Worried about brothers Gambling problem

LegacyUser

Hi all . Writing this here as my mum and dad are being driven to the end of their wits about my older brothers gambling problem.
The first we knew about it was soon after he started working after college 4 years ago. After a year and a half of working he started looking for money from my parents for "unexpected" situations that seemed to pop up. It didnt take long for my parents to become suspicous and eventually he had to come clean after blowing his monthly wages in the space of 2 days in the casino after getting paid. He only came to them after first going through 2 bank loans and maxing his credit card. He was gambling in casinos and also playing online poker (luckily these were 2 2K loans and a 2K credit card limit-could have been much more if he had been given access). He had also cut himself off from all his old friend
After coming to my parents and spending a week at home ehich involved a lot of talking and arguements, he seemed to go on the straight and narrow for a while, becoming more social again, partaking in more activities (he is pretty athletic and used to play a lot of sports but had withdrawn again)
Since then he has relapsed many times, each time seemingly worse then the last. He has now racked up worse debts, while he was drunk recently he confessed that he owes about 2K to a door to door lender (provident, he went to these after giving my mother access to his bank account so she could monitor what he was doing) constantly maxed overdraft, 7K to my parents, a maxed credit card (not as bad as it used to be as during one of his good periods he cut balance to the minimum), and also about 2K to a "friend" who seems to be constantly lending him money in an exchange for a percentage of any winnings (we do not know this friend or much about him, my brother constantly prioritizes paying him back over paying back my parents, saying he is terrified that if he doesnt pay him he will tell other friends about his gambling problem)
We are very worried about him, his mindset is contantly negative and he is throwing his life away. He has a good and reasonably secure job, but has said that when he is gambling heavily and losing it affects his performance at work adversely, and after 4 years working he has made no career progression.
He seems to see gambling as the only way out of his debt problem and thats why he keeps going back. He was never a very materialistic person. He seems to have no hope for the future, all he goes on about is how the country is doomed, banks, peak oil, resource shortages etc.
Nothing we say to him seems to get through?
Sorry if there is too much detail in this post, i could write a lot more, just wondering if anyone has similar experiences. My parents are worried sick and cant believe an intelligent capable person is throwing their life away like this.

Wisco

It is an addiction like any other. It may not be a substance abuse, but many of the patterns are the same- deceit, hiding the behaviour, etc. I think it's common for gamblers to think they can win their way out of debt, but there's a reason the bookies are all still in business- they make money and the gamblers come out the losers in the end.
Does your brother admit he has a problem or want help? Perhaps your family can talk to him more or encourage him to go to some type of treatment programme.
As someone who had a long term relationship with a gambler, I know it's hard to deal with. Eventually the lies got too much for me and I had to leave (obviously there were other reasons than the gambling addiction) but it will (and already has if he has no friends any more) disrupt relationships. Hope you can help your brother get the help he needs.

LegacyUser

Hi,

If your brother has admitted that he has an addiction and wants to give up try get him to go to a gamblers anonymous meeting.

I would also advise that your parents\you or all of you go to a gam-anon meeting. This is a support group for the family and friends of gambling addicts. I'm attending these meetings at the moment and find them extremely helpful.

You can get information on meetings for both your brother and your family on http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/