get called into the manager's office right after the other receptionist got back. That's right, after a grand total of 3 WEEKS on the job, 2 of which I was left to run things after ONE WEEK of training, several staff members had made complaints about me. One accused me of refusing to send a package Swift Post, when I clearly told her I wasn't sure if we had the facility/how to do it (first time anyone had asked and it wasn't in 'the book'), but that I'd find out and do my best to send it. I rang another staff member who had told me to ring her with any questions to ask about the Swift Post. This girl was lovely on the phone. She then went and told my boss I had disturbed her with a trivial question. Apparently I was only supposed to ring her with 'important' queries.

I was devastated at the time. I thought I'd done really well to hold it together in a job I was only just getting the hang of, and I got called into a meeting with 2 managers and treated like a criminal. It was no friendly chat, it was 'if you don't improve, you're out'. Totally intimidating. I would have quit on the spot but I had a loan to pay back, so I stayed a few more months, during which most people were frosty and bitchy to me, bar a few nice people who weren't part of the 'in' crowd, who said 'I can't believe they left you to do that on your own after a week, that's crazy.' Totally horrible, cliquey atmosphere, I saw the very worst of Irish people in that job, superficial, nasty, snobby D4 heads whose conversations revolved around cars, clothes and house prices. I really was made to feel stupid and weak in that job, even though I never had a problem before or since with the quality of my work, in any job. For whatever reason (and to this day, I don't know what it is), people (all Irish women, as it happens) had taken an instant dislike to me and basically bullied me out.

When the 'claims' about you are that ludicrous (that you ask too many questions), it smacks of bullying to me. They'll grasp onto anything they can to make you look bad. If you've never had an issue before, it sounds like it's their problem.

JonathanAnon

Just wondering.. Does you being in the place impinge on them in any way??
For example, was there a previous person in your job who was fired (that they liked), did you take a job that one of them was hoping to be given, are you now directly in competition with one of them for an upcoming promotion....

Can you think of any reason they may have for their behaviour, or do you reckon it is simply you/your personality that they just dont like?

Kidchameleon

To be honest, your boss should know better. You never should have been brought into that meeting.

Overheal

Well, I DID ask questions about things, but it was to make conversation! I didn't want to sit there in silence, and the colleagues didn't seem to be too busy, so I'd often say 'Julie, the forms for X are in X drawer, aren't they?' even though I was 95% sure of the answer.

Yeah, what did you think might happen? I would explore other means of starting conversation. My boss had to let go his only other 2 employees 3 weeks after I started, so of course we spent a week breaking ice, eventually accomplished by discussing music collections and finally the whole him being a reborn christian me being an atheist. Oh the times we had. It will happen. In the meantime, I wouldn't feign incompetence under anybody's interpretation just to strike conversation.

LegacyUser

Yeah?? why did the boss bring it up with you because the reasoning was not big enough to mention especially after the first week? How do you feel about continuing to work there how will you play it from now on?

Milk & Honey

It seems to me that the manager was correct in giving you the warning. It seems that you are pissing people off. Asking people questions when both people know the answer is just annoying. Nobody is going to answer a question about where envelopes are with "yes and would you like to join me for lunch?"
Being asked about where they live or what they did on their time off is considered intrusive by some people.
I know guys who go mad if they are asked what they work at when they are out.
It is better to volunteer something about yourself and see if they take up the running.
If you had said, "I was in Paris last year, I particularly liked x" there might have been a more positive response. If there was a non committal response then you know that person is not interested in discussing Paris with you and you can drop the subject.
You need to be patient. When a group have been together for a while they are often slow to take to a newcomer. You need to keep your head down and avoid becoming known as a pest. Asking questions is not the way to start conversation in that particular workplace. After a few weeks it will be obvious what people in that work place talk about. When you get the opportunity throw in your own two cents worth. After a few months people might say "so and so is not too bad after all".

dan_d

Yes but you shouldn't be given a warning for trying to make conversation in your first week....unless it's a case that you never shut up!!

