Pregnancy fear

LegacyUser

Background story is - been married just over two years. Everyone is asking when will we get pregnant etc. My husband is all for it- dying to have a big family and thinks we need to start now. I keep making excuses; my job/career, the current economic climate, we're still young no rush and so forth. In truth, I am terrified.

I want a baby. I would love to have a baby, and before people start suggesting adopting I would LOVE to have a baby that is biologically mine and my OHs. But I am so scared of labour. I have looked into it and even in what are straightforwad enough labours the vagina has to be cut with a scissors! I can't do that. It seems so awful I am sick at the thought.

I have voiced my fears to my OH but his response is (probably correctly), it's only a short bit of pain and then you have a child. When you put it like that I just sound silly, but bear in mind (which I remind him of!) he has to do Sweet F A. I can't bring myself to stop taking the pill even though we both want a child. And I really REALLy do want one, but I am scared.

I am scared of being cut with no painkillers. I am scared (terrified) of C sections. I would like a natural straighforward childbirth, painful although it is, but I am so scared I won't be lucky enough. This is honestly all that is stopping me. Please help. My mam says the media has overdone it and childbirth is not like that all, but one of my friends (who had a baby 2 years ago) said at the time she was told one in 4 women tear right through. I couldn't imagine putting myself in that situation it is just so horrific...

I suppose what Im asking is for real opinions- how bad is it or can it be and should I think about my options instead?

Big Bag of Chips

I have 3 children. First was a section, other 2 natural. The chances of you being cut without anesthetic are minimal.. actually, it won't happen!

There are so many different pain relief methods out there that you won't feel anything if you don't want to! I had the epidural on my second 2, and I can honestly.. seriously say, I enjoyed my labours! I didn't feel any pain, some discomfort at times, but once I had the epidural there was no pain!

I didn't enjoy pregnancy. I have "not nice" pregnancies! They are not terrible, I never ended up in hospital, but they're just "not nice"! So for me labour was the end! It was the end of feeling ****ty, and the beginning of getting better, and of course meeting my baby!

Almost every woman I have ever spoken to up to about 3 or 4 weeks after the birth (including me!) say... "No, I wouldn't think of having another one.. not yet, definitely not" and by 6 or 7 weeks the memories are fading and people say "Yeah, well we'll definitely have another one.. we'll wait a little bit though"! I had my 3 in 2 and a half years!

It's natural to be scared. When you think of what's actually going to happen, anyone would be apprehensive! But don't read/listen to horror stories. Horror stories are the only ones you hear about or read about because they are the only ones that make a "good" story. Most labours are routine, and quite boring! well my 3 were.. even the section!


EDIT: I meant to say after the "routine and boring(!)" labour, my favourite favourite part is holding my baby for the first time. It is such a wonderful feeling and time. And ever since I had my last baby (accepting that he is probably my last!) I get slightly jealous of friends/family who have just had a baby, because I am imagining them going through that lovely time, and remembering the times I did it!

I don't know if I've helped you at all, but I am now sitting here, grinning like an eejit, in a room on my own, remembering my 3 children being born!

It really wasn't all that bad!

LegacyUser

hey OP

im afraid i dont have much advice for you, cos im in pretty much the exact same situation. Any kind of birth terrifies me - im scared of hospitals and needles, id be too scared to do a natural birth with the pain and the whole cutting thing just seems horrific

but most people dont seem to understand. I always get the same ol comments about how women have been doing it for centuries, its only a short while etc etc...well that doesnt make me any less terrified. Im interested in what replies you get (assuming they arent along the lines of what i just said lol). I dont know how to get over the fear, i always though id grow out of it as i got older. But hey at least i now know im not alone in feeling this way.

Ickle Magoo

Certainly not every vaginal delivery ends up in being cut - it's called an episiotomy btw - you can even use certain massage and oils to help avoid one. I've been in labour once and had two sections and tbh - not that bad. You always hear the horror stories but you never hear about the ones like my friend who had a wonderful water birth, analgesia free and gave birth with no issues in a couple of hours...or my section where I was at home and feeling fine after 24 hours - which believe it or not are the majority. They don't make as good reading and unfortunately the horror stories only serve to terrify first-time mothers to be.

Ultimately your other-half is right, at the end of any and all exertions you get a wonderful package and tbh - having previously been terrified at the thought, by the time I went two weeks over I was doing everything in my power to kick-start labour.

CathyMoran

I think that it is natural to be scared of labour - in the end for me I had to have a c-section for medical reasons, I saw my son crying before he was even fully out of me (I wanted to give him a hug and kiss) and straight away knew that I wanted another one - they really are wonderful.

littlebug

You only ever hear the bad stories but its not inevitable. My two were relatively quick, no drugs, no cuts, no pain afterwards. I did have a small tear each time but didn't have all the problems I heard of other people having ie not being able to sit down etc. I wouldn't say labour was easy but when you know the pain is leading to something good then its not so bad if that makes sense.
If and when you do become pregnant either choose a midwife led route if you can or if you are going private do some homework on who the least interventionist consultant is before choosing who to go with. Some of them can be a bit scissor happy (sorry that sounds awful ) but if you plan well you can hopefully have a good support team around you who will work with your own preferences .

tbh

unregistered wrote: »

- how bad is it

If it was that bad, no-one would ever have more than one.

jessiejam

Hey OP relax. Childbirth is the most natural thing in the world. You'd be surprised at the power of a woman when in the throws of labour.
Gone are the days that they cut you without pain relief, to be honest they rarely do it anymore.

