Trouble moving on...

LegacyUser

I know every second post is about this but yeah like so many other people i'm having trouble getting over my ex. We broke up at the start of summer, and for the first few weeks I thought i was okay. Then started to get pretty low after a month or so. We were still in conctact at the time so I asked him to meet up with me because I missed him loads. Told him this and asked him to give us another shot........ he just said No, that it wouldnt work, it wouldnt be the same etc etc. I was devastated. he cut all contact after that day and I was so low for the next 2months. Now just as I'm starting to pull myself together I've to go back to college where I'll have to see him all the time(he goes to same college). The thought of seeing him on nights out with other girls just KILLs me.... Really Dont know how i'll handle it..........

LegacyUser

You poor poor pet. I am going through the same thing, my break up is only recent and I have to work in the same office as him.

I know you are huting like hell, but you have to accept that he has chosen to walk away from you. Maybe he will regret it after awhile and come back and maybe he wont. Main thing is you cannot blame yourself or have any contact with him. My ex works with me, has the same friends and we share the same past times so I have no getting away from him, and yes when he does meet someone else I will see it and probably break all over again.

So who do we cope? You keep busy, DO NOT SIT AROUND FEELING SAD, go to friends house, go for walks, keep active. Do not dwell on all the good times, try to remember the bad things, ( i know this is harsh but it does help.) You are entitled to feel like this but its been months now and the only reason youcant move on is cause you have to see him in college. It will be hard, but for your own sake stay away from him, let him miss you, you be strong Girl, you will be happy again.

Because its been months I Do think you should see a doctor, get some Antidepressents, these do help. Even a councellor, just keep talking to someone, never be alone and let your heart heal before you into anything else.

Chin up,

You have your whole life to live.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help and advice, I know it's so true that i'll just have to keep myself busy because it's whenever I'm idle that my brain decides to bring up all the memories, and i keep re-thinking and overthinking everything! Wish i cud just turn it off, really is my worst enemy! Thankfully this semester in college is suppose to be really busy so I'm going to try and throw myself into college work as soon as i get back. Trying to go out with my friends as much as I can aswell. The only thing is most of my circle of friends are all single(which is good as i have plenty of people to socialise with) but they have never been in longterm relationships so I find it hard to talk to them about it as I sometimes feel like they don't have a clue what I'm going through.

girvtheswerve

Go out and have fun with your friends.

When you're feeling down come on here and vent. At least you're getting it out and not bottling it all up. I find even typing it out helps. Maybe thats just me.

As people have said. Try not to dwell on it. Easier said than done I know:(

If you're looking to move on I saw Rob Kearney out last night looking lonely lol

LegacyUser

girvtheswerve wrote: »

If you're looking to move on I saw Rob Kearney out last night looking lonely lol

Haha! nice!

Princess Peach

I'm gonna butt in here with my own very similar problem. I got dumped right at the start of the summer. It came very out of the blue for me as my boyfriend hadn't said a word about his doubts till he just refused to talk to me one weekend and I asked and he said he didnt want a girlfriend. Other than that I got no explanation. I was very upset and didnt really fight it at all. We didnt talk for a while but now we're sort of friends again. nothing more than the odd text and facebook chat. But I can't get over him, I still love him and think about him all the time. I've been really low lately and still cry about it a lot. My question is do you think I should tell him that I miss him and ask him out again? I'm scared that he'll reject me again and I'll just come out really pathetic, but maybe if he knew how I felt it would be better? Maybe I'm just living a fantasy that he's afraid to ask me out again cause he doesnt want to hurt me. But is it better that he knows? If this makes any sense!

LegacyUser

No, dont ask your ex out again. if he wants you back, he would ask you out. if he doesn't that means he does not want you back.

meet some other blokes. life is short. stop focusing on a failed relationship. look forward to a new one that bring you happiness.

