Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

foolish or understandable?

  • 12-08-2010 12:11pm
    #1
    missmoomin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭


    Hi. I'd really appreciate it if I could get some advice on my 'neediness'. I'm 30 and with my bf about a year. We live a few hours away from each other so I get to see him every second weekend or so. This can be tough but I try to keep the chin up and get on with things as they are. We want to live together but it's not practical right now. So, here's the thing. We'd email each other most days and chat online/text etc. A lot of the time I send emails to which he doesn't respond, sometimes 2 or 3 in the one day. Same then with text messages. I'd send something and get nothing back. The nature of the email/text could be anything from me looking forward to seeing him, or me suggesting what we do the next time we're together, stuff like that. Sometimes it's just me sending an email/text to say good morning. But more often than not he doesn't respond and it upsets me. I haven't really spoken to him about it because I'm firstly trying to figure out if I'm just being silly. Even as I'm typing this I feel so juvenile in how I'm feeling but at the same time I'm genuinely upset :(
    :confused:


Comments

  • #2
    Bloody Nipples
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 916 ✭✭✭Bloody Nipples


    As a guy I'd find the topics of the emails/txts mentioned fairly unimportant and wouldn't really make them a priority. I'm not saying they're not unimportant but men and women put different emphases on different things, especially if you're contacting him 6 times a day. That kind of miss you/musing messages wouldn't merit a whole lot of notice in my book.


  • #3
    Contessa Raven
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Contessa Raven


    Hi OP,

    Have you told him this upsets you?


  • #4
    missmoomin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭missmoomin


    Bloody Nipples wrote: »
    As a guy I'd find the topics of the emails/txts mentioned fairly unimportant and wouldn't really make them a priority. I'm not saying they're not unimportant but men and women put different emphases on different things, especially if you're contacting him 6 times a day. That kind of miss you/musing messages wouldn't merit a whole lot of notice in my book.

    Thanks for the reply. Good point, I get that. I don't know if I'm being over-sensitive to it because we don't see each other that often so I need?! a "good morning" text or a reply to the "what if we do this on Saturday?" type email to know he's thinking about me too?! I mean I obviously miss him and maybe his reply would bridge the gap.. I just don't know.........
    Contessa Raven wrote: »
    Hi OP,

    Have you told him this upsets you?

    Hi :) No I haven't tbh, because part of me feels I'm just being silly. I want to try and get my head around why it upsets me so much before putting it to him.


  • #5
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    TBH, if you're contacting most men 6 or 7 times a day would just irritate them. I know a constant barrage of emails and texts would drive me to distraction. Can you not just have a phone conversation every evening?


  • #6
    LittleBook
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,716 ✭✭✭LittleBook


    Well, to be honest, you've kinda dug a hole for yourself here.

    Communication is key in a long-distance relationship and regular effort must be made on both sides.

    But e-mails ("sometimes 2 or 3 in the one day"!), texts, online chat, phone .... sounds to me like you're going overboard. He might not be bothering to reply because he probably doesn't see anything special in these communications and sees them as mere chat. But you see them as reaching out to him and getting nothing back.

    Limit yourself to one e-mail a day (good morning, recap of yesterday, plans for today, thoughts for today) and you're well within your rights to expect a reply. Then a chat in the evenings.

    Anything in between is just for fun and you shouldn't be taking it too seriously, text/e-mail him if something tickles you but don't be upset if he doesn't reply, just imagine him reading it, smiling and going on with what he was doing :)


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    missmoomin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭missmoomin


    Sleepy wrote: »
    TBH, if you're contacting most men 6 or 7 times a day would just irritate them. I know a constant barrage of emails and texts would drive me to distraction. Can you not just have a phone conversation every evening?

    thanks for that! Maybe I worded my initial post wrong but it wouldn't be 6 or 7 times a day.. or a constant barrage.. well, is 2 or 3 a constant barrage? :o phone conversation is a good idea and I would be on for that but my bf isn't a phone person..


  • #8
    missmoomin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭missmoomin


    LittleBook wrote: »
    Well, to be honest, you've kinda dug a hole for yourself here.

    Communication is key in a long-distance relationship and regular effort must be made on both sides.

    But e-mails ("sometimes 2 or 3 in the one day"!), texts, online chat, phone .... sounds to me like you're going overboard. He might not be bothering to reply because he probably doesn't see anything special in these communications and sees them as mere chat. But you see them as reaching out to him and getting nothing back.

    Limit yourself to one e-mail a day (good morning, recap of yesterday, plans for today, thoughts for today) and you're well within your rights to expect a reply. Then a chat in the evenings.

    Anything in between is just for fun and you shouldn't be taking it too seriously, text/e-mail him if something tickles you but don't be upset if he doesn't reply, just imagine him reading it, smiling and going on with what he was doing :)

    Thanks LittleBook.. I think you hit the nail on the head - "But you see them as reaching out to him and getting nothing back". That's when the tears started :o

    and perfect advice "..don't be upset if he doesn't reply, just imagine him reading it, smiling and going on with what he was doing" :)


  • #9
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    People tend to differ in what level of communication they are comfortable with. I think with some guys they will read a nice text/email, smile to themselves and think no more of it and don't feel the need to respond whereas spme woman will sit there and press refresh five times a minute:D

    Maybe mention it to him and then cut back on the level of contact a little. Has he always been like this or has this change just happened recently?


  • #10
    missmoomin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭missmoomin


    thanks Miss Fluff :)

    He has always been like this.. There are days when it gets to me and days when it doesn't. But oddly enough I think as time goes by the days when it gets to me are increasing.. hence me looking for advice here :)

    I think the answer is to limit the contact, maybe like what LittleBook suggested .. an email in the morning and a chat in the evening.. See how that goes.. thanks guys :)


Advertisement