To be honest OP,it sounds very harsh. If I were in your position I'd be doing a bit more quiet observing to watch how this group interact, than trying to talk for a week or two, and maybe see how it goes after that.

Kimia

Evalyn Poor Picnic wrote: »

This kind of behaviour happened to me in 2006. I started a new permanent job, which involved two people working together on reception. I had been there for a week, my training week, when the other (experienced) receptionist went off on holidays, leaving me to run things along with a temp. This wouldn't be easy for anybody, but I did my best to figure things out and keep everything running. Obviously, I had loads of questions but no-one to ask, so I just did the best I could. Well, f**k me if I didn't get called into the manager's office right after the other receptionist got back. That's right, after a grand total of 3 WEEKS on the job, 2 of which I was left to run things after ONE WEEK of training, several staff members had made complaints about me. One accused me of refusing to send a package Swift Post, when I clearly told her I wasn't sure if we had the facility/how to do it (first time anyone had asked and it wasn't in 'the book'), but that I'd find out and do my best to send it. I rang another staff member who had told me to ring her with any questions to ask about the Swift Post. This girl was lovely on the phone. She then went and told my boss I had disturbed her with a trivial question. Apparently I was only supposed to ring her with 'important' queries.

I was devastated at the time. I thought I'd done really well to hold it together in a job I was only just getting the hang of, and I got called into a meeting with 2 managers and treated like a criminal. It was no friendly chat, it was 'if you don't improve, you're out'. Totally intimidating. I would have quit on the spot but I had a loan to pay back, so I stayed a few more months, during which most people were frosty and bitchy to me, bar a few nice people who weren't part of the 'in' crowd, who said 'I can't believe they left you to do that on your own after a week, that's crazy.' Totally horrible, cliquey atmosphere, I saw the very worst of Irish people in that job, superficial, nasty, snobby D4 heads whose conversations revolved around cars, clothes and house prices. I really was made to feel stupid and weak in that job, even though I never had a problem before or since with the quality of my work, in any job. For whatever reason (and to this day, I don't know what it is), people (all Irish women, as it happens) had taken an instant dislike to me and basically bullied me out.

When the 'claims' about you are that ludicrous (that you ask too many questions), it smacks of bullying to me. They'll grasp onto anything they can to make you look bad. If you've never had an issue before, it sounds like it's their problem.

I too have had the unfortunate experience of working for a company similar to this. It's so odd, I can't understand how some people (women usually, sorry but it's true) can be so mean and nasty. I genuinely am baffled by unnecessary nastiness but it's very common in Irish workplaces, especially when the majority of employees are women.

Op try to remember it's not you, and don't let them get to you. Don't question yourself, try to be self-assured and confident and f*ck them if they want to be cold and miserable. I find the most damaging thing that can arise from work atmospheres like this is when the 'victim' starts to doubt themselves, and from that it can lead to a breakdown of self-esteem, ending up where the victim is trapped in this circle where they feel useless all the time, hate their job but feel too useless to leave. It's traumatising, so try not to stay there too long, or if you do, be strong and keep to yourself, and keep saying to yourself that it's not you, it's them.

dellas1979

OMG - I am starting a new job on Tuesday and I am totally bricking it now!!!

Then again, I am the type of person, I will walk in and smile (gives out friendly vibes), maybe say something friendly/ask a question...if its replied to with frostiness, I immediately know the field of play. I back straight off, let them get used to me (still smile etc) and if they want to approach me, fine.
Sometimes it can take ages. Once I worked in a place and I was 2 months before this guy talked to me/actually acknowledged me. I backed off straight away as above - Im not going to lick anyones ass.
But when we did get on, we got on very well/cool guy.

I think what they did to you was very very harsh, but you cant go around asking Mary about envelopes in a drawer either with retorical questions - its like micromanaging people or treating people like children or even looking stupid yourself (which is what seems to have happened). If you want to know they are in the drawer, open the drawer and check yourself. If they are not there, then ask.

As for the personal stuff, keep away from this until they ask you about yourself (again this could take weeks/months).

