Drug use

LegacyUser

Hi , Im basically writing for some advice and to really show myself that this is not normal and we have a problem. We are a normal couple with our own home and kids. Husband has a good job. I say this so people don't assume were dead beats. When younger we just to go out probably once every 6 months clubbing. This would involve a few E. Over the last 4 years we have gone out less and less but our drug use has gone up. It has come to the stage of every weekend. And the last 6 months in particular it has been every night & day of the weekend. Starting on Friday night going on till 8am or 9am. When the kids get up decreasing the dose so we can function and appear normal, but basically just making sure they were distracted with TV or video games while we were basically using all day and into the next night. If we were lucky we managed to stop early Sundays so we could make work on Monday. But this has not always been the case.

We have never really thought about giving up as we thought it was fine if we took it easy. But when we planned to take a break for a few weeks we never managed too. This is what got me thinking we have a problem. This has become so normal for us that we never have a problem justifying it to oursleves.
We have looked up NA and we are planning to go to a meeting.

Is it better to completely stop or to plan a night to do it once every 3 months ? I would like to say Id quit compellingly but I cant see that happening tbh. I'm afraid that this will get out of control.

Any advice welcome.

Ickle Magoo

I think your first stop when trying to come off drugs would be a chat with your GP about what drugs you are taking and what side-effects you will experience and how best to deal with them. Going to the NA meeting is also an excellent idea.

When it gets to the stage you are ignoring your kids or risking your employment just so you can take drugs then you really do need to make some very serious changes.

All the best.

going un-reg

I dont even need to go into the details of how irresponsible you sound, and I'll simply state one thing. YOUR KIDS, full stop.

I'm assuming they're young children? now whats stopping them from stumbling across a bag of E you have when you're distracted or not around?.

Thinking you have a problem shouldn't be determined on how its inflicting on your work, think about what sort of role model you're making yourself out to be regarding your children? They're alot more aware than you give them credit for. You're barely ever going out but the dose is increasing?..are you taking them at home?

If I didnt know any better, I'd have assumed that this post was a troll, but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. Simple answer is just quit, you shouldn't even be considering anything else.

Milky Moo

When you are high your kids are alone and have to take care of themselves, what about spending time as a family?
They are missing out on all of that just so you can get off your face.

You should stop now, seek help if you have to. The fact you haven't been able to stop shows you have a serious problem.

You have responsibilties, you are not a teenager anymore.

Excuse my bluntness but it seems as though you need a wake up call!

going un-reg

going un-reg wrote: »

I'm assuming they're young children? now whats stopping them from stumbling across a bag of E you have when you're distracted or not around?.

The OP did not specify that it was MDMA (which E rarely is nowadays) being used now, but in the past. MDMA is difficult to use so frequently and is not particularly addictive. I would speculate that it is probably a more recent drug such as a substituted cathinone.

In either case, drug use by itself is not at all setting a bad example for anyone, so your reaction is a bit silly. It is perfectly possible to take drugs recreationally and be an upstanding parent. The only problem is when it begins to interfere with your normal life, especially the responsibility of taking care of children. As such, the OP should speak to a doctor immediately and consider starting therapy. NA may not be the best option but it depends on what'd be comfortable for the people in question and their religious inclinations, as the *Anonymous groups tend to be quite theist.

going un-reg

coconut, you're speculating far too much, you're assuming too much, the OP specifically said "This would involve a few E".....E is Extasy, usually coming in the form of a pill. I wouldnt say "I had a few E" when I smoked weed, would I?

Your point is a weak one as it's clearly showing irresponsibility when the OP doesnt have the cop on to know when too much is too much. I've taken drugs before but I did so responsibly and have never taken anything strong.

"In either case, drug use by itself is not at all setting a bad example for anyone", you've got to be kidding me? When you have children at home and you're taking it at home,yes, it IS a bad example. You speak articulately but your logic is way out of leftfield.

going un-reg

going un-reg wrote: »

coconut, you're speculating far too much, you're assuming too much, the OP specifically said "This would involve a few E".....E is Extasy, usually coming in the form of a pill. I wouldnt say "I had a few E" when I smoked weed, would I?

I'm pretty sure I just said that we don't know what drugs the OP is taking now. All we know is that they took ecstasy in the past. I speculated a little on what the present drug might be. You assumed they're still taking ecstasy, and I explained why I disagree with that speculation.

going un-reg wrote:

Your point is a weak one as it's clearly showing irresponsibility when the OP doesnt have the cop on to know when too much is too much. I've taken drugs before but I did so responsibly and have never taken anything strong.

