A bit gay

Rufus the brave

In a steady relationship with a good looking woman for the past couple of years, but recently I've been having some homosexual fantasies. I'm 30 and wondering if this is common phase that men go through. I'm drawn to mmf fantasies but really not sure if i could be open about this with my gf. Is it acceptable to a woman that a man would like to have a gay experience? Recently a gay guy was telling me that most of the men he's been with in his life have actually been straight guys just in it for the experience. Can anyone offer some advice? Maybe somebody has been down this road?

LighterGuy

well that line that most of the guys he has been with have been straight sounded like a chat up line for you... lol.


as for your situation. Some men think about MMF. It can becaused by a variety of things. sometimes, its because someone is bi.

but more so its cause the man wants his wife to be pleasured. Its a bit of a mental mind game.
Each man gets turned on by his girlfriend/wife enjoying sex. Usually by ourselves pleasuring them. I dont think you're bi or anything mate.

I think the biggest turn on you have is your wife having pleasure.


Either way, inviting another man into the bedroom is always a bad idea.

Rufus the brave

LighterGuy wrote: »

well that line that most of the guys he has been with have been straight sounded like a chat up line for you... lol.

LOL....you're probably right

ApeXaviour

If she's game, or if she gives you a don't-ask-don't-tell clause, then go for it. If not then you have to weigh up your desire to stay in the relationship with your desire to be a sexual tourist... the same as if you wanted to sleep with another woman.

As to whether it's normal? It's not run-of-the-mill typical, but it's certainly not abnormal.

Ickle Magoo

Do you want a homosexual experience or do you just like to fantasise? I think anything goes fantasy wise and if you get off on thinking about mmf or even mm then I don't think that's terribly unusual.

You'd need to broach the topic with your girlfriend to see if she'd enjoy the fantasy with you or want anything to do with mmf or want you to have any sexual experiences with a third party.

Zen65

Rufus the brave wrote: »

In a steady relationship with a good looking woman for the past couple of years, but recently I've been having some homosexual fantasies. I'm 30 and wondering if this is common phase that men go through.

The mind is capable of creating any number of fantasies and making them seem appealing. Since none of us are either 100% heterosexual nor 100% homosexual it's perfectly plausible to create a fantasy involving somebody of the same sex, and the mind's "fantasy filters" eliminate all the things that would make such an event totally unappealing in real life.

In this MMF fantasy you (presumably) witness your partner being pleasured by two men (one of whom is you). In fantasy language, two men would produce greater pleasure than one man, but in practice of course there is no basis for such a belief. Your fantasy may be nothing more than a desire to give your partner greater pleasure.

Even if your fantasies include MM action it does not follow that you are "a bit gay". In practice you have probably never stood close to a real man and wanted to be intimate with him, right? (I'm making this assumption, because if you did then frankly you would know that you were gay/bi and would not be asking our advice on it). Without those filters working away in the background there would be no desire on your part!

Fantasies are a free form of entertainment. As long as you never confuse fantasy and reality then there's no cause for concern.


Be at peace,

Z

Rufus the brave

Zen65 wrote: »

Even if your fantasies include MM action it does not follow that you are "a bit gay". In practice you have probably never stood close to a real man and wanted to be intimate with him, right?

Yes that's right. Spot on.

Good advice, thanks.

LegacyUser

Rufus the brave wrote: »

In a steady relationship with a good looking woman for the past couple of years, but recently I've been having some homosexual fantasies. I'm 30 and wondering if this is common phase that men go through. I'm drawn to mmf fantasies but really not sure if i could be open about this with my gf. Is it acceptable to a woman that a man would like to have a gay experience? Recently a gay guy was telling me that most of the men he's been with in his life have actually been straight guys just in it for the experience. Can anyone offer some advice? Maybe somebody has been down this road?

was in a somewhat similar situation a couple of years back. Recurring fantasy, nothing really tangible but did involve another faceless bloke. Freaked me out quite a bit to be honest as found it really confusing. Had never felt any desire to be with any guy I'd ever met, gay or straight so didn't understand why this would play in my mind from time to time.

