Breaking bad news to someone

Hersheys

I'll try keep this brief. And limit the details!

I've been living in a house with a girl who became one of my best friends for the past 3 or so years. Just the two of us, strangers moving in, very good friends now.

Well... Kinda.

I'm a good friend to her, but she's **** to me. She's going through an awful patch at the minute - she's lost her job, her family have disowned her and she's not happy in life. (She mentioned in passing how she'd rather kill herself than continue with life. I know her, and she wouldn't, but it was still a strong thing to say)

But that's no excuse for the way she's been treating me - constantly letting me down, lying to me, and hurting me with her actions.

So here's the thing - I want to move out. She asked me the other day if I did and I said that the only thing keeping me here was that she needs me to be here for her, and that right now the best thing for me to do is to move, but that I couldn't have her being unhappy on my conscience. Basically that I'm willing to sacarifice my own happiness (and sanity) so she still has someone.

But I've been thinking, and I really can't take anymore. So how can I break it to her without breaking her?

I can't take it anymore because I've got my own stuff to deal with - illness, family issues, and getting to grips with my own sexuality (some of these I may post about but they're not the root of my problem). I need time, space, and most importantly my friends to help me get through this bad patch. She's not there for me, but I'd feel awful if I wasn't there for her.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, anything needing clarification just ask.

Redpunto

Its not bad news, its notifying your friend you're moving out. Give her so many weeks notice and off you go. You can still help her with out having to live with her.

darad

When she asked you if you wanted to move out why did you say no when you clearly did? I understand you care about your friend but if you need to sort yourself out and take time for yourself then one or the other of you will suffer and it sounds like that's you. Take care if yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Some friends don't mean it but just take take take. There's only so much you can give. Mind yourself.

Hersheys

I told her I did want to move out. I said that for me, the best thing was to move out, but she broke down and said that she couldn't cope if I did move out.

Shelli2

If living with her is putting added strain on you then just move out.

Tell her that in order to stay together mentally that you need to move out, if you stay there you will eventually snap and then you'll be no good to either of you. Remind her that moving out doesn't mean it's the end of the friendship, it's just a little breathing space for both of you.

beks101

Hersheys, you owe this girl nothing.

I know you say she's a 'friend', but a proper friendship is a two-way street and she hasn't kept up her side of the deal. A friend is there to support you and would never intentionally hurt you or let you down...is she really a friend?

She's now emotionally blackmailing you to stay and if you're not careful you're going to fall for it and she's going to make you more miserable.

You need to put yourself first here, because she's certainly not going to do it. You can continue the friendship while living elsewhere, but for her own sake as well as yours you need to leave now. She's needs to learn to rely on herself and take responsibility for her own actions.

Hersheys

I know I owe her nothing.

I just feel guilty abandoning her in her time of need. If the tables were turned I would crack up if that happenned me...