That's a pretty high and mighty view. The OP needs help and they obviously understand the gravity of the situation otherwise they wouldn't be posting here, but that doesn't mean they can suddenly break a habit that has been with them for a long time.

So you never took anything "strong" (your lack of knowledge about drugs is exemplified in the use of this term). Good for you, but not everyone is the same.

going un-reg wrote:

"In either case, drug use by itself is not at all setting a bad example for anyone", you've got to be kidding me? When you have children at home and you're taking it at home,yes, it IS a bad example. You speak articulately but your logic is way out of leftfield.

Please don't make me play the alcohol card.

You cannot automatically assume a drug-using parent is a bad parent, especially when the parents do not let their children know about their use.

patrickc

consult your gp before stopping any drugs. Look at drugs.ie and link in with a local service for help. Good luck

LegacyUser

coconutlulz, you are correct in your assumption, it is a cathinone based drug we have been using.

We are very responsible parents and we keep our drug use private from our kids and friends. I understand the concept of drug user can be very difficult for someone who has no experience with drugs but its not as simple as saying you have kids therefore stop. We have always done drugs together and never had a problem. Its only now in more recent years we have found it creeping up and taking more of a hold. Doing drugs with the kids in the house is no more worse than having 3 or 4 cans of beer, we function the same. That's why we never had a problem with it. But we decided to take a break from it for a few months and we have failed. Over the last year the most of a break we can do is perhaps a week or two.
We had to finally admit we have a problem.

going un-reg: you say you take drugs responsibly because you dont take anything too strong, well thats very subjective. Each person will have different tolerance. By your logic I am also taking drugs responsibly. I have been in worse condition on 5 or 6 cans of cider than I get when using drugs. We are using many years and because were older and wiser we don't have this need to be so wasted that we cant talk or function. But thats not the problem, our problem is that we should be able to decide on break from it, and at the moment we cant.

needwant

needwant wrote: »

We had to finally admit we have a problem.

Excellent! Now you need to seek professional help. A doctor of course is the first step, but I have found some to be very judgmental when it comes to drug use. Perhaps ask around and find a doctor who will be understanding and compassionate. The last thing you need is for someone to constantly lecture you.

Cathinones (especially methcathinone and its analogues such as mephedrone) are known to be difficult to stop once a regular habit has formed, so your addiction is not a reflection on your character, despite what some certain people might say.

OP, I know a forum which regularly deals with and specialises in helping those with cathinone addiction

kjl

You will always get the Joe Duffy listeners hearing people talk about drugs and call you a bad parent, while at the same time drinking themselves into a stupor.

Anyway, it seems like the good old government has solved this problem for you today with the introduction of the mind altering substances bill.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

You will always get the Joe Duffy listeners hearing people talk about drugs and call you a bad parent, while at the same time drinking themselves into a stupor.

Anyway, it seems like the good old government has solved this problem for you today with the introduction of the mind altering substances bill.

without sounding funny, this bill will not make it to the streets. The shops will be closed so Joe Public can sleep better, but access will not really be affected. If banning drugs worked there would be no drug problem in Ireland. We already have bans on other drugs like heroin and coke and it does little good so why should you think this ban will do anything ?

real E is hard to come by nowadays, not because the laws are working but because there is more profit in coke.

Milky Moo

On one hand you are defending your drug use and on the other you are trying to stop.

To me, and most people, I would not be comfortable seeing parents use any substance that makes them ignore their kids for entire weekends, as you said you have them playing video games and watching tv.

Your drug use has already impacted their childhood in that way.

They don't have their parents fully there with them. Children are so perceptive, you may not be using enough to black out but you are obviously using enough that there is some impact on your state, if you weren't you wouldn't be using at all. It seems like you are in denial saying it doesn't impact you at all, I can say with almost complete certainty that the kids know when you are using.

If it affects you so much that you are not able to go into work on monday morning, I doubt you are being the best parents you can be.

username123

OP - first of all, the kids know something is up. Course they do. Mammy and Daddy are 'different' at the weekends. They stay up all night and sometimes miss work on Monday and the kids are expected to amuse themselves with tv/video games all weekend. Kids know - you are only deluding yourself if you think they dont.
Friends - you have either manipulated the situation to a degree that friends dont call or expect contact at the weekends or else you have friends who know or suspect something is amiss. Basically anyone you encounter regularly while both high and not high knows the difference and will put two and two together - drug users always assume people dont know, that the habit is hidden, but usually - people know - they just dont say they know.

