Wise up to the world....? or so I am told

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I don't think this could be classified as a problem but I would like peoples advice or opinions on it. Anyways, for the last number of years my brothers have been telling me I have to grow up more, that I am too naive and that I am too nice to get on in the world. Basically they say that it is "dog eat dog" out there, you can't trust anyone especially friends and they say while I think I am smart (by this they mean that I think I am because I went to college), that I do not have a clue about the world.

I will admit that I do look at the world with rose tinted glasses most of the time but it is a conscious choice because there is so much negativity but also I do think I need to wise up a lot too.

I guess what I am trying to ask is how do I do this? Do I do what my brothers say and not trust anyone (inwardly) but outwardly be always looking for the advantage to any situation or do I maintain my rose tinted philosophy towards life?

I realise that time and experience are the greatest teachers but is there any other advice for achieving this "wising up" that my brothers maintain I need to do?

nyarlothothep

There is no real world out there (as in "I think people are like this/or that is how you should behave etc, get this/that job, be like this or that blah blah blah"), just peoples perceptions of what the world is, you don't need to wise up to their world but your experiences coupled with how you choose to react to the world will determine whether your perceptions are wise or not.

TitoPuente

Wow. Your brothers sound incredibly twisted and fearful! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a kind and trusting person as long as you're aware that there are some not-very-nice people out there. Don't change!

Agent J

Id rather live and do things how i want and be happy. Sure it might result in getting hurt/screwed over everyonce in a while but the trade off to be "safe" sounds like living a miserable life.


Screw that.

whatsamsn

nyarlothothep wrote: »

..... just peoples perceptions of what the world is....

Altho you are right that everyone has their own perception of the world. It still doesnt change what the world is really like. Some people go around and are so naive. Yes thats their "perception"... but I dont mean to be harsh, thats more than a "perception" - thats someone being down right foolish.


Op... Am I right to believe your brothers are older than you tho?
This world is harsh....The majority of people in this world are out for themselves. Its "quid pro quo" (something for something). It is dog eat dog.

Personally from the sounds of it you just havent encountered much in your life to see what the world is really like. Im 25 and up until about a year ago I was very naive. Always gave people the benefit of the doubt, believe obvious lies etc. But through various experiences I started to open up my eyes. I was in the same as you. My older brother kept telling me i was naive, open my eyes.... you know what he was right


I get the impression you are just a bit "too nice" - Im sorry to say but your brothers sound right. Now that doesnt make you stupid or anything it just means you probably havent been burnt by the harsh realities of life (or you have and didnt realise what really went on)



the sad thing is op ... i would put money on you changing your beliefs the more you live your life.

LegacyUser

Yeah my brothers are older than me, between 10-15 years older. I am 25 and I suppose I can be a bit too nice about things too.

nyarlothothep

whatsamsn wrote: »

Altho you are right that everyone has their own perception of the world. It still doesnt change what the world is really like. Some people go around and are so naive. Yes thats their "perception"... but I dont mean to be harsh, thats more than a "perception" - thats someone being down right foolish.


Op... Am I right to believe your brothers are older than you tho?
This world is harsh....The majority of people in this world are out for themselves. Its "quid pro quo" (something for something). It is dog eat dog.

Personally from the sounds of it you just havent encountered much in your life to see what the world is really like. Im 25 and up until about a year ago I was very naive. Always gave people the benefit of the doubt, believe obvious lies etc. But through various experiences I started to open up my eyes. I was in the same as you. My older brother kept telling me i was naive, open my eyes.... you know what he was right


I get the impression you are just a bit "too nice" - Im sorry to say but your brothers sound right. Now that doesnt make you stupid or anything it just means you probably havent been burnt by the harsh realities of life (or you have and didnt realise what really went on)



the sad thing is op ... i would put money on you changing your beliefs the more you live your life.

If you claim to have the definitive interpretation of the world then you're committing a logical fallacy, applying a one size fits all definition of the world, ie the world (and by world I take it you mean the reality we inhabit) is ruthless falls apart when challenged with alternative life experiences which don't factor ruthlessness in as its overriding quality. What you are talking about is your perception , there is a difference between that and fact. Its meaningless anyway to arrive at a factual definition since we haven't got the means to arrive at one yet. Hence my advice to the OP is to arrive at your conclusions rather than asking someone to lead you the way. Be your own leader, follow your own path.

