Don't like myself

LegacyUser

Has anyone ever gotten over this feeling and how? I really do not like myself and to be honest I felt like this since I was very young possibly for as long as i can remember. Its only getting worse now and I'm finding it almost impossible to fight it. I don't think I can deal with it anymore. I am seeing a counsellor and it doesnt really seem to be helping.
I was just wondering if anyone was like this and got through it and if so how?

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Im very sorry you feel so low, i know it is not easy to feel overwhelmed in the self... There must be a reason why you feel this way, what has your childhood been like did your parents speak to you in a respectful way? you havent picked it up from nowhere? Self hatred comes from a bad reflection of the self, what have you done that would cause this, i had issues with self harming and self hatred, but it was because i had a very difficult past and my parents spoke to me very badly which i then took their words and spoke to myself the same way? is this the kind of thing that is driving you mad, like the negative self talk.

LegacyUser

shouldeye? wrote: »

Hi Op,

Im very sorry you feel so low, i know it is not easy to feel overwhelmed in the self... There must be a reason why you feel this way, what has your childhood been like did your parents speak to you in a respectful way? you havent picked it up from nowhere? Self hatred comes from a bad reflection of the self, what have you done that would cause this, i had issues with self harming and self hatred, but it was because i had a very difficult past and my parents spoke to me very badly which i then took their words and spoke to myself the same way? is this the kind of thing that is driving you mad, like the negative self talk.

Thanks for replying. No my parents did not speak to me in a respectful way. It just feels like everything I do is wrong, constantly making one bad decision after the next and going absolutely nowhere in life fast. I cant even put into words how disgusted I am with myself. Its the negative self talk and the feeling of no support and also the feeling of never being able to get enough support like I need someone else to prop me up because I feel so worthless. I just want to get it all out its starting to make me sick. I just dont have the energy to fight the talk anymore or the belief that the criticism could be wrong. I feel like i've done something awful and don't know what it is. I dont feel okay and think i lack the capacity to ever be happy. I just want to get rid of this.

LegacyUser

hate myself wrote: »

Thanks for replying. No my parents did not speak to me in a respectful way. It just feels like everything I do is wrong, constantly making one bad decision after the next and going absolutely nowhere in life fast. I cant even put into words how disgusted I am with myself. Its the negative self talk and the feeling of no support and also the feeling of never being able to get enough support like I need someone else to prop me up because I feel so worthless. I just want to get it all out its starting to make me sick. I just dont have the energy to fight the talk anymore or the belief that the criticism could be wrong. I feel like i've done something awful and don't know what it is. I dont feel okay and think i lack the capacity to ever be happy. I just want to get rid of this.

Hi Op
It just pisses me off when I read posts like this. Parents talking bad to their kids and in general treating them like they dont want them, even though they made a choice to have the children in the first place. Honestly Im baffled why some folks decide to have kids, the only conclusion I can draw is that theyre only responding to physical/biological urges and have no real deep desire to nuture and love children. It really isnt fair, some people are born to loving caring parents who treat their kids like superstars while others are born to nasty individuals who should never have been allowed to reproduce in the first place. The guy who lives next door to me treats his son like he is the greatest human being ever to walk the earth(but not in an arrogant, ego driven way.......in a nice way). And that kid is so happy, confident etc. Its the way it should be.

Anyway rant over. I was in the self hating business so you most definitely can get out and turn things around. Youre seeing a counsellor which is great but seeing a counsellor in itself isnt enough. You gotta work hard on your own time. It took years for things to build up to this point so it'll take some time to undo the bad programming thats taken place. Id highly recommend this book:


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1284722907&sr=1-1


Get crackin' because this aint gonna fix itself. You have to turn it around bit by bit. If you let it go it'll build momentum and get worse, self loathing is a viscious cycle. And this is the way to turn it around, by changing the negative thoughts in your head. You can do it, but like I said, you're gonna have to put in the work.
Good luck

Taltos

OP

feel for you with this one.

It is really amazing how much of our own self-worth / hate is shaped by those closest to us.
I really believe you need to stick with the counselling - let them know you are feeling worse - and if it continues to get worse think about seeing someone else. Sometimes though a low does come before a break-through...

I am going to suggest though that you need to just let go of caring what your folks, family and friends think of you. Do your best to just walk away or change the topic when they start. If they don't stop just play some imaginary loud music in your head drowning out their drone.

Why do they do this to you??? Well - to make themselves feel better.
For some perverse reason they feed off you and your self-loathing. Maybe they think they are helping - but maybe deep down they know full well that they are faffing you up big time.

In the meantime - between now and someday moving out (assuming you are still at home and unable to limit contact) find a new activity or interest that you can throw yourself into - ideally something where you interact with people that have no prior contact with you. Take it slowly. Keep smiling, try to just listen and stay positive.

Remember - some families are toxic - my OH now has limited all contact with her family - as everytime they meet she is destroyed for days by their little comments. Amazing how families know what buttons to press to make you feel like sh1t3. Her brother moved across the world to escape...

However - you cannot change the past. What was done to you as a kid was NOT your fault. What they do to you now - well you now have the power to turn it around - but only if you take that power that they stole from you. Stay pleasant - but bored with them and just keep working on being you...

LegacyUser

Hi ,

I know it doesnt seem like it but you will feel better about yourself, but you have to keep looking for ways to improve your confidence and get help. I also have felt this way and have social anxiety from it, its a vicious circle of self hatred. I went to a CBT group about 4 years ago it felt great to meet others that were similar to me and nice and 'normal', I then had to go away for a while so didnt get to continue it but I have recently gone back to a group and it was such a weight off my shoulders to speak to others who understand how you feel.

Please find a group that you could talk to you like Recovery or AWARE, it will be scary at first but when you are there you will feel so much better to speak to others in a similar place to yourself.

I have tried counsellors, hypnotists, medication and psychotherapy before but nothing has worked as well as working with CBT in a group. A lot of these groups are free. Good luck with it, remember those negative thoughts arent real and its just your interpretation of them. Question these negative beliefs about yourself.