There's a man in my bed

AskMyChocolate

Ok,

So I live in a very small bedsit. I was out with a mate earlier on. We had a couple of pints and then came back here. I didn't realise that he had been out the night before and was basically just "topping up". He crashed in my bed and is now producing those snores where you know you could operate on him and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

So, I ask you AH, what's the next move? I'm getting tired and I'd love a kip (read ****). I've considered wafting bacon in front of his nose but honestly, after that I'm stumped.

I could ring his very staid girlfriend to pick him up; but I couldn't.

Any ideas?

AMC

The Agogo

This happened to me in a hostel.

So I grabbed him by the legs and gently pulled him off my bed and into the corridor.

All his change fell out of his pockets.

I stole his change.

Win.

This is the picture my friend took of him::

starbelgrade

Rape him.


Apparently, some men love it.

fonecrusher1

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Ok,

So I live in a very small bedsit. I was out with a mate earlier on. We had a couple of pints and then came back here. I didn't realise that he had been out the night before and was basically just "topping up". He crashed in my bed and is now producing those snores where you know you could operate on him and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

So, I ask you AH, what's the next move? I'm getting tired and I'd love a kip (read ****). I've considered wafting bacon in front of his nose but honestly, after that I'm stumped.

I could ring his very staid girlfriend to pick him up; but I couldn't.

Any ideas?

AMC

Throw a bit of make up on him & have yourself a gooooooooood time!

W.Shakes-Beer

kick his ass sea bass!

Ricardo G

Take off your jocks and hover over his face.........then shout at him and watch him jump and get completley brown nosed, thats what i'd do anyway:pac:

SeaFields

Ring his girlfriend and ride her. You'll soon forget there's a man in your bed then

starbelgrade

Ricardo G wrote: »

Take off your jocks and hover over his face.........then shout at him and watch him jump and get cpmpletley brown nosed, thats what i'd do anyway:pac:

You'd make him stick his nose up your anus?

AH has caught a serious dose of the ghey today.

we'llallhavetea_old

i only have a teddy in my bed

Cypher_sounds

Another grown man sleeping in your own bed....thats just wrong imo

Miss Fluff

Physically pull him off (the bed!) as gently as you can and let him sleep on the floor!

OutlawPete

Kiss his lips and when he wakes up, say: "I think I love you .."

Bet ya he legs it then

fonecrusher1

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i only have a teddy in my bed

:mad: yeah wearing a little pair of assless leather pants & a gimp mask as well is it??? ya sicko.

Gummy Panda

Teabag him

W.Shakes-Beer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3NxGDZKP2s

we'llallhavetea_old

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

:mad: yeah wearing a little pair of assless leather pants & a gimp mask as well is it??? ya sicko.

:eek:

he picked them out himself!

Hank_Jones

Put your dick in his mouth and take a picture.

Doing it makes him gay.

fifi_kitten

Roll him off the bed. But if his snoring is so loud that it keeps u awake kick him (out).

HxGH

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

Throw a bit of make up on him & have yourself a gooooooooood time!

Oh god...

Ricardo G

fonecrusher1 wrote: »

Throw a bit of make up on him & have yourself a gooooooooood time!

Are you Buffalo Bill by any chance ?
"It rubs the lotion on its skin"

orourkeda

Stick your hoover up his arse and turn it on. At least it will prevent his snoring

cherryghost

Pull him off your bed and cover the back of his pants in chocolate, he'll freak out when he wakes up :pac:

DOC09UNAM

Reverse Tea Bag him.





























































Put his balls, in your mouth.

He'll run.

Ricardo G

cherryghost wrote: »

Pull him off your bed and cover the back of his pants in chocolate, he'll freak out when he wakes up :pac:

He might look something like this

Toots

Ricardo G wrote: »

He might look something like this

Ewwwwwwww!! I could have done without remembering the bit at the breakfast table!!

A group of guys I know did this to another one on a stag weekend, with hilarious results: One of the guys passed out drunk, so the others got a condom, unrolled it, and put a pencil inside it. Then they poked the end of the condom into the unconscious guy's butt crack. When he woke up, he had what he thought was a used condom hanging out of his arse, and one of the other guys had climbed into bed beside him, and spooned him for the night. Took quite a while to convince him that it was all a practical joke

DeVore

Do you smoke? If so, smoke a cigarette in your room and he will probably wake up as the brain is programmed to try to wake you when you smell smoke.

DeV.

Super-Rush

Spoon him.

jackiebaron

Simple. Shave the back of his head. And then sleep on the floor...good for your back once in a while anyway. He looks at himself in the mirror in the morn.....nowt wrong...except he's got a head like Arthur Scargill from behind.

sponsoredwalk

Danger ****!!!

AskMyChocolate

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i only have a teddy in my bed

Funnily enough, my mate is called Teddy too. Care for a "strangers on a train" deal ?

