Adult orphans

jos28

Not sure where to start but like so many others on this forum I just need to talk. My Mam died 2 weeks ago on the 7th August. Today is a particularly hard day as I always spent Saturdays with her. Going to the Botanic Gardens, Phoenix Park, shopping were some of the things we did together. My wonderful Dad died 6 years ago and myself and Mam became very close after that. My Mam lived a very fulfilled and long life.She was a unique and remarkable woman. She suffered terrible illness in her last years and was more than ready to leave this world. She died very peacefully with us all around her. Her funeral (which she left instructions for) was a huge success with all her wishes taken care of.
So I have a lot to be thankful for yet I am finding it hard to cope. It is different than the grief I felt when Dad died. That was raw physical pain that overwhelmed me for a very long time. Mam's death has left me 'orphaned' and its a very lonely feeling. I know this might sound ridiculous, I have a wonderful husband, fantastic sons and am close to all my siblings. Yet I feel lost and abandoned. Its as if my roots have been pulled up, Mam's house will never be the centre of family gatherings, I'm scared that the family will drift apart. Neither am I happy about moving nearer to the top of the family tree, makes you feel really old !
I am missing Mam terribly today, its been a tough week, the post funeral reality has really kicked in. I know I was lucky to have such wonderful parents for such a long time but it does not help this feeling of being left orphaned. Sorry for rambling on so long but has anyone else experienced the same?

Black Dog

Jos,

My deepest sympathies on such a sad loss, a very difficult time for you. Regardless of how grown up we are it is always a wrench when our parents depart; they are still "Mam" and "Dad" even if we have gone on to be a Mam or Dad ourselves. My mother died when I was quite young and my father when I was in my mid forties and despite the fact that I had been away from home for over thirty years, it was still a frightful and upsetting loss.

You know all the old cliches - those old saying people trot out to you on such occasions - and I won't repeat them here as I found them an annoyance when they were delivered to me.

So, what can I say? I understand how you feel. It is horrible. It will pass - eventually and after many, many miserable days.

Keep plenty of contact with other family members and keep life going as best you can - and you can only do as best you can.

WesternNight

I'm so sorry.

This is actually one of the main things I dread about the future. Being an only child, I'm acutely aware that whenever my parents die, that'll be it for the immediate family. It'll just be me left. It won't matter if I have a husband and family when that happens...it'll be a very specific feeling of loss that can't be compared to anything else.

So, while I can't relate to exactly how you're feeling at the moment, I can definitely understand why you feel the way you do.

I'm sure your siblings are feeling a lot of the same things you are, so try to ride it out together as much as possible.

Take care.

cats.life

op i was there 13 yrs ago where you are now, dad died 3yrs before mom did, after she died like you i felt so alone as if there is no one to look after (was 33) me like mom could , op you are not being silly, thats normal when both of parents are gone, it dont leave you im afraid op you just live around it, my only wish is for mum and dad see my two lovely boys and tell me what they think of them. my elder lad was only 3 months old when mom died, ive foto of her with him on his christening in his room..op my heart goes out to you it really does cos its all new to you and wondering when will it ease ,feeling like an orphan stays with you for a bit . your family wont drift apart they are like you , in deep mourning, call them now and again ,txt is good when you dont want to talk.my family home isnt there anymore cos brother had to knock some of it down to rebuild it up for when he was doing bread and breakfeast. i cryed when he had done it cos all my memories were in that part of the house (brother and wife were living in the back of her house). huggs and kisses op.

jos28

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday, today is not so bad. I realise that I am lucky, my parents got to see all of their grandchildren grow up to adulthood, Mam even got to see her 1st great grandchild. I have no regrets about my relationship with either of them. There was nothing left unsaid or nothing more I could have done for them so thats a bonus, I suppose. I just printed off a photo of Mam and Dad together on holidays so when I'm feeling weepy I look at that and imagine them together again. Mam was miserable here without him. I will take your advice and stay in contact with my siblings. We are all feeling a bit lost at the moment. Thanks again and best wishes to you all.