Distinction between infatuation and genuine desire(?)

Robby91

Tried to post this last night, but my internet connection was going mad so I'm guessing it didn't actually make it very far...

Over the summer, I've found myself thinking about a particular girl from college quite a bit. While I haven't had much to keep myself, or my thoughts, occupied (for various reasons), I'm getting a bit worried that I might be thinking about her a bit too much - I mean, it's in my head from the moment I wake up, and the last thing I think about before going to sleep, and for a great deal of the time in between.

At the moment, we've just been reasonably close friends, but I would like for it to be something more and ask her out - sadly, with the summer holidays and distance between us, we haven't really communicated that much (aside from the a few texts every now and again).

I guess what I'd like to know is if there any way to help distinguish between "normal" desire and infatuation (if that's the right word). Is it normal to think about someone you like (but are not romantically involved with) very often - I mean, it's in my head from the moment I wake up, and the last thing I think about before going to sleep, and for a great deal of the time in between. I've never been in a situation like this before (that I can remember, at least) so I'm really unsure of what to make of it all, which is kinda unsettling...

Or am I just being a tad paranoid about the whole thing, and should just try to stop worrying?

Exclamation Marc

Robby91 wrote: »

Tried to post this last night, but my internet connection was going mad so I'm guessing it didn't actually make it very far...

Over the summer, I've found myself thinking about a particular girl from college quite a bit. While I haven't had much to keep myself, or my thoughts, occupied (for various reasons), I'm getting a bit worried that I might be thinking about her a bit too much - I mean, it's in my head from the moment I wake up, and the last thing I think about before going to sleep, and for a great deal of the time in between.

At the moment, we've just been reasonably close friends, but I would like for it to be something more and ask her out - sadly, with the summer holidays and distance between us, we haven't really communicated that much (aside from the a few texts every now and again).

I guess what I'd like to know is if there any way to help distinguish between "normal" desire and infatuation (if that's the right word). Is it normal to think about someone you like (but are not romantically involved with) very often - I mean, it's in my head from the moment I wake up, and the last thing I think about before going to sleep, and for a great deal of the time in between. I've never been in a situation like this before (that I can remember, at least) so I'm really unsure of what to make of it all, which is kinda unsettling...

Or am I just being a tad paranoid about the whole thing, and should just try to stop worrying?

It could be a combination of things. If you're great friends and just havent seen each other all summer, it'd be natural to miss the person and long for them to come back into your life.

You'll probably be fine when you start seeing her again. If you still feel the same after you've been seeing her again then its something more

But to be honest the line between genuine desire and infatuation can be very blurred at the best of times.

Robby91

You'll probably be fine when you start seeing her again

Ah, just a matter of wait-and-see, then? Shame that there's more than a month of a wait before I go back to college

If you still feel the same after you've been seeing her again then its something more

Well, I've felt that way for a few months prior to the summer holidays (although, I'd never thought about her as much as I do now) - I just never did anything about it at the time

If you're great friends and just havent seen each other all summer, it'd be natural to miss the person and long for them to come back into your life

Well, I don't really know if we're great friends, although I'd nearly put that down to me not being able to clearly define what a good/great friend would mean to me :P

AckwelFoley

Infatuation is a word that doesnt really fit well here.

You are infatuated with someone if you let you feelings develop in such a manner that you go through all the steps of an early relationship without the other person even knowing you are interested in her that way.. so esentially you feel like you are in love with her and she doesnt even know you are interested in her.

However, it is normal to really really like someone, really love their personality and attracted to them and this will cause you to think and daydream about them alot, thats pretty normal, its just a problem if it affects your decisions and other friendships, or if the amourous feelings are not recpricoted, if you think that if that happens that you would not be able to have a friendly relationship with her if she turned you down, then you may be somewhat infatuated

Look, i bet im a little older than you.. ive been there done that, its a nice feeling to have, make it a positive thing, when you see her again - casually test the water, see the reaction.

Best of luck!

Robby91

Infatuation is a word that doesnt really fit well here.

Ye, I know. The thing is, I just can't think of the word I'm looking for - I have the notion that I know it, but it just won't come to me. Nearest thing I can think of now would probably be obsession but, if I can get what I'm trying to say across to you, the terminology doesn't really matter I guess.

casually test the water, see the reaction.

I'm a bit... confused as to what exactly you mean here - I get that you're trying to say to take it easy and don't be to hasty (right?), but I'd be uncertain of how to go about 'testing the water'. Just a case of get talking with her, and see if there's interest from her side?

Best of luck!

Thanks

AckwelFoley

Robby91 wrote: »

I'm a bit... confused as to what exactly you mean here - I get that you're trying to say to take it easy and don't be to hasty (right?), but I'd be uncertain of how to go about 'testing the water'. Just a case of get talking with her, and see if there's interest from her side?


Thanks

Yea, test the water, talk to her.. see it depends on age aswell too, if you're in youe early 20's it a little more difficult i than when you are my age (32) at my age i think people are more direct about relationships.

You want to try to invite her to things, cinema, drink.. maybe dinner, if you find that she seems fin about spending time with just the 2 of ye at occasions mentioned, it pretty fair to say she likes to be around you, thats half the battle.

IrishEyes19

You most likely like her, and because you haven't seen her all Summer, she's on your mind. I think you should casually ask her out when you see her again. Maybe go for coffee or the cinema at first.