You can put all that information into your birth plan. I did it 2 years ago. I didn't want any man other than my OH in the room unless it was medically necessary (had a crap consultant on my 1st). No cutting unless medically nec, no drugs unless med nec etc. I got all my wishes.

I had one midwife throughout the whole thing and about 10 mins before I gave birth another midwife came in to lend a hand.
I'd no pain relief, no epidural and no cutting or anything of the sort.
My baby was 9lbs 6 1/2oz's!
Gas and air all the way.

They are there to help you and I have heard of women having completely pain free labour, albeit with an epidural, but thats your choice and its there when and if you need it. Back when I had my first, it was Tuesdays and Thursdays the only days you could get it!!

Anyway if it was that painful and that gruesome, Why do you think women do it more than once?
As soon as your baby is born the pain disappears. (Well almost:o)

If thats the only thing stopping you I would go for it, and don't be googling everything, you will only get the horror stories. There are some but mostly in america:rolleyes:

Squiggler

I'm pregnant with my first. My mother had one bad hospital experience, one not great one and two home births, one of which, the birth of my little brother, I witnessed and was part of. My sister had both hers in hospital, the first wasn't great, the second one she took a lot more control of and it was better.

I don't like hospitals, never have, so I am planning a home birth. My midwife is lovely, all my antenatal visits are in my own home. I'll be booking into Holles St just in case, but hopefully won't need that fallback.

My Mother and my sister have a terrible tendancy to go on about the bad experiences they had, and, while it could have put me off, it drove me to research as much as possible, even before I'd picked out the Daddy. The more relaxed and comfortable the mother is the easier, and less painful, the birth will be.

Try to relax as much as possible, focus on how wonderful it will be to hold that little life in your arms, plan as much as you can and try to reduce the chances of stress. Talk to people who had good experiences, and tell the rest of them to STFU

Fittle

OP, what do you think is going to happen to you as you experience that pain, in childbirth?

Is your fear that you are going to die?

Or are you afraid of the pain only?

I only ask to say that the worst thing that happen to you in childbirth is pain.
I have one child and had no epidural - just gas and air. I had a wonderful pregnancy and birth, and yet, at the first sign of pain now, I am straight to the chemist for solpadine!! So I am far from someone who copes well with pain.

It's pain OP. Pure and simple. You won't die. If you are cut to let the baby out, you don't feel it while you're in labour. And you will be stitched, in exactly the same way as you would be stitched for any cut on your body. You don't feel it OP, I swear - your fear of childbirth is slightly irrational and I am sure if you mention it to your GP, they could refer you to someone to talk to about it?
And after all that pain, it's true what they say, you forget it and it's worth every second:D

seenitall

Like yourself, OP, I was terribly scared of pain, I don't deal with it well. It won't surprise you then to know that I went for the epidural.

Ahhhh, the joys of epidural almost orgasmic really.

I had the episiotomy, because otherwise I would have torn down there - my baby had to be pulled out with that salad tongs-like instrument... Again, thank you Dr. Anesthesiologist.

However, my point is, and as others have already said, the moment I got to hold her, I was in deepest love I ever knew in my life (it's all hormonal , but what the heck...). It was bliss. It is all SO worth it, OP. Not just childbirth, but everything that you ever have to do or endure for your child. And that's the way that you will feel on the other side of that childbirth.

I wouldn't be saying this to every woman, because some people are simply not suited/don't want to be parents, but since you do - just think, you surely don't want to miss out on one of the best experiences of your life because you are scared of a few hours of pain?

And remember: EPIDURAL. :D:D:D

EDIT: Oh yes, and I was sore down south for a few weeks after, and sitting down straight WAS difficult, of course. But it's really not that bad, I would just sit down so that I'm more on one side, I also had same painkillers and it was grand. Seriously.

angelfire9

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I The chances of you being cut without anesthetic are minimal.. actually, it won't happen!

Actually it does happen! It happened to me!
3rd degree tear and 9 stitches i only got the epidural because of the stitches i.e. after babs was born

BUT

You know what OP when u have the baby in your arms it doesn't matter anymore and your adrenalin kicks in and you don't notice the pain as much

And a few months down the line you'll forget all about it honestly!!!!!!

I had a wonderful pregnancy and horrible labour with my daughter but hey i'm expecting no. 2 in December so it can't have been all that bad can it!

metrovelvet

angelfire9 wrote: »

Actually it does happen! It happened to me!
3rd degree tear and 9 stitches i only got the epidural because of the stitches i.e. after babs was born

BUT

You know what OP when u have the baby in your arms it doesn't matter anymore and your adrenalin kicks in and you don't notice the pain as much

And a few months down the line you'll forget all about it honestly!!!!!!

I had a wonderful pregnancy and horrible labour with my daughter but hey i'm expecting no. 2 in December so it can't have been all that bad can it!

You'll forget all about it because your memory will be shot to hell with sleep deprivation.

I had a tough labour and a cesarian with kidney failure. It was not fun. And you know what else? The real hard work came afterwards, for the next 18 months, it was like being awake for two years straight.

Shelli2

I am the biggest wuss on the planet, cannot deal with pain at all. I delivered a 12lb baby vaginally, had an epidural and didn't feel a thing! Was sore afterwards as I did tear, not too bad though. He was the biggest baby born in Holles St in 10 years...or so they told me at the time
(2007)

The point is....if I can do it, anyone can. I'm dying to have another, and they say the more you have the bigger they get!

My pregnancy was accidental, I don't think I ever would have had a baby if it were not for the wonderful accident as I was too afraid! Now I want loads.