feeling down about looks

LegacyUser

Recently i was at a party and there was a man there who was commenting how unattractive the girls were there (im a girl btw). He also asked me to my face who was i and who did i think was walking around the place when i wasnt.. then he drifted off here and he was implying that i was unattractive. The guys wit me shut him up fairly quickly tho. Then i was leaving wit my friend he called out to the other guys getting into the car wit us 'ye can go home wit the dogs'.

I wouldnt say im anything special. Its just being called a dog in front of people is mortifying. I was after drinking a bit too much at the party and it was only really the next day i kind of grasped exactly what he said to me. im really upset about it now tho.
has anyone other experiences of this and how do ye deal wit it?

Colonel_McCoy

Dont ever pay attention to what some random idiot says. He made a pr*ck of himself and obviously has some issues. Dont waster your time thinking about what he said! If we all paid attention to the comments from other people we would never leave the house!

LegacyUser

What a hate filled pri*ck! Tell him you don't like his boy band hair cut and his man boobs. Chances are it's true.

LegacyUser

Sense! wrote: »

What a hate filled pri*ck! Tell him you don't like his boy band hair cut and his man boobs. Chances are it's true.

Well said! I know there are times when I'd be sensitive to that kind of crap too but humour is the best way to deal with it.

Sanjuro

upsetgirl wrote: »

has anyone other experiences of this and how do ye deal wit it?

I once had my own cousin tell me to my face 'my god, you're ugly.' My own cousin! I'm a guy and she's a girl. Obviously, it shouldn't really have mattered, but it really, really hurt. And it's not like we were fighting, we were on good terms. And she actually meant it. Took me a while to get over it.

The thing is, beauty is all subjective. I've never thought I was the best looking guy by any stretch of the imagination. But I've learned that everything comes down to personality. I've dated some girls I thought were way out of my league looks-wise, but they liked me because I could make them laugh, and apparently I'm not an arse-hole! And I've known some absolute stunners who were pretty lacking in the personality department and thus weren't all that attractive.

Looks fade, OP. Personality is where it's at. This guy who said those nasty things. He's probably absolutely tortured inside and feels that bringing other people down is his only outlet. Rest assured, people like that often end up alone and friendless. Don't let his comments get to you. Your friends love you, and that's all that matters. Some random shit at a party is inconsequential in the bigger scheme of things.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Yeah i agree with the other posters that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I am a pretty girl but i know for a fact it is my personality that shines through more, sparkling eyes, beaming smile showing your spirit, is where its at !!! lol

no but take for instance some beautiful people who you meet at first glance, do you ever notice after a while that their face can become meaningless and blah?? Its people who are expressive and edgy that you remember.

Also i am now 32 years old and i have had mad insecurities about aging and putting on some weight, beauty fades, inner beauty doesn't, that guy sounded like an ugly person on the inside, everyone has insecurities, his may not be his looks- YET... but you can bet he is insecure to be so judgmental, he must have to live up to a lot in himself. Also he may have been freaked because no one was giving him any attention.


There is a saying that i think completely true, and that is... "there is nothing more attractive than a strong confident woman"

seamus

I've seen this happen before. The guy drinks too much, gets shot down by a girl or two, starts thinking back on all the women he ever fancied that he never got anywhere with, keeps drinking too much before finding a random attractive girl to dole out abuse on because he feels worthless and unattractive himself.

You'll encounter it in clubs and pubs too - idiots go up to women, and when they get shot down they'll respond, "Ah you're only a minger anyway". Don't take it personally; These are guys who have serious issues with women, you're just unfortunate enough to have met one.

Take solace - it generally means that he found you attractive but decided that abusing you was better than talking to you because somewhere in his drunk scumbag mind he thinks you deserved it for being one of the attractive people. You probably don't even know the guy.

Da GOAT

as a guy myself you shud just 4get about it. tons and tons of guys are retarded, its mostly likely the case where he isnt happy with himself. OR his ego will generally let him fall flat on his face in future.

IrishEyes19

Ouch, OP, don't even think on it!! Once had a guy in a club a while ago ask me if I had left my sense of fashion at the door. Hurt like crazy at the time as I was only gone 18, spent ages getting ready for that night out and one comment knocked me for quite a while after. Even though plenty of friends guys and girls commented on how nice I looked that night or afterwards, that one comment knocked me so much.

I think it shows how we often dismiss the good things people say about us everyday, we could be told everyday how pretty we look or nice or kind and then just once someone, a stranger in fact says something mean about us and it hurts like a knife to the heart even though we've been told otherwise many times.

You have to distance yourself from this comments, OP, just like you would if you were a doctor or a social worker working with all kinds of people. These people I believe dont even realise the hurt they cause the person, and when they go home, they cant even put a name to the face they've hurt.

And another thought too, alcohol gives fellas some level of confidence when they've had a little too much. Its like walking down the street on a night out and when they randomly comment at you, as you walk by with your friends. Take nothing from it.

ooh and I happened to see that same guy who commented on my "fashion sense" a year later in a club on a night out. For my satisfaction and your peace of mind, OP, he was slumped against a seat in the club quite drunk with a very pretty girl who couldn't have looked more disgusted if she tried. I was at the bar with my girls happy out!! And leaving looks aside, I couldn't have felt anymore beautiful and confident in myself than I did that night! So you do the same and disregard that idiots comment. There's something missing in that guys head if he feels he has to enlarge his own feeling of self worth by commenting on the looks of girls he doesnt even know.

