Is this ethical?

LegacyUser

I am posting this thread to get opinions and advice from people. In the last number of weeks my friend has been having a lot of problems with his girlfriend now ex-girlfriend. TBH in my opinion she is nuts and I thought so from day one but kept my mouth shut because my friend was into her (I know keeping my month shut may make me a bad friend but I know my friend well enough to know he wouldn't have listened to my words of caution).

Anyways, I am not going to get into the specifics of her antics and why they were an unhappy couple because that was their thing. It is just that recently she has been telling people that he is a liar and has psychological problems and basically shooting her mouth off. Again, I will not get into the specifics as it isn't part of the question I am looking for the answer too and I think everyone goes through these types of break ups at some point in their lives. I do not mean to appear callous towards my friend as he has my full support as a friend because we have been friend since he moved to area, through senior infants and all through our college years.

Well, on to the specifics of my question..... Lately she has been spouting information about him that no one should actually know outside of family.... by this I mean he was adopted as a baby and he is a very reserved guy in sharing that information to anyone simply because he chooses to. To put it blunt she knows the name of his biological mother and he swears that he never told her anything about being adopted let alone such private information. They have kept there own circle of friends and she has never met his family so I am still bewildered as to how she came by this information and my friend is clearly upset by all of this and not because of people know he is adopted but because she knew the name and county his biological mother was in.... now on to the crux of the matter... I recently have found out that her sister is a social worker and I was wondering could this be where this girl got her information? I know this is a terrible thought as social worker are by profession a kind, hard working and upstanding bunch of individuals who work very hard for little pay. And tbh I am not even sure social workers have access to this information.

But I trust my friend and I have known him for a long time so I believe him when he says he never told her and none of his family or few friends said anything either. This has been his first serious relationship so he didn't tell any previous girls either.

He isn't going to be pursuing this via legal avenues or anything.... I simply wish to get peoples thoughts on this..

LegacyUser

Hey Op,

I'm going anon because I'm a civil servant in the Dept. of Social Protection. Now I'm only talking from a personal experience but I very very very much doubt that her social worker sister would have access to that type of information. It is kept under very strict control. Now if it's anything like my access to personal data it's all logged, as in any search I do of a persons background, like address or pps number or previous name etc is logged. My dept can see every single person I've ever looked up and rightly so, that level of data must have these types of security in place. The type of data you talking about is of even graver importance so I would think it has even stricter controls. Now, if you really and honestly think that the sister may have accessed that info then your friend is very much entitled to know if she did. If there is any question I would go to the Data Protection Commission and also her employer. This type of accusation is taken very seriously as it would basically be a massive abuse of power and she would lose her job. Now saying that, if she did what you are thinking, then she defo should lose her job, that's out and out completely unethical and social workers cannot be allowed to behave like that. If your friend is in agreement then I would report her to be the DPC and her employer. They will carry out a thorough investigation and if it turns out it wasn't her then nothing bad will happen to her and your friend will at least that the info didn't come from her. They wouldn't act on stuff like without hard proof. All in all it's a tough one but if there's a real question of whether she did it then you guys are kind of ethically bound to report her, if she did do that she should definatly lose her job. The ex sounds like a nasty little bitch, using info like that as a weapon is sick beyond words. To be honest it sounds like your friend had a lucky escape with that one. What a rotton thing to threaten someone with, just nasty and sick and if it's any comfort to your friend any normal person would be disgusted if she turned around and started telling them that info. I'd say she's going to end up a very sad and lonely person if that's how she goes on and rightly so I think.

Best of luck.

AnonoBoy

Would your friend have any correspondence from the adoption agency in his house? A letter that he has filed away somewhere or something of that nature?

It could be something as simple as her snooping through his stuff and finding it.

jimmycrackcorm

I believe that she got the information from her sister. Sisters do talk and there are practically no instances of any repercussion from looking this information up which is why it would be easy fire her to choose top do so.
Your friend should report this. As anoncs says it is logged so it can easily be verified and either it will be no problem or some one else won't have top go through this intrusion.

Oryx

I get where you are coming from on this, but really, if youre friend doesnt want to pursue it, then you have to let it go as well. This is not your battle.

Have another chat to your mate about the information here, see if he wants to push it further to see where the information came from. If he isnt interested, then like him, move on. Its like when he was with this girl and you didnt approve. Sometimes as a good friend you have to accept a friend's decision, even if you think they are wrong.

She sounds like poison, and the least amount of hassle in getting shot of her, probably the better.

LegacyUser

Oryx wrote: »

I get where you are coming from on this, but really, if youre friend doesnt want to pursue it, then you have to let it go as well. This is not your battle.

Have another chat to your mate about the information here, see if he wants to push it further to see where the information came from. If he isnt interested, then like him, move on. Its like when he was with this girl and you didnt approve. Sometimes as a good friend you have to accept a friend's decision, even if you think they are wrong.

She sounds like poison, and the least amount of hassle in getting shot of her, probably the better.

Thanks Oryx, I think you are right in this and the decision is ultimately up to my friend so I will go along with whatever he decides.

niceoneted

I was thinking the same as anonoboy, was there some around that she would have seen if she was snooping.
I would ignore anything else she says and if anyone asks your mate about anything she has said I wouldn't justify with an answer. Just tell them make up their own mind.

magneticimpulse

Basically this is none of your business and I dont think you should be looking into it or opening pandora's box it is between your friend and his ex ONLY!!!

So the ex is prob annoyed the relationship ended and is saying stuff to feel better. She will eventually get over him and move on. You say its your friends 1st serious girlfriend..well maybe thats why the break up is turning out nasty. As it seems both parties are at a young age and dont know how to handle break ups. With experience this girl will learn. Whatever this girl says I would just ignore it. However your friend deals with it, will give him strength in future relationships.

Either way, its none of your business and dont get involved