opinions and advice

sparky89

i am unsure if this is the right section to post this in so sorry if its not

my head is wrecked and i really dont no what to do anymore.
I am a 21 year old girl living at home with my mother and her boyfriend and i am currently unemployed and recieving job seekers allowance.

I get an income of 150 a week and i pay rent of 40 euro a week
but all i do is sit in my room 24/7, i dont use the sitting room and i use the kitchen only to make the food i buy, all i use in the house would be the bathroom.
my mams boyfriend moved in a cupple of months ago and has taking over the hole house he has no job and sits playin the playstation all day and he doesnt help out with the bills or anything.
I am currently saving every penny i get to try get my own place but its not easy so i asked my mam could i pay 20 euro a week instead of paying 40 so i can pay off some bills and get my own place and she turns around and says no way if anything i was going to ask you in september for more money.
so in my response i said i cant afford it that she should ask the boyfriend to help out and she just lost the plot.
me and mothers relationship has never been the best for almost all my life but i always taught when you are a mother your child should be able to ask you about anything and you sholud do your best to help
since her boyfriend has moved in i cant even speak in the house if i say anything about him she just looses it and i go back to my room.
she is always telling me to move if im not happy and the min i ask her for her help to move she tells me to f**k off.
every week she is buying him things for his kids that dont even no she exist and the min her own child asks her for help she looses it,
my mam has a fairly good job and a good income and we live in afforadable housing so the rent is very cheap a week
the only expenses i cost her is the esb bill after that i pay my way
I dont argue with paying rent as i believe you should help out when you get older
but my opinion of a mother is a kind, loving, easy to talk to and understanding and will offer help if you need it and i cant even talk to mine.
just feels like everything is about money with her and shes taking everything i get off me. i mean i have nutting:(
she is a very selfish woman:mad:

it just feels like in renting a room and its not my home and some times feels like a cage, i dont feel comfortable here any more and i just want to get out.


if your only child asked you for help what would you do and would it bother you if he or she asked you to reduce the rent payments a week to save a deposit for there own place ???

Wibbs

You should hopefully get better answers here.

astra2000

Hi op I feel sorry for you and ya your right mums should put their kids first unfortunatly for you that is not the case . I think maybe paying the e40 is good training for you for when you get your own place but it does make it hard. You need to accept that your mum is not going to change her mind and concentrate on saving to get your own place. Start making finding a job your top priority this will help you gain your independance. Have you thought of advertising your services for baby sitting I know a lot of people would love to have a responsible babysitter at the weekend you would be sacraficing your social life but it may be worth it to help you move out. accept you cant change your mum and her bf but given time and effort you can change your circumstances. I wish you the best of luck

sparky89

astra2000 wrote: »

Hi op I feel sorry for you and ya your right mums should put their kids first unfortunatly for you that is not the case for you. I think maybe paying the e40 is good training for you for when you get your own place but it does make it hard. You need to accept that your mum is not going to change her mind and concentrate on saving to get your own place. Start making finding a job your top priority this will help you gain your independance. Have you thought of advertising your services for baby sitting I know a lot of people would love to have a responsible babysitter at the weekend you would be sacraficing your social life but it may be worth it to help you move out. accept you cant change your mum and her bf but given time and effort you can change your circumstances. I wish you the best of luck

thank you for your advise

I am currently minding childern at the weekend and i also do a few small beauty treatments the odd time so thats helping a good bit

it will just take me a while to get the money together but it will be worth it in the end and then ill have my own space and move on

Piriz

I think when you turn 22 you will be entitled to more jobseekers allowance ~€196..this will help...you should also set up an appointment with someone in your local social welfare office and speak with them about getting rent allowance..they may say you are not eligible for it as you e.g. need to be living in rented accommodation for a year and receive statutory redundancy (i think) but if you can make a case for yourself that your mother is demanding too much of your money and there is too much tension between you and her and her boyfriend having moved in and leaving you feel like a prisoner in your home then you could persuade them..worth a try..youll get advice at least!
sounds to my like you are doing everything to make things better for yourself, this is a learning experience for you and your becoming self sufficient and independent which is admirable!
good luck:)

sparky89

Piriz wrote: »

I think when you turn 22 you will be entitled to more jobseekers allowance ~€196..this will help...you should also set up an appointment with someone in your local social welfare office and speak with them about getting rent allowance..they may say you are not eligible for it as you e.g. need to be living in rented accommodation for a year and receive statutory redundancy (i think) but if you can make a case for yourself that your mother is demanding too much of your money and there is too much tension between you and her and her boyfriend having moved in and leaving you feel like a prisoner in your home then you could persuade them..worth a try..youll get advice at least!
sounds to my like you are doing everything to make things better for yourself, this is a learning experience for you and your becoming self sufficient and independent which is admirable!
good luck:)

thank you for your advise
i will look into the rent allowance