One night stand won't leave me alone

LegacyUser

Had ONS about 3 wks ago.
Since asked me out.
I said no but was poliete.
He took it that personally.
Since sent me flowers at work.
Never told him where I worked so don't know how he knew where I was.
Since more calls, texts.
I was polite at the start, then asked him not to contact me again, then ignored him.
Keep coming & getting more frequent.
Keeps saying the same thing, we'd be good together, I fancied him enough to sleep with him etc.

He's 32 or 33 and I'm getting a bit freaked out now.
What can I do? Don't wanta change my number.
Will he soon get bored?

coolcat63

Keep a log of all contact.

Send him ONE message telling him to stop contacting you otherwise you will report him to the guards.

If he persists, report him to the guards.

sam34

coolcat63 wrote: »

Keep a log of all contact.

Send him ONE message telling him to stop contacting you otherwise you will report him to the guards.

If he persists, report him to the guards.

this is the crucial bit

if you send him a message saying you will report hin if he contacts you again (by ANY means), and if he then contacts you, you HAVE to follow through on your threat and report him.

if you dont report him, you will have shown him that you're not serious about the guards threat, and he will keep hassling you.

LC2010HIS

write everything down and go to the gardai
maybe a restraining order? tbh if he found u at work, he prob knows where u live. and in this day in age, prob watching ur facebook etc
nip it in the bud before it escalates. hes clearly a creeper
dont hesitate. stand up and take action now while early

LegacyUser

Thanks for replies.
I sent text bout Gardai yesterday afternoon.
Seems to have worked.
Wasnt sure if overreacting.
Two best friends away & not comfortable talking to others bout it so apppreciate the opinions.
Dont think Id be as worried if they were here.
Couldn't sleep last night but since no texts/calls all evening I'm being to relax now.

LC2010HIS, no need for restraining order yet.
Also don't have his surmane so hoping wont need it.
Knows where I live cos he was here. Stupid i no. Safe enough, security gases, need fob, then security door, need password, main door, busser/key needed so am ok.
My facebook is set private & dont put much personal details on so ok there too.

Only second ever ONS. Will not be having another.

skooterblue

LC2010HIS wrote: »

write everything down and go to the gardai
maybe a restraining order? tbh if he found u at work, he prob knows where u live. and in this day in age, prob watching ur facebook etc
nip it in the bud before it escalates. hes clearly a creeper
dont hesitate. stand up and take action now while early

Now lets keep it in perspective here.
A restraining order goes on someones file .... forever.
He is just a little over enthuastic that is all, use the threat as a form of last measure. The threat of a restraining order should be eneough. A restraining order would not be taken kindly by anyone doing a background check on him, like for a government job or Multi national company.

A sharp nip in the bud in the form of a threat should be enough for a logical person.

Fox McCloud

To be honest I dont think its too relevent to consider his feelings in the future if he is faced with the consequnces of his actions. You stalk a girl(this is if he doesnt bugger off after the threast now) and make her life hell, you face the legal consequences. End of.

The guards threat should get rid of him if he's just an idiot who doesnt understand human interaction. If he does contact again, or if you see him near your home or work place, go straight to the guards. If you dont it tells him he can get away with annoying you and more.

Zen65

notsupposetobethisway wrote: »

Only second ever ONS. Will not be having another.

A most unfortunate experience, but you should not draw too much of a conclusion from it. You can have exactly the same problems after a long-term relationship ... in fact the probability is higher. The newspapers carry such stories every week.

Be glad that it's over, and don't worry too much that this guy was an idiot. Most other men are not this way.


Be at peace,


Z

opinion guy

notsupposetobethisway wrote: »

Thanks for replies.
I sent text bout Gardai yesterday afternoon.
Seems to have worked.
Wasnt sure if overreacting.
Two best friends away & not comfortable talking to others bout it so apppreciate the opinions.
Dont think Id be as worried if they were here.
Couldn't sleep last night but since no texts/calls all evening I'm being to relax now.

LC2010HIS, no need for restraining order yet.
Also don't have his surmane so hoping wont need it.
Knows where I live cos he was here. Stupid i no. Safe enough, security gases, need fob, then security door, need password, main door, busser/key needed so am ok.
My facebook is set private & dont put much personal details on so ok there too.

Only second ever ONS. Will not be having another.

Good. Ok its also REALLY important if he texts you again DO NOT answer him in any way.

Zen65 wrote: »

A most unfortunate experience, but you should not draw too much of a conclusion from it. You can have exactly the same problems after a long-term relationship ... in fact the probability is higher. The newspapers carry such stories every week.

Be glad that it's over, and don't worry too much that this guy was an idiot. Most other men are not this way.


Be at peace,


Z

Hmmm to be honest - I think the biggest problem with one night stnads is exactly this sort of thing. Everyone knows about the std risks and the pregnancy risks, but the most common risk imho is that the total randomer you are going to sleep with is a total f**king nutjob. This to me is more than reason enough not to have one night stands !

LegacyUser

Opinion guy I will def go to guards if he starts again but my message was very strong & seems to have worked.