Princess Peach

I dont mean to sound narky on your advice but I've tried to meet other guys and none of them are as good as my ex. I def need to be alone till I can sort my head out cause I keep comparing everyone to him. I just feel like neither of us did anythong to try and fix the problem or even talk about what it was, and maybe if we did things could change? But I dont want to end up looking a desperate fool, cause I will still see him around lots.

IrishEyes19

Princess Peach wrote: »

I dont mean to sound narky on your advice but I've tried to meet other guys and none of them are as good as my ex. I def need to be alone till I can sort my head out cause I keep comparing everyone to him. I just feel like neither of us did anythong to try and fix the problem or even talk about what it was, and maybe if we did things could change? But I dont want to end up looking a desperate fool, cause I will still see him around lots.

Hey Princess Peach, the reason you find none of them as good as your ex, is because your not over you ex. When people break up with you out of nowhere, its often that they have been over us for a while before the break up even happened and thats why its so out of the blue, trust me. You can't fix a problem either, since he did the breaking up, as hard as it feels, things won't change and you'll always have doubt in your mind if he's thinking the same or will do it again. You aren't a desperate fool, but don't give him the satisfaction of you wanting to be back with him again, because its a pure ego trip for these guys, honestly, I've seen it with my own eyes.

Take a break from guys now and be happy being single, lol,when I say that obviously you're not going to be happy happy straight away, but try being content and hang out with the girls or something. 9 times out ten, what we mourn most in break-ups is the horrible feeling of rejection that we have thrown at us, from our other half, and the feeling that that person dont think we're good enough for them anymore, but thats not true, and karma has a very painful sting. Hold your head high at this stage and when you see him, smile and keep walking. Emphasis on KEEP WALKING! These guys have no problem on moving on. Be no different.

Princess Peach

I have a full blown vow of celebacy going now till I can sort my head out! I'm just having a hard time with a lot of things in my life right now, I guess I havent been really happy since before we broke up and I though maybe that would solve everything? I think I just need to start making things right for myself. I jus wish I could stop thinking about him ALL the time!

IrishEyes19

Princess Peach wrote: »

I have a full blown vow of celebacy going now till I can sort my head out! I'm just having a hard time with a lot of things in my life right now, I guess I havent been really happy since before we broke up and I though maybe that would solve everything? I think I just need to start making things right for myself. I jus wish I could stop thinking about him ALL the time!

I know exactly what you mean, Princess Peach, it's horrid, and at least you can see you need to distract yourself away from him and thoughts of him. But ya, it's really hard and the best thing you can do is possibly treat yourself, and Im talking about excercising, shopping with the girls, hobbies.

I know it sounds like that stuff can't help, but I've been in the same position and feeling bad really makes it worse. Cry it out definately, because I've never been a believer in what friends say "you'll be happier single" lol, thats bs in my opinion, because I certainly didnt feel it. However, having said that, you will be happier without the stress of him, when you're over him. Lots of luck and feel free to PM me, if you need to chat. Been through this before!! And its horrid, so I completely get what you're talking about.

cailinalainn1

Princess Peach wrote: »

he just refused to talk to me one weekend and I asked and he said he didnt want a girlfriend.

Hi Princess Peach, I'm going through a similar situation in my life. Just two weeks ago my boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me - said he just didn't want a girlfriend.

I'm finding it hard too... The break-up bit went well, we talked about it and he doesn't want a relationship and I didn't fight it because he was very clear about how he felt. We've been in contact every day since, just chatting like friends and I'm hanging out with my own friends etc etc but I'm worried because I'm going back to college now shortly. We're both in the same course, living about 5mins apart, many mutual friends. It's been okay so far because we're from opposite ends of the country so no huge change in daily routine but he's been such a big part of my college life I'm dreading going back because that's when it's really gonna hit me!
I get through the days fine by keeping busy but it's at night when I'm in bed and have no-one to say goodnight to or send sweet messages to that i miss him most! :-( and I dread seeing him with other girls in college which I know is inevitable!

