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Should we stay together?

  • 22-08-2010 6:22pm
    #1
    jayo76
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 144 ✭✭


    Myself and my fiance have been together 7 years and have been engaged since May( no date set) but I think it is fair to say that we have both started to have doubts recently and I am wondering whether we should finish our relationship. We love each other very much, I know for a fact that neither of us have ever cheated and are never likely to but lately I dont know the differences in our relationship seem to have become more pronounced. I dont know for a long time I probably went along with my fiances wishes to avoid trouble and I know this is a good thing but in recent times we have disagreed on the type of house which we want, where we'd like to buy and probably hardest of all the type of wedding we want. Everything was okay as long as I agreed that Id lke a small family wedding and was happy to live an hour from work and commute in but I suppose one day I started to think this isnt my ideal and while Im willing to compromise where is the compromise towards me. I would like friends to share our wedding day and would probably like to live closer to work. I am quite a sociable person,like meeting friends for a couple of drinks , meals etc but my fiance is very quiet and I know finds it difficult in social gatherings, for a long time I suppose i excused myself from various gatherings even though I would like to have gone but recently have become more resentful of this. Its not that I am alcoholic or anything just like a few quite pints with friends and would like my future wife to be comfortable accompanying me in such circumstances. However I lov her more than anyone I'v ever known and for most of the last 7 years I'v been happier than I'v ever been before.


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Hi Op

    suggest you hold off from making any rash decisions - marriage/wedding planning can be a stressful time.

    Suggest instead you push back the date and try to work through your differences. It is as much your day as hers - but at the end of the day it is only 1 day - how much in debt do you want to be.

    In terms of where to live and having friends - those are choices that will live with you a lot longer. Again - see if you can reach a compromise - but - if at the end of it - one of you will just be plain unhappy - then you have to really ask the tough question. Is it fair for one person to dominate the relationship to the detriment of the other partner?

    You can always try counselling - maybe you both need professional help to learn to see it from the other partner's viewpoint and to realise that their needs are just as important. Sometimes though - despite wanting to be together people are just too different to ever be happy.

    As I said at the beginning though - don't rush. Take the time now to really talk it through. Let her know how you are feeling - but be cautious - it is very easy to start this off and for the other person think you are attacking them....


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