Turn me off wanting a baby!

wicklowstar

I am broody.. Extremely broody.
Im 21 and still in college!

Ok now tell me great reasons not to be..
Might help.:)

WindSock

Hangover + Hangover cure breakfast somewhere + Screaming kiddies = Sterilisation.

Saft Hans

stretch marks, screaming baby all the time, no money, no life, weight gain.....

ronnie3585

wicklowstar wrote: »

Im 21 and still in college!

There's as good a reason as any.

admiralofthefleet

drink lots of gin and keep a clothes hanger handy

kelle

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055975553

Got this in an email this morning and it gave me a few laughs
-


14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 - Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2 - Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3 - Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 - Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 - Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6 - Going For a Walk

Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 - Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10 - TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 - Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor & leave it there.

Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 - Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14 - Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work


You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!

wicklowstar

ronnie3585 wrote: »

There's as good a reason as any.

Doesnt seem to be working though!!

Outkast_IRE

No lie ins for the next decade

we'llallhavetea_old

there's a strong possibility of piles.

cian1500ww

Less time for boards :eek:

KeithM89_old

Imagine trying to push a melon out of your ass veeeery slowly...
And its all downhill from there

mickydoomsux

It'll pretty much ruin your life and wreck your body.

OutlawPete

More easter egg for yourself.

No one can refer to you as a Milf.

wicklowstar

wicklowstar wrote: »

I am broody.. Extremely broody.
Im 21 and still in college!

Ok now tell me great reasons not to be..
Might help.:)

stitches down there
crapping yourself in front of everyone
bleeding afterwards for a long time
never getting any sleep again ever

MagicMarker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWgNpWZ7VVs

Save yourself OP.

antodeco

Being left with a fanny like a patio door

we'llallhavetea_old

for awhile after birth, i've *heard you sometimes squirt pee when you cough/laugh/sneeze.




* eh-hem. (aw damn it, not again )

admiralofthefleet

antodeco wrote: »

Being left with a fanny like a patio door

wizards sleeve
clowns pocket
horses collar

the list is endless

Pherekydes

When the girls reach age 12 they turn into Regan MacNeil.

kelle

Imagine this scenario:

You get a bad smell. You walk from room to room to see where it's coming from. You find it, a toddler just pulled off their sh*tty nappy, threw it on the floor and stamped in it making a nice big pat in the middle of the floor. Then grabbed some on their hands and smeared it on the newly painted wall and curtains. Then moved onto the settee...

OK, I won't go on - BUT IT HAPPENED TO ME!

You place the child in the bath and shower them until all the debris washes off, some are not big enough to go down the plughole (hmm, there's an idea:D) you have to pick them up. Dress the child, then go downstairs and try to figure out where to start - curtains, wall, settee or floor - AARGH! And the smell is getting stronger and stronger, plus the "stuff" dries up quickly and is impossible to remove. After all that, the smell lasts for days no matter how much Dettol or Domestos is used.

Pity they don't show these things in soaps, only quiet contented babies are selected for these roles. A bit more realism please!!!!

EDIT: Just remembered this video. God, everybody will think I hate my kids - I do love them, honestly!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpeKSNzaMRI

xzanti

Why did I come in here?

losthorizon

"Turn me off wanting a baby" is a very dodgy name for a thread! Seek help immediately.

kfallon

Say goodbye to your social life!

Pherekydes

"Chocolate?"

"No! Maltesers!" [laughs gently]

Em, actually they're not maltesers either. They come from your baby's nappy.

So does that creamy, golden Chicken korma. Looks like korma, feels like korma (with your eyes closed) , but smells like the inside of a sewage treatment plant.

You clean up baby really well, but you now spend two hours walking around town with chicken korma stains on your skirt, if you know what I mean.

Mastitis.

Need any more reasons?

bronte

Do a youtube on episiotomy....if that doesn't put you off, you're beyond help.

DEVEREUX

21 reasons to not have kids.......

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jam you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jam.
15. VCR's do not eject jam sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. bin bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odour is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Dublin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

orourkeda

kfallon wrote: »

Say goodbye to your social life!

Now we're right

Possum66

www.****mykidsruined.com

DON'T DO IT! At least not now, you are far too young. My parents had me in your age, and later on told into my face that they regretted it, as I was not planned...

