funniest insult you ever recieved

Rocky_Dennis

I have fairly bushy eyebrows, always get them cut when I am getting my haircut, today, one of the barbers told me that my eyebrows were like 2 fences in the grand national, all I could do was laugh.


Anyone else ever get a funny insult or hear a funny insult?

who what when

My brother once called me inbred in front of my parents!

Actually come to think of it 'ye inbred little bastard' were his exact words.
So not only were my parents closely related but they were also un-married!
More of an insult to them than me really but all concerned were oblivious!

Havermeyer

Andrewh1984 wrote: »

I have fairly bushy eyebrows, always get them cut when i am getting my haircut, 1day, 1 of the barbers told me that my eyebrows were like 2 fences in the grand national, all i could do was laugh.


Any1else ever get a funny insult or hear a funny insult?

You should name them Canal Turn and Becher's Brook. :P

NothingMan

My surname is Palmer and as a kid other kids use to chant "The bus broke down in Palmerstown".

I didn't see how it was an insult then either but they really thought they were sticking it to me. Idiot kids, what idiots.

Coolbreeze2809

A charming young gentleman in a tracksuit and air max runners: ''Smell o cognac off ya!''

kingtut

Obviously not meant as an insult but this made me giggle (the edit made to the OPs post) :D:D:

Last edited by biko; Today at 18:10. Reason: translated from txt spk to English

Mr. Manager

NothingMan wrote: »

My surname is Palmer and as a kid other kids use to chant "The bus broke down in Palmerstown".

I didn't see how it was an insult then either but they really thought they were sticking it to me. Idiot kids, what idiots.

something slightly similar. . . my last name is Bergin and people in school used to call me Nuggets.

surely burger would have made more sense. Again,

J2D2

The Funniest Insult i ever received,

Once when i was out with my OH in town, we bumped into her Ex (they were friends at the time) and he was with his new girlfriend, he tried to insult me by saying "are you in Leaving Cert or what?" not realising his girlfriend was in the same year & course in college as me. What made it funnier was he was ten years older than us!

kielmanator

my last name is kiely. All the other kids on the bus used to call me kylie minogue! Never really got why they thought they were insulting me!

MitchKoobski

My nickname was Atkins.Then for a while I was pretty fat.

Fat + Atkins = Fatkins

It's stuck ever since...the bastards...

Mr. Manager

kielmanator wrote: »

...Never really got why they thought they were insulting me!

Cos you're name's Kiely. . . Like Kylie Minogue. . . The FEMALE singer... Getting the picture Kylie


*Cheap shot, sorry. Couldn't resist

brummytom

NothingMan wrote: »

My surname is Palmer and as a kid other kids use to chant "The bus broke down in Palmerstown".

I didn't see how it was an insult then either but they really thought they were sticking it to me. Idiot kids, what idiots.

People love taking the piss out of people's names. My uncle's surname is Houston; he works in a job where he has to use walkie-talkies a lot.


He said he gets "Houston, we have a problem" at least 10 times a day.

My surname's fairly boring, the worst I get's 'Meeharrrrrrr' in a horse-y way

Dunjohn

John, John the Leprechaun was the basic one.

John "Bon-Bon" Jovi was one of the more puzzling ones.

allanb49

Ah fooking goth. walking by kids while wearing blue jeans and a tshirt. me and my mate where pissing ourselves Lauging. kids where bout 10

EKRIUQ

best one I've see on an internet forum is

listen cockface...you are the most vile cumstain I've ever encountered on this forum. You monopolise this thread you come across with some half arsed one liner that would'nt qualify for the Podge and Rodge show and then present yourself like you are the King of comedy on UK prime time. You epitomise most of what I detest about the internet...opinions formed at the drop of a hat....petty jokes at the expense of others with no thought for their feelings and most of all the self absorbing egotistical self correction of spelling that really points out to every other poster that the highlight of your day is a **** to "The Star Newspaper". You don't have the friends here you perceive yourself to have and have the intellect of a gnat and the culmination of this scenario will be your demise in a slow and agonising manner.

Zipp101

Once a lad roared at a passing girl:

" I'd rather get up on Monday mornin' "

blackbird98

after trying to fix something for my bro-in-law, he told me "you're like lighthouse in the bog, brilliant but f***ing useless" he was joking

blackbird98

guy meets his ex's new boyfriend and says "hows the second-hand fan*y?"

"Great" says the new boyfriend "after the first 3 inches, it like brand new"

Nolanger

You're not even that good looking!

glennb

Texas chain masacar hair........state of your hair.

I dont really get it I think it is because i have a mohawk and something about it made him think this was smart?

Also some members of the traveling community think chicken head was a good one. :rolleyes:

stimpson

My maths teacher used to say I was a well balanced child - I had a chip on both shoulders. I didn't really - it was just that he was a c*nt.

Shelli2

Skinny little rake of a yoke, calling me a fat bitch, while her ten tonne friend is standing beside her grinning like a moron!

Also, when things turned nasty with my ex he took to screaming "cradle snatcher" at me across the pub, and other similar themed insults becuase my new (current) OH is 4 years younger than me.
That line of insults stopped quick smart when he, at the ripe age of 25, started dating a 30 year old, who he's now engaged to. LOL

Phill Ewinn

Nolanger wrote: »

You're not even that good looking!

