Relationship Nervousness Causing Bedroom Issues

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Decided to go unregged for this and already have an appointment with a GP to discuss this further but wanted some opinions here.

About 4 months ago my ex ended our relationship of 4 years. Since then I have had sex with a few girls. If it's just casual fun I have no problems but if I feel emotionally involved I get nervous and I can't get and keep an erection.

I have met a really wonderful girl but last night when we tried to have sex for the first time I couldn't manage it. I explained everything as truthfully as possible and thankfully she understands.

I think my problem is that there is a part of my mind that mind be nervous about getting burned in a relationship again and that ruins my ability to have sex. Physically I seem fine and have had sex since, but when I'm emotionally involved I get nervous.

Any ideas on things that may help me overcome this apart from seeking medical advice? I just want to move on with things.

Whynotme

I think you're jumping the gun here! 4 months post 4 year relationship is no time at all. You don't mention how you felt about the breakup etc. Maybe you need to actually take some time out for yourself, forget about sex for a while and maybe actually get to know someone properly before trying again? Especially if it is causing you problems.

Your body is telling you its not ready, maybe you should listen to it?:P

Miss Fluff

Don't put pressure on yourselves to have sex then. If you decide that "tonight is the night" then that's going to make you feel nervous as there will be so much self-imposed pressure to perform.

Tell her you think she is great, agree to take things slowly, concentrate on getting to know one another while indulging in lots of foreplay and let penetrative sex happen for you organically rather than deciding it is going to happen some night by hook or by crook. It will happen when you are both good and ready so take it nice and easy for now and it will happen in it's own good time

LegacyUser

Thanks for replying. I guess 4 months isn't a long time, didn't mean to meet someone so early but these things happen and we have really clicked, both of us are happy. Once I sorted my head out (at least consciously) after the break-up I said I would get out there, have fun and just see how things go. At the same time I agreed to keep an open mind if I met someone I really liked.

How I felt about the breakup? It was a shock and took time to get over things and realise there are more nice women out there and basically my life wasn't on the downward spiral. I'm completely over the ex now and realise the break-up was for the best, it's just the fear of getting burned by another relationship that is holding me back.

I told her that I'm very attracted to her, that I'm completely over the ex and it's my subconscious fear of getting burnt that is holding me back, basically being completely truthful with her. Thankfully she understands and seemed happy and surprised I was so honest with her.

I'm going to try and chill out about sex, get comfortable with us slowly physically and see what happens. Maybe my GP that I'm seeing to-morrow evening might recommend someone to talk to, might help clear things up.

Thanks again for the replies and if anyone else has any opinions, please share. :-)

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thought I'd come back and give an update on things, particularly if there are any guys with similiar issues reading this in the future. Of course make sure you do visit your GP, this is just to help illustrate things and show that it is no big deal.

Yesterday I had my GP appointment. After ensuring that it was a psychological rather physical issue through some questions we discussed it more. I told him exactly what I said here and he reckoned I was bang on about the underlying issues and that it is now a vicious cycle with me becoming more and more anxious about things.

He reckoned that if I took some medication (Cialis) it would help me get over the hump so to speak and regain my confidence so I could wean myself off it after a while and be back to normal.

He gave me a quick physical check, just to make sure that there were no abnormalities on my testes etc. He tried to take my blood pressure but it was high, probably from being nervous.

So he told me to pop back in this morning. This morning my blood pressure was fine and my urine test was clear. A blood test is also being sent away which should be back in a week. Finally he reckoned that I should be given a trial run of Cialis and see how things go.

To sum it up, I'm definitely happy that I'm getting things sorted out and would recommend any other guy to do the same.