As one person said, its all office politics. Gosh I forgot how hard it can be to fit in/get on with new colleagues, but thats how I do it.

Keep your head down, grit teeth and smile OP.

Miss Fluff

+1 to dellas1979. While your colleagues sound like numpties, you can't talk for the sake of talking as that in itself will get people's backs up. Just back off, be friendly, smile and do a good job. Once people have realised you are good at your job and are friendly they will give you a chance but asking obvious questions just to kill the silence is obviously not doing you any favours at all.....

Miss Fluff

Miss Fluff wrote: »

+1 to dellas1979. While your colleagues sound like numpties, you can't talk for the sake of talking as that in itself will get people's backs up. Just back off, be friendly, smile and do a good job. Once people have realised you are good at your job and are friendly they will give you a chance but asking obvious questions just to kill the silence is obviously not doing you any favours at all.....

I don't get that. Why are people so damn unfriendly? When I'm training people in, I'm happy for them to ask anything they want and I enjoy getting to know them. Sitting in silence and neither party making any effort to chat seems pig ignorant to me. If someone finds a question like 'where are you from' or 'where do you live' intrusive, they're the ones with the problem, quite frankly. Some people need to get over themselves. I find that you just can't win in some places. If you put your head down and do your job, you're shy. If you ask questions, you're incompetent. I think some people just want to dislike others and will find any reason to do so.

tenchi-fan

Evalyn Poor Picnic wrote: »

I don't get that. Why are people so damn unfriendly? When I'm training people in, I'm happy for them to ask anything they want and I enjoy getting to know them. Sitting in silence and neither party making any effort to chat seems pig ignorant to me. If someone finds a question like 'where are you from' or 'where do you live' intrusive, they're the ones with the problem, quite frankly. Some people need to get over themselves. I find that you just can't win in some places. If you put your head down and do your job, you're shy. If you ask questions, you're incompetent. I think some people just want to dislike others and will find any reason to do so.

If a trainee was rude to me when I tried to be nice I think my response would be to smile and say "okay!" And then be as unhelpful as possible.

It's a bit different when you're the newbie. Just be careful not to put up with **** or they will not respect you, but at the same time beware that you are upsetting the dynamic, it's only temporary and you won't alway be the newbie.

Miss Fluff

I totally agree, the working day is long enough without cultivating a hostile atmosphere and these people sound horrible. The OP has however conceded that she is asking silly questions that she already knows the answers to just for the sake of striking up conversation, and this has gotten her off on the wrong footing and them not giving her a chance at all. So if her current attempts are having the opposite effect then she definitely needs to back off, regardless of how unfair it may seem.

dellas1979

Different people have different attitudes to different things - just because I find it acceptable to talk about my personal life openly, doesnt mean the person beside me does. Thats not pig ignorant. Thats just people.

Granted it is 100% unfair what management said to the OP, he/she just needs to roll with it, lay low and find people they do get on with.

DO NOT engage in conversation with this person again. Yes and no answers with a smile will suffice.

amdublin

That sounds shocking.

I would suggest you put your head down and do a fantastic job so they can't give any bad feedback about you.

Oh and I would breeze in every morning and be friendly and say good morning to everybody etc etc

Soul Stretcher

Wow... that is pretty amazing.

I think you've been unlucky with the work group you've found yourself in OP. My advice is don't try so hard to be nice to them and they will actually respect you more - they won't think you're "weak" if you don't try hard to get on with them - a weird truism of relations between Irish people I think.

I think a lot of the blame here lies with the Manager. After one week, they should have listened to the complaint, nodded and then ignored it. I mean who can be competent in a new job and get on with their colleagues in ONE week ?

The most important thing OP is that I don't think it is a reflection on you. There is obviously more to this situation - God knows what happened with the person before you or how the Office politics are playing themselves out.

Children in Adult clothes. Don't take it personally OP. Clock in. Do your work as best you can. Clock out.

Best of Luck OP !!:) I'm rooting for you !