Possum66

ok, let's try again: www dot ****mykidsruined dot com, hope it works this time :-)

KeithM89_old

Possum66 wrote: »

ok, let's try again: www dot ****mykidsruined dot com, hope it works this time :-)

HERE::)
http://tinyurl.com/yh7e9sf

elpoder

you will be tarnished goods

fonecrusher1

wicklowstar wrote: »

I am broody.. Extremely broody.
Im 21 and still in college!

Ok now tell me great reasons not to be..
Might help.:)

Because your a man?

Mr Benevolent

My parents had me in your age, and later on told into my face that they regretted it, as I was not planned...[/QUOTE]

Lovely!

starlit

You will have very little money left over for yourself, the rest will be spent on the baby and other responsible things!

PeterIanStaker

wicklowstar wrote: »

I am broody.. Extremely broody.
Im 21 and still in college!

Ok now tell me great reasons not to be..
Might help.:)

There's a TV show called Maury. Watch and thou shalt be cured!!

Stench Blossoms

You poo when you give birth. How embarressing. The most beautiful moment of your life and you crap all over it.

starlit

• No sex for nine months.
• No drink for nine months.
• You won't be able to bend, or reach your shoes when expecting.
• Backache.

reallyrose

So, you intend to have children before you have finished your education. Some points to consider.
If you intend to finish your education, it will be very difficult. Are your family and friends ready and willing to help you?

How about college? Will you time the birth for the summer when college is off or just take time off when the baby is born?

Do you intend to get a job? How will you pay for everything?
Children are very expensive!

Is the relationship you are in now steady enough to withstand the amazing amount of stress a baby can put on a relationship? (You are in a relationship, right?)

Is the man you are intending to be your baby-daddy ok with being a constant presence in the life of your child? Will he be helping with the costs of raising a child?

I really hope that you realise that having a baby is a total life change. I know you are sitting there thinking "d'aw, but babies are so cute and smell like talcum powder and they go gurgle"
But seriously. Cop. The. ****. On.

The reasons above, along with the reasons posted by others is pretty much why I don't have kids. I'm well beyond college and I still am in no position to offer a child a stable life. Also, I hate kids.

Maybe get a cat, see how you go with that.

Töpher

snuggles285 wrote: »

• No sex for nine months.

Pfffft, :eek:!

starlit

• No Sex for nine months.

Töpher wrote: »

Pfffft, :eek:!

Controversial?

Saibh

snuggles285 wrote: »

• No sex for nine months.

It's the one time that you won't have to worry about getting pregnant, so no excuses...

Töpher

Personally I'd find the idea of a couple abstaining for 9 months more controversial. Unless they were married, of course.

PeterIanStaker

snuggles285 wrote: »

• No sex for nine months.

Yeah right!



back on topic though if a guy gets you up the pole he will not be there to support you financially or otherwise. So dont have kids, because if you do, your life is over

starlit

Saibh wrote: »

It's the one time that you won't have to worry about getting pregnant, so no excuses...

Ya thats fair enough. I'm not mad on that idea once the bump appears! The only thing going for that kind of situation is the orgy.

Töpher

If that's your only concern, the bump doesn't show from behind.

starlit

Would sex not frighten the baby?


Anyways getting back on topic, OP You will not have any time for yourself! Lack of sleep and constant noise and giving into demands...full time job looking after a baby and rearing a child.

**Timbuk2**

Watch any one episode of Supernanny.

bad2dabone

I love my little girl but be assured that if you decide to have em you are
literally owned by that little person and you have no time, money, sleep, social life, etc anymore.

At 21 you should finish your college course first and then see how you feel.

starlit

Töpher wrote: »

If that's your only concern, the bump doesn't show from behind.

Its not just that but the size of the bump. All that extra weight. Men might find women less attractive yet they could be glowing. Sex could be uncomfortable.

PeterIanStaker

some men can find it very attractive though

PeterIanStaker

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

Watch any one episode of Supernanny.

or that horrible "16 and Pregnant" on MTV. Usually concerns a ho/cheerleader who gets knocked up by an Eminem wannabe usually called Chad or Jared. I remember when they used to do music videos.