Who tells a good tale..

Tail Wagger

An old lady was walking along the street one day carrying two black sacks, from time to time each bag would dip and drag along the footpath wearing out the bag.

As happens a cop on the beat spotted the old lady as she struggled with the bags.

The cop stopped the old lady and asked her what was in the bags, she told the cop that the first bag contained money as she invited him to have a look.

The cop looked into the bag and to his amazement, it was full of €5s €10s &€20s
Well lady I hope you can give me a good tale to convince me to let you keep all this cash.

The old lady started to tell the cop about all the money she had, I live beside a football ground, and all the guys come to the matches on Saturdays. For some reason they all seem to want to piss before they go into the stadium.

I have a fence at the back of my home and the guys take out their willies stick them through the fence and piss away to their hearts content, the killed off all my lovely plants I planted in the garden.

I decided I'd have to get tough with these guys, so every Saturday I'd wait in the garden and these guys would come along and take out their willies and piss through these holes in the fence.

I'd grab their willies and produce my garden shears and twll them to pay up or else, the buggers payed up quick enough.

At this stage the copper was having a good old laugh thinking about the sceene and the shock look on the guys faces, so he said to the old lady well with a story like that and all that money, it has to be true so I'll let you go...

The old lady thanked the cop and carried on her journey, as she was walking away the copper called out!.. Hey lady, whats in the other bag.

Tho old lady turned to the copper and said, well not everyone paid up!

Have you got a story to tell?

fonecrusher1

Once upo........the end.

Howzat????!!!

starbelgrade

Not you, it seems.

Superbus

Once upon a time a boy opened a thread. It was late at night, and the basic premise of the thread was kind of awful. The OP failed to convince the After Hours townspeople of their storytelling talent, so the first two posts were sarcastic, and then I, Superbus, posted, in a blaze of glory, bringing light to a thread where there was none. The townspeople cheered, and I rode off into the sunset, m'gal at m'side.

The End.

fonecrusher1

Superbus wrote: »

Once upon a time a boy opened a thread. It was late at night, and the basic premise of the thread was kind of awful. The OP failed to convince the After Hours townspeople of their storytelling talent, so the first two posts were sarcastic, and then I, Superbus, posted, in a blaze of glory, bringing light to a thread where there was none. The townspeople cheered, and I rode off into the sunset, m'gay at m'side.

The End.

:pac:

mikom

One day, a long, long time ago, there was this woman who, surprisingly, did not whine, nag and moan........ But this was a long time ago..... ......and it was just for ONE FUCKING day.

Superbus

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

:pac:

...until I was shot down by a menacing beast of yellow complexion and large mouth. Writhing on the ground, the monster walked over to me, flaunting his superiority, leaned over me, spat in my face, and denounced me as a gay.

My reputation in tatters, my enemy in power, I foresaw no way out of my misery. Recovering from my injuries sustained in the attack, I suffered from extreme depression, and began to dabble in hard drugs. On one such occasion, I was found passed out on the street by a follower, who had stuck by me through my dark times. He patched me up; he made me strong again. I stalked my yellow foe in the night, until one evening, I made my attack. I beat him so violently that his wife tore out her bow in horror upon seeing his corpse; horrified, the townspeople were forced to accept me as their leader once more.

The End.

YouTalkinToMe

There was a girl who had a dog that would lie under her bed. Whenever she wanted to know if everything was okay, she would put her hand under the bed. If the dog licked her hand, that meant everything was all right.
One night the girl was home alone, and she was in bed. She heard a noise like a dog panting. She put her hand under the bed and the dog licked it. Later that night she wanted to get something to eat. She went down to the kitchen. WHen she got to the kitchen she heard, "drip, drip, drip." She went over to the sink, but the tap wasn't dripping. In the sink, though, there was a bloody knife.
After she saw the knife, she backed up and backed into the fridge. Again she heard, "drip, drip, drip." She opened the fridge door, and out swung her butchered dog. On the dog there was a note that said, "Humans can lick too."

fonecrusher1

Superbus wrote: »

...until I was shot down by a menacing beast of yellow complexion and large mouth. Writhing on the ground, the monster walked over to me, flaunting his superiority, leaned over me, spat in my face, and denounced me as a gay.

My reputation in tatters, my enemy in power, I foresaw no way out of my misery. Recovering from my injuries sustained in the attack, I suffered from extreme depression, and began to dabble in hard drugs. On one such occasion, I was found passed out on the street by a follower, who had stuck by me through my dark times. He patched me up; he made me strong again. I stalked my yellow foe in the night, until one evening, I made my attack. I beat him so violently that his wife tore out her bow in horror upon seeing his corpse; horrified, the townspeople were forced to accept me as their leader once more.

The End.

gay

Superbus

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

gay

*dies theatrically*

fonecrusher1

YouTalkinToMe wrote: »

There was a girl who had a dog that would lie under her bed. Whenever she wanted to know if everything was okay, she would put her hand under the bed. If the dog licked her hand, that meant everything was all right.
One night the girl was home alone, and she was in bed. She heard a noise like a dog panting. She put her hand under the bed and the dog licked it. Later that night she wanted to get something to eat. She went down to the kitchen. WHen she got to the kitchen she heard, "drip, drip, drip." She went over to the sink, but the tap wasn't dripping. In the sink, though, there was a bloody knife.
After she saw the knife, she backed up and backed into the fridge. Again she heard, "drip, drip, drip." She opened the fridge door, and out swung her butchered dog. On the dog there was a note that said, "Humans can lick too."

But didn't you just rip this off a film called Urban Legends that was showing on TV3 just an hour ago?

Ya know the bit were yur mans lying in bed with the dog lying under the bed licking his hand & then he hears knocking at the door & goes to find the dog hanging lifeless from the door? Minutes later a ghoul appears from below the bed to violently kill him??? Which prompts the viewer to acknowlege that it was the unearthly creature that was licking his hand & not the faithful pooch.??? Hmmm????? Hmmmmmmm???????

YouTalkinToMe

Well it is an Urban Legend that i heard years ago and i had no idea Urban Legends was on tv as im working all night. So u got any good tales or you just gonna knock every1 else hmmmm??? hmmmmm????

Lust4Life

I could tell you a true tale about a wanker who was released from jail so that he could come to the doctor for a vasectomy and had two crazy women fighting over him in the waiting room who were so idiotic that I had to call security to sort them out, but then you would understand why my job is so much fun to come to every day.

true story, tho. I can't make this sh1t up!

Einhard

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

But didn't you just rip this off a film called Urban Legends that was showing on TV3 just an hour ago?

Ya know the bit were yur mans lying in bed with the dog lying under the bed licking his hand & then he hears knocking at the door & goes to find the dog hanging lifeless from the door? Minutes later a ghoul appears from below the bed to violently kill him??? Which prompts the viewer to acknowlege that it was the unearthly creature that was licking his hand & not the faithful pooch.??? Hmmm????? Hmmmmmmm???????

Don't be so cynical, Urban Legends obviously plagarised it from him!!