BF has lost his job - How to support him.

LegacyUser

I’m in a LDR, he live in the US, and was laid off on Friday. He is also suffering from depression and the layoff obviously is not going to help.

I want to give him as much support and encouragement as possible without making light or belittling his situation. Due to his depression and now this he has become VERY withdrawn and there has been minimum contact between us but I am going to give him a call and said he would talk to me.

My question …. Is suggesting possible jobs to him, I had a quick goggle this morning and found a suitable job for him a good or bad idea. I don’t want to put pressure on him and having never dealt with anyone who has lost their job I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know if it’s too soon to do this, should I wait until he’s not so down about it or is the sooner he tries to get another job the better??

Maybe someone who has been made redundant could give me some advice or direction on this?

I don’t think he receives redundancy so he is really is in a bad way!!

Ickle Magoo

I'd be wary that he doesn't feel your telling him about jobs makes him feel you don't think he'd be able to find one himself or that him having a job is the most important thing.

Why don't you ask him if he wants you to keep an eye out and e-mail links or info on any you happen upon?

thefeatheredcat

Firstly, be his pillar of support through this time and let him know you're there for him. Is he getting treatment for his depression in form of anti depressants or councelling? If not, encourage him to get that help first before anything else.

I would not recommend sending jobs that you see as suitable for him to take, even if it's well intentioned, not until he has gotten through his depression and is feeling better in himself. He needs to get through the depression first, that's priority number one. So let him tackle that hurdle first.

It's good to take an interest in what he is doing though and make sure that there is open communication between yourselves. Asking about what kind of plans he has now and again could be helpful, but don't do it too often because if he's not really doing much, other than dealing with his depression, it could make him feel guilty that he should be doing something 'more worthwhile'. Go encourage getting exercise and getting out and about, especially if he's stuck in the living space and cutting himself off. Being home alone can be quite destructive so even just going for a walk, seeing the neighbour's dog or cat can be a nice thing (at least you don't have to make conversation with a dog or feel under pressure to talk)

What you can do is be that shoulder of support for him and be understanding and put a positive spin (in time) on the redundancy such as having more opportunities to pursue other career options, having more time with hobbies, getting back into learning new things (doesn't have to be college course but even simple things like reading a book on something specific).

Overall, be patient. Getting through depression takes time, but with proper help it can be easier to deal with than alone. I would suggest that you speak to someone yourself about understanding depression or do some research so that you can be more of a help to him at his time of need. Pay particular attention to what medicine he has and the side effects, for example, insomnia can be one, and that alone can be difficult to deal with.

For most people, it doesn't last forever (it didn't with me) but for some people I have known they have fallen into being manic depressives for years and not getting the help they needed.

You could offer by the end of it when he's feeling better to lend a hand in doing up the CV, researching jobs or coming up with a solid plan of action with him if he should need your help, though don't force this on him.

MrDarcy

Logan12345 wrote: »

I’m in a LDR, he live in the US, and was laid off on Friday. He is also suffering from depression and the layoff obviously is not going to help.

How long are the two of you in an "LDR"???

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks fior the reply thefeatheredcat really appreciate it. I have been speaking to him and he is getting out and about looking for jobs himself so that is a positive sign. He has been going to a counsellor for the past several months to get help with his depression.

We are together just over a year.

thefeatheredcat

That's great to hear OP

Just be there and offer your support and encouragement - there's not too much you can do with the distance but be available for him.

It's a good sign looking for new jobs and I imagine with yesterday/today's news with Obama focusing on the economy, there must be some hope there anyway for a lot of people.
Keep an ear out for anything that doesn't sound right in place - like if he somehow is having frustrations and you notice he's not as happy before or possibly may be slipping back to depression.

LegacyUser

Logan12345 wrote: »

I’m in a LDR, he live in the US, and was laid off on Friday.

This may sound like a stupid question but have you ever met him in person?

Have you visited him there, it's all well and good searching for jobs for him but unless you have local knowledge of his location it would be hard to match him to a job he could do, location, rate of pay etc.
Why can't he get welfare there? It would be a start to supporting himself. Also ask him to go see a doctor for the depression.

LegacyUser

tellmewhyihatemondays wrote: »

This may sound like a stupid question but have you ever met him in person?

Have you visited him there, it's all well and good searching for jobs for him but unless you have local knowledge of his location it would be hard to match him to a job he could do, location, rate of pay etc.
Why can't he get welfare there? It would be a start to supporting himself. Also ask him to go see a doctor for the depression.

Yes we have met in person several times and I have been over to visit. He can get welfare and will do but like most countries it takes a bit of time to come through and like alot of people who have been laid off he would rather work.

As I said in a previous post he is already getting help for his depression and is doing good with it I was just afraid that getting laid off would set him back and as I had never come across anyone who had been laid off I didn't know how to deal with it.


He's seems to be having good days and bad evenings. I think during the day he can get up and do something about looking for a job but in the evening he gets to )sit and think about the fact that he doesn't have one :-( He'll get there I have complete faith in him, I just need to pass my belief to him :-