Ex is a mess

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 9:30am #1

Hey,

Will keep this brief. Going unreg as you wouldn't know who'd be reading. Broke up with ex some months ago, he was a bit of an ass to me. I was fine, then it hit me and I was really upset. We had a big row and he was so mean to me. Then he spent a few days with me, led me to believe we were getting back together and walked out and said goodbye and that was it. That was over 2 months ago he's since seeing someone else and has not spoken to me. After all the heartbreak I am feeling happy and back to myself and would have thought all his malicious attempts to hurt me were done with. Well to give you a picture I live in a village with one pub which myself and him used to frequent, for dinner drinks became friendly with the locals etc. If one showed up without the other it would be wheres himself or herself? You get the image. He lives a good 3 miles away in town where's there 25 pubs and the same if not more restaurants.

Found it he was up with the new gf a couple of weeks ago in the local pub, they were going to order food but left after drinks instead. This place is 3 doors up from where I live. Is he doing this to get at me or whats his problem? In a way it's made me realise even more that i'm better off without him his new gf hasn't a patch on me and I would never take him back. I'm just wondering from a guys perspective is this normal behavious should I be prepared to run into him up there?

ash23 · 08-09-2010 11:05am

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Hey,

Will keep this brief. Going unreg as you wouldn't know who'd be reading. Broke up with ex some months ago, he was a bit of an ass to me. I was fine, then it hit me and I was really upset. We had a big row and he was so mean to me. Then he spent a few days with me, led me to believe we were getting back together and walked out and said goodbye and that was it. That was over 2 months ago he's since seeing someone else and has not spoken to me. After all the heartbreak I am feeling happy and back to myself and would have thought all his malicious attempts to hurt me were done with. Well to give you a picture I live in a village with one pub which myself and him used to frequent, for dinner drinks became friendly with the locals etc. If one showed up without the other it would be wheres himself or herself? You get the image. He lives a good 3 miles away in town where's there 25 pubs and the same if not more restaurants.

Found it he was up with the new gf a couple of weeks ago in the local pub, they were going to order food but left after drinks instead. This place is 3 doors up from where I live. Is he doing this to get at me or whats his problem? In a way it's made me realise even more that i'm better off without him his new gf hasn't a patch on me and I would never take him back. I'm just wondering from a guys perspective is this normal behavious should I be prepared to run into him up there?

I think you're reading too much into it which is normal enough. Reality is that he's moved on and when he decides to go for dinner, you probably don't enter his thoughts.
Maybe they were passing. Or he likes the food/atmosphere in that particular place.

I doubt he was playing games or anything.
I've been there too, where you're second guessing everything he does because you aren't fully over what happened. Where the other person isn't even thinking like that as they've moved on.
It'll pass.

ManOfMystery · 08-09-2010 11:11am

Perhaps they were passing and it was the handiest place to call in?
Perhaps he wanted to introduce the new gf to the people in the pub who he has become friendly with?
Perhaps they were meeting someone from your area?
Perhaps he likes that pub better than the ones in his town?

Perhaps his reason for being in that pub has nothing to do with you at all?

Running into exes (and their new partners) is an unfortunate fact of life, it happens a lot when relationships end. Your ex has only been to this pub once so I doubt very much he's trying to rub your nose in it, there could be a multitude of reasons for this. It would be healthier for you to focus on moving on and not worrying about what your ex is doing.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 11:39am

I couldn't give a ****e what he's doing,I have a really gorgeous guy on the cards who my ex doesn't even come close to.He has several pubs in town where he drinks/eats and all his buddies go to them, his drinking buddies don't go to the local beside me and he doesn't know anyone else really out that area, except for the locals we'd be friendly with. He wouldn't have been passing its 3 miles out of his way, you'd need to know how he operates I guess. Just can't see why he's insisting on being an ass, I was supposed to go on a date and he wanted to go to this pub for handiness and I said no don't want to make people uncomfortable and dont' want my business getting back to the ex.

ash23 · 08-09-2010 11:53am

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

I couldn't give a ****e what he's doing,I have a really gorgeous guy on the cards who my ex doesn't even come close to.

So why are you getting so worked up over it? Maybe he's being an ass, maybe he's just being inconsiderate......if you don't care, well, don't care!

He has several pubs in town where he drinks/eats and all his buddies go to them, his drinking buddies don't go to the local beside me and he doesn't know anyone else really out that area, except for the locals we'd be friendly with. He wouldn't have been passing its 3 miles out of his way, you'd need to know how he operates I guess.

