A Man/Woman should always look their best

LegacyUser

Hey,
Ok, this might get some negative reaction but I'm looking for some opinions I hope.

So growing up my Dad would always say "A man should look his best". I always thought it was good advice and try my best to use it. I don't dress flashy or out there or anything but I'd like to think I always dress as well as I can, I don't claim to be David Beckham or anything like that, far from it.

My friends are probably the same. If we are going out to the club, let say, just wear a nice clean shirt, clean shoes, that sort of thing. Not flashy or anything. Same if I am going to a nice restaurant or if I am going anywhere else just dress appropriately.

On the other hand I see a lot of guys going out now in t-shirts, often worn or baggy or not clean, baggy pants, old runners, and recently in shorts.

Similar for girls, just jeans and a t-shirt.

This bit will get the negative reaction but I'm just asking:
Myself and my friends have all met some nice girls in recent times but when it comes to going out, you can go nice places with them, nice pubs/clubs, nice restaurants, shows, whatever but the girls often show up in jeans and a t-shirt. They are often otherwise very pretty girls, really nice, fun, everything but, and my friends ahve agreed on this, its not the best start. After a few nices out trying to take a girl to nice places or whatever and tey don't really dress up or appropriately, it doesn't really set a guys heart on fire even if they are otherwise awesome girls.... yeah, I know I know, sounds vain, and no I don't think I'm gods gift or anything.

I just mean, where does all this casual thing come from? Why don't people take pleasure in their appearance?

I know some will say I'm being vain and overlooking other great qualities because a girl isn't dressed like a slut. Thats not what I'm saying at all. I know some girls who always dress well but never slutty. Once they are past college they grow up a little, wear nice dresses or skirts, if wearing jeans, they wear nice tops, if dresses aren't appropriate tend to just wear nice dress pants, heels and nice tops/blouse. I DON'T mean revealing or slutty, just grown up and classy looking. Yet the majority just don't. I know we don't all look like superstars 24/7. I'm talking about more dressing up going out or dressing appropriately for the situation.

What do people think? I know it sounds vain to have reservations about an otherwise lovely girl because she doesn't dress appropriately for meeting a guy but I always like to think I try my best at least and it's a lovely thing to meet a girl with a nice bit of style about her, not slutty in any way.

My assumption is a girl was the same. If you met her for a nice dinner, I assumed it was better to show up in a nice shirt and shoes than a t-shirt and baggy jeans.

Oryx

OP, could you clarify how this is a personal issue for you? If you want to discuss appearance generally, its better done in the fashion and appearance forum?

LegacyUser

I'm going to come in from the other side of the coin if I may. I'm a young woman and I recently met a really cute guy who I fancy the pants off. We're going on a date soon and i'm wondering whether I should do my hair/make up dress up everytime we meet. Obviously for our first few dates(hopefully there will be more) I'd be putting in the effort. Don't get me wrong I love dressing up etc for myself but at what point do you tone it down a notch, eg going over to watch a dvd? You hardly go all hair and make up. Also do some guys not consider it false advertising?

Herbal Deity

Appearances wrote: »

I just mean, where does all this casual thing come from? Why don't people take pleasure in their appearance?

These days, t-shirts and jeans are perfectly acceptable attire IMO, and it can be a very nice look.

The idea that this look is somehow lesser than a shirt, proper trousers, proper shoes etc. is very old fashioned IMO.

LegacyUser

I think blokes who "Dress up" in shirts and shoes to go to the pub are the opposite. i actually think they look stupid unless you are coming from work ro something. i always dress down.

LegacyUser

I posted it here as it's not a Fashion question in the sense of asking or offering advice.

I always didn't want to start it in AH since it wouldn't get any serious conversation.


I put it here because it's something that does bother me. Sometimes I feel like its me, like I'm in the wrong or something. I'm not all stuffy, I don't mean I'd ever wear my dads slacks but Jeans, cool shirt, polished shoes going out for a nice dinner to a good restaurant for example would be appropriate dress... It's not old fashioned, its grown up! I wouldn't wear anything like that when I was 15 but I'm a man now.

Going to the cinema or watching a DVD, t-shirt and jeans is cool.

I just find it odd that if I made plans with a girl to go to a nice restaurant that she'd show up dressed down for the occasion, if in general it was a place suitable for shirt/dresses that she'd come in a t-shirt jeans. It just doesn't bode well.

Equally as someone asked about a movie or DVD, yeah casual is fine, wearing your sunday best to watch a DVD would be weird but if it was in terms of a date with someone I liked I'd still try to wear something nice to impress, rather than a tatty old t-shirt or my 4 year old Barca jersey I have lying around but it's like the juicy pants, and PJ's come out when its as casual a meeting as that. I'd be mortified to be honest. Certainly would mean to me that I have no interest in impressing the person.

Herbal Deity

Appearances wrote: »

It's not old fashioned, its grown up!

Plenty of grown ups will disagree with you there.

