Feeling extremely upset with life.

LegacyUser

Going unregged for this.

I've come to the stage where every day, I going emotions of being completely furious with life or being exhausted with how things have turned out. I've no-one to turn to, because nobody understands.

I've been ill for 2 years, and it's got progressively worse in the past few months. My doctor can't find a problem, and the medical assessment unit in hospital couldn't find anything wrong. The guy out in the medical assessment unit said to me that I need to push through it - I was ready to tell him where to go. I've been pushing through it for months, and it's all come to an end. I'm just physically exhausted, and I live every day feeling extremely ill and it's getting worse and worse. For him to play it down like it was nothing was extremely hurtful.

I have a full-time job, which I've been missing alot of time from lately. The past 2 weeks, I've just been too unwell to even get into work. My parents are on my case. They are trying to force me to go back to work, even though I know I'm not able for it. My mother told me this morning that because hospital found nothing wrong with me, then it can't be anything serious.

There's nothing more frustrating than people undermining how ill I am. I know how ill I am, and nobody seems to give a crap. I was seriously contemplating driving into the river today, because I'm just too tired for this anymore. Doctors don't care, parents are forcing me into a job I'm not able for at the moment. I've had to defer my masters for a year, which I've worked really hard through my degree to ensure I'd get enough to qualify for. It's all gone to waste, and pointless.

I got offered a really good job, and I was unable to accept it because I'd only be out sick all the time. I hate every second of my life. I can't begin to explain how much I hate it. I just want it to go away. Sometimes I wish I was religious, because then I wouldn't have to worry about death. But I'm not, so I know if I end it - it's done, and it's over. Not only that, but I could never bring that sort of pain on my parents.

I want to scream, and nobody wants to help me. I'm scheduled in for work tomorrow morning at 8am, and as sure as it rains in Ireland - my mother will be banging on my door telling me that I have to go back into work. I'm too ill to sleep, let alone work!

I don't want this to come across as an unwarranted moan, but my life is really bad right now. I'm too young to be this ill. I can't sleep, I drink lemsip all the time to try and dull my pain so I can at least have half an hour's comfort.

I've explained to my parents how ill I am, but they just don't get it. It's not that they don't care, but they just don't get it. They've always been on my case when it comes to work. Ever since I hit 16, I was kicked into work. My younger brother is 21 and he's never worked a day in his life, and they don't say anything to him. I've worked all my life - paid my way through college. Earned a degree. Did everything a guy can do for his parents, and now when the going is tough - they still only consider my job. I don't care about my job! Jobs come and go. My health is more important, but they don't see it like I see it.

All I can do now is cry. I feel so helpless. I'm stuck in a rut, where I'm extremely ill and nobody is willing to treat me seriously. I want to get better, but doctors have given up on me. I feel like giving up on myself. I don't know what to do. I just hate life. I can't explain how much I hate it, and how hurt I feel every day. If things don't get better in the next few weeks, I feel I'm going to end it all. It's not a threat, it's just I can't cope anymore. It's all overwhelming. I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

Trishis

Heya,

Sounds like you are having a rough time alright.
Do you mind me asking what your symptoms are? what type of pain do you have and where is it?....
I'm sure the Doctors have looked into all of this...but just so we know a little bit more about your illness....
Also were you ok until a year ago? how did it come on or first show signs?

Go and get more tests done, for God's sake. If you believe you're ill, don't just accept that doctor's advice. I have a lot of sympathy for you, as I'm quite ill myself, but you really need to keep pushing to get things done and find out what's wrong. I know it's hard when doctors think you're a hypochondriac, but really insist.

And don't pay too much attention to doctors. A lot of them just get a hardened attitude because they see so many awful things every day. I'm sure the doctor didn't mean to be hurtful when he said that, but remember he's probably dealing with very serious cases and when the tests showed up nothing, he figured you were just over tired or something. Doctors aren't always right, they just go by what the figures from the lab tell them and what they see. They do miss things. If you're not happy, go back, get full bloodwork, or whatever it is you think you need (I don't know what your symptoms are).

beks101

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can empathise with you, as I've had family members fobbed off by the medical profession until it was too late, and now are far sicker than they would otherwise be, as they didn't receive the necessary treatment or get an early enough diagnosis to improve their condition.

