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Monday

  • 13-09-2010 10:13am
    #1
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭


    SHOCKING DISCOVERY IN MANCHESTER

    Police in Manchester last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Moss Side.

    Local residents were stunned.

    A community spokesman said:

    "We're shocked. We never knew we had a library!"

    ______________________________

    You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
    ______________________________

    Speaking of which, I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children’s' iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

    ______________________________

    Be careful what you tell a blonde!

    Blonde Phone Call

    "Hi Mum. How are you?"

    "Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at Home & Garden."

    "Yes, we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call."

    "Arrested! What happened?"

    "Oh, I punched this Caribbean woman in the head."

    "What on earth, why did you do that?"

    "Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."
    ______________________________

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat shirt.

    Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me:

    "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

    "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

    He yelled back: " Manchester United.”

    And they say blondes are dumb.
    ______________________________

    Never Lose Your Grandson!

    My small grandson got lost in the new Liverpool One shopping centre the other day.

    He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my granddad!"

    The guard asked, "What's his name?"

    "Granddad."

    The guard smiled, then asked: "What's he like?"

    The little tyke hesitated for a moment and then replied:




    "Red wine, and women with big tits."

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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