Sound Bite

OP, dont take the comments of a drunken bitter fool to heart.

Seamus' post above is spot on.

Some (thankfully) not all men deal very badly with rejection & lash out at women in general afterwards.

Also, he referred to all the women at the party as dogs not just you. Obviously there weren't and neither are you.

His comments reflect badly on him not you.

Dudess

That guy was acting like a total nut-job - you definitely shouldn't prioritise the ramblings of one wacko over the majority of normal, civil people. I understand how you would though, seeing as it was so extreme and it'd be hard to get something like that out of your head, but it's so, so not worth wasting energy on.

Cullen82

upsetgirl wrote: »

Recently i was at a party and there was a man there who was commenting how unattractive the girls were there (im a girl btw). He also asked me to my face who was i and who did i think was walking around the place when i wasnt.. then he drifted off here and he was implying that i was unattractive. The guys wit me shut him up fairly quickly tho. Then i was leaving wit my friend he called out to the other guys getting into the car wit us 'ye can go home wit the dogs'.

I wouldnt say im anything special. Its just being called a dog in front of people is mortifying. I was after drinking a bit too much at the party and it was only really the next day i kind of grasped exactly what he said to me. im really upset about it now tho.
has anyone other experiences of this and how do ye deal wit it?

Ha sorry but I did laugh at your post thinking about what a gobsh!te that fella was!

To be honest it might be down to my age (28) but I have found in recent years that I genuinely only gravitate towards girls who are funny or interesting to talk to now regardless of how "beautiful" they are.....

On the flip side & I Might get lashed out of it on Boards for saying this but I don't think I'm a strikingly good looking bloke by any stretch of the imagination....Okay I'm doing my best not to call myself ugly here......But anyway I do very well when it comes to attracting the opposite sex (sometimes it takes a while), extremely well in comparison to any of my "good looking" mates anyway.

So my point is if you just feel happy about yourself and start accepting how you look a bit more none of this will matter - It's called confidence and guys love this as much as girls do

It's not cliche - it's actually true

freakmagnet

I was in the smoking area of a bar once - a busy area, and exchanged a few words with the girl next to me. Her BF comes up and says 'You're a bit ugly to be talking to my GF aren't you?!' He said it in a joking way. I took a few steps out of their space and heard them sniggering between themselves - in a kind of, i know you were serious BF, but he just might have thought you were joking! Harsh! Its a night ruiner...

Some people are just hateful and mean-spirited, mix that in with a dose of misogyny and you get comments like that as a result, OP. You can see it a mile off, guys who have been rejected by loads of girls (probably for being d1ckheads) and then they walk around insulting every woman they see. Just the other night, on the first night out I've had in about a year, I was waiting for my mate to come back from the bar and this guy at the table next to us asked me the time. I was polite but not overly friendly and then he starting saying 'who do you think you are? You're not that pretty. Bet you don't even have a boyfriend' etc. WTF like? I was sitting there completely minding my own business, just wanting to have a nice night out with a friend. I can't stand men who act like that. I've been screwed over by men in the past, should I walk around being horrid to 50% of the people I meet? It's pathetic.

LegacyUser

OP it goes to show from all the similar stories that people have that it happens a lot. Basically there are a lot of insecure dickheads out there who feel they have to belittle other people to make themselves feel better. Be thankful you're not one of them. That guy is going to end up old and alone if he continues that attitude because nobody will want to be with a **** like that. Chin up, OP!

Zen65

upsetgirl wrote: »

Recently i was at a party and there was a man there who was commenting how unattractive the girls were there (im a girl btw).

It does really sound as though he has "inferiority" issues and may have simply been lashing out at others around him. Perhaps a woman had rejected him and he was trying to make himself feel better? Who knows!

I don't think you should attach any importance to this man, nor his comments.


Be at peace,

Z

madbev90210

hey op, i have mega issues around my appearance, (all self fuelled) and usually no one says anything to me. I was working as a lounge girl recently and at the end of the nite when the music was finished a drunk lad stood up in front of everyone and shouted "your in bits", cue instant, anger, mortification and embarassment. I veered between smashing a glass in his face to a sudden calm realisation that it was he who in fact was an absolute nothing for attempting to put me down without knowing me.
I was also recently compared to my younger beautiful sister and questioned how we could be related when after MUCH reassurance from my boyfriend I realised we're simply never able to please everyone! Dont let it get to you too much OP, im sure your perfect as you are!

LegacyUser

To OP:

Girl have i been there!!
Im a girl too
and i have been told to model, im beautiful etc..

But I have also been told by strangers that I'm fat, I look pregnant, that I look disgustingly skinny, that I should eat more, that I am so minging.

As a guy posted above said, I think that a lot of the times when a guy gets drunk and shot down he can get very bitter and insulting.
Please dont take it personally I know its hard ...I've been down for days over something some ar*ehole has said to me. But it really will make u stronger in the long run if you can overcome that incident now.

Your not alone most of my girl friends & I have dealt with this at least once it's crap but try to rise above it.
Its not personal