It's not that absurd that he went 3 miles out of his way for dinner. Maybe his new girlfriend loves the place. God only knows but fact is he went there. I often travel to go to my fave pub/place to eat. Or simply get sick of eating in the same places in town and venture furthur afield. nothing sinister in my motives.

Just can't see why he's insisting on being an ass, I was supposed to go on a date and he wanted to go to this pub for handiness and I said no don't want to make people uncomfortable and dont' want my business getting back to the ex.

Thats your choice. Don't go there then but you can't expect your ex and his gf to avoid every place you might frequent. i often run into my ex and his gf in the local supermarket, on the road, in the estate, on the bus..it's crap but you just have to chalk it up to life and living near an ex.

He's clearly hurt you, you're very angry with him. But you can't assume every move he makes is about you. Nor can you continue to live your life around him and where he may/may not be.

Just try to put him out of your mind and focus on the new guy. Because I can't imagine he'd be happy knowing your ex is on your mind.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 12:07pm

ash23 wrote: »

So why are you getting so worked up over it? Maybe he's being an ass, maybe he's just being inconsiderate......if you don't care, well, don't care!

It's not that absurd that he went 3 miles out of his way for dinner. Maybe his new girlfriend loves the place. God only knows but fact is he went there. I often travel to go to my fave pub/place to eat. Or simply get sick of eating in the same places in town and venture furthur afield. nothing sinister in my motives.

Thats your choice. Don't go there then but you can't expect your ex and his gf to avoid every place you might frequent. i often run into my ex and his gf in the local supermarket, on the road, in the estate, on the bus..it's crap but you just have to chalk it up to life and living near an ex.

He's clearly hurt you, you're very angry with him. But you can't assume every move he makes is about you. Nor can you continue to live your life around him and where he may/may not be.

Just try to put him out of your mind and focus on the new guy. Because I can't imagine he'd be happy knowing your ex is on your mind.

He hasn't hurt me by doing this, he's actually helped me move on because it shows how selfish he is knowing he would be making things uncomfortable for everyone. It's pathetic that he won't give me my space, if it was a guy writing this thread Ash saying his ex drove to the one place she was most likely to bump into him she'd be called a Bunny Boiler. His new gf has never been in the place in the 3 years i've been going there.

sbsquarepants · 08-09-2010 12:39pm

Ex is a mess??
Sounds more like you are a mess to be honest. The short answer is who cares why he was in the pub, it could be innocent (though I doubt that to be honest). He could be rubbing your nose in it (he can only do that if you take the bait). Or maybe he just wants to make it absolutely clear that it's over between you for whatever reason (have you been ringing/texting him for example?)
I think you need to move on and realise that whatever your ex does is absolutely none of your concern, don't waste your time and energy even thinking about it! Trust me, you'll be happier for it in the long run. Best of luck

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 12:46pm

I am male and would think he is defintely trying to piss you off. If he had any respect for you he would keep out of the area. Personally I have not seem one of my ex's for a while but know area where she works, lives now and an event they she is going attending in a few weeks time.(all found online) not going out stalking her to find this info. freely avaiable online. If anything I keep out of the said areas to avoid her, and now if i do run into her in some other place in city it will be innocent. Places she is based in city I have no reason to be their. Also i would not bring a new girlfriend to old haunts i shared with her and certaintly would not bring her to a pub a few doors down from ex.

Also he would have been aware been seem with her, would have got back to you via people you both know

You have everyright to be pissed off, but dont allow him know it is getting to you

good luck

Moomoo1 · 08-09-2010 1:05pm

you said he was friendly with the locals... maybe he wanted to introduce his new gf to them?

maybe he thinks you are over him and so there is no problem him going to places you frequent?

maybe he really liked the pub?

Seriously, you are reading too much into this. It's not like you told him to stay away from there or anything...

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 1:05pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Ex is a mess??
Sounds more like you are a mess to be honest. The short answer is who cares why he was in the pub, it could be innocent (though I doubt that to be honest). He could be rubbing your nose in it (he can only do that if you take the bait). Or maybe he just wants to make it absolutely clear that it's over between you for whatever reason (have you been ringing/texting him for example?)
I think you need to move on and realise that whatever your ex does is absolutely none of your concern, don't waste your time and energy even thinking about it! Trust me, you'll be happier for it in the long run. Best of luck

Are the insults necessary, yes i'm a mess thats why my life has improved 10 fold since I broke up with him. I haven't rang or text him in nearly 2 months. I have moved on are you missing the point, most normal people when they break up with people don't go out of their way to run into their exes. I am well past moved on. I laughed when I heard the ex was up there.