TitoPuente

If you want to know why a company is full of utter pri*cks, look no further than the boss that allows it to happen. Honestly, I've been in so many horriffic jobs where I've been bullied, humiliated and abused and I can tell you, it can destroy your self-esteem and your life.

Bide your time and find another job.

Nolanger

Here's what to do: never ask another question in that job. If you don't know something guess! When something goes wrong and the boss wonders why didn't you ask someone tell her politely that they'll only make complaints if you do.

MRBEAVER

Nolanger wrote: »

Here's what to do: never ask another question in that job. If you don't know something guess! When something goes wrong and the boss wonders why didn't you ask someone tell her politely that they'll only make complaints if you do.

That is what I would do too. Be self sufficient. even if you do get stuff wrong. and make your co-workers aware that you have been told about the complaints that they have made against you. Retrench and be defensive for awhile. Forget about trying to be superficially friendly.

dellas1979

dellas1979 wrote: »

Different people have different attitudes to different things - just because I find it acceptable to talk about my personal life openly, doesnt mean the person beside me does. Thats not pig ignorant. Thats just people.

But asking if someone has far to travel isn't asking about their 'personal life' and if someone thought so, then I would consider them incredibly self important. It's one of those 'small talk' questions. I was at a party last night and almost everyone asked where I lived, to find out if we had something in common. It's been the same at all the jobs I've had. Some people seem to think others are being nosy by asking questions like that and IMO, they are the ones with the problem. It's not right to make other people feel bad for asking what are completely benign, mundane questions.

Mary Hairy

people are what they are, not what other people might like them to be. If people do not want to be asked particular questions it is wiser not to. Everyone in that job probably got the same treatment when they satatrted and now they are getting their own back on the newbie. The o/p should stick to neutral topics like the weather, music, sport, etc in trying to initiate cojnversation.

dellas1979

Evalyn Poor Picnic wrote: »

It's not right to make other people feel bad for asking what are completely benign, mundane questions.

No, its not - but that is true in relation to people who dont mind talking openly. Some people simply do not like to talk - about anything related to themselves. I find people like this weird myself, but I have to respect the fact that they dont like talking. The alternative is to push and piss people off.

Cheap Thrills!

OP, just wondering what the culture in the office is. Does everyone else chit-chat amongst themselves...? Or are they all just silently working?

If the rest of these miserable bullies are chit chatting then you are being unfairly picked on for doing the same.

They sound an ignorant/unfriendly bunch....but maybe the office culture is to sit silently and personal chit chat is frowned on?

Regardless, don't bother trying to initiate any more conversation, it is obviously unwanted by these gits.

Ann22

I can't believe the pettiness of you new co-workers op. Imagine going to your boss to complain about a new person asking 'too many questions':D. what a pack of numpties:rolleyes:. Your boss may have felt a duty to bring it to your attention but I daresay he was secretly thinking what a pack of silly cows he has working for him. If I were you op, I'd keep to myself, get to know my job and to ask someone a question if I really needed to know the answer.
They must be a really mean clannish bunch op, try not to let them get to you. I know it's really hard when you're spending most of your waking hours with them but keep your eyes open for something else in the meantime.

QuiteInterestin

Whats the atmosphere in the workplace like? When you're not talking is it dead silence or do the rest engage in conversation? Sorry I just know that where I work, there are some days when I'm rushed of my feet and theres nothing more annoying then seeing others standing around chatting while I'm up to my eyes? Maybe you making conversation/asking (what they consider pointless) questions when the attitude is usually just to get on with the job and keep small talk to breaks/lunch time is getting their backs up? I'm not saying they're right, but maybe all they can see is the new person interrupting their work (and your own) with questions they probably realise you already know the answer to.

They do sound like strange crowd though, if they had a problem with you, they should have at least hinted to you it was getting on their nerves before running to the boss. As for the woman who considered you asking her where shes from as intrusive, thats ridiculous. I think in every job I've worked in/course I've done, I've been asked by others where I'm from, its a standard conversation starter.