Anyway eventually told my fiancée about it as to be honest it was wrecking my head a bit. Wasn't coming out of the closet in case the usual "embrace who you are" brigade come out. Was more just because I'd generally a really honest person and she knew something was bothering me.

Well she didn't take it too well. Was thrown out of MY house on the evening I told her, came back the next morning and she was gone. Had moved back to Mammy's the other side of the country and upon arrival told her mother, brothers and sisters I was gay and was planning an affair. Told the whole village I'd actually had an affair (although she said it was with a woman!)

Needless to say wedding was off and haven't seen her in a couple of years. Funny thing was by saying it to her, and afterwards to a couple of close friends of MINE she had also told (without telling me she'd told them), as well as my family the whole thing was gone out of my head. Just talking about it seemed to act as a catharsis of sorts. Unfortunately I guess I decided to talk to the wrong person in the first place. Bit stupid I know, then again if you don't have total faith it the person you're going to marry what's the point in marrying them?

Bit of a ramble, sorry about that. All I'm saying OP is just be careful what you say. Some people might just have a lot of preconceived prejudices or fears that you might not be aware of until it's too late.

ApeXaviour

guest1234 wrote: »

Well she didn't take it too well. Was thrown out of MY house on the evening I told her, came back the next morning and she was gone. Had moved back to Mammy's the other side of the country and upon arrival told her mother, brothers and sisters I was gay and was planning an affair. Told the whole village I'd actually had an affair (although she said it was with a woman!)

Needless to say wedding was off and haven't seen her in a couple of years. Funny thing was by saying it to her, and afterwards to a couple of close friends of MINE she had also told (without telling me she'd told them), as well as my family the whole thing was gone out of my head. Just talking about it seemed to act as a catharsis of sorts. Unfortunately I guess I decided to talk to the wrong person in the first place. Bit stupid I know, then again if you don't have total faith it the person you're going to marry what's the point in marrying them?

Jesus! Talk about a lack of loyalty...

You really dodged a bullet there mate...

Zen65

guest1234 wrote: »

was in a somewhat similar situation a couple of years back. Recurring fantasy, nothing really tangible but did involve another faceless bloke. Freaked me out quite a bit to be honest as found it really confusing.
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Anyway eventually told my fiancée about it as to be honest it was wrecking my head a bit.
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Well she didn't take it too well.

A most unfortunate story. Fantasies are best left in your own head for a reason. A man can almost unintentionally fantasize about sleeping with his wife's sister, and provided he never does anything of the sort in real life, this is a harmless fantasy. But opening your mouth and letting such a fantasy out into the world gives it a life that it never deserved. Your wife is unlikely to be understanding of such a thought.

Thankfully, Mrs Z has no sisters!!

Be at peace,


Z

Distorted

Hi OP, I got a lot of good advice on here when the guy I had been dating on and off came out of the closet. Obviously a very different scenario from yours (as he describes himself as 95% homosexual) but I have some observations you may or may not find interesting.

At the age of 30, if you were gay you would most likely know by now. But if the novelty/slightly forbidden factor appeals to you, you might not be 100% heterosexual. Can you live with this? There is something called the Kinsey Scale which places people on a sliding scale of heterosexuality to homosexuality. Many people are not 100% hetero or indeed homo. Degrees of variation are normal.

It is thought statistically that more than a fifth of men have had a homosexual experience. I'm not sure whether this is true or not but I do believe that a lot goes on that a lot of people aren't aware of.

I don't think your gay friend is right in saying that most gay men's sexual experiences are with straight guys, but I do know that there is supposed to be quite a closeted scene where ostensibly straight men, often married, have gay encounters.

I'm very open minded and I actually find the thought of watching man on man action quite appealing, although I wouldn't want to participate. But it would have to be a certain type of relationship with a man I was really empathetic with. I doubt most women would feel that way and I would be very hesitant about revealing these fantasies to your girlfriend. Perhaps you find out her attitudes towards homosexuality and bisexuality first.

Rufus the brave

Interesting post, thanks for the insight and advice

RUFUS THE BRAVE

Rufus the brave

definitely the notion of watching or being watched is a factor