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 1:16pm

Moomoo1 wrote: »

you said he was friendly with the locals... maybe he wanted to introduce his new gf to them?

maybe he thinks you are over him and so there is no problem him going to places you frequent?

maybe he really liked the pub?

Seriously, you are reading too much into this. It's not like you told him to stay away from there or anything...

I actually did, not told him so much but asked him and told him it would be unfair of me to go to his local pubs, neighbourhood etc.

Friendly as in he'd have a chat to them and maybe a drink with them if they were out, not ringing them or meeting them.

Whereas I live in the area arrange to meet people, socialise together etc. A girl would be called a bunny boiler if she did what he's doing.

ash23 · 08-09-2010 1:46pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

He hasn't hurt me by doing this, he's actually helped me move on because it shows how selfish he is knowing he would be making things uncomfortable for everyone. It's pathetic that he won't give me my space, if it was a guy writing this thread Ash saying his ex drove to the one place she was most likely to bump into him she'd be called a Bunny Boiler. His new gf has never been in the place in the 3 years i've been going there.

Nope, if your post was written by a bloke I'd have given the same response.
If there were a repeated pattern of him showing up where you were, sitting outside your house, showing up at your workplace etc, then I'd say you have a point.
But one time, he went to one pub? Come on. You're being over the top.

I have a local. And it's a different place to my exs local. He never goes there. If I walked in one night and he were there, I'd assume he had a good reason to be, not that he was following me.

You said yourself that the pair of you went there a lot. Maybe he liked the food? Maybe his gf heard of the place and wanted to see it?

Why do you even care?
And don't say you don't, because it's obvious you do.

You feel he's rubbing your nose in it? You feel he's flaunting his new relationship? You feel like he's flaunting how "over" you he is?
What is it thats actually bothering you?

Do you think he's a bunny boiler? Has he done anything aside from this isolated incident?

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 1:54pm

Ash why are you hell bent on making this about about something its not, I don't give a ****e about him, the pub is as old as the hills the new gf has lived in the area years, its not just lets go there for dinner. I want him to respect my space like I do his, its my local and somewhere i've made friends, not him, somewhere I enjoy going and I wish he'd just let me enjoy that without us bumping into each other and things being weird for everyone.

The whole point of this thread was to get peoples views on whether this was a one off thing to get to me or if I should prepared to see him up there the whole time. I wouldn't stay there if he was there not because of him but because I wouldn't be selfish enough to make things weird for everyone. Do you get my point its missing out on going to the pub that i'd be raging about, not the ex.

ash23 · 08-09-2010 2:54pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Ash why are you hell bent on making this about about something its not, I don't give a ****e about him, the pub is as old as the hills the new gf has lived in the area years, its not just lets go there for dinner. I want him to respect my space like I do his, its my local and somewhere i've made friends, not him, somewhere I enjoy going and I wish he'd just let me enjoy that without us bumping into each other and things being weird for everyone.

Eh, you posted asking for opinions. This is mine. You are over reacting. You cannot dictate where he goes. he may be trying to piss you off but personally, unless it's a regular occurance then I don't think he is. You haven't said anything else about any other times so it appears it's an isolated incident and you are making mountains out of molehills. My advice, having been in this position is to get over any idea you have in your head that he owes you any consideration. He doesn't. He won't consider you when trying to go for a pint. He won't think about how it looks to you or how you will feel about it.
He is only concerned about himself and his new girlfriend. In my experience I read too much into things, metioned them to the ex to be met with a bewildered look as to why things would have upset me. Because he had moved on at that time and I had not. It's not about being over him o having feelings for him. it's about not being over the breakup to the extent that he is. And if he's the one who ended it then he is farthar along in the process than you.

The whole point of this thread was to get peoples views on whether this was a one off thing to get to me or if I should prepared to see him up there the whole time. I wouldn't stay there if he was there not because of him but because I wouldn't be selfish enough to make things weird for everyone. Do you get my point its missing out on going to the pub that i'd be raging about, not the ex.

So its about the pub now? Fair enough.

In that case, go there a few times. See if you run into him. If not then no issue. If you do then you've a choice. Brazen it out or get a new local.

pollypocket10 · 08-09-2010 3:12pm

OP being honest, if you were over your ex it wouldn't bother you in the slightest that he is in the same pub as you.

He might decide to go there every week or you might see him once in a blue moon but to be honest that's his prerogative.

If you think it's too hard to see him and no longer want to attend the pub then thats yours, but it is YOU who has the problem.

IrishEyes19 · 08-09-2010 4:47pm

guys, this is getting a little nasty.