Distorted

embarrassed82 wrote: »

Another colleague, I started a conversation in the morning by asking had she far to travel to work, and she seemed a bit annoyed by it (?), but said yes, it was a bit of a trek from Portmarnock, I said 'oh I know. I lived there for a while years ago' and the manager said she had found it nosy and intrusive (?!).

Its just office politics. You've been unlucky enough to land in a job with a bunch of miserable people who probably don't want to be there but can't afford not to be and a hopeless manager. I wondered whether you were one of those overly annoying chatty people but tbh after the above comment, no-one in their right mind would repeat, word for word, such an attempt at conversation to their manager and describe it as nosy and intrusive. Its perfectly normal conversation!

Since you need the job, it might be best just to do as they seem to want, be vigilant (for they will no doubt try to get at you in other ways) and soon you will no longer be the new girl/easy target. I've been in a couple of jobs like that and there are always people in other parts of the company to be friends with who know what the miseries are like. Build alliances!

Because jobs have been hard to come by, I once took one which had been unfilled for a year. It was a really difficul job, on rubbish pay, and the secretary/admin person was a nasty biatch. You would ask her an essential, work related question and she would pretend not to hear you several times until you walked up to her desk and stood over her computer monitor, then she would act all surprised to see you. She complained to the manager about everyone. She complained about me, and about another new girl whose job it was to audit her job. Guess what - she complained about the other girl actually just doing her job. The manager and her were both basically social misfits and all her complaints were taken seriously. The other admin was on long term, like 18 months, sick leave. I ened up spending too much time on the internet (although I still did the job fine) and getting sacked (despite it being the sort of place a couple of employees took unauthorised and unaccounted time off frequently), which was one of the most horiffic things ever to happen to me. It was like some kind of nightmare. Now, 18 months later, the job remains unfilled again...I wonder what they achieved by it. I got a dream job immediately too...

Another embarrassing complaint I got from a manager once was in my first job as a graduate. He told me he thought my coat was scruffy. Now, never in my entire life have I been described as scruffy, and although this coat was perhaps a little old, it was still perfectly serviceable and clean. I was utterly, utterly mortified. And it wasn't exactly a workplace full of supermodels either...

I also really doubt that male employees ever get these sort of comments - about scruffy coats, about certain conversational snippets, about alleged and very woolly "attitude" related issues.

LittleBook

TitoPuente wrote: »

If you want to know why a company is full of utter pri*cks, look no further than the boss that allows it to happen. Honestly, I've been in so many horriffic jobs where I've been bullied, humiliated and abused and I can tell you, it can destroy your self-esteem and your life.

Bide your time and find another job.

+ 1

In most of these situations you'll find that the fish stinks from the head (as my German friends say).

If one of my employees came to me with the complaints that were made about you, I'd have told them to chill the f""k out and give you a break ... ok, not those words but something maybe a tad more professional.

Seriously though, 9 times out of 10 work environment problems like this stem from the top down and the fact that your boss took these "complaints" seriously shows that this is the case where you work.

mrsdewinter

Distorted wrote: »

I also really doubt that male employees ever get these sort of comments - about scruffy coats, about certain conversational snippets, about alleged and very woolly "attitude" related issues.

So true!

OP, I've found that in a new work situation, initially keeping my head down is the best long-term strategy. It's easier to read how the office works if you just keep smiling and keep your own counsel.
As a matter of interest, was the chat in the office a verbal warning? Are there any HR-savvy boardsies who can broadly outline your rights?

CDfm

its not a schoolyard but my impression is thatit has that feel and pecking order so the first rule is to keep schtum and do your job until you get the lay of the land.

like it or not your boss may be the cause of this and its how he runs the office

be professional and kick back and observe and if you need help or an explanation on their way of doing things be specific otherwise keep to yourself

workwise make sure what you do is correct and your workrate spot on

I agree that this kind of attitude always filters down from the top. When I was called in to my meeting and had all the 'complaints' put to me, I said I thought it was disgraceful that not one person had said anything to my face. As far as I was concerned, everything was fine. Everyone was lovely and smiley to my face, nobody expressed any concerns about my work and then they ratted to the boss without giving me any chance to explain what had happened. So I said that, and do you know what the manager said? He said that he saw nothing wrong with that. I said 'you're honestly telling me you think it's acceptable to report someone to the boss without saying a single thing to their face' and he said 'yes'. I asked how he justified that and he said that people were busy and there was no reason to waste time saying things to me. How much more f**king self important can you be? I said that to him (didn't get fired, surprisingly) and all he could do was shrug. I think deep down he knew I was right.

