Why am i so unlike-able

LegacyUser

Ok so heres the thing. Im a 19 year old girl and no matter what i do, people seem to find it hard to take to me - granted once they do they love me, but it takes a while. My twin sister however has no problem at all, Shes loved by all instantly. I thought maybe i dont smile enough, but i know thats not the case - people have commented on how im always smiling and my boss even commented on how I never get in bad moods - so i know this cant be the issue. Even my parents treat us like this - i come second. This is just 2 examples that happened this week. I was sent home early from work as i was sick, my mothers response - you were out last night, your just hungover so dont go thinking your getting any sympathy from me (despite the fact that i was'nt drinking as i had an early shift the next morning) but when my sister got a cold she got tea and duvets ect.
The same night out as mentioned above my sister didnt get home from work in time to come with us, all i heard for the evening was "i hope poor Claire* gets out from work in time to come with you". If i miss a night out because of work its "awh sure these things happen when you've a job". We both owe my dad money (700) - I saved up from last year as we knew for quite a while we would have to pay this, my sister spends her money all last year then says shes skint - she now only has to pay half because shes skint. Just getting a bit fed up of this tbh. How can i change things??!

magneticimpulse

I think the fact you are twins and living at home means you have to put up with this more. But I think there is always something between brothers and sisters. I mean its great if you get on with them, but sometimes thats not always the case.

I know I had to save up for a car (which my dad now has) and my brother got my dads car completely free. But then my parents point out that they sent me to piano lessons etc. So maybe your just looking at the negatives...what she gets and you dont. Maybe there are other things which you get and she doesnt?

Maybe you need space from her, being a twin. To become your own person and not live in her shadow. Join some club or sport alone? Go to some meetup.com events. People are always friendly and welcoming there.

LegacyUser

thanks for the reply. I will definately give this a go - appreciate it

Exclamation Marc

I agree with magnetic impulse, probably best to get some space from your sister.

Sometimes when parents treat children differently at times, we only notice it when we're the one being treated like an inferior. But that doesn't take away from how you feel, which sounds like you feel pretty bad.

Try not take it to heart, at the end of the day, your parents may not see it, but at least you can look at the reality of it all. You're an incredibly responsible person (saving up to repay a debt), and you're a dedicated person (going to work even though you were sick, not going out because you have work) and you should take pride in that.

I don't know what your social circle is like but try and not socialise with your sister the whole time, as you'll end up being looked at the same. living in each others pockets is probably massively overbearing at times, and will inevitably lead to you comparing yourself to her, which there is no reason to do.

And to be honest from your post, you actually seem a lot more likeable than your sister and a lot more likeable than you think you are, in fact its hard to see why anyone would see you as unlikeable becuase your post makes you out to be quite the decent person!

LegacyUser

thanks Means alot. Yeah i will definately try and not to spend as much time around her, although we go to the same college, are in the same course and have the same friends, But i have decided that i'm going to join some clubs/ societies and meet friends that are just myn! Might help things alot. Thanks again for the responses!

thefeatheredcat

it may seem like favouritism towards your sister over you by your parents, but your folks probably think you as being more able to cope and be more independent than her.

You should in fact be grateful that your sister gets wrapped in cotton wool and sympathy because you'll learn a lot more and gain a lot more out of life than her. Like you've learned financial responsibility, whereas she hasn't.

It sounds awful but take it all on the chin and look at it that you're the strong, capable sister.

Both my sister and I each moved out of home at 18 (there's 6 years between us) to start our own lives and neither of us have moved back to the family home, mainly because my folks see us as each being able and capable to look after ourselves. However, both my brothers have been allowed move home, even when working and stayed there for years, having it easy without bills to pay, financial responsibilities, etc, while my sis and I have struggled to make ends meet and have had difficulties.

Even recently, despite the fact that I can just barely keep a roof over my head, and struggling through life, my mother won't let me move back home. It sounds bad and cruel, but she knows I am capable of being independent myself and is in fact, doing me a favour by forcing me to survive and overcome obstacles without a safety net (and they're not going to be around forever anyway). And i know that will stand to me and encourage me to make more of my life than ending up relying on them for certain things.

So count yourself lucky in comparison to your sister and also keep it in mind that she may get things done for her that you don't, but you are way better off in life standing on your own two feet than always having cotton wool to fall back on. You'll be much more prepared for real life than your sister.