OP, I think too however you feel that you are over this guy, you may not still have romantic feelings for him, but I think you are still a little hurt over how he treated you in the end and this thread is a way of expressing this, the above poster is right, if you were totally over this, it really wouldnt matter. Its hard to say if he's doing this to annoy you or what, But to be honest I doubt it for the reason that he would have gotten in touch again after two months. Truth is, he may have made friends there, and they called him in or that his ex knows people there.

I dont think Ash is targetting you here or being unfair, I think they want you to see that you really arent as over this as you think you are. Its clearly eating at you and you dont see it.

Maybe just avoid the pub for a while though if you feel he may be doing this purposely...best of luck!!!

LegacyUser · 08-09-2010 4:54pm

I think ye are being unfair on the OP here. This is her spot - next door to her. not in his village where his friends are!

I tell you what OP, I only have one ex that I despise. And I finished it with him over 3 years ago. But if he ever had the cheek to come into my neck of the woods, knowing that this is where I'd be I tell you there'd be war!

If he was any way decent he'd stay away if there was a bad breakup. Fine if things ended alright between you two but if it was bad then of course he is not being considerate.

And if you're like me, this has nothing to do with 'being over your ex' it has to do with breakup etiquette!

I wouldn't stop going though there if I were you. If anything I'd go and make my presence known, that this is YOUR space, not his! Don't let him drive you out of your local girl!

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 7:04am

raging id be! wrote: »

I think ye are being unfair on the OP here. This is her spot - next door to her. not in his village where his friends are!

I tell you what OP, I only have one ex that I despise. And I finished it with him over 3 years ago. But if he ever had the cheek to come into my neck of the woods, knowing that this is where I'd be I tell you there'd be war!

If he was any way decent he'd stay away if there was a bad breakup. Fine if things ended alright between you two but if it was bad then of course he is not being considerate.

And if you're like me, this has nothing to do with 'being over your ex' it has to do with breakup etiquette!

I wouldn't stop going though there if I were you. If anything I'd go and make my presence known, that this is YOUR space, not his! Don't let him drive you out of your local girl!

Thanks for this. I have no intention of finding a new local, getting a taxi 3 miles out of my way in to town and back out just to avoid him, I don't think so. This is not eating me in the slightest as another poster mentioned, as I stated in my OP the point of this thread was to get peoples opinions on whether this was about revenge is he likely to do it again. The new gf has never been in my area in the years i've been living there so its not about her meeting friends. I've not problem brazen it out if he's there but I wouldn't put everyone else in that uncomfortable environment.

StarryMoon0 · 09-09-2010 9:19am

Am I correct that this has happened once?

If so, well, how can anyone make a judegement on that basis?

If it happens week after week, then yes, there's a problem.

Once just means they stopped for a drink, maybe to say hi to a few friends he had made there. Or is it the case that he is not allowed to come anywhere near anything to do with you??

sbsquarepants · 09-09-2010 9:45am

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Are the insults necessary, yes i'm a mess thats why my life has improved 10 fold since I broke up with him. I haven't rang or text him in nearly 2 months. I have moved on are you missing the point, most normal people when they break up with people don't go out of their way to run into their exes. I am well past moved on. I laughed when I heard the ex was up there.

Im sorry, I honestly didn't mean that as any sort of insult. I've been in your position, I know how crappy it feels and I certainly didn't mean to make you feel any worse, I feel really bad that I did. I just mean it sounds like you haven't gotten over the break up yet and the more you concern yourself with what your ex is up to, the longer that is going to take you. Believe me it's good advice, learned the hard way! If you want to be happy, you have to let go. That's all i meant

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 10:36am

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Im sorry, I honestly didn't mean that as any sort of insult. I've been in your position, I know how crappy it feels and I certainly didn't mean to make you feel any worse, I feel really bad that I did. I just mean it sounds like you haven't gotten over the break up yet and the more you concern yourself with what your ex is up to, the longer that is going to take you. Believe me it's good advice, learned the hard way! If you want to be happy, you have to let go. That's all i meant

It's okay i've been called worse

I'm not concerned honestly I think it's hilarous that he is trying to flaunt the new gf in my face. She's 11 years older than me, nothing to look at and I am already in a better job, better educated than her and live in a nicer apartment. Sorry if that sounds shallow and superficial but its the truth. I have let go of him i've done a lot of work to pick myself back up and i'm a much happier person. Its just p****g me off that he won't let me enjoy this one little thing. I mean it was really malicious the way he left things, fair enough he got his revenge on me for breaking up with him, it hurt like hell and now i'm over it, so go be over somewhere else let me have my fun and you have yours. The irony was when he left things he was all like don't text me or ring me you need to let me go, we can't see each other. Right so going out of your way to bump into me is going to achieve this. He even sat at the same table we used to sit at, how pathetic.