Chuchoter

I don't think being optimistic and positive is a bad thing at all, being able to look on the bright side is an amazing skill that a lot of people don't have. You do have to remember, which is what your brother might be getting at, that you can't give yourself away without giving it deep thought. Not all people are nice. Last year (me thinking I was very mature) I had so much trust in everyone, always thought everyone was inherently good and their flaws were minor, and I got hurt. I gave them all of my trust and invested so much in them, without really thinking about why I was doing it and why they were making themselves so available for me to talk to them, after not even being that close for very long

whatsamsn

nyarlothothep wrote: »

If you claim to have the definitive interpretation of the world then you're committing a logical fallacy, applying a one size fits all definition of the world, ie the world (and by world I take it you mean the reality we inhabit) is ruthless falls apart when challenged with alternative life experiences which don't factor ruthlessness in as its overriding quality. What you are talking about is your perception , there is a difference between that and fact. Its meaningless anyway to arrive at a factual definition since we haven't got the means to arrive at one yet. Hence my advice to the OP is to arrive at your conclusions rather than asking someone to lead you the way. Be your own leader, follow your own path.

very wise words in the last sentence.
I think maybe you read the meaning of my original post wrong. Perhaps my fault :P

My point is that there are some people out there that their perception is so far away from the harsh aspects of life. Basically what I am talking about is being really naive. Thats fine if they have a particular perception everyones views things differently
but if someone is that distant from the realities of this world. My point is that their perception is foolish and naive.

Its like, well we're all guilty of it at one point when we were 17/18 we thought we knew it all Then as we grow older we learn more and more. Its like when I was 19. I thought I knew it all :P ... i look back now and realise I had a foolish and naive perception Obviously that was chalked up to youth and lack of life experiences.

For the record the above is not directed to the Op. Just talking in general.

crayolastereo wrote: »

I don't think being optimistic and positive is a bad thing at all, being able to look on the bright side is an amazing skill that a lot of people don't have. You do have to remember, which is what your brother might be getting at, that you can't give yourself away without giving it deep thought. Not all people are nice. Last year (me thinking I was very mature) I had so much trust in everyone, always thought everyone was inherently good and their flaws were minor, and I got hurt. I gave them all of my trust and invested so much in them, without really thinking about why I was doing it and why they were making themselves so available for me to talk to them, after not even being that close for very long

I agree. I think there is a balance in life a person has to find.
To be positive, but realistic. To be nice but no fool at the same time.

It would be wrong to say everyone is a jerk in life. But, everyone has a grey area.
Its the classic story: "John likes Sean, but doesnt like bob. Bob likes Sean & john. Sean Likes bob but doesnt like john"

whatsamsn

Rose-Tinted Glasses wrote: »

Yeah my brothers are older than me, between 10-15 years older. I am 25 and I suppose I can be a bit too nice about things too.

You're the same age as me so
I was in the same boat as you. Up until a year ago. My brother would say I was too nice. He was basically saying I was naive.

I fought it. I thought my bro wasnt right.
I put my trust out there, foolishingly believing certain lies and being blind to certain things... i got burned. More than once. I learned that my brother was indeed right. My brother is 4 years older than me. He told me certain things, and they came through.


I imagine your brothers are referring to a particular issue/s right?

Im sorry to say this Op. But our bad experiences change us. They make us open our eyes more. I could be wrong, But am I right to believe you are the type of person that gives alot of people the benefit of the doubt? no matter what the issue?

JonathanAnon

I would be inclined to agree with the above.. If you're too soft, trusting, utopian in your view of other people then you will get done in business / relationships...

LegacyUser

whatsamsn wrote: »

I imagine your brothers are referring to a particular issue/s right?

Im sorry to say this Op. But our bad experiences change us. They make us open our eyes more. I could be wrong, But am I right to believe you are the type of person that gives alot of people the benefit of the doubt? no matter what the issue?

Yeah I do give people the benefit of the doubt almost always but my brothers are refering to my attitude towards people (too trusting or always trying to see the good in people) and life in general. I guess I get this from college as it is only after I finished it did I see that it was kind of like bubble wrap from the real world.

Miss Mimsy

i think ur brothers are right becoz in life most people only look after number 1 and those that are in their circle of concern (i.e. OH and family).

(depending on the context of course) most people will look after their own agendas etc.... and not give a second thought to screwing over others that don't offer some form of value to them.

i think it is time u took off the rose tinted glasses

Ickle Magoo

Miss Mimsy, Please don't use text speak on this forum, it is against the forum rules.

OP,

I think there is a degree of truth in what your brothers say about the world but I'm sure you know that - you just choose to have a bit more of a positive outlook or give situations or people the benefit of the doubt. I think as long as you keep it in mind that a bit of scepticism is quite a good thing to save you from being taken advantage of and that not everyone should be taken at face value because they are not as honest or upfront as you are, it's not something you should worry about.

Best of luck