Im not some naive innocent. I do know the risks. I rarely invite strangers into my home. Im normally a good judge of character and Im usually sensible, too sensible at times. He was really normal beforehand, honestly, even my friends thought so. He just seems to get very clingy afterwards. I cant explain it.

It was the flowers at work that really freaked me out. The majority of people have alot more ONS without any of this. You make me out to be irresponsible and Im not. I dont think this is my fault. Every time you meet someone new there's a risk theyre mental but if I took that approach Id never met anyone new.

Fingers crossed, I wont need to post on this thread again

katie99

Seems to me you want it both ways.
You slept with this guy on a one night stand.
You must have fancied him to do so.
Then you decide that's it. Don't want anything more to do with him.
I think you are being heavy handed.
Why did you sleep with him in the first place?

opinion guy

Notsupposeetobelikethis wrote: »

Opinion guy I will def go to guards if he starts again but my message was very strong & seems to have worked.

Im not some naive innocent. I do know the risks. I rarely invite strangers into my home. Im normally a good judge of character and Im usually sensible, too sensible at times. He was really normal beforehand, honestly, even my friends thought so. He just seems to get very clingy afterwards. I cant explain it.

It was the flowers at work that really freaked me out. The majority of people have alot more ONS without any of this. You make me out to be irresponsible and Im not. I dont think this is my fault. Every time you meet someone new there's a risk theyre mental but if I took that approach Id never met anyone new.

Fingers crossed, I wont need to post on this thread again

Yeah but you see this is the thing with people you barely know - its really easy for them to act normal for a short period of time when they are actually totally nuts.

katie99 wrote: »

Seems to me you want it both ways.
You slept with this guy on a one night stand.
You must have fancied him to do so.
Then you decide that's it. Don't want anything more to do with him.
I think you are being heavy handed.
Why did you sleep with him in the first place?

Really katie99? Judgemental much ?
She wanted sex. End of. That's allowed you know.

katie99

katie99 wrote: »

Seems to me you want it both ways.
You slept with this guy on a one night stand.
You must have fancied him to do so.
Then you decide that's it. Don't want anything more to do with him.
I think you are being heavy handed.
Why did you sleep with him in the first place?

She wants what both ways? You know you're allowed to have sex with someone and decide you don't want to see them again? Nobody deserves to be stalked ffs!

LegacyUser

Katie99,

Seems to me you want it both ways.

Wft? I want to sleep with a guy & I want same guy to be normal. Didnt think I was asking too much.

You slept with this guy on a one night stand.

True. But that doesnt mean I have to sign up to him for life.

You must have fancied him to do so.

In this case, initally, but you dont have to fancy someone to sleep with them but thats a seperate issue.

Then you decide that's it. Don't want anything more to do with him.

I dont want anything to do with him anymore because he became very clingy immediately afterwards. Talking about how he has his career and house sorted and that now he'd found me. Talking about meeting his family. Asking me if I wanted children. Maybe this seems like your ideal guy but to me thats way too much too soon and not normal. Had he remained the same friendly down to earth, fun guy he was all evening then who knows maybe I would have wanted to see him again.

I think you are being heavy handed.

Please see above & previous posts, I think its justified.

Why did you sleep with him in the first place?

Because I wanted sex, is the a crime now? Because he seemed nice, normal. Because I thought it'd be fun. Lots of reasons.

Do you know what Katie99, with an attitude like that the two of you would get on very well. I'll give you his number if you want.

How on earth can you be so judgmental? Id say alot more but mods would delete so I'll leave it at that.

dudara

There is no need to comments/judgements on the reason for the one night stand. That is not the point at hand here.

dudara

LC2010HIS

skooterblue wrote: »

Now lets keep it in perspective here.
A restraining order goes on someones file .... forever.
He is just a little over enthuastic that is all, use the threat as a form of last measure. The threat of a restraining order should be eneough. A restraining order would not be taken kindly by anyone doing a background check on him, like for a government job or Multi national company.

A sharp nip in the bud in the form of a threat should be enough for a logical person.

lol what can i say. i was watching criminal minds while replying

SallySweet

The flip side of all this is that maybe he thought he was being romantic and pursuing you... I guess some people are happy with wham, bam but this guy obviously wanted to court you a bit.. He was probably a bit shocked by what I consider to be an extreme reaction.

Moomoo1

was this guy from a different culture maybe? E.g. where I come from sending flowers to someone you've just met isn't seen as a crazy thing to be doing - quite the opposite.

equally, in some cultures to jump headlong into a relationship after the first night (what you call 'too much too soon') is perfectly acceptable, and even perhaps romantic. Whereas in ours it's seen as mental.

Wompa1

We've all done it but there in lies the risks of having a ONS.

coolcat63

coolcat63 wrote: »

Keep a log of all contact.

Send him ONE message telling him to stop contacting you otherwise you will report him to the guards.

If he persists, report him to the guards.

Really no need for further elaboration on this thread. this sums it up in a nutshell.
Sort of feel sorry for the stalker as he is just a bit messed up in the head but i feel even more sorry for the OP.