I honestly am over him, since I broke up with him i've signed up to do a major charity event, going back to do an evening degree, i've lost a stone and a half, look better, i've met a guy who I think they're might be a real spark with, fancy him like mad. I've met amazing new friends.This is why i'm getting annoyed with people saying this is eating me, i'm not over it. It couldn't be further from the truth. I just want him to not be on my doorstep, don't think thats too much to ask.

CDfm · 09-09-2010 11:33am

I think he was inconsiderate and because it is in your neighbourhood and the only pub and is yournlocal where would he expect you to go.

Maybe it was not intentional but he would get marks for stupidity if there was a stupid exam.

Perhaps he was making a point - a bit silly but he got up and left so maybe he has learned something.

I am with you on the being petty stakes and while you shouldn't compare everyone does.

pollypocket10 · 09-09-2010 12:11pm

Op being honest, if you are over it like you say, I'm finding it hard to figure out what the problem is?

Why don't you want him in the pub? Who is it making things uncomfortable for?

Just to give you an example, I have an ex who mixes in the same social circle as me. We had a bad break up and while he isn't someone who I would particularly like to speak to, it doesn't bother me when he is around. He is always there on nights out, he brings people he's dating etc. It doesn't bother me or stop me from enjoying my night in anyway. I'm over him so he's just someone in the background.

So if it's not a case of you finding it upsetting because you are still very hurt or have feelings or whatever, then what is the problem?

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 12:13pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

the point of this thread was to get peoples opinions on whether this was about revenge is he likely to do it again.

I don't think it's anything to do with revenge. I think he just went to the pub to get a drink. I don't know if he'll do it again because I've never met him.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 12:26pm

pollypocket10 wrote: »

Op being honest, if you are over it like you say, I'm finding it hard to figure out what the problem is?

Why don't you want him in the pub? Who is it making things uncomfortable for?

Just to give you an example, I have an ex who mixes in the same social circle as me. We had a bad break up and while he isn't someone who I would particularly like to speak to, it doesn't bother me when he is around. He is always there on nights out, he brings people he's dating etc. It doesn't bother me or stop me from enjoying my night in anyway. I'm over him so he's just someone in the background.

So if it's not a case of you finding it upsetting because you are still very hurt or have feelings or whatever, then what is the problem?

Well everyone knows everyone in the pub, some people I would say don't even know we're finished. I doubt the new gf even knows I exist. It just gonna cause a weird atmosphere.

John Mason · 09-09-2010 12:45pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

. The new gf has never been in my area in the years i've been living there so its not about her meeting friends. .

this is quiet worrying - how do you know she hasnt been in "your" area in years :eek:

She might have family and friends there that you dont know about or that they might just moved to the area.

and tbh 3 miles inst really going out of his way to the pub. my local is 3 miles from my house and i walk there and back, yes, there are pubs closer but i prefer the one 3 miles away.

you are over-reacting, if it starts happening on weekly basis well then i could understand you being so upset but it has only happened once.

John Mason · 09-09-2010 12:47pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

I'm not concerned honestly I think it's hilarous that he is trying to flaunt the new gf in my face. She's 11 years older than me, nothing to look at and I am already in a better job, better educated than her and live in a nicer apartment.

Ohhhhh, you are not over this guy. you need to take a step back and have a read over everything you have just written - imagine it was written by a third party

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 12:52pm

irishbird wrote: »

this is quiet worrying - how do you know she hasnt been in "your" area in years :eek:

She might have family and friends there that you dont know about or that they might just moved to the area.

and tbh 3 miles inst really going out of his way to the pub. my local is 3 miles from my house and i walk there and back, yes, there are pubs closer but i prefer the one 3 miles away.

you are over-reacting, if it starts happening on weekly basis well then i could understand you being so upset but it has only happened once.

If you cared to read my post properly you would see I said i've never seen the new gf in my area in the years i've lived there.

If you had 25 pubs and ample amounts of restaurants/takeaways in your immediate vacinity would you still drive out of your way meaning you can't have a drink in peace to the one place you're most likely to drive into your ex.

pollypocket10 · 09-09-2010 1:06pm

Sounsure wrote: »

Well everyone knows everyone in the pub, some people I would say don't even know we're finished. I doubt the new gf even knows I exist. It just gonna cause a weird atmosphere.