Everyone's different. You're perfectly entitled to dress how you wish and have your own opinions on different kinds of attire. You're also perfectly entitled to include a woman's dress sense in the traits you find attractive, but you can't expect everybody to adhere to your opinions. In modern times, what would have traditionally been seen as casual clothing is a lot more acceptable in many situations than it perhaps would have been.

liah

Well, I think that's just it. I'm not sure they think they should need to impress you.

We're kind of in a culture now where it IS very wrong to actually say you'd dislike any outward trait in a person (e.g., you can't say you're aesthetically not attracted to black people for fear of being called racist, orrr you can't say you'd like a girl who wants to be a housewife for fear of being called sexist, or even that you love a person's personality but aren't attracted to them "That way," etc.). Basically, I think what I'm trying to say is, the girls you're meeting are operating on the force-fed "everyone should like you just how you are" thing.

Which isn't a bad thing, it's led people to be more open minded in general, but I think it's kind of had the adverse effect, too, of alienating people who would find certain traits attractive/unattractive. Anyway, to get back on topic, it seems they want you to like them as they are at "default" and the whole "trying to impress" thing seems to have gone well out the window.

It's up to you to decide what you find more important: that a girl wants to impress you just as much as you want to impress her or that a girl is confident enough to let you see her as just her without all the trappings.

...Sorry if that doesn't make much sense, somewhere between my brain and my fingers things are a bit muddled today.

Mr. Loverman

I'm sure some of your casually dressed friends could just as easily say "I was brought up to believe earning lots of money is the most important thing..." or "I was brought up to believe helping others is the most important thing..." or something like that, so it is possible they could take an issue with the way you live your life.

In other words, people could be judgemental towards you too, just in a different way.

So I think it is important you try not to judge people, 'cause none of us are perfect.

John Mason

to just wear nice dress pants, heels and nice tops/blouse

what are dress pants

but i have an image of margaret thachter in my head now, along with pearl necklace - sounds very old and frumpy to me.

andrew

Maybe you're overdressing a tad, and that what you consider as a 'nice' restaurant isn't the kind of place the people you're going with would consider as nice. If it is a nice place they might not even know that it's a nice place, for all they know it's average and doesn't require particularly nice clothes.

Whatever the case, since how a girl dresses matters a lot to you, perhaps you should start asking out girls based upon whether or not you think they're particularly fashionable. Maybe put a bit more effort into finding people who take as much pride in their appearance as you do. Seems to me like you're just asking out the wrong type of girl, given the preferences you have. Preferences which, by the way, are perfectly reasonable.

whatsamsn

Im a bloke and I could see a girl walking down the street and shes dressed nice. I think to myself "shes hot" - i could see the same girl walk down the street the next day. Clothes are dumbed down and think "Shes alright. Not great" Same can be said about guys.

Looking well can make you look better. Its like the whole "tan" thing. A person looks better with a tan. Same goes for good clothes.


But like near enough everything in life its about finding a balance. Going down to the shopping centre dressed in a suit is overkill. Going down with a nice pair of jeans and top is perfect.

Alot of people shop in pennys. I do too But the problem you see is alot of guys wearing those generic pennys tshirts (you can spot an average pennys tshirt when you see it - not every tshirt but alot) and I think that will take away from yourself.

Logical Fallacy

whatsamsn wrote: »

Looking well can make you look better. Its like the whole "tan" thing. A person looks better with a tan. Same goes for good clothes.

You see, this is purely your personally taste. People don't look better with a tan, you might just think they do.

Personally i love a girl with pale skin. You like people to be all dressed up, for me there is nothing hotter than a girl with baggy jeans and one of those little string vest things on.

It's personally taste, there are no absolutes with regard to attraction.

OP, you are attracted to what you are attracted to, no point in feeling bad about mate.

Esoteric_

I can understand where you're coming from OP, but at the same time I think your expectations are too high.

I take pride in my appearance. I very rarely wear jeans and t shirts, because I just feel more confident if I'm wearing a nice top and shirt and some cute shoes. I wear make up (not caked on, just nice) when I meet up with friends or go out anywhere apart from to do the shopping and I dress up in heels and a nice dress if I'm going to a club. So I guess by some peoples' standards, I dress up a fair bit, but it only takes me 5 or 10 minutes to dress, do my hair and make up and go out the door, so it's not like I'm being ridiculous.

That said, I think it's crazy to expect people to dress up to the extent you're suggesting. If I saw a guy in a nightclub wearing trousers, a shirt, tie and shoes, I would honestly not look twice at him. If I see a guy in nice jeans, a nice shirt and a pair of decent shoes/runners (not Nikes, something that actually looks nice!), I'd be more inclined to go for him.

I wouldn't personally dress in jeans and a t shirt for a night out, but some women can make it work. I mean, if they're doing the whole baggy jeans and loose fitting t shirt thing then yeah, they need to make some more effort. But if they're wearing say, tight fitted skinny jeans and a nice, fitted top, what's the problem? It looks good, it shows off the contours of the body without being trashy and it's cute.

I can understand you wanting a girl to dress up a bit to go on a date with you. But look at it from a girl's point of view. I "dress up" and I'm forever wondering if I'm dressing up too much and should I wear a different top or wear flats instead. I don't over-dress, I dress pretty decently IMO, but the worry that you're over-doing it is ALWAYS there. Some women prefer the safe option of tight fitted jeans and a fitted top because they'll never be able to go wrong in that outfit.

