Work/Friend Advice

LegacyUser

I've had a problem ... more a situation for the past 6 months that I really need adivce on.

4 years ago I started working my first job in textile the same day as 'Mike', we started the same time and were sort of outsiders (only Irish people working on the line). Mike seemed like an ok guy but I he was very self centered. We befriended very quickly. For the year we were inseperable, going out drinking and always had lunch together, swapped games/dvds etc.

After we got let go from the job, I got another job in a small corner shop and when the other lad left I made sure Mike got the job. So we were working and socialising alot. I had introduced Mike to my family, friends and girlfriend. Always invited out and even collected him when he was stuck for a lift. I actually couldnt have been a better friend to him, I was nicer to him than my own school group because I knew he didnt have a lot of friends.

Anyway last January my girlfriend broke up with me, we never argued or anything, she told me that it was getting hard only seeing me so little (she goes to college in maynooth) etc. This didnt bother me because I thought we'd be back together in a few week, her cousin had died over Christmas and I felt she was just withdrawing from everyone for awhile and we agreed to be friends and said we'll work things out over the summer. I'm absolutely crazy about this girl, to me she's the love of my life and my best friend.

2 weeks after that I was at a 21st with Stephanie (my ex) and I invited Mike along but he tells me he has no money, so I give him a loan and pay his way the night. We are all sitting around having a laugh and drinking, and Stephanie excuses herself to go to the toilet. I noticed Mike was hardly talking to me all night and when I went to the bar, he left our table and went upstairs. I knew something was up so I walked up the back stairs and sure enough I find Stephanie and Mike making out. I was shocked, I didnt know what to make of it, I just let loose and started roaring at them and got thrown out by a bouncer.

I calmed down and went home, heard nothing from either of them. I called Mike but he wouldnt answer, so I text him something along the lines of "you can keep my money just dont ever speak to me again". I was on 2 weeks holidays and Mike would text me everyday saying stuff like it didnt happen, I'm making it up, I'm trying to break him and his girlfriend up ... all this crap that I dont respond to.

The next week I see him in town and he comes up and says to me "get over yourself, I was just proving she's a slut" and runs off before I can even respond.

The last 6 months in work have been torture, its just the 2 of us working in the shop and we dont speak a word, but im unable to forgive him. Its actually a struggle everyday just for me not to knock him out. Im left to do everything myself since we dont talk, I have to lift in all the orders by myself, stack out the stock, clean up, open and lock up. All he does is sit behind the till and use his phone. And not only that he complained me to the manager saying I do nothing and he's the one doing everything! So I got called into a meeting by my manager saying all this back to me. We have no working cameras so it's my word against his. I actually cant stand him.

What gets me is he knew I loved this girl, he went out on my money, I drove him to town that night, I practically got him a job and he stabbed me in the back. It actually bothers me so much, but I dont know what to do because there's no way i'll forgive him and I feel stupid being nice to him and his friend for 4 years despite knowing deep down he's such an ásshole.

I really dont know what I can make of this situation, im tempted to just quit my job so I dont ever have to look at him again. Im not an angry person, but just seeing him puts me in a rage and because of it im no longer friends with my ex.

Any advice welcome.

Mr. Loverman

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Unfortunately you happen to have come across two people (Mike, Stephanie) who aren't particularly nice people.

You don't need them in your life. They are toxic.

So I recommend you leave your job so you can move on with your life. Yes, it means being unemployed for a while, but at least you are taking back control of your life.

thefeatheredcat

I'm with Mr. Loverman on this...

It's not a particularly rewarding or healthy work situation to be in. You're better off to find another job, it's plain petty he's bad mouthing you and I'm sure your boss will learn the truth at some stage or when you're gone. What did your manager say to you after you offered your side of the story ie the truth? I'm sure he must have seen the expression of surprise/shock. Keep honesty on your side and you'll be alright. Maybe your manager might make a surprise visit to find out the truth himself?

'Mike' is pretty **** to have done this to you, I wonder if there's a reason for the behaviour, family/life problems? but nonetheless a very opportunistic person by the sound of it.

as for your ex, have you talked to her since? or has she tried to contact you with an explanation as you didn't mention it.

in any case, don't let it harden you towards others but it's a lesson learnt and count yourself lucky it hasn't been worse.

Ickle Magoo

I think you should start applying for other jobs and move on, I'm not sure how you have managed to last six months in those circumstances. Neither mike nor stephanie sound like nice or very mature people. You should just draw a line under it and perhaps try to find the positives - now you know what they are like you can cut them out your life instead of wasting any more of your generosity or kindness on them.

Best of luck.

dellas1979

Your anger towards them will turn to pity sooner or later and so it should.

Their behaviour was/is deplorable, but it is a reflection on them, not on you and you have nothing to feel stupid about - nothing at all.

Your trust was burned and abused by these two clowns. I'd actually feel sorry for them loosing you as a friend.

LegacyUser

I'm against bringing personal problems into work situations but if he is bad mouthing you to the boss then you have to explain the whole situation to your manager.

Zen65

Rob22Adivce wrote: »

... I was at a 21st with Stephanie (my ex) and I invited Mike along but he tells me he has no money, so I give him a loan and pay his way the night. We are all sitting around having a laugh and drinking, and Stephanie excuses herself to go to the toilet. I noticed Mike was hardly talking to me all night and when I went to the bar, he left our table and went upstairs. I knew something was up so I walked up the back stairs and sure enough I find Stephanie and Mike making out. I was shocked, I didnt know what to make of it, I just let loose and started roaring at them and got thrown out by a bouncer.

She was your ex at the time. Would you have felt better if you had walked in and found her making out with a stranger?

Of course Mike should have known better, and his actions were insensitive. In the greater scheme of things he may have done you a favour (not intentionally of course) because by now you should be over Stephanie.

BTW, I was in a very similar situation to you many years ago, and I remain friends with both of these people to this day. Life has strange ways of teaching you to move on. I moved on, found the woman who was to own my heart and we are happily married.

You can harbour this bitterness for the remainder of your days, or you can grow and move on. I think you have allowed the "Mike incident" to cloud your understanding that the "Stephanie relationship" is over.

Change jobs if it helps you to get past this, but don't put yourself through financial hardship in doing so. This incident is past, and you should be looking out for your future, with another woman.


Be at peace,

Z