Cheating worries?

LegacyUser

I have been with my bf for 6 years. I have never suspected he was cheating nor would I think he is capable of that. We have a really good relationship except that he travels all the time with work. We have not lived together in over 2 years as he has been sent to different countries and in the current climate needs to do it to hang onto the job.

Last weekend he came to see me and was on his msn chatting to a workmate. After he left I went to the computer and he had left the chat up and open. The friend was like "you should really be here, loads of sexy italian girls out, totally up for it" and he replied "ah ****, am in the other halfs gaff already, send me some photos! F***ing raging, should have gone out with you...Give them one for the team!"

I know that is no indication that he has or would cheat but it upset me a lot. I kind of realised that I have no idea what he does most of the time. I didn't say this to him, I am afraid he would say Im prying even though he left this up on my computer. I suppose my question is am I being totally irrational? Is this how men, even those in relationships and happy, talk to each other??

SheRa

Maybe he was trying to act the big man with his friend without meaning a word of it but he sounds like an immature guy, have you gotten this impression from him before?

Also it strikes me though that even if he's not cheating its not exactly a respectful way to be chatting to his friend considering he is going out with you.

Sauve

I'd agree - a lot of guys (and girls) put on the talk to sound cool in front of their mates.
That said though, if this is going to be playing on your mind, maybe you should ask him about it. Like you said, he typed this stuff on your computer and left it open so you were hardly prying.
Maybe if you tell him you found it hurtful and ask him to put himself in your position he'll take note and apologise. Chances are it didnt even occur to him that he was being disrespectful.
If you don't say anything, theres always the chance it'll just fester in your mind until you end up resenting him over something that could be solved with a simple apology from him.

whatsamsn

Hmmm,
I think this is one of those things thats not concreate enough. But will still make you stop and think.

Sure, it could be him putting on a front for the mate.
I dunno. I think you should just remember it so if anything else pops up. You got your answer.

You could talk to him. But I dont see it helping really. Because if he has cheated on you before, or is up for cheating... he'll just turn around and say that was just him putting on a front for the mate. If it was genuine, he'll say the same. Either way you wont know.


I am a guy. And I can tell you right off the bat that if I, or one of my mates was in a relationship. You wouldnt talk like that. Sure we'd give the usual "geez the ass on her" etc etc on nights out. thats natural. But I wouldnt text/call a mate saying how many hot girls are out. And for a reply off "in the other halfs house, im raging i didnt go out with you" - it heavily implies that your Bf and this mate have gone out of nights before chasing and or the bf has done something... your mate would surely only say that to your bf if he knew he was up for going off with other women...

coolcat63

He left the computer open so you weren't prying.

If it were me I would have added to the screen - 'oi, Mrs XX here, he's far too busy with me to even think about Italian bints and anyway, his haemorrhoids are playing up!'

Then leave the chat open for him to see...

Zen65

unregistered wrote: »

I know that is no indication that he has or would cheat but it upset me a lot.

While it is not possible to offer any advice about your bf's fidelity, it occurs to me that he is speaking of these Italian ladies in the same manner that one might speak about missing the chance to see the latest "hot" Hollywood actress appearing in a nightclub. Relationship or not, a guy would (probably) be very interested to go along and see. It's not about being faithful or unfaithful; just because a man is 10 years married does not mean he would not be entertained by the sight of (e.g. Megan Fox) strutting her stuff on the dance floor.

Similarly I believe that expressions like "give her one for the team" are merely ways of expressing support for another person's endeavour; they do not imply a desire to be unfaithful. It's just bravado, part of the very nature of the male species.

What I'm saying is, based only on this MS chat dialogue, there really is no basis for distrusting your bf, nor for getting worked up about his conversation.


Be at peace,

Z

finbarrk

Not lived together in over 2 years. He travels away to work a lot. Hard to stay faithfull then.