Fallout with Girlfriend

troubleshooter

Ive been seeing some for 1o months. To start with with went out for a drink a couple of times, we did not get physically involved to start with, cause she never wanted to. At the same time I went out for a drink with someone she vaguely knew once.

After me and my girlfriend had been going out with a few weeks she got to hear about it, I told her we just went out for a drink, my girlfriend said it was no big deal as we were not going out and physically not involved, at the time my girlfriend was going down the friends route with me and resisting getting physical, every few weeks she would dig me about what she had heard, I just laughed it off and said I didnt know why it bothered her so much, she said it was something she heard but would not tell me.

Anyway, last night I got it out of her, this other woman who I had gone out for a drink with had told her we had slept together......Which was a total lie.

I said to my girlfriend, so you belived this woman over me and would not tell me the accusation against me? so I could defend myself, this has really pissed me off.

The fact she believed an accusation againt me from a near stranger which she automatically took as truth and which she would not discuss or even ask me was true has kind of made me question the way I look at her.

LegacyUser

I have to say. that this has happened to me before.

I met my boyfriend a few years ago in October and was told something about him which a friend had heard from a friend.
it wasnt until the january that i told him.

I didnt say anything because we were still getting to know each other and it didnt really bother me (what had been said) so i found no need to cause hassle.
The only reason i did end up telling him was because we were talking about my friend and he had to drag it out of me about what she had said.

i think though, this story might have bothered your girlf seeing as she brought it up a few times to you and wouldnt tell you.
did you try asking her why she didnt tell you and why she believed it without consulting you?

if you leave this annoy you for too long it might end up affecting your relationship...

troubleshooter

It gets better even better, I remember at Christmas my girlfriend and me were at a party, the girl I went for a drink with was there. I went up to her to say hello, she was talking with about 4 other people, she simply said, I dont want to talk to you and turned her back on me, made me look like a fool. I never knew there was a problem between us, now Im wondering if my girlfriend said something to create this problem.

If my girlfriend had told me this girl had made accusations against me, I would have known she had a problem with me.

Instead my girlfriend claimed a third party told her we had gone out for a drink, which was a lie, the girl had told her we slept togther, which I know she belived.

I spoke to my girlfriend on the phone today, now shes backtracking saying there was no reason to tell me cause she never believed what the girl said.

But she did believe her cause when she mentioned it to me last night, she said when you and so and so slept together.So she took a near strangers word without allowing me even to know about the accusation.

Anyway, I dont like people who hold back like that, especially in a relationship.

Another thing that pishes me off with her is sometimes she moans to me about her work and says stuff like we have a client whos famous, tells me about a problem she has to deal with with them then says I cant you who it is cause Ive signed a confidentiality clause. As If I could possibly have any bearing on her work :rolleyes:

Dont like that side of her. Ive been too open in telling her things about me, but thats how I am, if your with someone your with someone.

Weird thing is shes really into me, comes round my place with shopping, offers to clean my house, tells me shes loves me.

Im seriously tempted to dump her.

Why dump her?

What did you expect her to do. She was probably worried to ask you in case you had this reaction.

If she believed her she wouldn't be with you now, she'd have DUMPED you.

Dymo

troubleshooter wrote: »

Another thing that pishes me off with her is sometimes she moans to me about her work and says stuff like we have a client whos famous, tells me about a problem she has to deal with with them then says I cant you who it is cause Ive signed a confidentiality clause. As If I could possibly have any bearing on her work :rolleyes:

Dont like that side of her. Ive been too open in telling her things about me, but thats how I am, if your with someone your with someone.

Im seriously tempted to dump her.

Ya, you haven't really gone in to too much detail but I think you could be right she's seems a bit of a head wreck, and can you see it getting better? probably not. This bull of telling you she knows something then can't say because of a confidentially clause is purposely trying to piss you off, relationships are meant to be open and if she can't trust you over stupid piece of gossip she should shut up and be more professional.