So the above is not normal. It doesnt matter what the drug of choice is, nor really how wrecked you are getting on it, what matters is that you are putting the drug use ahead of caring for your kids and sometimes ahead of the responsibility of going to work.

So there is some denial on the part of you and your partner, in terms of who knows what and how good the parenting is while the drug use comes first, but there is also acceptance that there is a problem - which is good.

Go to your GP. Explain whats going on - get some advice.

There are two ways drug use can end, get worse or get clean - so get clean - your kids will thank you for it.

needwant

needwant wrote: »

We are very responsible parents and we keep our drug use private from our kids and friends. I understand the concept of drug user can be very difficult for someone who has no experience with drugs but its not as simple as saying you have kids therefore stop. We have always done drugs together and never had a problem. Its only now in more recent years we have found it creeping up and taking more of a hold. Doing drugs with the kids in the house is no more worse than having 3 or 4 cans of beer, we function the same. That's why we never had a problem with it. But we decided to take a break from it for a few months and we have failed. Over the last year the most of a break we can do is perhaps a week or two.
We had to finally admit we have a problem.

going un-reg: you say you take drugs responsibly because you dont take anything too strong, well thats very subjective. Each person will have different tolerance. By your logic I am also taking drugs responsibly. I have been in worse condition on 5 or 6 cans of cider than I get when using drugs. We are using many years and because were older and wiser we don't have this need to be so wasted that we cant talk or function. But thats not the problem, our problem is that we should be able to decide on break from it, and at the moment we cant.

I am sick to death of seeing this stuff time and time again on Boards. How you function on one drug compared to another drug is irrelevant here. The only time it might be relevant is in a discussion on legalising illegal drugs. I don't know how anyone can say that the state they're in looking after kids is comparable to having had 5 or 6 cans of alcohol, and think that means they're fine. I'd be well on my way to being trashed on 5 or 6 cans of cider, and I have a good tolerance. It might be alright the odd Saturday night when you're in the pub with your mates, but it's absolutely not alright when you're looking after children! It's well over the drink drive limit, yet you seem to think you function perfectly well? You say you've recognised you have a problem, but the delusion is running pretty deep.

You are NOT responsible parents. Being on substances during the day in your children's company is not responsible, and neither is missing work because of your drug use. Neither is parking them in front of the TV because you're too wasted to do anything with them.The poor things. They almost definitely know. And if they're too young to have figured it out yet, they will. Children are perceptive. I think you should just stop, just quit the drugs altogether. What's the point in even doing them once in a while? You've shown that you weren't able to do that, so why would it be different in the future?

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

littlefriend

needwant wrote: »

We are very responsible parents

Quote - "And the last 6 months in particular it has been every night & day of the weekend. Starting on Friday night going on till 8am or 9am. When the kids get up decreasing the dose so we can function and appear normal, but basically just making sure they were distracted with TV or video games while we were basically using all day and into the next night. If we were lucky we managed to stop early Sundays so we could make work on Monday. But this has not always been the case"


OP you are kidding yourself. It sounds like you have the fear after a heavy weekend of getting wrecked. Though you are talking about stopping you are excusing yourself too much in your replies. I'd imagine by the time Friday comes around again you will have convinced yourself that it this weekend you won't do as much as you have been doing...but you will. Seriously, you need to cop on. If something happens to one of your kids when you are out of it you will NEVER forgive yourselves. Surely giving your kids good weekends is more important than sitting up talking **** and repeating yourself all night. Its kind of embarrassing actually.

Nevyn

needwant wrote: »

. But we decided to take a break from it for a few months and we have failed. Over the last year the most of a break we can do is perhaps a week or two.
We had to finally admit we have a problem.

Anyone who spends the whole weekend in an altered state due to drink or drugs(illegal, prescription or over the counter) has a problem.

It could be habit, it's just easier to let the weekend slide by, or it could be something else. Either way I suggest you got to your dr to get yourselves checked out and for referral as to try and figure our why you are using drugs as a buffer to your life and responsibilities.