Tar.Aldarion

jerk off beside him, make strange noises etc

The Agogo wrote: »

This happened to me in a hostel.

So I grabbed him by the legs and gently pulled him off my bed and into the corridor.

All his change fell out of his pockets.

I stole his change.

Win.

This is the picture my friend took of him::

Um it fell out of where...I see no pockets, oohhhohhh

The Agogo

^dunno where it fell from....but there was change on the bed !

AskMyChocolate

It's alright. I have him up, and he's suckling at a can of Guinness as if nothing had happened. I'm hoping to move him to the big Guinness drinking tank in the next few hours, God willing.
I hope he doesn't get cranky in between feeds (of pints).

Thanks for all the tips, I have no doubt they'll be used in the future.

Cheers,

AMC

johnn

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

It's alright. I have him up, and he's suckling at a can of Guinness as if nothing had happened. I'm hoping to move him to the big Guinness drinking tank in the next few hours, God willing.
I hope he doesn't get cranky in between feeds (of pints).

Thanks for all the tips, I have no doubt they'll be used in the future.

Cheers,

AMC

I hope while you were writing that he hopped back in your bed

JONJO THE MISER

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

It's alright. I have him up, and he's suckling at a can of Guinness as if nothing had happened. I'm hoping to move him to the big Guinness drinking tank in the next few hours, God willing.
I hope he doesn't get cranky in between feeds (of pints).

Thanks for all the tips, I have no doubt they'll be used in the future.

Cheers,

AMC

Does he not have to sign on tomorrow?

Motley Crue

AskMyChocolate wrote: »

Any ideas?

Are you male or female? If you're female I'd ring his girlfriend, to avoid a massive misunderstanding, and if you're male I would kick him a few times and if he still doesn't move I'd get the spare duvet from the Hot Press and set it up on the floor. If you have carpet it might be more comfortable then how he's lying.

But, whatever you do, don't **** - we've had that topic here recently, and it produced a lot of bad results

--Kaiser--

The Agogo wrote: »

This happened to me in a hostel.

So I grabbed him by the legs and gently pulled him off my bed and into the corridor.

All his change fell out of his pockets.

I stole his change.

Win.

This is the picture my friend took of him::

Is that Gollum???

The Agogo

^^That's what I thought too

Scarydoll

super-rush wrote: »

Spoon him.

Oz style

Sykk

Ok this will take a pair of rubber gloves:

Get a johnny, fill about a 10th of it with shampoo, pull his cacks around his ankles and leave the johnny between his arse cheeks.

Then go asleep naked on the floor beside him, it'll be so worth it.

derfderf

Get a bucket of luke warm water and stick his hand in it.
Then piss on him.

Dravokivich

Motley Crue wrote: »

But, whatever you do, don't **** - we've had that topic here recently, and it produced a lot of bad results

That time it was a chick with a bloke and ended in disgust, this time their both blokes and could possibly end with someone being in A&E...

Hank Scorpio

DeVore wrote: »

Do you smoke? If so, smoke a cigarette in your room and he will probably wake up as the brain is programmed to try to wake you when you smell smoke.

DeV.

lol.

no offence but that somes load of sh1te.

if hes passed out drunk he could be in a room full of people drinking smoking and playing jungle music and still wouldnt wake up

Brendog

Hes climbing yo windows,
Hes snatchin yo people up,
Hes gonna try an rape'm, so needta,
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo wife,
And hide yo husband coz hes rapin eerybody out there.

We got yo finga prints nall you know,
You are so Dumb,
You are really dumb,
for real

The man got away, leaving behind evidence...
I was attacked by some idiot in the pra-jects

So dumb,
So dumb,
So dumb,
SO DUMB!

Hes climbing yo windows,
Hes snatchin yo people up,
Hes gonna try an rape'm, so needta,
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo wife,
And hide yo husband coz hes rapin eerybody out there.

You don't have to come and confess,
Were looking for you!
We gonna find you!
We gonna find you,
So you can Run and tell that!
Run and tell that!
Run and tell that!

Homeboy
Ho-Ho-Homeboy

petes

Brendog wrote: »

Hes climbing yo windows,
Hes snatchin yo people up,............

What kind of random ****e is that?

petes

Brendog wrote: »

Hes climbing yo windows,
Hes snatchin yo people up.............

What kind of random ****e is that?

ED E

DeVore wrote: »

Do you smoke? If so, smoke a cigarette in your room and he will probably wake up as the brain is programmed to try to wake you when you smell smoke.

DeV.

Really? Ever put that into practice? Could come in handy, if I smoked :rolleyes:

--Kaiser--

Insurgent wrote: »

What kind of random ****e is that?

Linky

check the end

petes

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Linky

check the end

Ah. Boozing the night before kind of makes you miss things!