Dymo

troubleshooter wrote: »

Another thing that pishes me off with her is sometimes she moans to me about her work and says stuff like we have a client whos famous, tells me about a problem she has to deal with with them then says I cant you who it is cause Ive signed a confidentiality clause. As If I could possibly have any bearing on her work :rolleyes:

Dont like that side of her. Ive been too open in telling her things about me, but thats how I am, if your with someone your with someone.

Im seriously tempted to dump her.

Ya, you haven't really gone in to too much detail but I think you could be right she's seems a bit of a head wreck, and can you see it getting better? probably not. This bull of telling you she knows something then can't say because of a confidentially clause is purposely trying to piss you off, relationships are meant to be open and if she can't trust you over stupid piece of gossip she should shut up and be more professional.

With regard to sleeping with the other girl, you can't really blame her for thinking you slept with her if she heard you did and even if you did a lot of people would lie to the new girlfriend anyway. She just held it back a while before being brave enough to know the real truth.

troubleshooter

Mak_United wrote: »

Why dump her?

What did you expect her to do. She was probably worried to ask you in case you had this reaction.

If she believed her she wouldn't be with you now, she'd have DUMPED you.

What did I expect her to do?

Tell me what someone had said about me, not taken their word, dropped hints every few weeks, without even asking if it was true.

Just sit down and talk to her. Don't do something you may regret.

This is an easy fixable problem.

Zen65

troubleshooter wrote: »

... sometimes she moans to me about her work and says stuff like we have a client whos famous, tells me about a problem she has to deal with with them then says I cant you who it is cause Ive signed a confidentiality clause. As If I could possibly have any bearing on her work :rolleyes:

Dont like that side of her.

To be fair, I've been in her position and she's right not to tell you who it is. If she told you, there's a chance you might let it out someday and that could cost her her job. Of course, she'd have been better saying nothing at all to you, and that's what you should ask her to do in future. It's not like withholding personal stuff from you; she's avoiding the possibility you might cause her to lose her job.

Be at peace,

Z

troubleshooter

Dymo wrote: »

Ya, you haven't really gone in to too much detail but I think you could be right she's seems a bit of a head wreck, and can you see it getting better? probably not. This bull of telling you she knows something then can't say because of a confidentially clause is purposely trying to piss you off, relationships are meant to be open and if she can't trust you over stupid piece of gossip she should shut up and be more professional.

With regard to sleeping with the other girl, you can't really blame her for thinking you slept with her if she heard you did and even if you did a lot of people would lie to the new girlfriend anyway. She just held it back a while before being brave enough to know the real truth.

Im feeling stiffled by her, I go out for the evening I get texts, call me when you get in that type of stuff.

Everynight she calls me. If I dont answer I get nonstop texts.

Shes worked for a bank most of her working life, Ive been self employed, done things my own way, cause Ive got a couple of houses she constantly insinuates I have got them through illicit means, and that Im a bit dodgy, that pishes me off as well.


Then she will talk about letting her house and moving in with me, dont think so, shes too narrow minded.

troubleshooter

Zen65 wrote: »

To be fair, I've been in her position and she's right not to tell you who it is. If she told you, there's a chance you might let it out someday and that could cost her her job. Of course, she'd have been better saying nothing at all to you, and that's what you should ask her to do in future. It's not like withholding personal stuff from you; she's avoiding the possibility you might cause her to lose her job.

Be at peace,

Z

Im not used to that mentality, with my late wife I had total trust with her, all my finances etc were in her name, I totally trusted her and she me.

Im not used to someone having more loyalty to some corporation then they do to the person they are supposed to love.

AnonoBoy

Am I missing something here?

Why does it matter if you slept with this woman before you and your girlfriend were going out?

If someone said they'd slept with me but hadn't I wouldn't call it an "accusation" - I'd think it was more wishful thinking on their part.

troubleshooter

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Am I missing something here?

Why does it matter if you slept with this woman before you and your girlfriend were going out?

If someone said they'd slept with me but hadn't I wouldn't call it an "accusation" - I'd think it was more wishful thinking on their part.

