Dating Dilemma

LegacyUser

Hi

I met this guy a few weeks ago on a dating site and we have been out together a good few times and he seems all interested.....my question is, should he have deleted his account by now? I deleted mine. Anyhow, should I ask him as to why he is still on the site or would I come across as too full on?

Fittle

You'll get varied opinions here OP.

I tried internet dating for about one year (I'm female) and the same as you, I deleted my profile after a few dates with each guy - NOT because I had fallen in love with that particular guy, but because I felt I wasn't giving that guy a chance, if I was still 'looking' for other guys to date. I will emphasise, that it was at least after 5/6 dates before I deleted my profile and decided to concentrate on each guy.

However, I found that few of the guys deleted their profile except for the guy I went out with for a few months - and he only deleted it after I mentioned to him that I knew he was still online. The other guys had no intention of deleting their profile - and some are STILL on the same site over a year later (probably dating other women and still keeping their profiles up there!).


So I think men look at online dating completely differently to women. They look on it like a pool, where they can pick or choose various women for various nites of the week. Women on the other hand think of it as a way to meet guys and see how things go. Not ALL men and women think like that, I will add though.

So I dunno OP - go with your gut. I tried online dating and wouldn't try it again for a million euro!!!!!! But that's just me..:D

LegacyUser

NewDater wrote: »

Hi

I met this guy a few weeks ago on a dating site and we have been out together a good few times and he seems all interested.....my question is, should he have deleted his account by now? I deleted mine. Anyhow, should I ask him as to why he is still on the site or would I come across as too full on?

Why did you check to see if he was still on the website in the first place? He has every right to stay on it if he has good reason to. Or maybe he just hasn't bothered with the boring admin side of dating you ie closing his account. You barely know him, so there could be hundreds of reasons why he hasn't closed it.

You're better off not checking things like that when you're internet dating. Only check if he gives you cause to check.

Fittle

unregistered wrote: »

Why did you check to see if he was still on the website in the first place? He has every right to stay on it if he has good reason to. Or maybe he just hasn't bothered with the boring admin side of dating you ie closing his account. You barely know him, so there could be hundreds of reasons why he hasn't closed it.

You're better off not checking things like that when you're internet dating. Only check if he gives you cause to check.

With respect, there are not hundreds of reasons why he hasn't closed it.
There's one reason.
He's keeping his options open.:rolleyes:

MRBEAVER

If ye have been out together a few times he should have deleted his profile. If he hasn't then it would be a cause for concern. He must know that you can see that his profile is still active and not care. And the only logical reason to have an active profile is to be looking to hook up with other women.

Darlughda

THIS has to be the major drawback of internet dating.

What the hell can you do other than delete your account so if he has done the same yet be able to keep tabs?

UGh! Not good. But let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

it's a toughie OP, but I totally empathise with you . I hate the dreaded, 'are we exclusive conversation', you'd hope that he'd just have the decency/cop on to delete his account.

But just how many dates have you been on? you say a good few. I'd leave it at least a month before broaching the whole, 'what's the story with us' conversation. You don't want to come across as too keen or anything like that.

You say he seems keen and all that so go with it. If you hadn't met him online you wouldn't be able to see that he was still keeping 'his options' open, which would more than likely be the case if you met him offline too - only online makes everything so much more transparent.

Sorry, not great advice but better off to just stick it out a wee while longer.

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

You'll get varied opinions here OP.


So I think men look at online dating completely differently to women. They look on it like a pool, where they can pick or choose various women for various nites of the week. Women on the other hand think of it as a way to meet guys and see how things go. Not ALL men and women think like that, I will add though.

So I dunno OP - go with your gut. I tried online dating and wouldn't try it again for a million euro!!!!!! But that's just me..:D

I know you say not all men and women are like that but why say what you said above then?

You've only dated guys so how would you know how girls approach it? Just because that's the way you do it doesn't by any stretch of the imagination mean all girls do.

I found the exact same as yourself that most girls did not delete their accounts. Not that I asked anyone too, and just because I would doesn't mean they should. There were one or two instances where I felt like I was just someone to spend a bit of time with while they continued looking. Not a very nice feeling.

OP depends on how many dates you've been on I suppose. And if there has been any conversation or mention of exclusivity? It's my major gripe with online dating as a way of meeting anyone. By normal channels you'd just let it progress naturally, and after a bit you just both know you're "going out".

However with online dating the rules change by the very nature of how you met. If you've seen each other a fair bit it's only natural that you would like a bit of assurance as to where you're going, if you are a couple or what?

To just assume it could be a mistake. If it's doing your head in and you like the guy maybe just ask where does he see it going? I've been there myself and I know it's not an easy subject to broach without coming across the wrong way.

But if you have been seeing each other a while it's only fair that you have some idea if it's worth making a go of or are you just a stop gap.

I wouldn't mention anything about seeing him still on the site though, in the early stages especially could come across as a bit stalkerish!