First Meeting with Social Worker

ma1read

Hi Everyone,

I've just started the process of locating my brother who was given up for adoption in 1974. I wrote to the agency (St. Patrick's Guild) back in April. I used the tracing advice on this forum and sent a list of questions i would like answered. Sr Francis wrote back and told me that they preferred to discuss non identifying information in person. I thought this was fair enough seeing as she indicated that i would be seen in the next month. So after longer than expected - 4 months, I attended my first meeting with the social worker. I was really looking forward to it and viewed it as an opportunity to answer some of the questions i had been wondering about. The meeting lasted one hour and she answered ONE question for me. She told me that he was adopted by a couple in Dublin. I was really disappointed with the little amount of information she gave me. She wouldn't tell me his christian name, what his adoptive father done etc. She also implied that i was pushing my mother into tracing him and requested a letter from her to initiate the trace. My mum really wants to find him although she didn't attend the meeting as she's not emotionally up to it at this stage and she would rather wait until we have something more concrete before meeting with the social worker. She spent the whole meeting asking me questions (fair enough) although the relevance of some was questionable and talk about repeating herself! She wouldn't discuss any of the information my mother had given at the time of birth eventhough she wanted it verified. I felt like wrestling her to the ground and grabbing her file and making a run for it!

I felt very deflated after the meeting. My mum was also disappointed with the information we received. Am i being unreasonable? What have your experiences been? I'm aware that many have you have commented on the service provided by Sr francis and her SWs. If you have any advice for me, i would be very grateful.

I have been to the gro and done my own research. I have narrowed down my search to two possibilities although i was hoping to know which one he is after my meeting. Ah well.

M x

NGibbler

ma1read wrote: »

Hi Everyone,

I've just started the process of locating my brother who was given up for adoption in 1974. I wrote to the agency (St. Patrick's Guild) back in April. I used the tracing advice on this forum and sent a list of questions i would like answered. Sr Francis wrote back and told me that they preferred to discuss non identifying information in person. I thought this was fair enough seeing as she indicated that i would be seen in the next month. So after longer than expected - 4 months, I attended my first meeting with the social worker. I was really looking forward to it and viewed it as an opportunity to answer some of the questions i had been wondering about. The meeting lasted one hour and she answered ONE question for me. She told me that he was adopted by a couple in Dublin. I was really disappointed with the little amount of information she gave me. She wouldn't tell me his christian name, what his adoptive father done etc. She also implied that i was pushing my mother into tracing him and requested a letter from her to initiate the trace. My mum really wants to find him although she didn't attend the meeting as she's not emotionally up to it at this stage and she would rather wait until we have something more concrete before meeting with the social worker. She spent the whole meeting asking me questions (fair enough) although the relevance of some was questionable and talk about repeating herself! She wouldn't discuss any of the information my mother had given at the time of birth eventhough she wanted it verified. I felt like wrestling her to the ground and grabbing her file and making a run for it!

I felt very deflated after the meeting. My mum was also disappointed with the information we received. Am i being unreasonable? What have your experiences been? I'm aware that many have you have commented on the service provided by Sr francis and her SWs. If you have any advice for me, i would be very grateful.

I have been to the gro and done my own research. I have narrowed down my search to two possibilities although i was hoping to know which one he is after my meeting. Ah well.

M x

Hey Im so sorry to hear how you have been treated by Saint Patricks Guild, I am sorry to say that they are absolute LIARS! In my case i have been searching for 5 years and they told me that my mother wanted nothing to do with me,nor i with her when she asked to trace me! They lied about sending her letters, She Finally recieved one on june 1st and she rang back that same afternoon to tell them she was dying to meet me....they have STILL not aknowledged her response and everytime she calls they just say sister francis is not avail to talk, Last thursday i spoke to Sis Francis and she STILL denies any contact was made to her from my BM...little does she know i had a helper and did my own search and within 2 weeks have her name photo ect and the helper has met her and spoke with my BM im meeting her next Sunday!I really just want to let you know how SLY sister Francis is....and really anyone in saint patricks guild.

My advise to you would be anything u write to her make it registered post so she doesnt deny anything was not received, she gets a little confused sometimes when u ask to many questions in one go and kinda blurts things out (which is kinda good sometimes) .

If you have been to the GRO do you have a surname? you should maybe try some social network sites, bebo,twitter,myspace,facebook you possibly could locate him there, oh and your mother does not need to give you or the agency the green light to start this trace, if you are over 18 you can do what you like and they must assist you in every way possible.

Sorry im kinda blabering just soo annoyed how they treat people!! Hope my story helps in some way?

N xx

ma1read

Thanks N

I've sent you a wee message.

M x

Ostrom

I cant tell you how furious i am to read this (yet another) - i would wish shame on them, but i'm quite convinced they are incapable of shame or remorse - or common decency. Please dont be dishearted by this - keep on top of them and refuse to withdraw. I'll drop you a pm tomorrow as i'm on my phone right now

ma1read

Thanks Efla

I'm gonna get my mum to request the date the adoption order was granted and use that to identify which one he is. Then I might take it from there myself.

Mammyof2

Oh my God, that is a horrible way to treat you, I got all excited when I read the start of your message but it was 1975 by husband was adopted from St. Patricks Guild.

We had a meeting there with one of the SW about a month ago now, we got his non- identifying info, but nothing we didnt know to be honest.
He has now inititated a search, but I feel worried now seeing what NGibbler wrote, any chance you could tell me how you did your search?

We have some info on bio Mum, e.g. she was an only child etc, and where he was born. Any help much appreciated.

Ostrom

I think we need to chain ourselves to the gates on Kildare street until they forcefully repossess any remaining church-affiliated agency records. Seriously - a little direct democracy wouldn't go astray; there must be something we can do? Organise a group to demand a meeting (in person) with Andrews in the department? It seems to be the only thing that has worked over the past few years - OAP medical cards etc.

JoanFrances

I was interested in this story about the search for your brother, as I am helping a friend to look for his birth mother.

He was adopted from St Patricks in 1974. He was born on 31st March of that year and adopted by a couple in Dublin. He received info from St Patrick's this week to say his mother was 16 when she gave birth. I am a little worried by talk on here that info given out to the adoptees is not always accurate, though.

I would be grateful to hear from anyone with info which tallies with this.

Or get in touch if you feel like sharing any searching tips with us.

JF