Letting go, so hard!

LegacyUser

Okay, story is, last december i was dumped by text by my girlfriend of over 3 years. The sad thing is I found out on facebook before i seen the text. The revelations that followed were very hard for me to take, such as her ex boyfriend coming back onto the scene. This was all played out in front of me through facebook, but i deleted my account so I would not see all this hurt.

Oh, and believe me this break up was completly out of the blue, but i suppose she had her reasons even though I was never informed of them, because she refused to meet up with me to discuss the break up so I got absolutly no closure. But through support from a wonderful family, prescription drugs(i went into depression, anxiety,panic attacks etc.) and counselling, I sort of got my life back on track.

Fast forward to May of this year, I begin to start going out with my friends again, this was very hard for me because of the fear of how i might react if I seen her out. Anyway I was out one night and i got verbally attacked by more a less a nosey cow, who might I add would not be near close enough to either me or my ex to offer her opinion on the situation.
She starts telling me that she was talking to my ex and how she is so worried about her because my ex thinks that everbody hates her, over the way she treated me.

Silly me, I make contact with the ex and ask her to meet up with me, she agrees. We meet up and talk alot of things through, i begin to feel good again about life. She tells me that she loves me with all her heart and was sorry for the way she ended things.
We begin to hang out together and become close again, even sleeping together. But I had planned a trip to Canada for the summer before we met up, so off I went. Before I went though we discussed that we might get back together on my return. I know it was a might but to a broken hearted fool, it sounded so good.

While in Canada we text,email and call each other. I stupidly keep faithfull to her while over there, I know we were not going out but I thought it felt wrong to be with other people while there was a good chance we would get back together. I run out of money and come home early to surprise everyone. I text her saying i was home and she calls me saying how good it was to hear my voice etc. The next day i call her to see if she wanted to meet up, no answer, next day, no answer. Alarm bells start to ring and doubts creep into my fragile mind. So i leave it for a few days and text her, again no reply.

I am beginning to get sad again now at this stage and life becomes bad again. I go out a week later and in a drunken mess I am told by a 'friend' that she is going out with a 37 year old, shes 21. I am devastated to say the least. then one day she texts me by accident, i reply back saying she should delete my number if shes ignoring me, she says she is not ignoring me. I ask why she didnt tell me she had a boyfriend when i was in Canada, she claims that she only got with him the week I got back. i tell her she shouldnt have told me that she loved me and missed me before i went away and during my stay. She texts back saying she still does love and miss me wtf.

So back to the anti-depressants and a few trips to the counseller later i calm down. My problem is I cant move on at all, i should hate this girl for what she has done to me. Any girl i look at I compare to her, thats stupid I know but i really cant shift her from my mind I think about her everyday, most of the day. i am not going out again now because i am afaird I'll see her with this new man. She's ruining my life, help me. Anyone have any advice for me please.

Princess Peach

I think the most important thing to do is to tell this girl not to text you anymore. Cause she is clearly a mess and doesn't know what she wants and telling you she loves you is not good for you! You may have to be a bit harsh and tell her you don't want her in your life, but be persitant and she should get the message, tell her really mean things like how its pathetic that she does this, cause it is!

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year recently and I still cant get over him! I compare all guys to him, and everytime I think about being with a new guy, I always seem to want to do it in the presence of my ex to make him jealous?? I'm taking a break from guys till I can look at one without thinking of my ex and just trying to focus in myself at the moment. Friends have told me that its hard but after a while all the wanting and missing will go away. I know its awful cause I do still have to stay in contact with my ex because of mutual friends. I guess its a little easier for me in that he has made it very clear he doesnt want me back. Thats why I think you need to sort that out for you to make a clean break from your ex.

Make a list of all the bad things about her and things she has done and look at it whenever you miss her. And try to stay busy and keep your mind off her. Very hard to do I know cause I think about my ex way too much!

LegacyUser

Hi, do you think that one has to force themselves to be with other people, to actually get over an ex? Or will time heal the wounds and enable us to move on. I mean i cant even think about it because i think trust is going to be a huge problem for me in the future now because of this bit>h, I dont want to mess up someone else because of the stuff that was done against me

LegacyUser

Eh, so let me get this straight, a girlfriend of 3 years dumps you by text, then comes back into your life and fu@ks you over again. Jesus man you dont know how lucky you are to be rid of this person. How immature and downright horrible of her. I know your hurting but you are so much better than her, hold your head up very high, well done for getting through the worst and getting help when most men i know would have bottled it up.

Best of luck, Tom.

Princess Peach

sadman100 wrote: »

Hi, do you think that one has to force themselves to be with other people, to actually get over an ex? Or will time heal the wounds and enable us to move on. I mean i cant even think about it because i think trust is going to be a huge problem for me in the future now because of this bit>h, I dont want to mess up someone else because of the stuff that was done against me

This is exactly how I feel at the moment, and I'm not actually looking to get with someone new until I can get my head together, so forcing yourself to be with someone new is not a solution I feel. I'm sure that after time you might meet someone and want to be with them because you genuinely like them, not bacuase you feel you have to get over your ex or because she's been with someone. I've beeen screwed over by a few guys but it never really stopped me trusting the next one, cause you wouldnt be with them if you didnt trust them if you get me? And if you don't want to mess someone else up, then don't get with them till you feel your head is in the right place.

I know its lonely but for me a new relationship would just complicate my life too much right now

whatsamsn

Man, I feel for you. I really do. Sounds like she really did a number on you.

sadman100 wrote: »

... Anyway I was out one night and i got verbally attacked by more a less a nosey cow, who might I add would not be near close enough to either me or my ex to offer her opinion on the situation.
She starts telling me that she was talking to my ex and how she is so worried about her because my ex thinks that everbody hates her, over the way she treated me.

Well first off thats tough if your ex gf has friends turning against her. She hurt you, didnt care. Thats tough.

sadman100 wrote: »

Silly me, I make contact with the ex and ask her to meet up with me, she agrees. We meet up and talk alot of things through, i begin to feel good again about life. She tells me that she loves me with all her heart and was sorry for the way she ended things.

I would of called BS on that one upon hearing she still loved you. You shouldnt of contacted her. But mistakes happen.

sadman100 wrote: »

....I go out a week later and in a drunken mess I am told by a 'friend' that she is going out with a 37 year old, shes 21. I am devastated to say the least. then one day she texts me by accident, i reply back saying she should delete my number if shes ignoring me, she says she is not ignoring me. I ask why she didnt tell me she had a boyfriend when i was in Canada, she claims that she only got with him the week I got back. i tell her she shouldnt have told me that she loved me and missed me before i went away and during my stay. She texts back saying she still does love and miss me wtf.

the words selfish, user, b*itch are right words to use right now.
She doesnt care about you one bit. All this "i still love you" - absolute bol*ox.




Im sorry man.
This girl doesnt care about you one bit. She is a selfish using liar. Even a blind man could see that. But I know you have feelings for her and are hurt. But the only way forward is to never speak to her again. Not in 6 months, not in 6 years. You'll just get back into a slump. Like you currently are back in.

Dont worry mate tho. Many a man has had his head messed around by a girl. I myself. I hit the booze hard for around 6 months after one ex cheated on me. The only way forward is to constantly force yourself to move forward. If you dont, you can let a year go by and you're still the same.