However, you're very vague about your illness and it won't help your case if you're presenting it to a doctor in this fashion. How exactly is your illness manifesting itself on a daily basis? What symptoms are you experiencing and how frequent are you experiencing them? What aggravates your symptoms and what do they prevent you from doing on a daily basis? Doctors often are quite hardened and can overlook symptoms so you're going to need to be as specific as possible. I would suggest you keep a log book of times + situations where the symptoms hit, how long they last and what you believe triggered them, if you have any idea. Do this for a few weeks and present it at your next medical appointment.

Don't be afraid to get a second or third opinion either. This is your health and you need to take control of it. Don't settle until you get some answers. Best of luck

LegacyUser

My symptoms are very hard to explain. I can best describe it as feeling "generally unwell". It resembles have a mild-flu all the time. I can go from anything from being really tired, to having flu-like aches & pains and a cold (sneezing alot). My concentration completely goes, and I can get the shakes and feel feverish. It has been going on for months on end now - If it was only a few weeks, I wouldn't mind.. But after 7 or 8 months, it really drags you down.

I've taken your advice, and I've created a diary. I'm going to document how I feel in the morning, afternoon and nighttime, as the symptoms vary as the day progresses.

The biggest problem is the lack of a diagnosis. My GP, while genuinely a lovely man - cannot think of anything else - which is why he sent me to the Medical Assessment Unit. They performed an array of blood tests, as did my own GP. In total, I think I've taken about 15 blood tests over the past 3 or 4 months. That's no exaggeration either. It feels like a routine everytime - Go in, give blood. Wait 1 or 2 weeks for doctor to tell me bloods are ok. I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever, despite spending all of my money on doctors. I don't get a chance to go out and do anything - Even if I felt well enough to do so, I just couldn't afford to do so cos I've missed so much work, and the doctor appointments are 50 euro a pop.

I really don't know where to turn - Even if I log my symptoms, I still feel that my GP won't have any answers for me. I will try it, but if nothing comes of it, it will be another blow to me - as all I want is for someone to tell me what's wrong with me. Everytime I take a new test and it comes back ok - it just guts me. For example, I had severe kidney pains 3 months back. I had an ultrasound done on them and a urine sample, and they said everything was ok (no kidney stones etc..). My kidney pains have lessened over time, and aren't that bad now - But if I'm the picture of health that they say, why on earth would I get severe kidney pain out of nowhere? Why do I routinely feel like I have a fever, or get colds, or feeled sapped of energy?

When the guy in hospital told me that I have to push through it, because all the tests indicated that I was OK - I was wishing he could spend a week in my shoes, and then to come back to me to tell me to push through it. I can't push anymore. It's too much. I was really depressed last night about it, and got really angry with the lack of progress.

I really do feel so helpless. I just want to live a normal life. I've worked hard all my life, put in the hard work in college to pass all my exams. Now I want to get out there and get a job with my qualifications and make something of my life, but I just can't until I'm healed.

Thanks for listening guys, I really appreciate it.

Trishis

Heya...
whats your diet like....Give us an outline of a typical day/week

LegacyUser

OP, I think it's important that you look to your mental health along with your physical. It sounds like you're having a good deal of difficulty coping right now; getting some help with that would be a good idea, and will help you in dealing with your overall situation. Your GP should be able to point you towards a counsellor or other form of assistance.

LegacyUser

Hi Trishis,

My diet normally consists of the following (I have a gluten intolerance, so I stay to a strict GF diet).

Breakfast: Gluten Free Corn-flakes.

Lunch: Gluten-free casserole & pint of water (usually with vitimin tablet)

Tea: Cup of tea with some toasted gluten free cheese & ham sandwiches.

In between lunch and breakfast, I might have a bag of crisps (GF) or some GF biscuits. Maybe some fruit. I drink alot of fruit juices aswell - orange juice, apple juice, etc.

I'm limited in what I can eat due to the gluten intolerance but I do try to balance out my diet.

porschespeedst

Based on that, you don't seem to be eating a lot, TBH. Apart from the gluten intolerance, is there some reason why you're not eating a lot? Is your appetite poor in general?

php-fox

OP, if I ate as much as you do, I wouldn't feel sick, I would be dead!

I am sorry but I have to say this. It seems like you're pushing your sickness on top of yourself. You need to pull your self together, eat more and go for a jog at night or join the gym.

