The ex and what is my f*** problem!!

LegacyUser

Ok I'll cut to the chase..

Very happy guy with my girflriend, together for 9 months, she's stunning, smart, well educated actually in the same field than me, my friends loves her and so is my family, she's talented, funny...I mean I am a lucky guy!

Now, I met her few months after ex and I stopped contact after 6 months or staying in touch, I couldn't handle it, it was too hard even tough I broke up)..anyway, all is good you would think, couldn't have the more perfect girl....BUT, suddendly, for the past 3 months now I am randomly calling my ex when Im drunk, she never is the one calling me, it's me the problem ( I know her number by heart) ..I don't know what is wrong with me, I mean, I love my girlfriend, and I wouldn't call my ex when I'm sober but when I'm drunk I think of her and like I said for past 3 months I started to call her...random drunken talk, obviously I am still madly attracted to her (have not seen her in a while, we don't have friends in common) but sure I'm not the first block that thinks his ex is still hot and they don't call them so why can't I get a grip and stop having her in mind when I drink!!

Same story for anyone out there?

Thanks

darad

Its fairly simple really, youre not over her yet.

MitchKoobski

Majority of people have at some stage or another done that with a few drinks in them. However it sounds like this is really becoming a problem now thats its happening constantly. A back-up plan is to nominate a trusted friend as the phone friend. I started doing this when I had the same problem. I would just give my phone to one of my friends who doesnt drink or the designated driver in case I got the urge to drunk-text or call.
You kept in contact with the ex because you did still have feelings for her, and now that you've stopped regular contact, subconsciously you still want the contact with her. With a few drinks in you you're turning to drunk calls for that contact.
What does your ex say about it?

LegacyUser

Thanks mate,

The ex says not much, somehow I wish she wouldn't pick up the phone...sometimes she doesn't actually but mostly she does.

She just tells me to behave and not to look to cheat on my girlfriend, which, of course annoyed the hell out of me that she's so damn right and cool ! wish she would be angry and tell me to F off somehow so it would be easier.

She's just mature, she tells me she knows I'm drunk and that I'm horny probably looking for a shag, then she sends me off nicely saying she wont be the one I cheat with.

Frustrating!!

As for being over her, yes I am, otherwise I don't think it would be possible to love someone else and I do love my girlfriend!

Gone Fishin

Never drink and dial. Leave the phone at home!

Beruthiel

Troubled guy wrote: »

so why can't I get a grip and stop having her in mind when I drink!!

You're not over her yet.
I suggest you quit or cut down on the drink until you can control yourself and stop calling her.
I know I'd be fairly pissed off if my ex continued to call me every time he was drunk.

Zen65

troubled guy wrote: »

As for being over her, yes I am, otherwise I don't think it would be possible to love someone else and I do love my girlfriend!

This does not ring true for me, based on your behaviours as posted here. If you love your gf, delete the ex's number from your mobile. In time you will forget the number and the problem will solve itself.

I expect you repeatedly call her in the hope she will grant you that "quickie" for old time's sake, but the reality is that if this were to happen both your ex and your current gf would quickly hate you, and you'd possibly feel bad about it too.

Be at peace,


Z

Cullen82

Ah man, I know you're only human & people have obviously done worse but this is disappointing.

Advice: I don't believe anyone that does this is completely happy in their relationship. If that's me assuming too much then it's very very simple - you need to stop being an insincere idiot and treat both of these girls with more respect. And some people wonder why us lads have a bad name? Do the right thing:)

whatsamsn

it could be true you are not ever your ex...

but to sum it up the reason why you only ring your ex when drunk is because you want to have sex with her. you said yourself you still find her attractive.

thats pretty much it. although you love your new girlfriend. you still are really attracted to your ex-girlfriend. Famous saying "drunken mind speaks the sober thoughts"

Personally you dont sound like you'd ever sleep with your ex. But when we are drunk sometimes we slip.
Oh and getting over an ex is a two front thing. Emotionally and sexually. If you were really attracted to an ex, even tho you might be over her emotionally, you still can miss the idea of having sex with her. its all a mental mind game we can have sometimes.

