Mediation meeting? Good idea?

LegacyUser

Due to been threatened at work by a colleague i was left with no option but to lodge a complaint. A full investigation was carried out by management but due to it being my word against his the outcome was unsatisfactory. It was recommended by management that i sit down with my aggresser in a mediation meeting.

I'm very disappointed with management over this. It's upsetting that they have put me in this position. This person has a long history of complaints against them, so management know what this person is like. So here is my dilemma!!!

I really don't want to sit down with this person. Firstly they threatened me and has now antagionized me ever since. The only time i have slept over the past month is when i have a day off. When it comes to the night before work i can not sleep. I've never been so stressed.

So should i enter into talks? I know i won't be able to kept my cool. I'm not affraid of this person and will not be able to hold back. I feel i may say something i will later regret or be held acountable for. So for me thats a good reason not to agree to this meeting.

But on the other hand if i don't go it looks like i am not willing to make an effort to solving the problem. This person is quiet willing to partake, and can easily turn on the "butter wouldn't melt" approach. So them acting nice and me probabley losing it i feel i'm not going to come out looking to good from this.

So what shall i do? Has anyone any advice? Anyone ever experianced a mediation meeting before? Should i go, or should i say no?

tenchi-fan

In what way were you threatened?
If it was physically, just call the guards and let them deal with it.

If both you and this workmate are always locking horns, I suggest you either accept the offer of mediation and keep your head or start looking for a new job.

antoinolachtnai

I have done mediation type processes before but not in the workplace.

Are they going to bring in an outside mediator? There really needs to be a mediator you can have some sort of confidence in.

The question is really what you want to achieve here. You need to think of that and make sure it is what you really want and how you can get it or as close as possible.

Try to think about what your employer wants to achieve too.

If you don't do this, what will the consequences be?

Has this person really continuously threatened you and you have no evidence against them to raise this above 'he said/she said' at all after all this time? There has to be some way to break through this.

You could go along and find out to what the other person has to say. You might not have to be in the same room, depending on the process. You don't necessarily have to accept what the other person has to say and you don't necessarily have to respond.

If you decide to do it (which isn't necessarily what you should do) keep a control of the process, don't be railroaded into anything.

gerrycollins

Anonymous please wrote: »

Due to been threatened at work by a colleague i was left with no option but to lodge a complaint. A full investigation was carried out by management but due to it being my word against his the outcome was unsatisfactory. It was recommended by management that i sit down with my aggresser in a mediation meeting.

I'm very disappointed with management over this. It's upsetting that they have put me in this position. This person has a long history of complaints against them, so management know what this person is like. So here is my dilemma!!!

I really don't want to sit down with this person. Firstly they threatened me and has now antagionized me ever since. The only time i have slept over the past month is when i have a day off. When it comes to the night before work i can not sleep. I've never been so stressed.

So should i enter into talks? I know i won't be able to kept my cool. I'm not affraid of this person and will not be able to hold back. I feel i may say something i will later regret or be held acountable for. So for me thats a good reason not to agree to this meeting.

But on the other hand if i don't go it looks like i am not willing to make an effort to solving the problem. This person is quiet willing to partake, and can easily turn on the "butter wouldn't melt" approach. So them acting nice and me probabley losing it i feel i'm not going to come out looking to good from this.

So what shall i do? Has anyone any advice? Anyone ever experianced a mediation meeting before? Should i go, or should i say no?

one issue here is that regardless of complaints against the member of staff how many were made official like yours. if none I dont see how this meeting would be of benefit.

also unless you have a witness then it is honestly your word against his.

I dont know why mediation has been suggested it was a verbal threat not an argument over work practise as there is nothing to discuss really. If the staff member has been as you have said you need to have records of times and dates of all incidents and possible witnesses.

if your company are still insistant then go into the meeting but demand an oustide meediator and all you want is an apology from the other side if its not forthcoming then say you will refer the matter further as bullying has taken place.

looksee

It does depend a bit on whether the attack was physical or verbal, and whether the other disputes were made official. You have said yourself that you are easily provoked, and can't even trust yourself to go into a meeting without losing it. Maybe you should discuss this with a non-involved third party and try and establish your own input into the original situation. I am sympathetic as I have been in exactly the same situation, except that I was able to take some control of the meetings without losing it.

I think you have to weigh whether the meeting would do more damage or less. Maybe you have to back off and make sure you do not have any more confrontations with this person. Hopefully they will push someone else's buttons, with witnesses, and at that stage you will be vindicated.

bbam

I would advise you to go and give the mediation a chance...

It may resolve the issue and you can move forward and have a better work environment..
It may not resolve the problem but if in the future you have to make another complaint then you will have tried all avenues and this will reflect well on your complaint..
If you've refused mediation and another issue arrises your position may be weakened..

Trashbat

If the threat is physical, then I would get legal advice on what could possible be seen as constructive dismissal. Mediation is totally inappropriate in the context fo physical threat, regardless of proved or not.

LegacyUser

Well the mediation was today and it just made things worst. I was threatened and verbally abusived. The mediator allowed this behaviour and even took sides, not mine. It was made clear at the start that everything was off the record, and this just gave them lience to say whatever they wished. I came home nearly in tears. I'm totally fed up now and willing to forget the whole thing, i have had enough!

tenchi-fan

Anonymous please wrote: »

Well the mediation was today and it just made things worst. I was threatened and verbally abusived. The mediator allowed this behaviour and even took sides, not mine. It was made clear at the start that everything was off the record, and this just gave them lience to say whatever they wished. I came home nearly in tears. I'm totally fed up now and willing to forget the whole thing, i have had enough!

Maybe you need to re-examine who's at fault. It seems you went into the mediation with a negative attitude and I'd question whether the mediator actually took sides.. if they did, perhaps they had good reason to.