It really won't, it might be a bit of gossip for all of ten minutes. I really doubt that everyone is is that invested in your relationship that they will be made feel uncomfortable

Also it's not your area. You don't have rights to the land :rolleyes:

I really think you need to grow up and build a bridge

CDfm · 09-09-2010 1:19pm

pollypocket10 wrote: »

Op being honest, if you are over it like you say, I'm finding it hard to figure out what the problem is?

Why don't you want him in the pub? Who is it making things uncomfortable for?

pollypocket10 wrote: »

It really won't, it might be a bit of gossip for all of ten minutes. I really doubt that everyone is is that invested in your relationship that they will be made feel uncomfortable

Also it's not your area. You don't have rights to the land

I really think you need to grow up and build a bridge

of course its uncomfortable to be socialising in the same place as an ex in a small village.

Things have been said etc and given he has a choice of 25 pubs where he lives etc.Common sense should tell him to take a break from the place. The only reason he went there before was convenience to her appartment.

stupid things happen in pubs cos they serve drink and people are not always on their best behavior.

I cant believe some of the posts here and people are rarely at their best behaviour in pubs with drink and ex's.

pollypocket10 · 09-09-2010 1:36pm

CDfm wrote: »

of course its uncomfortable to be socialising in the same place as an ex in a small village.

I can understand that if there were still feelings involved but the OP is quite adamant that there isn't. So I don't see any other reason for it to be uncomfortable.

CDfm wrote: »

Things have been said etc and given he has a choice of 25 pubs where he lives etc.Common sense should tell him to take a break from the place. The only reason he went there before was convenience to her appartment.

You have no idea why he went there before? Maybe he really likes the food, maybe he likes the atmosphere or the people? The OP said that in the past if one was there without the other they'd be asking where the other was, so he clearly went to the pub without the OP on occasion. They could have been in the area for any number reasons that the OP doesn't know about. Regardless, he and his gf are entitled to go to this pub.

CDfm wrote: »

stupid things happen in pubs cos they serve drink and people are not always on their best behavior.

I cant believe some of the posts here and people are rarely at their best behaviour in pubs with drink and ex's.

You make it sound like some student bar with a load of drunken louts causing trouble. There is no reason to think that the couple were out getting trashed.

Reading between the lines the went for some drinks and dinner, but left when the OP arrived, maybe because her ex believed it might be uncomfortable for her or maybe because she made them uncomfortable with her behaviour.

IrishEyes19 · 09-09-2010 1:42pm

pollypocket10 wrote: »

I can understand that if there were still feelings involved but the OP is quite adamant that there isn't. So I don't see any other reason for it to be uncomfortable.

You have no idea why he went there before? Maybe he really likes the food, maybe he likes the atmosphere or the people? The OP said that in the past if one was there without the other they'd be asking where the other was, so he clearly went to the pub without the OP on occasion. They could have been in the area for any number reasons that the OP doesn't know about. Regardless, he and his gf are entitled to go to this pub.

You make it sound like some student bar with a load of drunken louts causing trouble. There is no reason to think that the couple were out getting trashed.

Reading between the lines the went for some drinks and dinner, but left when the OP arrived, maybe because her ex believed it might be uncomfortable for her or maybe because she made them uncomfortable with her behaviour.

I agree here. The OP does not sound like she's over him and out of respect for the OP, I understand how you feel, perhaps slightly irked that he went to your local, but honestly most people when over a relationship don't feel threatened anymore by these things happening and sure look it's only been two months since you contacted him, so obviously its still a bit raw.

I honestly feel you should forget it now, if it happens again then obviously its a bit odd. But sure how could your ex even know what nights or time you would be in there. Furthermore guys that break up with girls, unless they regret it, dont usually out of their way to hurt their exes's. They move on.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 1:58pm

pollypocket10 wrote: »

I can understand that if there were still feelings involved but the OP is quite adamant that there isn't. So I don't see any other reason for it to be uncomfortable.

You have no idea why he went there before? Maybe he really likes the food, maybe he likes the atmosphere or the people? The OP said that in the past if one was there without the other they'd be asking where the other was, so he clearly went to the pub without the OP on occasion. They could have been in the area for any number reasons that the OP doesn't know about. Regardless, he and his gf are entitled to go to this pub.

You make it sound like some student bar with a load of drunken louts causing trouble. There is no reason to think that the couple were out getting trashed.

Reading between the lines the went for some drinks and dinner, but left when the OP arrived, maybe because her ex believed it might be uncomfortable for her or maybe because she made them uncomfortable with her behaviour.

