Former addict, need advice.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Basically the story is, I was a heavy drug addict for 4 or 5 years. Strung out on heroin and addicted to benzo's (valium, sleepers etc). I only smoked heroin, never injected but was heavily addicted. I say that so as to let you know that there is no risk of AIDS/HIV or any STI's and I have been tested and am all clear.

I have been clean for nearly 6 months now and have recently been starting to go out again to try to meet people. I cut contact with everybody I knew perviously as they were all involved in the drugs scene. My libido is returning now and I really want to start dating and meeting women again. I'm in my early 20's, look quite good now I'm healthy and cleaned up. I've been out for drinks a few times with people.

The problem is, if I'm seeing someone, should I tell them about my past? I don't think there is much chance of me relapsing, but it's always there, hanging over me as a possibility. Does somebody I'm seeing have a right to know?

I'm always dreading that somebody I used to know and use with will see me out with someone and blow it for me. I also have to be careful around drink as I used to be an alcoholic and that led me on to drugs, now without drugs it's easy to get into a pattern of drinking heavily.

I know a past like mine would be an instant dealbreaker for some people even though I am a nice guy, gentleman, well spoken, well mannered etc.

So obviously (maybe?) it's not a first date conversation piece, but when (if ever) should I tell them? I'm scared it might scare someone off me if I do tell them and scared it might scare them off if I hide it and they find out somehow and think I lied.

Please let me know what you think, thank you all.

AvaKinder

Don't have time for a long reply but in short, you should tell some one only if and when you feel ready to i.e. it's getting serious, or you feel you can trust them. It's really up to you. Once you're clear of HIV/AIDS etc and you're not using, it's up to you. I would say that it may help prevent relapse if your partner is aware of your past they can help you be aware of when your stress levels get too high etc. I personally would want to know and it would only be a deal breaker if they were continuing to associat with other addicts (who are still using not NA/recovery people)

andyournameis

I would wait a week or so, and see if you can 100% trust her,test the waters a bit,then I would tell her.
I went out with a man for 3.5 years and he was a recovering addict aswell, like you he was young man in his 20's and only smoked heroin, thank god I never knew him when he was an addict. i was shocked first when he told me, I never thought he was an addict in a million years, but to honest I was happy that he had that much trust in me to tell me.Sadly for me he a slipped up one and only night, he used again while he was away for the weekend, and guess what he overdosed and passed away that night.

We had 3.5 amazing years, Which I would never change for the world. Like all addicts he had his good days and his bad days, and he said that he thought it was brilliant to have someone to talk to about it. if you think this girl is the one who you think should tell her. I mean everything, if you really want her to understand what do are going through.

The most important thing here is your path recovery,and staying on that path, and staying close to the people who are supporting you.

Walls

You don't have to tell them a thing. It is your business and you should do nothing to endanger your reputation.

Yes, honesty is important in a relationship, but I would keep any confessions to the level of 'I have had some trouble in the past'. Do not go telling anyone until you are comfortable they will not speak of you behind your back, which means you have a good idea of their character. When you feel they are ready to understand this element of you and your past, and that you ready to go into the details, then tell them. You are making a big committment alone with this information and, so, do it when you and only you are ready.

Little Miss!

to_tell_or_not wrote: »

Hi there,

Basically the story is, I was a heavy drug addict for 4 or 5 years. Strung out on heroin and addicted to benzo's (valium, sleepers etc). I only smoked heroin, never injected but was heavily addicted. I say that so as to let you know that there is no risk of AIDS/HIV or any STI's and I have been tested and am all clear.

I have been clean for nearly 6 months now and have recently been starting to go out again to try to meet people. I cut contact with everybody I knew perviously as they were all involved in the drugs scene. My libido is returning now and I really want to start dating and meeting women again. I'm in my early 20's, look quite good now I'm healthy and cleaned up. I've been out for drinks a few times with people.

The problem is, if I'm seeing someone, should I tell them about my past? I don't think there is much chance of me relapsing, but it's always there, hanging over me as a possibility. Does somebody I'm seeing have a right to know?

I'm always dreading that somebody I used to know and use with will see me out with someone and blow it for me. I also have to be careful around drink as I used to be an alcoholic and that led me on to drugs, now without drugs it's easy to get into a pattern of drinking heavily.

I know a past like mine would be an instant dealbreaker for some people even though I am a nice guy, gentleman, well spoken, well mannered etc.

So obviously (maybe?) it's not a first date conversation piece, but when (if ever) should I tell them? I'm scared it might scare someone off me if I do tell them and scared it might scare them off if I hide it and they find out somehow and think I lied.

Please let me know what you think, thank you all.

first of all a HUGE CONGRATS on getting your life sorted and getting clean and staying away from the whole scene, well done you

secondly i would think it's up to yourself when and what you tell other people, personally i would wait until i'd been on a few dates with someone and if i felt the relationship was one i wanted to work/go further then i'd be completely honest - if the other person involved is scared off by this then they weren't the right person for you.

i think beating your addiction shows what a strong person you are and i wish u the best of luck with everything

Congrats on getting clean, OP. Now, personally, I think you should be honest about your past. Not because it's some earth shattering thing that could be a dealbreaker but because it's a pretty big thing to just keep quiet. Relationships are based on honesty and I don't believe in keeping huge chunks of your life under wraps. If it scares someone off, well, to me that's better than going out with someone you can't be honest with. Like you said, there's always that small possibility of relapse and I think they would deserve to know.

JonathanAnon

Personally I wouldnt bring it up on a first date, neither would I lie about it if she questioned you about it. However, if I thought that the relationship was becoming more serious I would feel obliged to tell her. Good luck, and well done on kicking the habit.

Walls

One thing I will add is that you can explain to your gf that this is a measure of your trust; that you consider telling her a milestone in the relationship, as in many cases it is.