seeking solution

LegacyUser

I am a legal migrant(from some 3rd WC) to ireland since 2008, living and working in a small town in north of ROI.
I have no particular experience of racial discrimination in Ireland at least towards me and so cannot say that racism exists in ireland (or at least to my eyes).
Due to situational circumstances and my strict precuation against STDs & STIs I am a 30 yr old virgin.
If I have to get a girl of a my native country:
1.I'll first have to marry her without knowing her and then form a relationship, due to my native culture, which is illogical and I am completely against.
2.Due to geographical distances the procedure of selecting a girl will have to be done pretty much like a business deal which I am not comfortable with.
I would be happy to find a girl of my culture who can connect to me but does not have other conservative reservations my native culture carries, but there aren;t any such women existent.
If I have to date a local Irish girl:
1.I dont see any interest Irish women have in somebody like me. I cannot necessarily say it as racism as it can just be cultural differences, personal choices etc as well.
2.I am not a person who would go out in nightclubs and bring home drunk girls to have any kind of relationships as I am very cautious of STDs and STIs.
2 questions:
1.What should I do?
2.Apologies for generalization but are irish women really so xenophobic? Should I just stop trying?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Do you have friends here?

I'd say your best bet is an Irish,British, European or African girl. Chances of meeting a socially liberal girl from a Muslim or Asian country here is quite low.

Girls aren't going to insist you have sex straight away. You have every right to insist on a STD test. And to be honest I think they'll be glad of you suggesting it as if I met a girl from a third world country I would be very concerned about HIV

So just try and meet girls.

Why is it you don't think Irish women would be interested in you?

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Do you have friends here?

So just try and meet girls.

Why is it you don't think Irish women would be interested in you?

Well I am still trying get into irish culture except that I am 100% teetotal . Religiously I am practically agnostic and wouldnt mind women of any religion. I have approached some women but never got positive vibes.

"So just try and meet girls" -- can you give examples other than pubs and bars.

muboop1

A lot of couples come about through friendships I.e. A birthday party of a friend of yours where there could be girls you don't know etc.

Do you have many friends?

The culture differences can be hard to overcome at first and many people just put up a block due to past experiences whether their own or a friend etc. Some people just don't want the hassle. But the important thing to note is it's nothing personal.

Best thing you can do is just talk to a girl. If you like her ask for her number. Stop with the hang up of sti's. It's very off putting. Responsible yes but lame. If you meet a girl in a club and you Are getting on great, maybe you even kiss her whatever, you have no obligation to go to bed with her.

Just ask her would she like to go on a date with you some time. Get a number and make your seperate ways or whatever.

Clubs can also be great fir meeting women, or classes etc.

Do not give up or worry. Just talk to people, enjoy their comPany and than if it's going well get a number. If the sex issue comes up state that you don't want to have it unless person is willing to have sti test etc. Preferably don't do this on a first date do

tenchi-fan

Just my opinion but..
If you are Irish you should not submit to someone choosing your wife. I'm all for multicultural but I think this is so against everything we stand for in this country.
As for getting with a drunk Irish girl. Yes, I'd reckon 70% of relationships are formed through nights out, and the remaining 30% through friends of friends or family (which i gather, being from non-Irish origin will be arranged for you)
I know a lot of girls prefer a non-Irish guy. Unfortunately they can be fairly low caliber. I reckon you should find some interest you have in common with the girl you have your eye on.

fits

Well I'm an Irish girl and while I do drink, I've never formed a relationship from a chance encounter on a night out. Its always been through meeting people from my various pursuits and pastimes. What do you do outside of work? Have you any hobbies where you can come into contact with more people and make friends?

While it may come from stereotype and prejudice, I personally would be very wary of getting involved with someone from a very conservative religious background, at least until I got to know them. So that may be something for you to consider. You need to get to know people.

LegacyUser

fits wrote: »

While it may come from stereotype and prejudice, I personally would be very wary of getting involved with someone from a very conservative religious background, at least until I got to know them. So that may be something for you to consider. You need to get to know people.

This is frustrating. How do people assume things? I am completely against any kind of religion and follow a strict agnostic path(or sometimes atheist). How did you assume that I am very conservative?
And if for some bull**** reason you did assume it, who is more conservative(and/or ignorant) then by definition?

fits

MigrantIrish wrote: »

This is frustrating. How do people assume things? I am completely against any kind of religion and follow a strict agnostic path(or sometimes atheist). How did you assume that I am very conservative?
And if for some bull**** reason you did assume it, who is more conservative(and/or ignorant) then by definition?

Whoa there mister. I didnt assume you were conservative. I said

fits wrote: »

someone from a very conservative religious background,

You obviously grew up in a conservative third world country. Perhaps one that doesnt treat their women terribly well in relationships and marriage (yes, I am assuming, going on your arranged marriages description) That would make me very wary

fits wrote: »

at least until I got to know them.

Which is why I said you should get to know some people and acquire a circle of friends.

I'm not a practising Catholic but I did grow up with a Catholic upbringing. I would be fooling myself if I didnt think it affects my behaviour and how I look on the world.

To be honest if I got a hint that someone had carried over the often misogynistic outlook that often goes with certain religions, I couldnt bloody run fast enough.

just sayin....

get to know people so they'll know you're not like that.

Distorted

fits wrote: »

Well I'm an Irish girl and while I do drink, I've never formed a relationship from a chance encounter on a night out. Its always been through meeting people from my various pursuits and pastimes. What do you do outside of work? Have you any hobbies where you can come into contact with more people and make friends?

Me too. I barely drink at all and I find pubs/clubs really boring (and unhealthy) unless its a special occasion. I'd rather be out in the fresh air, doing sport. I've met all my boyfriends through my pastimes too.

OP - why don't you take up a sport or a hobby like drama or learning a language and join an associated club, and widen your social circle? Just talk to new people, make friends, be sociable and hopefully you will find someone you have a special connection with.

I find it really off-putting when guys seem to have made a decision to find a wife and treat all women as potential or non-potential wife material, and almost grill you to assess your suitability. Treat people as people, be friendly and open-minded to everyone and don't judge them just because they aren't the one for you. It takes time to build up social contacts and friendships, so although some people can meet their special someone on a one-off encounter, others take longer. Its just life.

Wisco

Distorted wrote: »

OP - why don't you take up a sport or a hobby like drama or learning a language and join an associated club, and widen your social circle? Just talk to new people, make friends, be sociable and hopefully you will find someone you have a special connection with.
.

+1

I'm also a not much of a drinker and have made most of my close friends through sports, as well as meeting my other half that way. There are plenty of sports or groups that cater to men and women together, which is a great way to meet a like-minded person. Just go and find yourself an organization that reflects your interests.