Eh that's not reading between the lines that's making stuff up, I wasn't in the pub when they were there. What are you talking about my behaviour?

CDfm · 09-09-2010 1:59pm

pollypocket10 wrote: »

You have no idea why he went there before?

But it is her local and if she was going out is where she would be.

Reading between the lines the went for some drinks and dinner, but left when the OP arrived, maybe because her ex believed it might be uncomfortable for her or maybe because she made them uncomfortable with her behaviour.

They broke up and he was in touch and she believed they were getting back together so he has been a bit of a sh** post break up. Sohe knew she had some feelings for him. You break upwith someone but you dont rub their nose in it.

So what if the OP is not fully over him -he has an idea that was the case .He has every right to be there but common sense should have told him that it was a bad idea.

A bit arrogant of him and he should respect the OP's feelings and space and if she felt odd about the situation she has that right -especially if it had been "their place".

An eejit.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2010 2:00pm

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I agree here. The OP does not sound like she's over him and out of respect for the OP, I understand how you feel, perhaps slightly irked that he went to your local, but honestly most people when over a relationship don't feel threatened anymore by these things happening and sure look it's only been two months since you contacted him, so obviously its still a bit raw.

I honestly feel you should forget it now, if it happens again then obviously its a bit odd. But sure how could your ex even know what nights or time you would be in there. Furthermore guys that break up with girls, unless they regret it, dont usually out of their way to hurt their exes's. They move on.

He's already proved he enjoys going out of his way to annoy me.

Moomoo1 · 09-09-2010 3:16pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

He's already proved he enjoys going out of his way to annoy me.

I think that's what you desperately want to believe.

coolcat63 · 09-09-2010 5:06pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

He's already proved he enjoys going out of his way to annoy me.

How has he done that?

IrishEyes19 · 09-09-2010 5:14pm

OP, for your own peace of mind you need to move on and forget about him. I can almost guess that he isn't thinking about this right now or obsessing that he might run into you in that pub!!! Move on and find someone who is worth your time.

Zen65 · 09-09-2010 6:03pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

I couldn't give a ****e what he's doing,I have a really gorgeous guy on the cards who my ex doesn't even come close to.

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

In a way it's made me realise even more that i'm better off without him his new gf hasn't a patch on me and I would never take him back.

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

She's 11 years older than me, nothing to look at and I am already in a better job, better educated than her and live in a nicer apartment. Sorry if that sounds shallow and superficial but its the truth.
....
I honestly am over him, since I broke up with him i've signed up to do a major charity event, going back to do an evening degree, i've lost a stone and a half, look better, i've met a guy who I think they're might be a real spark with, fancy him like mad. I've met amazing new friends.

These are all very competitive comments. Reading your posts it reminds me of the film "War of the Roses". The lesson could be summed up by saying.."when love has ended, just move on and live your life as best you can without checking on what or how your ex is doing".

If you're over him, can you not live and let live? It would be the bigger thing to do.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser · 10-09-2010 6:47am

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I think that's what you desperately want to believe.

Yes, I want to believe my ex wants to annoy me that doesn't make any sense. He already went out of his way to spend a weekend with me leading me to believe we were getting back together and then walked out, purely to get back at me.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2010 6:49am

Zen65 wrote: »

These are all very competitive comments. Reading your posts it reminds me of the film "War of the Roses". The lesson could be summed up by saying.."when love has ended, just move on and live your life as best you can without checking on what or how your ex is doing".

If you're over him, can you not live and let live? It would be the bigger thing to do.

Be at peace,

Z

Are you for real. I have moved on, live and let live? Driving well out of my way to the one place I know i'm going to bump into the ex is not living and letting live. I'm not checking what he's doing he drove out of his way to bump into me.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2010 9:08am

coolcat63 wrote: »

How has he done that?

You said your ex has gone out of his way to annoy you. So I'll echo the above question. What else has your ex done to annoy you?

ash23 · 10-09-2010 9:24am

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Are you for real. I have moved on, live and let live? Driving well out of my way to the one place I know i'm going to bump into the ex is not living and letting live. I'm not checking what he's doing he drove out of his way to bump into me.

How did you hear about it? Like, you knew they went for food but then decided to have a drink and left. You even know what table they were at!!
You know ALL about his new girlfriend, what age she is, what job she has, what type of apartment.... and you're feeding off it. It's not healthy.

