I don't like the way things are turning out..

LegacyUser

I'm in 5th year in school and I've never had a great circle of friends. I've always been the girl who sits with the group at lunch but never gets invited out or back to the house. My friends have always been quite mean to me, until last year I met this girl who seemed really nice.

We got on well, she was interesting and we (I think) became quite close. She was one of the first people I told I was gay. She reacted badly, but we're kind of back friends again now, until yesterday where we had this big conversation about stuff going on in our lives and she says "I'm intimidated of you because you're so smart". Apparently she says she feels like I'm judging her and a lot of the time I do get the feeling she doesn't get what I'm on about, but I still love her to bits and I don't know if I really like being seen as some weird alien who talks funny...I just found it really hurtful as I thought she kind of got me and now she's just saying she feels like everyone else does when I say how I really feel about things to them. Normally I just play dumb and say oh school is so hard blah blah and go along with popular opinion on issues but I thought I could be honest with her and I was wrong.

I've been trying to get away from this group of girls for ages and I did all the joining new things and meeting people. I met some nice girls but I'm not out to them as gay and we're not really similar at all. I don't really see it going anywhere.

So basically by the end of that I have no-one. I used to have gay friends, but then I came out to my parents and wasn't allowed to talk to them. They kind of forgot I existed. Is it wrong of me to want to just have a few gay friends? I just want to be honest for a change but I don't even know where to find other gay teens thats not belong2.
I just hate my life at the moment and I know that sounds really angsty and stupid, but I feel I've done all the things I'm supposed to do and its just not working.

Richy06

Your parents stopped you talking to your friends who are gay? That's not on at all. Soon you'll be going to college. Move away from home for college, it'll be like starting all over again and people aren't half as antiquated with their attitude toward people's sexuality in college. You said your smart? Then you'll probably do a good leaving and go to college. It may be a bit away, but it's something to look forward to! Trust me, once you get into college and move away from secondary school, things will get so much better.

Also these "friends" who are mean you? They aren't your friends. They're silly insecure little girls. Girls tend to like to keep around someone to be the butt of their jokes. Drop them! But chin up, things'll be ok in the future. Just keep on keeping on!

kjl

Tell your friend that you don't look down on her at all, that in fact you respect her for accepting you. You friend is just as self conscience as you, she thinks you think she is stupid, you have to show her that you don't think negative things like that about your friends.

Either way, just knuckle down and work really hard this year, and when you get to college you will make millions of friends who are gay, there is a hugh lgb culture in college and you will be totally accepted.

You may not like the way things are turning out, but you will soon learn that things change very quickly, life sucks at time, and sometimes its amazing. You have to take the bad with the good.

GL OP

Cian92

Reassure your friend that you don't judge her and don't mean to give out the air of being better than her.

Why did your parents cut off your contact with your gay friends? You are going to have to deal with that.

As somebody else said soon you will be in college, but you still have another 2 years in school, so your happiness now is paramount. Try making other friends, this could be difficult as cliques are probarly well formed by now. This girl you said was your friend make sure to make ammends with her. It was probarly just a misunderstanding.

Good luck! Secondary school is a cruel place.

LegacyUser

I've told her several times that I think she's brilliant. In fact I spent the entire conversation explaining how great she was and she spent it talking about herself and how I'm intimidating. I've had previous bad experiences with this girl and I don't know if I'm that bothered being anything more than acquaintances with her now to be honest. Its difficult though not to be friends with her because she's the only person I'm out to and therefore the only person I can talk to

The reason my parents stopped me talking to all my gay friends is because they thought I was being influenced by them (10 months down the line I'm still gay, so that didn't work) and they put me in counselling and didn't let me out very often. It was really **** in my house the first few months, and only now is it kind of getting back to normal. My mum still doesn't believe me but she's not being a bitch about it and my Dad's forgotten the thing ever happened but gives me about as much freedom as an 11 year old, and loses the head if I ask for any more freedom. One side of me knows that I've disappointed them terribly and I can't really blame them for their reaction and the other side of me says I will never forgive them for what they've done for the rest of my life, and the second half is a lot more vocal!! I want other friends, but I want them to be gay so I can be open with them and not be second guessing myself constantly, but my parents have made doing that virtually impossible and frankly terrified of what will happen if I do.

Richy06

I'd be supremely pissed off if I were in your position, with most of it being directed at your parents. How they're treating you if pretty disgusting, thinking that this is a phase you're going through. Maybe try talking to them and explain this is you and they'd better try and accept it. You haven't changed, you're still you!