LegacyUser

First Princess Peach, I've gotta agree with IrishEyes on this one! Don't! DON'T ask your ex out again!! I did, and I've regretted it ever since. Before that I was doing okay, not great like but fairly okay. But after that day, I was so low, It set me back so much! I still haven't recovered from the hurt and rejection. I'm not saying it's guaranteed the same will happen for you but having read your situation, it sounds identical to what happened me. So think long and hard before suggesting anything like getting back together to your ex because the hurt a "no" causes is unbearable.

OH and cailinalainn,

cailinalainn1 wrote: »

I get through the days fine by keeping busy but it's at night when I'm in bed and have no-one to say goodnight to or send sweet messages to that i miss him most! :-( and I dread seeing him with other girls in college which I know is inevitable!

That is so true. I've been busying myself all day and do fine but every so often at night I crumble again..... And as for college, I'm back in 3days and my stomach is in knots already thinking about it

Princess Peach

The first time I saw my boyfriend after we broke up was on a night out, and him and another one of his friends were just talking to a girl and I broke down and had to leave crying. Like looking back on it, it was nothing, he talked to girls the whole time we were together and it was fine, but now that he was single, it could have been more. I hate being a crazy girl! Maybe the fact that your ex is still talking to you means he's not over you as much as he thinks he is. Like my ex didnt text me at all after we broke up till about 2 months later when I went up and said hello to him on a night out, just cause we see each other a good bit and I didnt want things to be awkward. But still sometimes when we talk I feel like he doesnt really want to talk to me. My only advice is to not let your ex see that your upset about the whole breakup, cause that will only make him feel like he's abover you

Faith

Princess Peach wrote: »

I dont mean to sound narky on your advice but I've tried to meet other guys and none of them are as good as my ex. I def need to be alone till I can sort my head out cause I keep comparing everyone to him. I just feel like neither of us did anythong to try and fix the problem or even talk about what it was, and maybe if we did things could change? But I dont want to end up looking a desperate fool, cause I will still see him around lots.

My situation was similar to yours and for months I drove myself insane with the same thoughts that neither of us had fought enough to save things. But you know what? He dumped me. Out of the blue. He'd had plenty of time to think about things and decide to talk to me about it and try to fix things. Instead he chose to take the coward's way out and just end things. He never gave me a chance to fix things because he clearly didn't want them to be fixed.

Unfortunately I'd say it's the same for you. If he'd wanted to fix things, he would have tried. He wouldn't have just broken up with you.

Princess Peach

This is good advice! I like it.

LegacyUser

what i feared the most just happened.............. came home from the club in tears after seeing him with another girl...... maybe it's for the best...... i should just cop on and move on..... but feel like **** right now... can't handle this

Princess Peach

Did he see you cry? I was lucky in that my ex didn't see me cry. I think the important thing is to just put on a happy face next time you see him, make him think you are well over him!

IrishEyes19

lostatsea wrote: »

what i feared the most just happened.............. came home from the club in tears after seeing him with another girl...... maybe it's for the best...... i should just cop on and move on..... but feel like **** right now... can't handle this

lostatsea, I'm so sorry to hear that, did he see you? I know its hard to hear, but at least you can see now he's not worth it. It's an awful thing to see especially when your not over him, I hope you can take the strength now to delete everything you have of him, ie, facebook, phone number and so on.

LegacyUser

he didn't see me crying himself, but his friend did so he'll know. already deleted his number from my phone and removed him from fb. i spose now its hit rock bottom things can only get better, hopefully!

Princess Peach

It took me a while to get my head around the fact that me and my ex arent getting back together. For the first while I just had this silly hope that he would call and everything would be back the way it was. But now that I've faced the reality it really is over I think things will get better. Its hard but it happens to a lot of people who turn out fine in the end! Thats my way of looking at it anyway. Just try to stay busy and your mind off him I guess