Feeling a little lost...

JayJay123

Hey guys Im in need of a little advice here and well ye seem like a great bunch for dishing it out so here goes..!

Im 22, female, and have known since I was about 17-18 that I was interested in girls but always just pushed it to the back of my mind because I didnt want to accept it. Over the past few years Iv had boyfriends here and there but nothing serious because I would never give it a chance...it just didnt feel...right... and I was only fooling myself and wasting their time.

Anyway Iv finally started accepting myself (yay!) and have come out to a few friends who have been fairly ok with it.

So heres where Im felling lost.. Because I just have NO gaydar I couldnt spot two gay ladies if they were friggin shiftin the face off eachother right in front of me!! When Im out I dress up in heels, a dress etc, and I just look like another typical straight girl (for want of a better phrase..) and I get the usual guys hitting on me etc, and while I do have great nights out I just cant help feeling like I dont belong. Sometimes I feel like jumping up on a table and shouting WHERE ARE ALL THE LOVELY GAY LADIES!??
I feel like im caught in this kind of....straight limbo!
I know , I know, your probably thinking.."go to a gay bar" but its seriously difficult to get my friends to go, and anyway not all gay ladies like to go to gay bars all the time right?

I just dont know what to do to get noticed by another lesbian outside of the scene or how I would go about approaching a girl. Im terrified of hitting on a straight girl only for her to freak out at me!
I saw a post on here about the purple string thing and was thinking of giving that a go.

If anyone has been in a similar position or just anyone wants to give their 2cents I'd love to hear it.

Thank you and apologies for the long post!

Kanoe

I'm 35 and still feel that way, so don't worry about it. (late starter)
I think the gaydar thing is a case of trial and error really, I've never known anyone to wear bands or anything that would suggest they were gay..or maybe I just haven't noticed. It does get easier though. I have approached* some of the gayest looking girls only to find out they are straight but fortunately never got into trouble for it
I'm not great with the advice thing but am sure there's plenty more here.
best of luck


*got someone else to ask for me

LegacyUser

Im 18 and i know how you feel especially about having no gaydar i have probably had little experience working with the 6th gay sense.I was hesitant to go to a club but i really had fun and you would be suprised at how many lovely lipstick lesbians are there (if thats what your into) and other gay females alike. Hope i helped.

baby and crumble

Well first off, OP, don't feel bad. Gaydar isn't exactly a science, and of I'm honest I have none. Well, maybe a little, but that's more because I've been out for 10 years now, pretty much, and can read girls faces better. It's not that they 'look gay', for example, but more often than not their faces when they see or are introduced to me in some way says a lot- I look pretty gay, and I think they see that and have that same look on I had on my face when I was just coming out; one that simultaneously says "Oh GOD a lesbian what do I say so I don't make a twat of myself?" and "Oh GOD a lesbian I want to talk to her!!!"

As for 'the scene' I don't put a much stock in it for us girls, if I'm honest. It can be so difficult, unless you manage to find the womens club nights etc to know who is gay and who is straight and who will get offended when you approach them. I'm also not much of a one for nightclubs or pubs in general, though, so that may colour that side of the scene for me. BUT it must be stressed that the scene is made up of way more that pubs & clubs- there's all the groups in Outhouse in Dublin (www.outhouse.ie), there's college societies, there's walking groups, sports groups, Running amach (on meetup.com which is a great resource)... And yeah, you do end up meeting people in very random places too- I met my partner volunteering with the St. Vincent de Paul!!!

It's scary the first few times you try to talk to someone, but as you're pretty new out, I'd recommend not trying to score someone right away. Just relax, go out with some friends if you can coax them along (try one of the drag shows in the bars, like Sunday night in the George or Tuesday or Thursday night in Panti, if you're based in Dublin- most straight people I know my age and younger have great fun at them) and just dance and have fun first, get used to the new improved gay you before going on the prowl, so to speak. And who knows, maybe someone will approach you?

JayJay123

Thanks for your replys guys

And to zoegh your advice was great I really do appreciate it, thank you! Im not from Dublin and it would be a bit out of my way to go there just for one evening's group meeting..but I guess Im going to have to put some sort of effort in arnt I! So maybe I'll give Running Amach or some of them a go and see how I get on.

Thanks again gals

baby and crumble

Yeah, sorry, just spotted that you're in the south east... most places have some kind of social group whether it be a support group for coming out or a regular gay night. try www.gcn.ie, they have listings of what's happening all over the country.

Annasopra

zoegh wrote: »

Yeah, sorry, just spotted that you're in the south east... most places have some kind of social group whether it be a support group for coming out or a regular gay night. try www.gcn.ie, they have listings of what's happening all over the country.

GCN listings are always 2/3 years out of date

JayJay - Where in the southeast are you living? there are groups based in Waterford, Wexford, Carlow and Kilkenny

JayJay123

Im between Kilkenny and Waterford so either is ok for me. What kind of groups do you know?

Thanks Johnnymcg

Kanoe

I'm in Waterford JayJay, don't belong to any groups per se but I do know some people who do. btw, do you like footy?

JayJay123

zxy wrote: »

I'm in Waterford JayJay, don't belong to any groups per se but I do know some people who do. btw, do you like footy?

What types of groups are they do you know? Im just trying to get a feel of whats out there, thanks zxy. Yeah I like soccer too

Kanoe

I know some girls in the process of organising indoor footy (will pm you) I'm sure many of them would be involved in lgbt societies down here too, south lgbt is the only one I'm familiar with but I've never been involved so don't know much about it.

Annasopra

JayJay123 wrote: »

What types of groups are they do you know? Im just trying to get a feel of whats out there, thanks zxy. Yeah I like soccer too

Hi - I asked a friend of mine and she came back with this reply

There’s sOUTh in Waterford—Facebook page is sOUTh LGBT.
There’s Gay Wexford, also on Facebook.
There’s a group in Kilkenny, Gay Kilkenny, try facebook or if you can't find them I can get contact details

Suggest she come to the seminar on Friday, if she’s interested. She’ll meet some people there.

If you need more detailed info, let me know

The seminar she refers to is this

http://www.lgbtdiversity.com/event.aspx?title=lgbt_diversity_south_east_regional_seminar

She can give more detailed contacts if you need them

JayJay123

Wow thanks for that Johnnymcg, I really appreciate it and to your friend.

Ill deffinatly have a look at those Im sure I'll find something I'll like!

Thanks again