Best of luck

OP, your diet is awful. I'd be in bits if I ate like that as well and I'm an 8 stone woman. Why do you eat so little? And why don't you eat at least 5 fruit and veg a day?

curehead

Apart from the woeful diet and drinking lempsip when you don't have the flu'
who diagnosed you as having gluten intolerance?
Have you tried any Alternative routes homeopathy , herbalists, acupuncture etc ?
Best of luck in finding a cure.

Waternews

Hi OP,
I really feel for you.

A degree and work at the same time is no easy thing to do. Your symptoms *could* be stress related. That is not saying that they are 'in your head', but that stress has caused physical symptoms, for which there is no silver bullet cure.

I agree with the other posters that it doesn't sounds like you are eating enough.

If I may suggest - I think you need a holiday. A proper break, probably on your own tbh. Go somewhere beautiful, and spend a week chilling out, sleeping, eating lots, going for long walks, and relaxing. Do you like to read? paint? play an instrument? If so - bring that along.
Get away from the people giving you grief and recharge yourself. Clearly being off work but at home is not restful at all.

This doesn't need to be in the Seychelles of course! An hour down the road would do.

I really know what you're going through, I've been in the exact same place. <snip>

Take care of yourself.

katie99

I would suggest you see a psychiatrist because it seems to me that you have convinced yourself you are ill. In actual fact this may be a psychological issue, one you cannot address yourself.
If I ate like you I'd be dead.

katie99

katie99 wrote: »

I would suggest you see a psychiatrist because it seems to me that you have convinced yourself you are ill. In actual fact this may be a psychological issue, one you cannot address yourself.
If I ate like you I'd be dead.

Well, just because the doctors have found nothing wrong doesn't mean nothing is wrong. They only look for the obvious things. I think it's worth going for further tests, but I agree that it quite well be psychological. I think the first thing OP should do is improve his diet - virtually anyone would feel awful if they ate such tiny amounts of such bland, quite unhealthy food. The first thing the doctor will do is blame your diet.

LegacyUser

katie99 wrote: »

I would suggest you see a psychiatrist because it seems to me that you have convinced yourself you are ill. In actual fact this may be a psychological issue, one you cannot address yourself.
If I ate like you I'd be dead.

These type of posts are completely unhelpful. It isn't in my head. There are physical symptoms. Red eyes, consistent sneezing, kidney pain, nausea, fevers.

And I eat alot more than I posted - I was giving a brief guideline as to what I eat. I munch of fruit and snacks in between meals. My diet is perfectly fine.

It is not a psychological issue. It is a physical issue. Please don't undermine my illness like that again. Thank you.

frustrated_sick

frustrated_sick wrote: »

These type of posts are completely unhelpful. It isn't in my head. There are physical symptoms. Red eyes, consistent sneezing, kidney pain, nausea, fevers.

And I eat alot more than I posted - I was giving a brief guideline as to what I eat. I munch of fruit and snacks in between meals. My diet is perfectly fine.

It is not a psychological issue. It is a physical issue. Please don't undermine my illness like that again. Thank you.

OP, I'm not being condescending but it's incredible what stress can do to your body. Many illnesses have a strong psychological element. When I'm stressed, I get really terrible (worse than usual) bloating, cramps, diarrhea, bad skin rashes, hives. These are all physical symptoms as well, yet certainly connected to my moods. Your mind and body are not independent of each other.

Have you given your doctors a food diary and have they said your diet is fine? Have you gotten a second opinion on the gluten intolerance, and checked for similar illnesses? Do you get any exercise? Have you tried cutting things out of your diet and noting how, or if your symptoms change? Any other possible triggers for symptoms?

troubleshooter

frustrated_sick wrote: »

My symptoms are very hard to explain. I can best describe it as feeling "generally unwell". It resembles have a mild-flu all the time. I can go from anything from being really tired, to having flu-like aches & pains and a cold (sneezing alot). My concentration completely goes, and I can get the shakes and feel feverish. It has been going on for months on end now - If it was only a few weeks, I wouldn't mind.. But after 7 or 8 months, it really drags you down.

I've taken your advice, and I've created a diary. I'm going to document how I feel in the morning, afternoon and nighttime, as the symptoms vary as the day progresses.