....and you've no langer.

cypharius

Me and my friend were called "Poxy Smartholes" because we were using big words like "deliberate".

Daemos

When I was a mod I was once called a "bad god" :rolleyes:

I was called a river cricket before. I looked it up and it's a derogatory name for Black people. My nickname used to be Casper btw.:pac:

Any key?

" hey white girl you ain't so white".......

Proxy

I have quite bright, almost orange hair.

A bouncer once told me to "fvck off ya fluorescent pr!ck"

It was so funny at the time, I shook his hand

fonecrusher1

Friend said his girlfriend was "like a goat looking at lightning" one day when she was watching Countdown.

She wasn't happy. He got a good few hard slaps on the shoulder as the both of us laughed uncontrollably for 3 minutes. I'd never heard the expression until then. It was more the look on her face after he said it which made me crumble.

deepsouthtalla

The best insult i have ever heard is your noting but a "Whores Abortion"

ejmaztec

who what when wrote: »

My brother once called me inbred in front of my parents!

Which one of you was adopted?

Kasabian

"You're only half an idiot , you haven't the brains to be a full one"

Kimia

blackbird98 wrote: »

guy meets his ex's new boyfriend and says "hows the second-hand fan*y?"

"Great" says the new boyfriend "after the first 3 inches, it like brand new"

I don't get it?

Kimia

Kimia wrote: »

I don't get it?

implying the ex's cock was only 3 inches

DerekDGoldfish

I had my pic up on a site and someone sent me a PM
"just though you would like to know, you look like Ian Huntly in that pic"

i didnt particularly like to know that

Kimia

bluewolf wrote: »

implying the ex's cock was only 3 inches

Oooh. That's very obtuse.

Chinafoot

"The best part of you ran down your mother's leg."

Dad, 2005.

session savage

While looking through some old photos, a friend said "wow, you used to be good looking"... the prick.

dr gonzo

A couple of knackers once told me to fcuk off home when i was in stephens green.

...bar a few holidays ive spent my entire life in Dublin

Johro

Got told I was 'only a f#ckin alien' by a fat, foaming at the mouth, beetrootfaced member of the wonderful garda siochana.
I'm Dutch.

Johro

My ex, she tried to bring back a pair of jeans she'd bought, and the shop assistant (who had a moustache) would only give her a credit note. After arguing for a bit, she looked at him for a while and said: 'Listen you.. Just because you got hair round your mouth, don't mean you gotta talk like a c#nt'.

Cullen82

I'm shaven headed now for reasons unknown to meself but I used to be a redhead.

I came out of a well known Dublin club one night and stood outside years ago when I had hair, about to light a cigarette....but I had no light. There was a car full of girls parked beside me so I stepped over and bent down to the window to ask for a light only for the girl driving to smack a kebab with mayonaise all over it into my face....quickly followed by "Get back in your biscuit tin ginger" and they drove.

I don't think I scored that night:rolleyes:....and just so you all know, I tried to get the car reg but couldnt see **** with all the mayo in my eyes:o

NothingMan

Cullen82 wrote: »

I'm shaven headed now for reasons unknown to meself but I used to be a redhead.

I came out of a well known Dublin club one night and stood outside, about to light a cigarette....but I had no light. There was a car full of girls parked beside me so I stepped over and bent down to the window to ask for a light only for the girl driving to smack a kebab with mayonaise all over it into my face....quickly followed by "Get back in your biscuit tin ginger" and they drove.

I don't think I scored that night:rolleyes:....and just so you all know, I tried to get the car reg but couldnt see **** with all the mayo in my eyes:o

That's an absolute disgrace. A travesty of the worst order. I would not stand for that. You should have gotten the reg and reported them, even hunted them down and killed all their families.

I mean seriously, who puts mayo on a kebab!!!

AAAAAAAHHH

dr gonzo wrote: »

A couple of knackers once told me to fcuk off home when i was in stephens green.

...bar a few holidays ive spent my entire life in Dublin

But do you live in Stephen's green?

Cullen82

NothingMan wrote: »

That's an absolute disgrace. A travesty of the worst order. I would not stand for that. You should have gotten the reg and reported them, even hunted them down and killed all their families.

I mean seriously, who puts mayo on a kebab!!!

The amount of people thanking your post....Bstard!!

And shame on ANYONE else who thanks this post......


I'll wait here to see what happens!

Dubs

My surname is Mooney, so needless to say when I was younger I had the nickname Mooner... Kids can be so cruel and accurate!

Was walking by some children the other day who were have a bit of a fight when one of them said 'when you were born the docter screamed "Ahhhh! Put it back in, put it back in!"'. I larfed.

Ronin247

On a job where the boss was a right pr*ck one of the lads called him
"The pro choice poster child"

took me a while to work it out

Wompa1

A guy stranger once told me he hoped I choked on it. I was eating a soft ice-cream

littlefriend

Wompa1 wrote: »

A guy stranger once told me he hoped I joked on it. I was eating a soft ice-cream

What?