Cos it's not just your life you are doping away and there are ways to get normal natural highs with your kids which are good for you all like hill walking or any physical exercise which pushes you.

tenchi-fan

You should look up crystal meth orphans in america and it might make you reconsider your drug use.
The problem with E is it's not regulated.. one bad batch and your lives could be destroyed.

going un-reg

Op, you have a problem, that is clear as day. So, as such, you should not be defending your drug taking, or drugs for that matter. Comparing it to a few drinks is rediculous as the effects vary greatly. I wholeheartedly agree with Izzy Wizzy. As another poster stated, if you think your children are oblivious as to what's going on, you're alot more naive than you think. You think in a few years, they wont find out? It wont be brought to their attention, either accidentally or purposefully? "When I was younger, mum and dad were getting high at home whilst I watched TV".

Being so defensive is often a symtom of guilt. You're fully aware of what you do but you dont want to face the reality of the situation. Idillically it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You mentioned that you're older and wiser now? That's quite laughable as you're clearly not wiser, only delousional.

Now, getting back to providing advice.You should go straight to any of the centers listed in this link (I was going to post the addresses with phone numbers but I wasn't sure if that was against the forum rules).

http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=2720

Scroll mid way down the page and they list some locations and contact numbers that you might find helpful.

pclancy

Judging yourself as perfectly capable of looking after kids when on a few yokes is mad my friend, fair enough you'll love them and hug them and you will not have an ounce of hatred in you, hell you'll probably actually be way more observant of their every move if you sit in the room with them but you mention you just leave them to the TV, thats not fantastic parenting. What do ye do go off and trip/squeeze each other/swing jaws/listen to pendulum etc but it depends on how trashed you're getting yourself?

Do ye actually function normal or do ye party as ye do it? When you say you just take enough to function well but compare it booze I dont think you're making a ****e comparison, E is a completly different expereince and creates a totally different person during and after the experience. Do ye crash from Monday onwards into depression?

Also for you to take E constantly for that amount of time that ye have, to me would mean i'd probably be taking 10-15 pills evevy weekend to get something of an effect...without a tolerance break you must be very used to it and need to take a tons of em to enjoy much unless theyve gone up in quality since I was there.

Most people I know that were into recreational drugs as teens/twenteens either stopped them totally after having kids or keep their use totally out of the kids lives and into a controlled, once a week/month environment or just with their mates etc. I'm talking an odd jay or pill at a party etc...nothing like the amount you say.

You guys also just need to understand that less is more and you will probably enjoy life and your kids and even your drugs if you want to just by only doing it once a month or once a week. I'm sure the amount you take is affecting your physical and mental health and your kids safety and future...if you can't find the ability to go cold turkey or get professional help then I urge you to try slow down and just confine it to social occasions or parties- anythings better then doing it whilst parenting

pclancy

After all that I read the post from OP saying they're not even doing E. Too tired to edit.

Soz.

pclancy

pclancy wrote: »

After all that I read the post from OP saying they're not even doing E. Too tired to edit.

Maybe others can learn from this example. I couldn't help but cringe from the constant ecstasy references in this thread.

Gone Fishin

I can't believe this post. Clearly you are not responsible parents, if you are off your heads on drugs, your kids shouldn't even be around you. Whatever about going to a party whilst your kids are at someone elses house but you are casually doing it in the house while they are there. Thats the way the authorities would look at it. What would you do if one of your kids hurt themselves over the weekend? Drive them to the Hospital whilst off your head on drugs? Responsible parents....don't think so.

What sort of a life is that for your kids? Their whole weekend is spent playing video games or watching TV whilst you are on drugs. The very fact that you are even on here looking for an opinion clearly shows that you have a problem.

For the sake of your children, go and get help. At least let them give them some sort of life instead of being so selfish.

King Felix

How old are your kids, OP?

Might I suggest you plan a weekend away with them, where you can't access whatever it is you're taking and enjoy the weekend off, just to break the habit and open yourself to alternatives (and don't be substituting a different drug for the duration). Then take it from there.

As you said yourself in your first post just a few times a year is plenty. Get the kids offside and enjoy yourselves.

Is there a dominant partner when it comes to initiating the drug use or is that an equal enterprise?

blackie100

OP am glad you made the first move by posting about your situation.
It looks like yee have a problem. I think you hit the nail on the head
about going to NA. From what I know the meeting are cheap just a euro or
two. And I would recomend you try to get to a meeting were their are
members who have been abstinant for a while. Sometimes in my experience
meetings in treatment centres can have more members and be better orgainzed, but it is nice to support the local meeting. Just to say in my experience in 12 step programess you dont get judged or given out to. We who are in a meeting are united in that we have problems and trying to turn our lives around. Also if you have the time it could be good to go to a NA meeting on the weekend it could help when your are tempted. Good luck in getting better.

thefeatheredcat

needwant wrote: »

Over the last 4 years we have gone out less and less but our drug use has gone up. It has come to the stage of every weekend.

