madly in love with a girl

LegacyUser

its going to take a while to explain this so here it goes,

im a male, late 20's and as the title says ive fallen madly in love with a giirl but she does not have the same feelings for me

how i met her is that we work together in a casual open job where there is plenty of time to talk and get to know each other so i always build friendships with the girls i work with. where we work there is me and a couple of other guys, one ismarried the other is gay so im the availabe one and im a nice guy so the girls always make friends with me, they all say im the nice one and the two other guys are a**holes, the girls never stay long in the job and there would usually be about 20 different ones a year three or four at a time.

ive never had any relationships with any of the girls before and it was as a rule of my own not the company, although i would have casual sex with them if we went of together as friends, there was never anything serious with any of them

this one girl (we'll call her mary) came to work with us about nine months ago and i had worked with mary in a different job before about 4 years ago for about three weeks so i knew her from that. When i see a girl i like i know it straight away and dont waste any time letting them know about it but the first time we met i felt nothing for her we only chatted casualy nothing else

shes not my type of girl at all i usually would have no interest in this type of girl (even though every fella that saw her said she was unbelivable i saw nothing) but when she came to work with us we became very good friends fast and went out together a few times as friends and there was nothing sexual at all between us, the last time of the first couple of "dates" we had we got very drunk (i drink alot which ill get to later) i stayed in her bed but again nothing sexual

we started spending loads of time together outside of work, going to parties, clubbing, shopping during the day when we were off, evening meals etc, often spending 48 hours together when we were off always sleeping in the same bed but nothing going on, at the time i didnt think much of it because i never think about anything too much, day to day is all a blur to me

then one day one of her friends takes me aside and says when are we going to get together because its clear ye are crazy about each other, this was a total shock to the system, i was like wtf did i miss, and when i thought about it it was clear that she liked me but was waiting for me to make the first move, shes very shy about those sort of things and is generally an odd person so it was easy to miss the signals

the next day i was talking to another girl at work about her holidays and she said she had noone to go with, i said why dont you go with mary to which she replied theres no way mary would go anywhere without you, again i was like wtf, what going on here? she was shocked to find out me and mary werent a couple and says "but you are crazy about her"

so i started thinking about things and talked to mary about it and we decided to give it ago which didnt last long, shes very moody and very hormonal and a very difficult person to deal with, even though she was very very difficult to deal with i fell for her badly

then all of a sudden she wanted to finish because for her it wasnt working out, the working together was a problem, she was afraid she lose her job because of it even though i and our boss reasured her she wouldnt, my problems (drinking etc) she said she couldnt be in a long term relationship with me, shes afraid of commitment because of some guy she was with that broke her heart and she was getting commited in our relationship which made her run, when i went out on my own she thought i was with other women ( which i wasnt but wouldnt blame her for thinking it because of my reputation) the main reason why she ended things was because she said she could never be with a guy like me cause i always do my own thing

so that was about a month ago and for two weeks i missed her like CRAZY, but what i miss is her company not her, im crazy about mary the girl, her personality i suppose, not her body, i have no sexual feelings towards her but miss her terribly. of course it was very awkward at work with each other, her ignoring me, me dying just to speak to her.

two weeks ago i took holidays from work just to get away from her because it got so bad,
i used to drink heavily every night, and i mean 7 nights a week, usually 20 drinks anight, i was taking drugs and smoked about 50 fags aday, i also gamble alot

i took the holidays to give up 5 things drink drugs smoking gambling and mary, ive stayed off the first three but have gambled since. the first few days ive tought about nothing but mary, the it was only some of the day i thought about her then only parts but i cannot forget about her

i found out today when i got back that mary has a new boyfriend and im not in the slightest bit jealous at all, but i still want to spend time with her like we used to in the start, what are the feeling i have for her, ive never felt like this about anyone in my life, i wish does girls stayed out of it at the start so that we could just stay the way we were

i know the title says madly in love, but is it love that i feel for her or what is it, all i want to do is spend time with this girl

ive gotten my life together, ive started thinking straight, im off the bad things, so far, fingers crossed and the one thing left is to get this problem with mary sorted out

Ickle Magoo

If she's not interested in a sexual relationship and neither are you, why not ask to speak to her over lunch or dinner and say they you don't want to get back together but explain how much you miss her as a friend?

I don't think you have anything to lose, given how things are in work at the moment. If anything, at least it will break the ice.

Cheap Thrills!

If you've no sexual feelings for her then you just miss her friendship?

But you can't have that friendship back anyway now because she has a boyfriend and there is no way he will tolerate the two of ye hanging out like ye used to......48 hours straight and sharing the same bed and all that craic.

It was nice while it lasted but move on. There's plenty more friends out there for ya.