LegacyUser

Ok thanks for the replies guys..

quick review from previous posters..

I have deleted her number ages ago, I have the memory of an elephant, I can remember numbers from mates I have not spoken to in 10 years
I can't give my phone to a mate, beside 1 lad from work I have not talked to anyone about it, reason why I posted here, my girlfriend has met all my mates so I don't want to run even the smalest chance she would find out about this.
I have cut down on drinking, and I'm not a mad drinker in the first place, I do remember everything I did the next day and with the calls all I feel is extreme guilt then it goes away after a day or 2 and the following weekend its back to not being able to control it again after few drinks.

It's crazy cause I was doing great for months, I did thought of her many times and suddenly it just happened and now I can't seems to stop. My mate from work said I probably want an ego boost and get a kick out to know she still is around or talking to me, that's the only rational thing I can agree with.

Maybe sooner than later she won't pick up the phone anymore and it will stops naturaly.

Last poster mentioned the sexual thing, yes, of course it was unreal with her, I can honestly said it has been the best of all my sexual experiences, my girlfriend is 21 so maybe that is where the thing is ( I'm 25) I never thought it that way or maybe like someone said I am pure idiot or more like an a**** to act like this when I have the perfect girlfriend.

Like my mate said, its like quit smoking...need to stop cold turkey and stick to it, the min I make 1 call again it's like smoking one last cigarette.

Food for thoughts

LegacyUser

troubled guy wrote: »

It's crazy cause I was doing great for months, I did thought of her many times and suddenly it just happened and now I can't seems to stop. My mate from work said I probably want an ego boost and get a kick out to know she still is around or talking to me, that's the only rational thing I can agree with.

Maybe sooner than later she won't pick up the phone anymore and it will stops naturaly.

I wasn't going to post here until I read this. If you are looking for an ego boost I think you need to think again. I'm in your position with an ex contacting me and hinting at wanting to sleep with me. And if your ex is anything like me nothing she is feeling about this would boost your ego.

Anytime I think of my ex doing this I feel like it's so pathetic, like he's so pathetic. I feel a little angry on his gf's behalf and sorry for him that he is so delusional with regard to any interest I have in him and obviously unfulfilled in his current life. I haven't seen him in quite a long time though we are Facebook "friends." When he got in contact I checked out his profile as I was sure he was in a fairly serious relationship, which I then reminded him of. He said he loves her, she's his everything, but it's all blah, blah, blah, because in the next sentence he's bringing things back around to us. And I look at these pictures of this man and woman living their lives, at parties, with friends, at home and I feel so sorry for them.

If I think about it, he's this weird curiosity to me, it's hard to explain but almost a eunuch. Like the whole life he has around him is built on fault lines but he doesn't know it. I'd never, ever sleep with him again, he isn't anything to me apart from someone from my past who I was vaguely fond of. I'm a little worried for him as I don't think what he's doing is healthy. If I'm very honest I feel slightly flattered, who doesn't want to be considered attractive, but I don't like it because it truly spoils my memory of him. It makes him less of a man to me, a lot less of a man.

I don't know how you see this as an ego boost. You are probably making your ex uncomfortable and sad for you. I really doubt she is being anything other than polite to her weird ex and wondering what she ever saw in someone who could behave this way.

CDfm

OP drink amplifies feelings and emotions and we do ridiculous stuff when drunk. How else can you explain curried chips.

Objects in the rear view mirror and probably a familiar location to you both. All it says is that you have some residual affection for the girl and you do not exercise good judgement when drunk.

An idea on the number is to recite different combinations of the number over and over as an exercise you will become unsure about it.

whatsamsn

As for how to forget the number?

heck, i used to know my previous girlfriends numbers off my heart. And still did for a while after the breakups. I cant remember my last gfs number. Broke up 8 months ago. It ... just disappears when you stop thinking about it

LegacyUser

Very simple, to forget a number you have to WANT to forget the number and stop thinking about her or make the effort to. From the sound of things you don't seem to wanting to even thought you are complain

Maybe your feelings for your current girlfriend are not as strong as you make it out to be otherwise you wouldn't want to call the ex in the first place.