Too busy, my arse. They were a bunch of office workers, for God's sake. I've worked with all kinds of well known people, I've dealt with celebrities, all sorts, and never has anyone had the gall to act like that. I've been in jobs where people were clearly arsing around and the boss still gave the employee a chance to have their say. But in this company of jumped up, superficial wanabees, apparently the word of other employees who have been there longer is gospel. I feel truly sorry for the people still working there. I promised myself I'd never stay in a job like that again. It destroys you.

telecinesk

Been there. I call this employee syndrome. I see it in my colleagues company and how they treat each other. Im stunned when I do visit for a few days.
I was taught from day 1 where I worked (in my 1 real job as an employee) to ask questions and make life easier for the pa so the documentation or whatever she had to deal with was bang on.
Also from my experience training staff, I have also said same, "please ask". The more you ask the easier it is for me to know where you are heading....
OP I cannot believe how people can treat each other in an office. Stand your ground. D4 oh that remark amuses me. Guess what, same attitude is worldwide .) I see it far beyond D4.
Your probably seen as a threat and own inititave also adds to this? Like someone else said, maby you can bide your time and find a position elsewhere. Mates partner had similar troubles to you,I well remember the trainwreck she was until it came to a head and it went legal which suddenly got sorted.

Hold Firm!

LegacyUser

LittleBook wrote: »

+ 1

In most of these situations you'll find that the fish stinks from the head (as my German friends say).

If one of my employees came to me with the complaints that were made about you, I'd have told them to chill the f""k out and give you a break ... ok, not those words but something maybe a tad more professional.

Seriously though, 9 times out of 10 work environment problems like this stem from the top down and the fact that your boss took these "complaints" seriously shows that this is the case where you work.

I agree completely 1. What kind of boss takes such complaints seriously? 2. I'd also be concerned that fellow employees are able to approach the boss in the full knowledge that these stupid complaints will be taken seriously!!! What ever happens don't let it change you and make you a harder person, your behaviour is perfectly normal. <snip>

telecinesk

telecinesk wrote: »

Been there. I call this employee syndrome. I see it in my colleagues company and how they treat each other. Im stunned when I do visit for a few days.
I was taught from day 1 where I worked (in my 1 real job as an employee) to ask questions and make life easier for the pa so the documentation or whatever she had to deal with was bang on.
Also from my experience training staff, I have also said same, "please ask". The more you ask the easier it is for me to know where you are heading....
OP I cannot believe how people can treat each other in an office. Stand your ground. D4 oh that remark amuses me. Guess what, same attitude is worldwide .) I see it far beyond D4.
Your probably seen as a threat and own inititave also adds to this? Like someone else said, maby you can bide your time and find a position elsewhere. Mates partner had similar troubles to you,I well remember the trainwreck she was until it came to a head and it went legal which suddenly got sorted.

Hold Firm!

There are dickheads worldwide, but I use D4 to refer to a certain brand of Irish person, the kind who seem to think they live in LA, talk in that awful made-up accent, talk about nothing but clothes, bags, shoes and cars, look down on people with 'Dublin accents' and basically act like they're something special when in reality they work in an office and live in a 3 bed semi like most people. They don't have to be from D4 (and obviously many D4 people aren't like that, I used to live in Ringsend myself), they can be from anywhere in Dublin or Ireland. In my experience, they're the worst kind of people to work with or for. So fake, vapid and backstabbing. It's funny because I said to myself going into the job that I wouldn't judge and that I was sure they'd be perfectly lovely. It was worse than I ever could have imagined.