Its the fact she took someones word for something they said about about me to her without asking me if it was true thats the issue, for months there was then innuendo that I had slept with this woman knows at the same time as we started "dating", albeit for the first 4 dates it was not physical between us, but we were building an emotional connection.

AnonoBoy

troubleshooter wrote: »

Its the fact she took someones word for something they said about about me to her without asking me if it was true thats the issue, for months there was then innuendo that I had slept with this woman knows at the same time as we started "dating", albeit for the first 4 dates it was not physical between us, but we were building an emotional connection.

So she took the word of someone she had known previously over a guy she had just met?

Yeah she should have asked you about it and told you what she'd heard.
Yeah she was wrong to throw a hissy fit over it
But you're also wrong to make it into a big deal if she apologises (which she should)

troubleshooter

AnonoBoy wrote: »

So she took the word of someone she had known previously over a guy she had just met?

Yeah she should have asked you about it and told you what she'd heard.
Yeah she was wrong to throw a hissy fit over it
But you're also wrong to make it into a big deal if she apologises (which she should)

But she never knew the woman, she was a friend of a friend, yet ten months on since we have been going out she believed this womans claim without even asking me if it was true.

On a few occasions I asked her to tell me what had been said, when she brought up the fact I had been out for a drink with this woman, she refused to, but preferred to believe this strangers claim about me and dig me about it with innuendo, and allow me to look a fool at an xmas party when I went to to say hello to this woman, not realising all the bs she had said about me.

troubleshooter

she just texted.

I replied, Do I know you?

She replied.

Of course, its *****

I replied, delete my number cheers.



She told me previously she has never felt a connection with any previous partner as she has me.

From now shes a non person,F*** her, let her suffer.

My last post on this.

ellie1

She told me previously she has never felt a connection with any previous partner as she has me.

From now shes a non person,F*** her, let her suffer.

My last post on this.

I hope its your last post EVER as that is a particularly nasty way to treat someone.

LegacyUser

troubleshooter wrote: »

she just texted.

I replied, Do I know you?

She replied.

Of course, its *****

I replied, delete my number cheers.



She told me previously she has never felt a connection with any previous partner as she has me.

From now shes a non person,F*** her, let her suffer.

My last post on this.

The girl is better off without you. Please remember to show her this thread so she realises she is lucky to be without you.

Re. the confidentiality in job, i don't understand why you are so pissed off that she does not want to tell you the names? what's the importance to know the name? to satisfy your curiosity? i share jokes in my with my friends, but never would i mention about the name if it's about my clients. it's nothing about trust, it's about professionalism.

Re. not asking you before. Well, she just knew you that time and the relationship was just developing. i could understand why she would not tell you. She trusted a female friend of friend instead of you because you are a male and the emotional and trust bond were not yet developed at that point.

instead of her having problems, i think you are the one who have some personal issues. please sort yourself out before you enter into another relationship.

troubleshooter

Apologies, but this woman is seriously on my case, I love you/missing you texts 5 so far today, phone calls, etc, she can be very charming, shes very hard to shake off.

Got 5 texts so far today, come the weekend she will turn up at my door step with gifts.

Shes knows Im trying to get ripped, Im into weights, yet she tuns up with bags of shopping with pringles, chinese takeaways, pizza she knows I cant resist, dvds, books Ive mentioned as gifts even clothes.

We will be watching tv, she will take out a sissors and start to cut my nails, does my ironing, she stokes my hair when I go to sleep, gives me massages etc, it feels so nice. Last time we were together she even asked to clean the inside of my car.

But she lacks what I want in 3 big ways, shes not even bi curious, she wont do threesomes and does not like porn.

How can I get this woman off my case? Shes like a boomerange, she keeps coming back.

She will ring me up, in a moment of weakness I will answer, she will say, my poor baby, Ive been thinking about you, and within minutes shes saying shes got tickets for a concert or something and worked her way back in my life.

Silverfish

Explain to her that it's over, its not working out, I think after 10 months you should probably do this face to face.

Don't be swayed by gifts or physical offers. Just tell her plainly, clearly but politely that you are no longer interested in a relationship with her.