Advice Please

Star55

I met a guy a while ago, we started dating, got on well, both very comfortable with each other... not much communication during the week but when we did meet up it was great... a few kisses but that was it.. Anyway we decided to go on holiday, we both needed a break from busy work schedules so it made sense. The holiday was great, we shared the same bed but nothing happened not even an attempt. I have approached the subject since and now he says he just wants to be friends doesn't want a commitment.. (he's 40!!) as you can imagine, I am very confused and upset by this.. can anyone tell me what you think is really going on..
Is it possible to share a bed with the opposite sex and not have feelings for them?
Is he Gay?
Is he a virgin?
Am I missing something?
Can he have been attracted to me and not now but still wants to spend all his spare time with me?
Any answers, suggestions would be appreciated! problem is I really like this guy but i don't want to be taken for a ride!
Thanks
J

Elessar

Did you try to initiate something? If not why not? Maybe he is shy or terrified of rejection. You have to put some effort in yourself too. Maybe because you didn't he took that to mean you were not interested. I have thought like that with a girl before.

In my experience once someone tells you they just want to be friends, that's it. Game over. They don't see you in a romantic way anymore. You need to move on. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's the harsh reality of the friendzone.

Zen65

Star55 wrote: »

Any answers, suggestions would be appreciated! problem is I really like this guy but i don't want to be taken for a ride!

Hi J,

It's very difficult to offer any useful advice, as there is clearly something going on here that we can only guess at, and that may not be helpful to you.

Of course he could be gay, but surely he'd want to spend time with male company if that were the case? To understand how he might be thinking, it would help to know what his living arrangements are.

Might there be other factors at play here? E.g.

* Was he ever married, or in a long-term relationship?

* Is he very religious? Might he have some beliefs about sexual relations outside of marriage? Is it possible he was once a member of a religious order?

* Might he have had childhood experiences that are relevant? Could he be a victim of abuse?

* Is it possible he has a physical injury that prevents him from being able to have a sexual relationship?

* Could there be some other medical issue? He may have a condition which prevents him having sex, or which discourages him from having sex (as an extreme example, if he were HIV positive then he would rightly avoid any sexual relationship)

*Maybe he can only get sexual excitement from fetish situations, and he has not had the nerve to ask you about that yet? OK, I have to admit that's a bit out of left field, but the thought crossed my mind, so I'm sharing it with you.

There's many other questions you could ask, but the only person who can answer them is him.

The truth may be as simple as he paints it..... maybe he's not that way into you.

I don't think he's taking you for a ride, but he may not be able to give you what you want from the relationship. It seems he is being honest about that, so if this is not what you want, it's up to you to walk away.


Be at peace,

Z

Star55

Hi guys
Thanks a millon for your advice it was useful... in answer to your questions he lives alone, never married, no baggage, not religious and very healthy.. Problem is that he wants to go on a long holiday i.e. for a month and can't understand why I have issues with that... I'd love to go I know we would have a great time but at the same time I know I will have my frustrations and want more all the time.... he says he wants us to be friends forever and go on holidays but doesn't realise that I am in my mid 30's therefore time is of the essence if I want to meet someone, settle down and hopefully have a family.... I have tried to go out and meet others but I just keep thinking of him! I sooke to a few male friends of mine and all of them were of the opinion that if you were with a woman for a week that you would have some sexual desires.. are they wrong?
J

enviro

You should tell him what you have been saying on here. Nothing to lose!
If it works out there is no romance on the cards, well just move on.... simple

Good luck

Zen65

Star55 wrote: »

I sooke to a few male friends of mine and all of them were of the opinion that if you were with a woman for a week that you would have some sexual desires.. are they wrong?
J

They are wrong I'm afraid. A man may have sexual thoughts every 8 minutes (or so some magazines say) but sexual desires are unlikely to arise if he is not attracted to you in a sexual way.

It seems he isn't attracted to you then, and with no other factor at play it just sounds like he's contented to have you as a platonic friend. So make the best of it or go somewhere else to find what you're looking for.

Be at peace,

Z

Miss Fluff

If he says he is not interested I would be inclined to think he is not interested. Most men imo do what they say on the tin. It seems that if you do decide to go on holiday you will be hoping all the time that something will happen when in all probability it won't. I'd be inclined to save your holidays for going with a group of fellow single girls as opposed to wasting your time on a non-starter. Sure, meet up with this guy occassionally if you like him, but you are giving up too much of your time to him when both of you have such wildly different agendas by the sounds of things.

Star55

Thanks everyone for your help... even just getting it off my chest has helped! I probably would have suggested the same answers but its good to get other peoples opinions other than friends who will just be kind and tell you what you want to hear. Think its time to say goodbye and move on!

Thanks again!!