If it's your friends telling you this stuff, tell them to stop. You don't need to hear it.
I can understand someone mentioning they saw him but really, they don't need to give you every last detail for you to over think it all.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2010 11:41am

ash23 wrote: »

How did you hear about it? Like, you knew they went for food but then decided to have a drink and left. You even know what table they were at!!
You know ALL about his new girlfriend, what age she is, what job she has, what type of apartment.... and you're feeding off it. It's not healthy.

If it's your friends telling you this stuff, tell them to stop. You don't need to hear it.
I can understand someone mentioning they saw him but really, they don't need to give you every last detail for you to over think it all.

Did you even read my OP? This post was not about me being over my ex it was about whether I should expect him to go to the pub the whole time, what his motives are and if I should be concerned or not? It was more of a male perspective I was looking for her.

ash23 · 10-09-2010 1:59pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Did you even read my OP? This post was not about me being over my ex it was about whether I should expect him to go to the pub the whole time, what his motives are and if I should be concerned or not? It was more of a male perspective I was looking for her.

I did read the OP and all the other posts too. And you are far too concerned with what he is doing, where he is sitting, who he is seeing, what she is like etc etc. And my post still stands.

As for a male perspective and limiting it to what his motives are...welcome to the internet my friend.....

Oh, and if that was the only concern then why all the other info in the OP? What difference does it make if he was going to order food but left after drinks instead? How do you even know that. I'm baffled......

ash23 · 10-09-2010 2:10pm

sunflower27 wrote: »

... and why would you even care (if you are over him, I mean).

Well yeah that too

Personally I took great pleasure in sourcing unflattering photos of my ex and the woman he left me for, relishing in the fact that she put on weight and looked like crap while I lost weight and looked fab.
I read into every text, every nuance and every scrap of info I got.
When he accidentally rang me on my birthday I took it as an attempt to get at me......

This was all while I was over him but not over what he had done. When I truly got over him I blocked him and her from my facebook and when people began talking to me about my ex, I replied briefly and changed the topic. I distanced myself from his family and from him.....now I couldn't give a fiddlers what he's at.
Genuinely.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2010 11:48pm

Gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

Did you even read my OP? This post was not about me being over my ex it was about whether I should expect him to go to the pub the whole time, what his motives are and if I should be concerned or not? It was more of a male perspective I was looking for her.

How can anybody here know what his motives are? So the guy socialised in his village with his girlfriend, big deal. If it annoys you then too bad, it's none of your business where he socialises and if you were truly over him then you wouldn't be on here posting threads about him!

darad · 11-09-2010 1:09pm

Op for what it's worth I wouldn't like him going to what was "our" pub with his new girlfriend. Given the fact that you live so close to it and the fact that there's only one pub nearby I think he might have been hoping to bump into you. especially since he doesn't live there. I say this because it seems like he kinda went out of his way and the liklihood he may have seen you was high. I hate silly games like that and to be honest it would bug me too.

LegacyUser · 11-09-2010 9:37pm

Lulilalelo wrote: »

How can anybody here know what his motives are? So the guy socialised in his village with his girlfriend, big deal. If it annoys you then too bad, it's none of your business where he socialises and if you were truly over him then you wouldn't be on here posting threads about him!

Maybe you should read the thread before you post, it's not his village he lives 3 miles away he drove to my village to visit this place, you know nothing about me or how over him I am that's your opinion and you couldn't be more wrong.

LegacyUser · 11-09-2010 9:40pm

darad wrote: »

Op for what it's worth I wouldn't like him going to what was "our" pub with his new girlfriend. Given the fact that you live so close to it and the fact that there's only one pub nearby I think he might have been hoping to bump into you. especially since he doesn't live there. I say this because it seems like he kinda went out of his way and the liklihood he may have seen you was high. I hate silly games like that and to be honest it would bug me too.

Thanks darad, seems most people don't get that. Wonder what would happen if I drove 3 miles to go to his local when it's none of my best friends drink there, eh i'd be a pscyho right?

LegacyUser · 13-09-2010 10:04am

gobeovermeelsewhere wrote: »

you know nothing about me or how over him I am that's your opinion and you couldn't be more wrong.

You said you were over him, that's how the other poster knows you're over him. You also said you posted the thread so that posters could help you figure out what your ex's motives are, and the same poster quite rightly pointed out that nobody in this thread knows what his motives are because nobody here knows him!
It's your decision if you want to be annoyed about your ex going to your local. People can't help you with your query re his motives (see above), and you only agree with people who say they would be annoyed if their ex went to their local.

I wouldn't care if my ex went to my local, even if he went three miles/fifty miles/ whatever out of his way to do so. But I get the feeling that you'll just attack this post because I don't agree with being annoyed over an ex visiting a local.

Ex is a mess

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