Never get what I want

LegacyUser

I just can't seem to get what I want from men.

If I just want to be friends with a guy he's mad about me and wants to sleep with me.

If I want to date a guy he doesn't want to date me.

I'm lonely, and while I'm not pushy, I just don't get why I can't ever get what I want.

Anyone that is interested in me, I just don't fancy, and / or he's too old / creepy. No one I'm interested in wants to get to know me. One guy I like only wants to sleep with me.

What am I doing wrong?

Spaniola

Can you give more details....can you think of how you act in those different situations? or have certain events repeated themselves?
with some more info i might be able to lend some advice....

LegacyUser

Sorry. Though I'm not quite sure what detail to give.

I probably am acting the same, whatever way that is.

The most recent situation is with a friend. We fancy each other, but he just wants sex. I'm not into the casual kind of thing at all so I said I'm not up for that. but he just keeps seeming like he's interested in me. he compliments me and seems to like me, but doesn't want to consider dating. Everyone says it's just not what he wants obviously, but how can I not take that personally? he fancies me but just doesn't want to spend time with me and get to know me?

a little while ago I had a male friend that kept trying to kiss me. he was married. I told him right at the start to cop on, but he kept doing it. he tried to find ways of making me feel bad about myself so that I would grow to rely on just him, and so would have an affair with him. eventually I told him where to go. He's harrassed me a bit since, but not lately.

Any time I'm out in pubs (the only place any guy will EVER chat to me) it's only old creepy guys that are interested.it's never anyone around my age.

Ya my ex was around my age, but he just didn't treat me very well. he wasn't horrible just manipulative without realising it.

Why is that no one treats me better? it's hard to think you're worth more when you've never been treated like that.

dsmythy

whatswrong wrote: »

The most recent situation is with a friend. We fancy each other, but he just wants sex. I'm not into the casual kind of thing at all so I said I'm not up for that. but he just keeps seeming like he's interested in me. he compliments me and seems to like me, but doesn't want to consider dating. Everyone says it's just not what he wants obviously, but how can I not take that personally? he fancies me but just doesn't want to spend time with me and get to know me?

Well with this guy he could be afraid knowing you might want a full relationship, perhaps something he's not sure about getting into himself. However if you were more cynically minded, such as myself, he has told you he wants to sleep with you and nothing else and it didn't work. Now he's saying all this rubbish about having feelings for you, knowing that's what you want to hear, in the hope he will get the sex in that manner. I suspect he will not follow through on his "feelings" afterwards.

It depends what sort of mind you have yourself on this matter and what the individual guy is like himself. You know him better than anyone here. I'm sure someone will be in to give you a general reply to your overall dealings with men in a bit.

Spaniola

typically the simplest answer is mostly right, so if this guy wants you just to have sex with, anything else he mentions afterward i suspect will generally have the same motive behind it.

maybe it is you paying these guys attention? if the guy wants sex only and you dont, then you perhaps should walk away, he is clearly not what you are looking for so it is futile to try and change his mind. maybe you are attracted to this? i know i had a phase of being attracted to emotionally unavailable men....

what i am trying to say is you are looking for something from men - presumably a relationship? i think you might be looking for this in the wrong men, who dont want a relationship? would that make sense?

if you look for a relationship with men who are looking for the same thing (you wont strike it lucky all the time!!) the chances are you will find what you want.

LegacyUser

Spaniola wrote: »

typically the simplest answer is mostly right, so if this guy wants you just to have sex with, anything else he mentions afterward i suspect will generally have the same motive behind it.

maybe it is you paying these guys attention? if the guy wants sex only and you dont, then you perhaps should walk away, he is clearly not what you are looking for so it is futile to try and change his mind. maybe you are attracted to this? i know i had a phase of being attracted to emotionally unavailable men....

what i am trying to say is you are looking for something from men - presumably a relationship? i think you might be looking for this in the wrong men, who dont want a relationship? would that make sense?

if you look for a relationship with men who are looking for the same thing (you wont strike it lucky all the time!!) the chances are you will find what you want.

But as it is I barely meet any people, and obviously even less attractive available men looking for a relationship. It feels like it'll be impossible to ever have a relationship again. I don't have many friends, and am unemployed, but am doing my best to get out more, with volunteer work, and arranging to go out as much as i can.

This guy has screwed me right over, and its knocked my confidence again. and its hard to accept that nothing more is going to happen with him.there are a good few things about him that I really liked and I really thought we could get on well.but what can i do if he's not open to anything? nothing obviously. just seems like a waste to me to not even see how things work out.

I definitely don't look for men that are emotionally unavailable. from my past relationships I have learned I don't need any more guessing, I just want a direct relationship with a mature guy. Definitely dont look for sh!t from guys.

I don't know if I'm coming off like I'm only interested in sex, because thats what people say isn't it? that you get back what you put out.but I'm not interested in anything casual with anyone, and have never been. so I don't know how I'd ever give off that impression.

princeofparma

whatswrong wrote: »

I just can't seem to get what I want from men.

If I just want to be friends with a guy he's mad about me and wants to sleep with me.

If I want to date a guy he doesn't want to date me.

I'm lonely, and while I'm not pushy, I just don't get why I can't ever get what I want.

Anyone that is interested in me, I just don't fancy, and / or he's too old / creepy. No one I'm interested in wants to get to know me. One guy I like only wants to sleep with me.

What am I doing wrong?

Men convince women they love them in return for sex.
Women give men sex in return for romance.
Most guys don't want to be friends with a woman.
They want sex.
Pure and simple.
A man cannot be a 'friend' with a woman unless he is gay or her brother or her uncle or some other close male relation.
Women are turned off by guys who make it clear that they like them.
Most women would rather be lonely than be with such an insecure guy no matter how good-looking or wealthy or famous he is.
A guy does not want a female friend because he will be perceived as weak by his friends if he is not having sex with her and if she doesn't fancy him, being around her will simply be torture and drive him crazy.
Only a sadist would endure friendship with a woman he actually fancies but does nothing about.
At all times a male 'friend' will be trying to convince a female 'friend' to have sex with him or will be using her as a trojan horse in order to have sex with her friends.

Spaniola

There are plenty of good looking men not in relationships....positive thinking!!! By the sounds of it, with you volunteering etc. and generally getting out there is positive.

I am single, and for a long time i longed for a relationship,I only now believe, you can't force these things, they happen when least expected (i know thats a cliche, but cliche's are called that because they are true) and knocks you off your feet!!

If you force it, then you are more likely to settle for unacceptable behaviour, like perhaps trying to force a relationship, when he has clearly said he didnt want this. It sounds like there is more to it than that, but from what you have said, this just will not work. Forcing someone into something, never works out. You, i fear, will in the end get hurt.

Maybe trying actively going out to make friends rather than to meet prospective relationship interviewees? This may be written all over your actions, and you might be coming across a bit desperate, which will send men running for the hills.

You might be sending a signal of *wanting a relationship* which not many will be open to from the get-go, too much commitment too soon, and if the guy whoever he is, is decent, he wont want to hurt you, by promising something he cant deliver.

I suppose what i am trying to say is chill, you cant force things. go out to meet friends, and if something happens great, if not, well your friends and social circle will expand, and who knows!!

Someone told me before *go to everything you're invited to* (within reason of course), but if you think about it, just get out there, and you never know what might happen!!