Is it better to completely stop or to plan a night to do it once every 3 months ? I would like to say Id quit compellingly but I cant see that happening tbh. I'm afraid that this will get out of control.

Any advice welcome.

fair play to you op for coming on here and looking for advice. tbh I'm shocked with some of the judgemental and non-constructive 'advice' already posted.

on the children front, generally speaking, there are many, many parents out there that happily let the tv/wii/playstation/internet/psp/dvd act as babysitters/parents while the parents are at home doing other things like chores, watching tv, having their 'me' time, drinking, or having friends over, and I think a lot of the criticism of the OP's parenting has been waaay off and uncalled for.

In addition, I am aware from a friend who has kids that in their estate, with one family, both parents spend all day and night drinking at home but the kids are shoved out the door in the mornings, aren't allowed home for anything, aren't washed, fed or looked after and the youngest kid of 8 doesn't usually go home till 11pm. Only for their eldest daughter of 14 taking on the role of parents, I'd hate to think....and yes SS are involved. Another family in the same area leave their under 10yr old son at home alone (often all day and during the night too) because he refuses to go anywhere with the parents, so they give in rather than dealing with the issue. I regularly witness young children left unattended in their parent's cars when the parents are in the shopping centre. On top of that, all too often I see parents in their cars with the baby seat in the front (illegal), a young child sitting in the passenger front seat (also illegal) and children in the backseat without any seat belts as they hang their bodies out the window as the car speeds along. I saw 3 young girls squashed into the non-existent backseat of a 2 seater (front seat) sports car.

The problem that I can see is that as you've been at home more often, the drug use has escalated and you should be looking at why this has occurred, and why this particular co-dependant behaviour has gotten out of control. You've already identified when, so identify the why, so something must have changed or occurred around that time to push this direction, even if it was just supposed to be a once-off. If it's boredom or an inability to find something more constructive to do or time to spend, a real problem is identified.

It's not unlike 2 friends meeting up every weekend to get drunk from 6pm Friday until 3am Sunday. I know and have known many people of all ages who do this and they see no problem in it, as that's just the way they live their life. The same goes for those I see already drinking in the pub at 1pm on a weekday.

However, the house is the den for taking the drugs, and overcoming the temptation of taking drugs there will be a challenge you will have to face. So you'll have to change the perception and behaviour that you have and the functionality of the house away from taking drugs and into other things.

It would be best to get your advice direct from your GP and other reliable non-judgemental services who will help you and not berate you.

With regards quitting in stages or altogether, be careful and discuss this together with your GP and be as upfront and honest as you can regarding what you've used, how much, how often and so on. As long term users you not only have built up a tolerance to the particular drug you take (which is why more is needed), but your immune system has also been suppressed and compromised (depending on the effect and type of drug). Quitting in stages or cold turkey should only be up to a medical professional to decide.

In addition, you need to consider whether if giving up for ever is an option or merely for now, a break. You may come to a conclusion on that yourselves or through counselling, whether it is part of your lives, of who you are and something you can control and manage or something you have to break free from completely.
If you feel that it's something you need to function normally on an everyday basis, then you're definitely in trouble. Louis Theroux did an interesting investigation on heroin (and think other drugs) users in the USA which I personally found thought provoking.

In any case, well done to you for having the courage to admit that all is not right and getting the help. You're far better to confront this now rather than in 4 years time and you need know that you are very much not alone in your situation. Control it, don't let it control you.

LegacyUser

Hi I wont give you the Joe Duffy response I will just share my experience. I am 36 married with 3 kids, eldest is 7. I met my now wife in the Raves in Dublin in 1993.
We took E and had great times. Thing is we stopped for many years. However 2 years ago there was a lot of Oldskool night in town with DJ's from the 'old' clubs playing the old tunes.

So we said feck it lets go for old times sake. So we took E which we procured at these nights. We would only do at most a couple each. We went to these nights every few weeks, then less frequent but haven't been to one in a good few months. Yet there has been events such as weddings etc where I indulged.

Thing is we have a very good house great kids yet we wouldn't even think twice about rekindling the old vibe. I know it will all end soon, just cant stop loving the old scene. There are plenty of people like us because I have meet like minded people but we would never continue into Day 2, one night satisfies me but I know I have to draw a line, again!