Hrududu

I see so many guys on nights out dressed like you describe. Jeans and shirt. To be honest it looks like a uniform. At least when they are wearing t-shirts you are seeing a variety of colours and designs. But thats just my preference.

whatsamsn

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

You see, this is purely your personally taste. People don't look better with a tan, you might just think they do.

Granted that it could be my preference
But when it comes to wearing good clothes it does make a person look better. Maybe to what type/sytle of clothes is also preference too.

But I think by looking your best. It adds points to yourself.
Clean shaven, hair nicely done. You just look better.

I agree about the whole guys wear a shirt (and even slacks) it does look like a uniform. Mainly because so many people do it.

HavingCrack

whatsamsn wrote: »

Granted that it could be my preference
But when it comes to wearing good clothes it does make a person look better. Maybe to what type/sytle of clothes is also preference too.

But I think by looking your best. It adds points to yourself.
Clean shaven, hair nicely done. You just look better.

I agree about the whole guys wear a shirt (and even slacks) it does look like a uniform. Mainly because so many people do it.

Ah personal taste again :pac:..girls like my slightly scruffy looking beard while I look about 12 clean shaven !

Different strokes for different folks.


I think everyones being a little hard on the OP by the way. I think he's just not putting across his point very well. I think he's trying to say if he went to say Chapter 1 (michelin star food) on a date he'd be really let down if the girl showed up in jeans and a baggy t-shirt. It sort of reflects that she doesn't really want to bother making an effort to impress (not saying this is true-just my reading of the OP's original post).

Op if you're the type of person who takes pride in their apperance it'd be better if you started looking for women who do so as well maybe ??

LegacyUser

Op if you're the type of person who takes pride in their apperance it'd be better if you started looking for women who do so as well maybe ??

+1
op i think people are being harsh on you, theres nothing wrong with wanting someone who takes pride in their appearance

Op i think its maybe about what the women you date percieve as being fashionable and their sense of style in general, maybe you need to start dating girls who have a good sense of style (relevent to you of course)

I for one never wear jeans. ever. they do nothing for my figure, (small bum, no thighs lol), so i'm always found in a cute dress/skirt, and to some of my friends, i look constantly overdressed. But for me its really just a comfort thing. Where are you meeting these girls? maybe try and meet girls through friends or anywhere where you can judge their personal style before dating them? but as has been said its different strokes, i can say i also like a man with a good sense of style, but personally i loath that jeans/shirt combo on a night out, i think its more about sense of style, rather than 'having to get dressed up' if you know what i mean, give me a guy in a nice light jumper and jeans anyday!

dudara

It's a personal preference type-thing OP.

Personally, I tend to agree with you. How a person dresses and looks can be used to infer a lot and can tell you a lot about their attitude. I would usually be all about the right clothes for a situation. I actually can't stand sloppiness in clothing. Let me just clarify that sloppiness means actually honest-to-god sloppiness.

But back to the OP - there are plenty of people out there who think like you do. And you will meet plenty of ladies who think in a similar manner. So don't worry - there are all kinds in the world.

Delicate_Dlite

Hi op,

I'm on the flip side. . I'm a girl who loves my jeans.. cough and hoodies cough..

You like girls who dress a certain way, then hit on/date girls who dress that way. It's not rocket science.

I think you may be getting a hard time on here as you seem to be implying that all women should dress a certain way, as you have a preference for it.

How would you feel if a guy had written that post, but he put wanted women to dress in goth/rocker gear? Or if he wanted make-up & high heels to be banned and jeans be the only option?

I don't class this as a personal issue, you know what you like/want on a woman then find a girl who has these traits and don't waste time with girls who don't in the blind hope you can change them.

Tefral

I wear a suit to work...

When im not at work i like to dress casually to feel as if im not at work.. If im going out, i generally dont wear a shirt unless the occasion calls for it.
Id go to a nightclub wearing a teeshirt and jeans and shoe/boots to match.

OP, if all thats bothering you in this world is how people dress then your in a good place!!

Darthhoob

i'm a casual kinda gal, i love dressing for comfort and not looks (especially as i have hypersensitivity to touch and so find alot of clothes quite...annoying) but when i go out i dress to go out! you make the effort, especially for a date? wow if thats not when you make an effort when do you?? i'm not talking about when i go food shopping or anything lol, but to a meal i do...unless it's macdonalds you are taking these girls?
my OH is a big big scruff, lol, but he is the same..though sometimes i do have to nag him about it but it is the only time i do nag apparently. he works at the school and so has to appear smart...smell nice and be shaven.

seraphimvc

is simply because of the culture thingy. Fact! and there is nothing you can do about it.

is just weird that generally people give eyes to someone who actually put some effort to look good. i dont get this seriously.

wearing t-shirt and jeans is nothing wrong and in fact is quite casual/confident looking at some point, but i really wouldnt mind people be abit playful on their clothes - i quite enjoy walking down the streets in Paris. could be the fashion sense maybe?