The biggest problem is the lack of a diagnosis. My GP, while genuinely a lovely man - cannot think of anything else - which is why he sent me to the Medical Assessment Unit. They performed an array of blood tests, as did my own GP. In total, I think I've taken about 15 blood tests over the past 3 or 4 months. That's no exaggeration either. It feels like a routine everytime - Go in, give blood. Wait 1 or 2 weeks for doctor to tell me bloods are ok. I feel like I've made no progress whatsoever, despite spending all of my money on doctors. I don't get a chance to go out and do anything - Even if I felt well enough to do so, I just couldn't afford to do so cos I've missed so much work, and the doctor appointments are 50 euro a pop.

I really don't know where to turn - Even if I log my symptoms, I still feel that my GP won't have any answers for me. I will try it, but if nothing comes of it, it will be another blow to me - as all I want is for someone to tell me what's wrong with me. Everytime I take a new test and it comes back ok - it just guts me. For example, I had severe kidney pains 3 months back. I had an ultrasound done on them and a urine sample, and they said everything was ok (no kidney stones etc..). My kidney pains have lessened over time, and aren't that bad now - But if I'm the picture of health that they say, why on earth would I get severe kidney pain out of nowhere? Why do I routinely feel like I have a fever, or get colds, or feeled sapped of energy?

When the guy in hospital told me that I have to push through it, because all the tests indicated that I was OK - I was wishing he could spend a week in my shoes, and then to come back to me to tell me to push through it. I can't push anymore. It's too much. I was really depressed last night about it, and got really angry with the lack of progress.

I really do feel so helpless. I just want to live a normal life. I've worked hard all my life, put in the hard work in college to pass all my exams. Now I want to get out there and get a job with my qualifications and make something of my life, but I just can't until I'm healed.

Thanks for listening guys, I really appreciate it.

If all the tests are normal, that sounds like ME, CFS. The medical profession is very ignorant of that condition.

Ask your GP to refer you do an endocrinologist, they can offer more complex diagnosis. ME/CFS suffers often have an overactive adrenal gland.

Google CFS wiki

troubleshooter

frustrated_sick wrote: »

These type of posts are completely unhelpful. It isn't in my head. There are physical symptoms. Red eyes, consistent sneezing, kidney pain, nausea, fevers.

And I eat alot more than I posted - I was giving a brief guideline as to what I eat. I munch of fruit and snacks in between meals. My diet is perfectly fine.

It is not a psychological issue. It is a physical issue. Please don't undermine my illness like that again. Thank you.

CFS is caused by an initial virus, which your immune system over compensates for, you get locked into a cycle of symptoms and exhaustion, caused by your body producing too much adrenelin to compensate for your exhustion, then you get symptoms, its a vicious circle, hence the mood swings, waking up/unable to sleep when your exhusted as well etc. You have to learn to psychologically control your condition, cognitive psychotherepy is a standard treatment.

People get better by pacing, having a postive mental attitude, controling their throughts.

Do some research.

But as the tests have showed there is nothing major wrong with you, however horrible the symptoms your over active immune system is producing.

piotro2

I have had experiences in my past where my psychological depression has manifest itself into many many physical symptoms. Vomiting, live pain, back pain, anxiety, exhaustion....the list goes on.

To be fair, I know your physically ill, but the cause does not sound to be physical. Now this is not about being crazy or anything. Look at someone doing through a broken heart, have them explain the physical symptoms to you and you'll see what I mean.

The physical pain is not "In Your Head" but it sounds like it's being made by your head.

I know you must be in a really dark place. I have been in places where I entertained suicide as well. The good news is that there is a way out, there is hope. Your healing must comes from within you though. External factors can influence the process but the real healing can only start within you.

What helped me get out of my messed up state (Laster for 3 months - A little less then yours) was I book I read called Steven Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is not a set of tips or tricks. This book changes how you think. That's the power of it. After reading this book I felt almost INSTANTLY better. Not cured or anything like that, just reinforced with hope. That hope over the coming month empowered me to completely shake off all my psychological baggage but my physical pain as well.

Not only did I pull myself out of my rut within the month, but I also managed to quit smoking, biting my nails, and enormously cut down on my drinking.

Now, you need to keep in mind that I am self-employed so not only would I have week durations in which I barely moved due to pain but my business partners were putting pressure on me as well as the investors so I was not only seeing my health degenerate, but my business as well. Suicide was looking pretty sweet some of those days.

Get the book. Read it. I think the rest will be clear to you on what you need to do to get better. Once you fix your thinking, your body will follow.

Peoples emotions can kill them, some slowly, some quickly. Fear can kill you almost instantly, depression and what you are going through is killing you slowly. The change happens from within.

I really hope you get better.